“Lyssa,” I said. “We’ve known each other for practically our entire lives.”
Inside, I was wincing – it was the equivalent of saying “thanks” upon hearing “I love you”.
“I know,” Lyssa said. She cleared her throat and looked away, staring at the ceiling. When she turned back to me, her face was composed and calm.
“So, are we going to do this?” I asked.
Lyssa nodded. She squeezed my hand one last time, then got up from the couch and went into her bedroom to change.
Already, I was feeling apprehensive about the whole thing. What if Lyssa was right – would the police just dismiss her because of the past? Or would we actually get someone with some compassion and smarts, someone who could recognize the damage that could potentially play out?
I didn’t want to risk setting Lyssa up for disappointment, but we had to get rid of her ex, for good. I had to keep the vow I’d made to myself, that I’d be the one to help her out of her damaged shell and back into the real world. I loved her fiercely, and I wasn’t going to let her past ruin her future.
I had to do this.
I just fucking had to.
Or else, I knew she’d be living in fear for the rest of her life.
31
Lyssa – Friday
It had been a nerve-wracking, painful, and exhilarating week. Dan was back in my life.
And Curt, hopefully, was out of it for good.
Tuesday, Dan and I had gone to the police station. It had been both scarier and far less threatening than I’d imagined – the police station itself was blank and unglamorous, with concrete walls and no windows.
But the police themselves had been nice enough, and they’d agreed that I was likely in danger. After they’d interviewed me, they’d requested the security footage from my building and said there wasn’t much more for me to do. We’d gone through the painful, horrible details of my marriage – some of which had made Dan’s jaw clench and his teeth grind – and then it was over, just like that. I’d felt exhausted and wrung out.
Dan had offered to take me out to dinner, just to get some sustenance in my belly, but I’d declined. I’d fallen asleep in the cab on the way home.
Dan had stayed with me the whole time.
I didn’t mention the baby to the cops. And I didn’t mention my relationship with Dan – although given the fact that he refused to leave my side the entire time, that was probably somewhat obvious.
I didn’t mention the baby to Dan, either.
I still hadn’t, three days later. I hadn’t seen him since Wednesday morning and although I hadn’t forgotten his offer to stay with him, I wasn’t sure if that was best. Or at least, not until we’d actually had a chance to sit down and talk about our relationship. I didn’t know if the offer had been out of pity, or just to get me to agree to go to the police station.
I was afraid that if I said yes and began staying with him, I’d never want to leave and then I’d just be heartbroken all over again.
Now, sitting at work, I was nauseous as heck and pondering my dilemma. I wondered how Dan would react to the news of my pregnancy – would he be happy about it? As a medical professional, I knew that he would be.
But what about as a man, the father of my unborn child?
On top of all of that, I was feeling sicker than ever. I’d been late for work three days in a row because I hadn’t been able to stop throwing up. My boss was less than thrilled with me, but I told HR that I was dealing with a “personal” issue.
I supposed that everyone would figure it out. I’d be showing sooner or later, and even though I was curvy I didn’t think that I’d be able to totally hide a pregnancy from my coworkers.
As I stared at my screen, I heard a knock on my cube wall and looked up to see Brent, my boss.
“Hi, Lyssa,” he said in a not-unkind tone. “You got a sec?”
I nodded and got to my feet. Just the act of rising from my chair to my feet made a green, horrifying wave of nausea pass over my gut and I held my breath.
“Are you okay?” Brent asked. “You’re looking a little green.”
I nodded again. “Fine,” I lied. “What is it?”
Brent nodded his head, gesturing for me to follow him out of my cube and down the hall to his office. Normally, I would have been freaking out. Was I going to be fired? Was he going to put me on a performance improvement plan ... and then fire me six months later?
I couldn’t summon the energy to care right now, though. All I could think about was how horribly nauseous I was, how my stomach felt like a witch’s cauldron, bubbling and filled with bile.
Sweat broke out over my forehead and I had to stop and brace myself with one hand against the wall. Brent kept walking and I closed my eyes and bowed my head, taking a deep breath.
Don’t puke, don’t puke, don’t puke, I repeated in my head. The mantra did little to calm me, though. I alternated between taking deep breaths and holding air in my lungs, forcing myself to breathe out through my nose.
Thankfully the worst of the feeling passed after a few seconds and I straightened my head and trotted after Brent. He was waiting at the end of the hall, by his office, and giving me a curious look.
“I’m sorry,” I gasped. “I don’t know what just happened but I’m fine now.”
Judging by the look on Brent’s face, it was the worst lie that I’d ever told.
“I was going to ask you to come in and sit down, but I may as well just say it here,” Brent said. “Why don’t you take the rest of the afternoon off? You’re clearly not doing so well.”
“I ...” I trailed off. Part of me wanted to protest and insist that I really was fine. The other part of realized that if I didn’t leave soon, I was definitely going to vomit all over my boss’s shoes.
“Thanks,” I said finally, but it didn’t quite feel complete enough. Looking Brent square in the eyes, I tried to smile. “I’m dealing with some health issues right now, but I should be fine in a little while.” Like, whenever my morning sickness decides to stop being ALL-DAY sickness.
“I see,” Brent said. “Go home and get some rest.”
I didn’t. Instead of going home, I went to Walgreens and bought another pregnancy test. Then, I went straight to Anna’s. She answered the door in sweats with her hair in a ponytail.
“I was just going to take Trina to the park, but we don’t have to go,” she said, eyeing the Walgreens bag in my hands. “You look terrible.”
“Thanks,” I said flatly.
“No, I didn’t mean it like that,” Anna said quickly. “But what’s going on? Shouldn’t you be at work?”
I shook my head. “My boss told me to go home for the rest of the day,” I said. “I think I’m this close to being put on a plan.”
“It’ll be okay,” Anna said. She put an arm around me and closed the door. “They can’t fire you for being pregnant. That’s illegal.”
“No, but they can fire me for being a crappy employee who can’t focus,” I mumbled.
“Hey, pregnancy brain is a real thing,” Anna said. “So, what did you pick up?”
I glanced around her to check that Trina wasn’t listening in. “Another pregnancy test,” I told her. “I ... I have to tell you something.”
Anna looked skeptical. She led me into the living room and had me sit on the couch while she went into the kitchen and came back with two mugs of tea.
“So, what’s up?”
I took a deep breath. “I love Dan.”
“Well, of course you do – he’s a great doctor,” Anna said. “He’s helping you out.”
“It’s not just that,” I said. “I like, really love him. Like, I fell head over heels for him. My doctor,” I said flatly.
Anna blinked at me.
“I ... I want to be with him,” I confessed. “I want to be a family with him, I want him to help me raise our baby.”
“I had no idea that you had feelings for him,” Anna said. “Well, not feelings like that
, anyway.”
“It just kind of happened,” I said. I looked down at my chubby hands in my lap, at my big thighs. Dan could have chosen to be with anyone – why on earth would he pick me?
“Have you told him?”
“Of course not,” I said. “He only did this as a favor to me.”
“That doesn’t mean his feelings haven’t changed,” Anna said. “Maybe he fell in love with you, too. You should tell him. I bet he’s been waiting to hear that for his entire life.”
The daunting prospect of confronting Dan and confessing my feelings was enough to push me over the edge. My stomach began to churn again and I rushed to the bathroom where I leaned over the toilet and threw up. Anna was seconds behind me, clutching the Walgreens bag in her hands.
“Are you throwing up because you’re nervous or because you’re pregnant?” Anna asked.
I got to my feet and walked unsteadily to the sink where I rinsed out my mouth.
“I don’t know,” I said grimly. “But I’m going to find out.”
Ten minutes later, Anna and I were staring down at the second test. It was positive, and I clutched it tightly in my hand.
“You need to tell him,” Anna said. “If for no other reason than because he’s going to be a father soon.”
I bit my lip. “I know you’re right,” I said. “But I’m so scared. What if he rejects me?”
Anna held her breath for a second. “Look,” she said. “Even if he doesn’t feel the same way about you, he’s a good man. He’ll be a good father. He’ll do everything right by your baby. You have to know that.”
I did know that.
But I was still frightened and scared. I wasn’t worried about my child, but the thought of losing Dan as a lover was heartbreaking. He had been such a great support to me. He’d given me everything that I’d ever wanted.
He’d even taken steps to protect me from Curt.
“He’s just done everything for me because he’s so close with my family,” I said. “Not because of me.”
“You won’t know that until you see him and talk to him,” Anna said gently. “Why not go now? Bring the test,” she said, putting the clear pink cap back on the stick. “He’ll want to see it. Hell, he’ll probably even do a blood test when you’re there to be extra sure.”
The prospect was terrifying, but in that moment I realized that I had to do it. I couldn’t keep living like this – my constant anxiety was like permanently standing on the edge of a steep precipice as gusts of wind threatened to push me off.
Not to mention, being anxious and upset all the time couldn’t be good for the baby growing inside of me. It may have sounded naïve, but I didn’t think that I’d ever truly understood what it meant to be a mother before that moment. I couldn’t put myself first anymore.
I had to put the needs of my unborn baby ahead of my own. And that meant putting on my big girl panties and telling Dan the truth.
“I’ll go now,” I said, exhaling. “He deserves to hear it. And living like this isn’t good for the baby.”
Anna smiled. “Thatta girl,” she said, patting me on the shoulder. “You want me to come with? You know, for moral support? Make everyone at the clinic think we’re lesbians?”
I laughed thinly. “I appreciate it, but this is something I should do on my own,” I told her.
Anna gave me a hug for moral support and I left her apartment with a leaden feel in my stomach. I had been through so much that this should have been nothing, but it wasn’t. I was nervous and scared and most infuriatingly of all, still nauseous.
I just hoped that I wouldn’t puke on Dan when telling him how I felt.
My nerves couldn’t handle the subway, so I splurged on an Uber into Manhattan. The early rush hour traffic was just beginning and I stared longingly out at the streets, rehearsing what I would say in my mind.
By the time the Uber dropped me off in front of Dan’s building, I was so nervous that I was shaking. I took a deep breath and walked through the front door, then waited for the elevator. The lobby of Dan’s clinic was empty and I cleared my throat, then approached the receptionist.
“Hi, Alice,” I said. “I need to see Dr. Andrews. Is he in?”
She nodded. “Do you have an appointment?”
“No,” I said. Clearing my throat, I added: “But I know he’ll want to see me right now.”
32
Dan -- Friday
It had been on hell of a week, and I was looking forward to having the next two days off. Lyssa hadn’t been in touch, and I had been waiting on pins and needles to learn the status of her protective order request. I knew that the wheels of justice didn’t always turn swiftly, but I was hopeful for her case.
I just hoped that she’d feel so much safer when she got it. Restraining orders weren’t bulletproof, but it could mean heavy jail time for Curt if he violated the thing. And while I wasn’t the kind of guy to wish ill on anyone, I desperately wanted to see that asshole locked up behind bars, where he couldn’t touch Lyssa in a million years.
Thankfully, work was keeping me decently busy. I had a rush of new clients and was even starting to think seriously about hiring another full-time nurse and another fertility specialist. Expand my business, even take someone on as a partner. As much as I loved my work, sometimes it felt overwhelming.
Not to mention that if Lyssa did have a child, I wouldn’t be able to work nearly as much. I’d want to spend as much time with my little family as I could.
I just hoped that she would want that, too.
Just as I was about to take a short break for lunch, Alice buzzed my intercom.
“I have Ms. Holm,” she said. “She said that she needs to see you – that it’s urgent.”
My heart thudded in my chest. “Send her in,” I replied. “Thanks, Alice.”
The intercom crackled and then cut off. Seconds later, my door swung open and Lyssa was standing there. She was trembling and her big blue eyes were filled with fear.
Immediately, I thought the worst had happened. Her request for a restraining order against her ex-husband had been denied, and he’d come after her. With the acrid taste of panic in my mouth, I leapt to my feet and went to her. She was trembling and staring down at her feet, chewing on her bottom lip like a kid who had just gotten detention.
“Lyssa, what is it? What’s wrong?” I asked as I pulled her into my arms. She leaned against me but didn’t move to put her hands on me and her face was cold and clammy from the weather outside.
“I ...“ Lyssa trailed off, then took a deep breath. She stepped back and reached into her pocket. When she pulled out a white plastic stick, I knew immediately what it was.
This didn’t have anything to do with her ex.
I looked into her eyes. “I’m sorry,” I said. “It’ll happen, just not this month. Lyssa, I’m so sorry.”
“I’m pregnant,” Lyssa blurted out.
I stared at her in confusion. She looked so sad – what the hell was going on? When she’d first pulled the test out of her pocket, I’d assumed that she looked down because she hadn’t gotten pregnant.
And now she was telling me that she had?
“I don’t get it,” I said slowly. “I thought that this was what you’d been wanting for so long.” I took the test from her and looked down at it. Two vibrant pink lines showed in the window. It was impossible to describe, but a feeling came over me unlike anything that I’d ever felt before. It was more than just euphoria and joy – it was insane happiness and excitement, like cartoon fireworks exploding over my head.
“I’m going to be a father,” I said, savoring each word. “And you’re going to have a baby.”
Lyssa opened her mouth to reply just as the door to my office swung open. She leapt away from me like she had been scalded and Jennifer rushed into my office, holding the arm of another one of my patients, Ms. Carter.
“Dr. Andrews,” Jennifer all but barked. “Ms. Carter had an accident, and she needs to go to the hospital.”
When I didn’t move or react, she barked: “Now!” Her cry was enough to jar me out of the present, jar me out of how I felt about Lyssa and becoming a father, jar me into the work doctor mode that I had been absent from for so very long now.
“Yes, yes, of course,” I said quickly. Ms. Carter was crying and holding her belly and she sat down on the couch as I ran to my desk and picked up the phone. I dialed the obstetrician I kept on call for emergencies like these, and immediately made arrangements for my patient to go to the hospital. When I got off the phone, Jennifer was sitting on the couch with Ms. Carter and holding her hand, and I nodded.
“They’re ready to see you now, and I’ll go downstairs and fetch you a cab,” I said. “I promise, you’re going to be okay.”
Ms. Carter looked at me, her face stained with tears. Her chin was wobbling. “Will you go with me,” she asked. “Please, Dr. Andrews – I can’t be alone right now.”
“Of course,” I told her.
It was then that I realized Lyssa had gone. She’d somehow snuck out of the office when I was on the phone, and I felt her absence like a sharp stab to the heart. As much as I wished it, there was no way I could go after her – I’d have to call her later and explain that there had been an emergency. I hated that, hated that I hadn’t been able to put her first in the moment.
But all of my patients were my responsibility, and this was clearly a case that took precedence.
Jennifer and I helped Ms. Carter – Angel – down the elevator and outside, where a cab was waiting. I climbed into the backseat with her and took her arm.
“Can you tell me what happened?” I asked.
The cab sped off in the direction of the hospital and Angel cried the entire way as she told me what had happened: she’d been walking up some stairs when she’d felt a sharp pain and begun to bleed.
“Why did you come to see me?” I asked. You should have gone directly to the hospital ... I’m not an obstetrician!
Baby for Brother’s Best Friend: Brother’s Best Friend Book 1 Page 20
