by Carrie Elks
A tear rolled down his cheek. “You deserve so much better.”
“I thought you didn’t love me. That you didn’t care what happened.”
“I’ve always loved you. And I’ve always cared. But I worry about you, too. Remember when you got your place at college and then refused to go?”
She nodded. “I remember.” How could she forget? They’d paid her first term’s tuition, packed up his car. She’d even bought the bedding for her dorm room. And yet she’d found herself refusing to go, stomping back up to her room, not listening to him as he tried to reason with her through her closed door.
“I felt like such a failure then, too. And looking back it was all my fault you didn’t go. I hadn’t taught you how to be okay by yourself. Hadn’t showed you how to work through things. I’d kept you close and thought I could protect you forever.” He rubbed the palm of his hands over his face, wiping away his tear. “But I couldn’t. Not that way.”
“So you just cut me loose instead?”
“Not on purpose, but I guess that’s what happened. And I don’t blame you for hating me for it. But you’ll never hate me as much as I hate myself, I can promise you that.” His eyes softened. “I should have told you how damn proud I am of you. How amazed I am by your strength. Life keeps knocking you down and you keep climbing back up. I’ve never met anybody as strong as you are.”
This time it was Ally’s eyes that filled with tears. His words were like oil on the troubled water of her soul. She’d missed him so much, and she was angry at him. But more than anything she wanted to believe.
In him. In his words. And mostly in herself. She wanted to be the person he was describing.
“Can you forgive me?” he asked her.
“I think so,” she told him, glancing down at the coffee she hadn’t taken a sip of. “But it might take some time.”
He swallowed. “There’s something else I need to tell you.”
“What?”
“I had another reason to sell the café. I had my annual health check a few months ago, and things aren’t working as well as they once did.” He shook his head. “Now don’t you go worrying over this, but my heart isn’t as good as it used to be. The doctor wants me to slow down. Getting away from all the stress seemed like the right thing to do.” He pressed his lips together. “But now I see how selfish it was, too.”
“What’s wrong with your heart?” Ally asked, her mouth dry. She hadn’t expected him to say that at all.
“Nothing to worry about. It’s just slowed down a bit. Needs some medicine to keep it going the way it should. According to the doctor, I’ve got years left in me as long as I follow his advice. And I’m so sorry, honey, because I was scared to tell you about that, too. I didn’t want to see your reaction, so I ran away.”
Tears stung at her eyes. She took his hand in hers. When had it gotten so wrinkled? She’d spent her whole life idolizing this man, thinking he was invincible. It felt like a kick in the gut to know he wasn’t.
“Okay,” she said, nodding. “Okay. Do you need to relax now? You’ve had a long flight. You shouldn’t have risked your health just to see me.”
“As long as I keep taking the pills I’m going to be fine.”
Thank God. He was her dad, warts and all. He’d been there for her after the divorce, and he’d held her tight when her mom had died. And when he had to choose between her – his unruly teenager daughter – and the woman he was dating. Well, it was Ally he chose to keep.
The way Nate had chosen Riley. And rightfully so.
Some cuts healed. Others became scars you wore with pride. But sometimes they festered. If he hadn’t chosen her, then Ally’s would have festered, too. Until they hurt every time she touched them.
She was a grown woman. Twenty-seven years old. Way past the age that she needed a constant parent. Her dad was fallible, but so was she. And he was right, they kept pulling themselves up anyway, and moved forward no matter how much it hurt.
“How long are you back for?” she asked him.
“For good. I’m not planning on travelling anymore.”
Ally licked her dry lips. “Do you have somewhere to stay tonight?” she asked him. He’d rented his house out when he’d left town.
“I’ll check myself into a motel. I just wanted to check on you first.”
She shook her head. “No need. You can stay here. That’s if you’re okay with sleeping on the couch.”
“Are you sure?” His brows knitted together. “I don’t want to cause you any trouble.”
She stood, grabbing her crutches to steady herself. “Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll grab you some linens and a towel. I bet you could use a shower right about now.” She made her way to her bedroom, and began to pull some sheets and blankets out from her dresser, making a pile of them on her bed ready to take back out to him.
It had been a hell of a day. Two days, really. Was it really that short of a time since Riley found them laying out on the deck? She shook her head, trying not to dwell on what had happened.
She’d lost one man and gained another. And though her dad wasn’t a replacement for Nate, she was glad he’d come home.
Because she didn’t feel quite as alone anymore.
29
Gossip moved faster than the speed of light in Angel Sands. It was no surprise to Ally when Ember called to tell her Nate was back. Or at least that’s what Frank Megassey had told Deenie Russell, who’d told her son Lucas, who’d passed the message on to his fiancée in case she needed to warn her best friend.
Having social media was pointless around here. By the time you opened your phone up to look all the news was old.
“Has he not called you to tell you he’s home?” Ember asked, her voice full of concern.
“I don’t know,” Ally admitted. “I haven’t checked my voicemail.”
It was over, she knew that much. It was time to take control of her life again, because it was the only way to get through the pain. Maybe she was finally growing up.
“You look pretty,” her dad said as she walked out into her living room. He was piling up the sheets and pillows she’d loaned him, putting them on the arm of the sofa. “Going somewhere?”
“Only if you can give me a ride.” She passed her car key to him. Might as well put him to work. She didn’t want to get herself all messed up before she made it to the boardwalk this time.
“Your wish is my command.”
She was still getting used to having him around. After their heart to heart yesterday, the awkwardness between them had almost disappeared.
“Where are we going?” he asked after he’d helped her into the car. Her small Fiat was so much more difficult to get into than Nate’s Lexus. One more reason to look forward to getting this damn cast off.
“To the coffee shop. I just need to drop this off.” She held up a white envelope with Nate’s name scrawled across it. “After that I want to catch up with everybody. Being unable to drive I feel like I’ve been gone for an eternity.”
The beach was packed by the time they made it to the parking lot. Her dad had to drive around twice before he found a space, managing to squeeze her car in between a beaten up truck and a sports utility vehicle.
Once out of the car, he looked up at the café and blinked, as though some sand had blown into his eyes.
“It looks different,” he said.
“Yeah.”
He took a deep breath in, holding it for a moment before blowing it all out again. “But good. It looks good.”
Ally followed his stare to the freshly painted façade, and the blue and white sign that proclaimed it was a Déjà Brew outlet. It did look good – inviting and professional and everything the Beach Café hadn’t been. It was busier than they’d been in years. The line for coffee was spilled out onto the boardwalk, and from the look of it there wasn’t a spare seat in the house. If anybody had any doubts if a chain could work in a place like Angel Sands, their answer was right here.
A stra
nge feeling of pride washed over her. Because some of that success was down to her.
“How long until you go back to work there?” her dad asked, as they walked across the parking lot.
Ally bit her lip. “I’m not.”
“What?”
The note she’d written out earlier was clutched tightly in her hand. She rubbed her thumb over the thick paper. “I’m not going back. It’s time I took a new direction. I’ve been working there for years after all.”
Yeah, her heart hurt a bit at the thought. But there was no way she could work there after everything that had happened.
She’d been afraid for too long. Of leaving the café, of leaving town, of losing the things she loved the most. But she’d lost so many things already and here she was still standing. It was time to let go of the past and start facing the future.
Whatever it might be.
“Are you coming in?” she asked her dad as they reached the end of the line.
“No, not now.” He shook his head. “I’m not sure I’m ready.”
She understood him completely. The café had been part of his life for much longer than it had been for hers. It must have been hard for him seeing the results of the sale he’d made. Of knowing that this little piece of earth and sand now belonged to somebody else.
“I’m gonna go and say hi to Lorne,” he said. “Come find me when you’re done.”
Her dad made his way down the boardwalk, his gait slow as he took everything in. Then he turned and weaved in between the surfboards that led to Lorne’s shop, giving her a wave when he realized she was still looking at him.
When he was gone, she turned back to the line. “I’m not buying anything,” she told the girl nearest the door. “I just need to talk to someone. Can you let me past?”
“Sure.” The girl stood back and held the door open, letting Ally make her way through on her crutches.
She wasn’t sure he was going to be here. He might still be at home with Riley. But when she looked at the counter she could see him behind it, helping the baristas as they struggled to keep up with the long line of customers. He was at the espresso machine, filling two glass cups with dark liquid, his eyes narrowing as he took in the layers to make sure the coffees were good.
“Two lattes for Marc,” he called out when he’d made them, passing the paper cups to the tall man waiting at the end of the counter. “What’s next?” he asked Brad who was at the second register.
“A cappuccino and a iced tea for Sarah,” Brad called back.
Ally shifted on her crutches, trying to get the guts to say what she needed to.
Maybe she’d give herself another minute as she watched him work.
But then he went to grab another glass cup from the stack on the machine, and his eyes lifted and looked around the room. Within a moment they’d locked in on Ally, and she felt her whole body heat up.
His hand was still hovering in front of the cups. Ally swallowed and attempted a smile. “Hi.”
Nate blinked. “Hi. Are you okay?” He licked his lips. “I tried to call you… a few times. I sent some messages, too.”
“I’m fine.” Her voice was as strong as she could make it. “I can see you’re busy but I just wanted to talk to you for a moment.” She looked around at all the people crowding into the room. “This won’t take long.”
Nate glanced at the rest of the baristas, but none of them were paying any attention. They were way too busy for that. “Yeah, we can talk.” There was a warmth to his voice that made her heart skip.
“Is it ready yet?” a woman asked from the end of the counter. “I ordered a latte and an iced tea.”
Sarah, Ally guessed.
“It’ll be with you in a moment.” Then he looked at Ally. “Don’t go anywhere, I just need to make these drinks.”
“I can wait.”
It was a couple of minutes before he lifted the countertop and came out to see her. He looked as awkward as she felt. Ally took a deep breath, feeling the air expand her lungs, and tried to straighten her spine. She needed to get through this. She’d been through worse, after all.
“I need to give you this,” she said, holding out the white envelope.
Nate’s brows pulled together as he looked at it. “What is it?” he asked.
She took a deep breath. “It’s my letter of resignation.”
“What?”
A torrent of emotion washed over her. Exultation at finally taking control, sadness that this was how things ended up. But more than anything she felt strong and brave – and that thought bolstered her when she needed it the most.
She had to push the envelope toward him again before he got the message and took it from her. Still frowning, he slid his thumb beneath the seal and tore it open, pulling out the letter and skimming her words.
“You’re serious?” he asked her.
She nodded.
“But what about us?” As soon as he said it his face dropped, as though he was remembering their last conversation. “Ally, we need to talk.”
“No.” She had to stay strong, she knew that much. She couldn’t let him talk about them or anything else. It would hurt too much. “I just need you to accept my resignation and them I’m going.”
“What are you going to do for money?” he asked, shock still moulding his expression. “Have you got another job? You can’t leave just because of what happened. You’re a part of this place.”
“That’s my business.”
He looked taken aback at the shortness of her words.
“I’m sorry,” she said, hating every second of this. “I’m going to be working with Lorne for a while. He’s getting old and needs a break. And while I’m working there I’ll think about what I want to do next. I might see if they’re recruiting at the new resort. I heard they were working on getting it back up and running.”
“You could do that while you’re working here.”
She shook her head. “I really couldn’t.” Her voice was soft. “I hope I haven’t left you too high and dry. I’d work my notice but I know you wouldn’t have me with this thing.” She glanced down at her cast.
“So that’s it? We’re done?”
Was he talking about her job or about them? She wasn’t sure. But either way the answer was the same. “Yeah, I think we are.”
Nate said nothing. His jaw so tightly clenched she could see the joint flexing in and out.
“Nate, the steamer’s blocked,” Brad called from behind the counter. “Can you take a look at it?”
“I’ll be there in a minute.”
“You should go,” Ally said. “Before you upset the customers.” She shifted her weight again, leaning back on her crutches. “I’ll see you around.”
“Ally, wait…”
“Nate, we’re out of skim milk.”
His eyes darted from Ally to the counter and back again. “I’ll call you later. To talk about this some more…”
She shook her head. “I’d prefer it if you didn’t.” There were only so many times she could put herself through this pain. She needed it to end. “Goodbye, Nate.”
Those words could have meant anything. A cheerful taking of leave. An easy way to close a conversation. But as they formed on her tongue and her lips before they made their way into the universe she realized that they were so much more. The end of something that had meant so much to her and losing it was supremely painful. She’d take a dozen broken ankles over this.
Without waiting to hear his response, she moved her crutches forward and walked toward the exit, making up in speed what she lacked in grace. And somehow she managed to stop the tears from forming until she made it outside into the warm summer air, lifting her hand up to wipe them impatiently away.
She’d done what she came here to do, no more and no less. So why was it that her heart was hurting more than ever?
Lorne looked up from the counter as soon as Nate stepped inside the store. He kept his watery eyes on him as Nate passed the racks of su
rf clothes and sandals, then wound his way through the aisles stacked with sunscreen and board wax. By the time he reached the counter Lorne had closed whatever magazine he was reading and had his hands clasped together, curving his mouth into a half smile.
“I was wondering when you’d be in,” he told the younger man.
It was just before six that evening, the first chance Nate had to leave the shop. Business had been steady all day – something he’d usually be happy about.
But not today.
“I hear you’ve been poaching my staff,” Nate said. There was no malice in his voice. How could there be? This was Lorne. He’d never shown Nate anything but kindness.
“Just one of ‘em.”
“The best one.”
Lorne grinned, revealing a row of perfectly white teeth. Nate found himself wondering if they were real. “I only take on the best,” he told Nate. “And anyway, I didn’t poach her. She came to me.”
The door opened again, and Nate heard footsteps behind him. Lorne lifted his hand in a greeting to whoever it was. Nate turned to see a guy looking at a pair of flowered shorts, lifting them up to his waist to see if they were a good fit.
“Why’d you take her on?” Nate asked him. “I thought you were fully staffed.”
“Because she’s good at what she does. Plus she needed a job.” Lorne shrugged. “Friends help friends.”
“She has a job. Well she had one.” Nate shook his head. “And maybe I need her there, too.”
“Not what I heard.” Lorne shrugged. “The way it was told to me you didn’t want her at all.”
Nate dropped his face into his hands and leaned his elbows on the counter. “I messed up,” he admitted. “I said some things I shouldn’t have, and now I’ve no idea what to do to make it right.” He glanced up at the older man. “What should I do?”
Lorne shrugged. “Don’t ask me, ask him.”
“Who?” Nate looked up, his brows pulled down in confusion. Then he saw the man who’d been looking at the rack of shorts. He had to be in his early fifties, though it was hard to tell. His hair was dark with a smattering of grey running through it, his skin smooth and tanned.
