by Hope Ford
When I get there to the PT room, I stand against the wall and see Karly talking to another doctor. I figure I’ll just wait until she’s done and see if she has a minute to talk.
I hear two male doctors talking about the third doctor of their group and how he’s going to score easily with Karly. The doctor they are speaking of is talking with Karly, and she’s smiling and being friendly with him as they talk. One of the doctors that’s next to me says, “I’m going to try for her if Doctor Stevens strikes out.”
Seeing her smiling like she is, I’m sure she’s enjoying their attention, and I think that she isn’t going to want to really have anything to do with a loser like me when she can have her pick from three doctors. I feel angry about how much I’ve grown to like her and trust her and feel stupid that I read so much into it. But even knowing that, I can feel the raw, unadulterated jealously coursing through my veins. But what can I do? Go over there and tell the doctor to back off, she’s mine? He’d laugh, and probably Karly would too. No, I can’t do that. All I’d do is embarrass her and myself in the process.
Without waiting to talk to her, I walk back out of the gym and down the hallway toward my room.
4
Karly
I’m happy to receive compliments from the doctor about how the therapy I’ve been doing with one of his patients has been so beneficial.
“Thank you, Dr. Stevens. I really appreciate you letting me know.”
He nods his head and looks back over at the other two doctors standing at the nurses’ desk. When he turns to me, he has an arrogant smile on his face. “Would you like to go out sometime? Maybe dinner tomorrow night?”
I’m flattered. I mean of course I am, but I already heard about this particular doctor and his two friends. They are major players and aren’t looking for anything more than another notch on their bedpost.
“I really appreciate you asking me, but I don’t date people I work with.”
He starts to say something else, and I am relieved when he gets called away.
I spot Jason as he is turning to leave. I go after him, and even though he’s using his walker, I still have to jog to catch up. I’m so happy to see him, and I know I shouldn’t let it show like I am, but I can’t help it. “Jason, wait up. How’s it going?” I ask.
He stops and turns to me, a deep scowl on his face. It takes me off guard when he’s rude and abrupt with me. “Your attempts to be cute and flirty were endearing at first, but it’s well past the time of trying to win my approval.”
I take a step back, more hurt than anything. I start to ask him what’s wrong because obviously something happened. This isn’t Jason. At least not the Jason I’ve come to know.
But before I can get a word in, he continues, “I came when I wasn’t scheduled because I was hoping to actually get some real workout time in and not have to waste so much time listening to you gabbing.”
I wait for him to laugh, because let’s face it, he is a jokester. But he doesn’t even crack a smile. He’s serious.
I clench my fist at my side. I’ve taken all I’m going to take off of him, and even though I want to blow up on him and slap him for being so mean, I control myself.
“Sure, I understand,” I tell him. I understand you’re really an asshole, I say to myself instead of to him. I definitely don’t want to jeopardize my job over this. “I wish you good luck, and you don’t have to worry; I won’t be interrupting your workouts again.”
Jason
I know I behaved like a total jerk and am embarrassed that I allowed myself to become so jealous. The next few days, I spend more time in my room to avoid running into Karly.
My older brother Derrick comes to visit me with his girlfriend Olivia. I try to put on a brave face for both of them. “So how’s everything at the ranch?”
Derrick is holding his cowboy hat in his hands, and I can tell he’s sitting uncomfortably. I don’t know if it’s because of the chair or the fact he’s in a hospital. None of us, Derrick, Trent, or I have ever been comfortable in hospitals. Not since our parents’ accident a few years ago. Neither one of them came home after that, and so all three of us seem to have an aversion to hospitals.
Derrick’s watching me closely as if I’m a ticking time bomb about to go off. He’s way too observant to be fooled by the act I’m trying to put on for him.
“Honey, do you care to go to the cafeteria and see if you can get us something to drink? My throat is a little scratchy.”
She looks between the two of us, and it’s obvious she knows what’s going on. Derrick wants to talk, and he knows I’m not going to open up in front of his girlfriend. “Sure thing. What can I get ya, Jason?”
“Nothing for me. Thank you, though,” I tell her as Derrick digs his wallet out and tries to hand her money.
She holds her hand up and walks toward the door. “I got it. I’ll be right back. Well, not right back. I might look in the gift shop too.”
Derrick stands up and walks over to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. “Love you,” he tells her and kisses her soundly on the lips.
She smiles up at him. “Love you too.”
As soon as she’s walked out the door, I tell Derrick, “Well, I can see a few things have changed.”
“Yeah. I found the woman I’m going to marry someday. Probably sooner than later. If I can just get her out of the guesthouse and into the main house.”
He’s standing in the doorway, no doubt watching her as she walks down the hallway. She must get out of sight because he turns to me. “All right, give it up. What’s bothering you? I can tell you’re down.”
I don’t want to talk with Derrick about how much I’m struggling to rebuild the muscle in my leg. And I’m definitely not ready to put into words that I might always have to use a cane. I’m just not ready to talk about it. So I tell him about the other thing that’s been bothering me. “I acted like a jerk to one of the nurses who’s been helping me, and I feel like an idiot.”
Derrick laughs. “You’ve always been hot-headed, and it’s never stopped you from tracking down the wronged party and apologizing before.” He shakes his head. “Is that really what’s bothering you? If so, you should find the nurse and make things right. You know that.”
I agree with him. It’s been eating me the past few days. I can barely sleep without images of Karly’s face when I hurt her. And I know I did. I was downright mean to her. And she didn’t deserve it. It’s not like she can help it that I’m jealous and that I can’t stack up with a bunch of fuckin’ doctors.
Derrick sits back down in the chair and leans toward me. “Is that really all that’s eating at you?”
“Yeah, but trust me, that’s enough. I was a dick. A big dick to her.”
“So fix it. Mom and Dad raised you better than that. Hell, Trent and I raised you better than that. Make it right.”
I’m nodding my head the whole time because I know he’s right. We had great parents that taught us real values. We may be the biggest ranch in Forest Grove and have the money that goes with it, but our parents never let us act entitled or arrogant. They were always quick to teach us right from wrong. And when they passed, Derrick and Trent took over, instilling all the same morals in me. That’s probably why I feel so bad.
I change the subject and ask Derrick about Olivia. Which I’m surprised works, but obviously that just goes to show how much Oliva means to him.
When Olivia returns with a drink for each of us, I open the can, and as soon as I see my brother take a drink, I ask, “So when are you two making it official?”
I expect my brother to give me a dirty look or choke on his soda, but he doesn’t. Olivia turns red-faced, and Derrick just smiles. “As soon as she says yes.”
I smile as my brother pulls his girlfriend into his lap, and they laugh and get caught up in each other. I should look away and give them their space, but I can’t take my eyes off them. I’ve never seen my brother so happy. I fight off the jealous feelings because I kn
ow if anyone deserves to be happy, it’s my big brother.
After a few minutes, they try to bring me back into the conversation, talking about the ranch and my horse. And I swear, I try to feign interest in what my brother is saying but really, I’m thinking about what I’ll say to Karly to make things right.
5
Jason
That look she’s giving me could cut glass.
I won’t allow myself to chicken out even if I’m so nervous that I’m afraid that my sweaty hand is going to slip right off my cane.
I keep thinking that she’s going to notice that in the last few days, I’ve put in the extra work in my room and have moved to the cane instead of the walker. But if she’s noticed, she doesn’t let on.
I try several times to smile at her when she glances in my direction, but she doesn’t seem to see me.
I deserve that.
I wave at her, and when I’m sure I made direct eye contact with her, she gives me the cold shoulder and looks away, acting as if she doesn’t see me.
You’ve really put your foot in it this time, Jason.
Finally, she finishes with the patient, and I have a moment to approach her without interrupting her in her work. Using the cane, I walk toward her faster than I probably should, but pretty sure she’s going to try to walk away before I can get the apology out.
“I’m sorry about being such a jerk the other day,” I say.
She looks up from the paper in her hand, and instead of the sparkle that’s usually in her eyes, it’s more like dread and a dismissive stare. “It’s okay, you couldn’t seem to help it. Some people can’t. No worries,” she says and starts toward the desk.
I have to shuffle to get in her path because I know I won’t catch up with her if she strides off. “I had no right to talk to you like that, and I didn’t mean what I said. I was upset.”
Karly cocks an eyebrow at me. “Maybe where you come from people don’t mind being your punching bag if you give them an apology, but that’s not me. Good luck,” she says and steps past me.
“Nurse Berry, I would love another chance to show you that it was a mistake that I made and won’t repeat. We were making some real progress, and I thought we worked pretty great together.”
“I subbed for your physical therapist one time. You’re not my patient, so your progress was through the work you’ve done with Marven. I’ll pass on your compliment to him. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to work. Let’s not talk again.”
Karly
And now I feel bad. Of course I do. I feel bad about how harsh I was with Jason, but after everything he said to me the other day, it’s built up in my head until I feel like I had to say something back to him. I needed to make a stand for myself.
I finish out my shift, looking to see if Jason will come back and am frustrated with myself when I’m disappointed that he doesn’t. After the way I talked to him, I’d be surprised if he even looked my way anymore.
The next day when I come in to work, the nurse in charge of the PT schedule and roster informs me that I’ll be taking over the sessions for Jason Keller.
“Uh, but why? He’s Marven’s patient.”
She shakes her head. “The reason is not important.”
I look around the room and find that Jason hasn’t shown up yet, so I can’t let it go. “How about Jamie? She may be a good fit with what Jason is needing.”
I don’t know why I’m pushing it this hard. And I probably shouldn’t be drawing attention to the fact that I don’t want Jason to be my patient, but a part of me is freaking out a little bit at the prospect.
“Is there a reason that you can’t take over Jason Keller’s therapy sessions?”
I’ve already said enough, so I just shake my head. “No.”
She looks at me with her eyebrows raised, and I’m hoping she can’t read my mind right now. “You do know that fraternizing with patients is unprofessional and frowned upon by management.”
I need my job and am not about to initiate a change that will get the rumor mill working on destroying my reputation. “It’s nothing like that. Jason, I mean Mr. Keller, told me he’s had great progress with Marven, and I was just worried about stepping on toes.”
I don’t even blink. I look straight into her eyes, hoping that she believes me.
“It’s not your job to worry about stepping on toes. It’s your job to help your patients. We’re done here, Nurse Berry.”
I nod my head, just thankful that she accepts my excuse, but I can feel the other woman’s eyes on me when I go out onto the PT floor to get to work.
This is ridiculous. I can’t believe I’m being forced to work with this jerk. Of course, he apologized, so maybe he’s not completely a jerk.
6
Jason
I am so pleased with myself that I managed to bribe the nurse in charge to change my PT to Nurse Berry. She didn’t want to, that was obvious. And I could tell that she was curious about my request. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m not the first one that asked to be swapped to Nurse Berry. But I don’t want to make Karly look bad, so I told her I was worried about not being pushed enough, that although Marven is a great therapist, I know he’s retiring soon, and I would like to have a therapist that will be here for the length of my stay. She wasn’t completely sold on the idea, but she finally relented. It also helps that my family is pretty well known here. We donated to the pediatric wing years ago.
I expect Karly will be annoyed at first at the change in events, but eventually she’ll have to talk to me, and when she does, she’ll forget to be mad, and we’ll be talking again like we were before I ruined it. Before I was a total and complete ass to her.
I can feel my face heat just thinking about it. I mean, jealousy is an ugly thing. I know I should try and explain to her why I acted the way I did, but I don’t think she’ll be too happy with the reason.
I arrive for PT a little early because I’m so looking forward to getting things back on the right track with Karly. It’s all I’ve been able to think about since I put the plan into motion yesterday. These last few days where she’s been mad at me have been the worst.
I smile as soon as I see her. “Hey, Karly,” I say in a low voice.
When she’s flat-voiced giving me directives I am still smiling because at least she’s talking to me. As the workout continues, I find out that she pushes much harder than Marven. In addition to making me work hard enough to keep me panting for air, she leaves after delivering her instructions and starts cleaning down the other machines.
As soon as she steps away, I lighten up on the exercises. I do the required reps, but don’t do them nearly as hard. Marven didn’t have me do any of this stuff, and already I can feel the ache in my healing muscles.
But even though I let up a little, I’m still breathing hard when I’m done. “I’m finished,” I tell her in between pants.
“Great.” She’s looking at a machine, her back to me, but talking to me. The way she’s bent over, her scrubs are pulled taut across her ass, and I know I’m drooling. “Give me another set since you didn’t push all the way through that last one.”
“I did all the reps,” I tell her stubbornly.
She stops what she’s doing and turns back to me. Her lips are set, and it makes me miss her easygoing smile that I’ve become accustomed to. “Yeah, I know you did. But did you push yourself or did you slow down?”
“I slowed down,” I tell her quietly. Even saying it, I’m embarrassed. This isn’t me. I don’t normally half-ass things. So why am I half-assing this? Something this important. Normally I’m the one that puts in one hundred and ten percent all the time.
She’s just staring at me, and I don’t argue with her. I sit down and start pumping my legs, pushing the weights again. I give it my all, and by the end of it, I’m dripping sweat, but I did the set she wanted plus an extra one… all at full force.
It’s a hard session, and I’m drenched when it’s over. I figure we’ve got to
be square now since she pushed me hard, she made me pay, and now we can get back to talking.
I’m toweling off the sweat pouring down my face and neck. My shirt is soaked, sticking to my skin, but she’s not even looking at me. I know she noticed that I put the work in. She had to. She doesn’t seem the type to miss a thing. But I’m disappointed when all I get from her at the end of the session are three words. “Okay, you’re done.” No good job. No see you tomorrow. No ice it. Nothing. Just “Okay, we’re done.”
Karly
It’s hard to remain angry with Jason even though I feel he deserves it. He’s obviously making an effort. His cocky smiles and the way he’s always watching me has my heart racing, and I’m not even doing anything to warrant it. But now, well, I know I need to just keep this whole thing professional. Even if I want to smile back at him, give him a high five or something, I know it’s only going to open up the lines of communication – and flirting. And I can’t have that. When he was Marven’s patient, I felt I could relax a little bit and be myself with him. Now that he’s officially my patient, I can’t forgive him, or it would be too easy to go back to flirting. The nurse in charge would love to catch wind of that.
I can’t help being proud of Jason for pushing as hard as he did. I want to praise him, but even doing that seems like it would just lead into some more talking and possibly flirting. No, I’ll just have to note all his hard work in the chart, and I’ll make sure his meals will provide extra protein and carbs for energy through talking to my friends in the kitchen. It’s not nearly what I want to do. I want to hug him and reassure him that everything’s going to be okay. But of course I can’t. Not now.
