by K. A Knight
I want him.
Badly.
And from his expression, I know he still wants me too. He used to look at me with similar eyes, but he would always turn away when I caught him staring. He was always too shy, even when I walked in on him in the shower and all I could do was gawk, even though I’d come to clean up after fucking Tyler. He’d been wanking, and when he saw me, he didn’t stop straight away, but for the next few days, he couldn’t even look at me.
Could Riggs really have changed that much? Gained so much confidence? And why is the thought so appealing?
“I, erm, thank you. It took a while, but I got there,” he rasps before clearing his throat. “Yeah, they went farther into the second submerged cavern you found.” He spins then and brings up the map. I make sure not to lean in too close, but it doesn’t stop the musky, male scent that’s all Riggs from wrapping around me with comforting familiarity. It’s almost whispering for me to lean into him, accepting his warmth and comfort like I used to, even though now it’s morphed into a hunger so strong, I don’t think either of us will be able to control it. I drag my gaze from his profile to the map and watch as he spins it for me to see. I’m not surprised Tyler went and explored more. First and foremost, he’s a diver. He would have been dying to get down there.
I miss diving with him. Not so much in caves, but out in the open water. He was something to behold, the way he would move through it. How easily he understood the ocean and the animals that called it home. He was born with an affinity for water. He loved it, and I loved him. I loved him so fucking much, and not just because of who he was, but because he shared my dreams and love of this world. It was there, in the water, where we fell in love, working side by side, day after day. I miss the simplicity of that back then.
We were younger, more idealistic, and still dreamers.
Now I know how hard the world can be, how unfair and jaded. How easily trust and love can be broken, and just how fucking quickly you can lose the ones you love. Like my mother. Like my father. Like them.
“How far did he get?” I murmur, ignoring my depressing thoughts.
“He explored the tunnel to the left. It goes into a partial sump, but it seems to rise. He thinks we would need to climb it.” He shows it to me on the map. “He also went into the second for about twenty meters, and it seemed to head pretty much straight. He only went into the third for like a minute or two, it appeared to curve down. Unsure about the fourth.”
“Hmm, okay, which one does he want to hit first? I would say the second if it seems to head straight, that would be leading us to the ocean,” I muse.
Riggs laughs, making me smile at the happy sound.
“What?” I ask.
“He said the exact same thing. You two really are the bloody same. So yeah, you and Kalen hit the second, keep going until he gets up and calls dive time.”
“Got it.” I tap his shoulder and turn to go get ready.
“Peyton?” Riggs calls, I stop and look at him with a smile.
“Yeah?”
He hesitates, licking his lips as he seems to debate something. “Just be careful, okay?” We both know that wasn’t what he was going to say, but I nod anyway.
“Okay, and make sure to get some sleep. Michael can take over. Promise me,” I urge, the familiar words leaving my lips. I used to have to force him to sleep. He would work on his systems and maps for days, staying awake and almost killing himself. He would never listen to the others, only me.
“Sure.” He smiles, and it settles something deep inside me. It feels like a peace offering. Is Riggs forgiving me? Could we be friends again? I guess only time will tell, and we have two weeks down here to figure that out.
Below the ground, in the dark, in the water, life has a funny way of showing you exactly what you want.
Then it gives it to you, just not always in the way you would hope.
We are back in the water. I found Kalen waiting for me after my talk with Riggs. When Michael finished checking us over and helping us into the water, we got straight to it, not wanting to waste any time and, okay, maybe to out map Tyler too. What can I say? Divers are competitive.
We know the way this time, so we are more confident through the first section, but we slow when we reach the submerged cavern with the four tunnels. “We’re taking the second. Want me to go first in case it gets tight?”
“Sure, princess, but go slow,” he calls through his mask, the old nickname making me grin. Did he even realise he used it? “Andrews, I mean, fucking Andrews.” Yep, he did, and now he’s pissed.
“Calm down, Kay, I’m not going to tease you for still wanting to rescue me.” I chuckle, after all, that’s how the nickname came about. On a dive in a partially submerged sea cave, there was a quick tide that almost pulled me free and spat me from a blow hole. He hooked and anchored me with him, saving me. After that, I teased him that he was always trying to save me, hence the princess moniker. But now it feels bitter, filled with memories and hate. Andrews is probably better. It’s cleaner, distant, and it’s from the current Kalen, not the man I built up in my memories.
The man I craved, hungered for so much that I used to ache from the thoughts.
I head to the second tunnel, Riggs’ voice filling my mask. “Okay, it tilts down slightly as you enter. After that, it straightens out until the guideline ends. After that, you’re setting out on your own, Pey.”
“Got it, babe,” I reply without thinking.
“Don’t fucking call him that,” Kalen snaps. “We aren’t your babes or your loves, use our fucking names.”
Rolling my eyes, I clip onto the guideline and head down like Riggs advised. He’s right—it straightens out, allowing me to swim a tiny bit faster, especially knowing Tyler has already been through this part. He knows what he’s doing, so if there were any issues, we wouldn’t be here.
“Ignore him, Riggs. He’s just jealous I never call him any of those things. He gets asshole, wanker, cunt…”
“He gets them from most people,” Riggs teases, making me laugh. Kalen, clearly angry with the familiar banter, loses it.
“Shut the fuck up and focus on the job. I mean it, Andrews, or I will pull you.”
“Wanker,” I mutter.
“I heard that.”
“You were meant to.” I grin but focus on the space in front of me as I come to the end of the guideline. Now it’s my turn to set it, and from here on out, no one has explored. It could be a dead end. It could go up or down. There could be ice walls, rock walls, chasms…anything.
A lot of people call cave divers crazy because we take insane risks. We put our bodies through hell with long, torturous hours just for a taste, a hint of what’s left to be discovered in this world. Hell, maybe we are insane. The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, and we do. Day after day.
And we enjoy it.
The pain, the exhaustion, the risks. We live for it. Even now, adrenaline fuels me at what is to come, at what challenges are lying in wait in the darkness before me, causing my heart to pound as I grin without meaning to.
The tunnel around us is pretty wide, so we could swim side by side if we wanted, but you never know when you will come to a bend or a twist, and down here, one mistake is all it takes.
So you play it smart.
Work smart.
“You remember that cave in Mexico?” I ask, filling the silence as we swim. It’s still dark, and we are still heading forward. I keep an eye on my stats on my computer as we go.
“Oh, the one with the tide at the bottom of the chasm?” he eventually murmurs.
“Yep, fuck, that was an amazing cave. You reckon we’ll find anything like that here?”
“I don’t know, Andrews, maybe. It’s been too easy so far, too fucking easy. Something has to be waiting for us.” He laughs.
“Yeah, too easy,” I reply.
Just then, my primary light fails—not a shock, they always seem to—so
I change to my secondary and carry on. It flickers on as I swim in place, the light shining through the water in front of me, and something dark darts across it. “What the fuck was that?” I exclaim.
“What?” Kalen calls, and I peer harder into the darkness, swinging my light around. “Princess, you answer me this fucking instant!”
“Pey?” Riggs says worriedly.
“Sorry, shit, did you see that?” I ask Riggs.
“I didn’t see anything, it was too dark when you switched lights. You guys okay? You need to come back?” he questions anxiously.
Steadying my heart, I peer around the murky water once again. Fuck, it was probably some rocks in the tide. “Nah, we’re good, sorry. Going to keep going, note at marker five.”
“You good?” Kalen calls.
“Yeah, sorry, shifting rocks. Fucking primary failed.”
He snorts. “When don’t they? Let’s keep going before Ty gets up and calls us back. See if we can find something exciting.”
I keep going, loving that we’re not arguing anymore. It feels like old times. I don’t see any other shadows or rocks, so I relax as the tunnel branches out. Along the way, we’ve seen small holes and pockets, which aren’t big enough to get through, but now it branches off into two separate tunnels.
“Branch, left or right?” I call, letting him pick.
“Let’s go left.”
“Riggs, we’re going left,” I note, and turn and swim that way. The tunnel is bigger here, widening the farther we go. I stop to let Kalen place more rope and tanks for emergencies and then we start again.
We only swim for around fifteen minutes before light penetrates the water and we head towards it. We break the surface at the very edge of a cavern. Pulling off my mask, I look around and turn to Kalen. “Let’s explore.”
I wade from the pool and look around in awe. High up in the ceiling is a hole that opens into the jungle. The sun shines brightly onto us, and the whistle of the trees and the sounds of animals reaches us even here. It’s too high to climb with the ceiling curving up into the small hole, so we split up and walk the perimeter, seeing if the cavern carries on anywhere. We leave our gear at the edge of the water so we don’t have to carry it, and we work in silence, knowing we could be called back any minute.
The walls would be hard to climb but not impossible, but I find no other entrances or exits, and when I meet Kalen in the middle, he hasn’t either. “Want to try for the right tunnel?”
He nods, looking around with his hands on his hips. “Yeah, let’s do it, Andrews. I think Ty is still asleep.”
We slip back into our gear and update Riggs before diving. This time, Kalen leads, but just as we get back to the intersection, our comms come on. “Time,” Ty calls.
Fuck.
“You can explore the right side later. Come back for a meeting. We’re looking at what we’ve found and where we think we should go next.”
Kalen and I share a look, both of us debating carrying on anyway. “Now,” Tyler orders.
“Got it, bro, coming back,” Kalen grumbles, just as annoyed as me that we haven’t really found anything yet.
“There’s always later,” I offer, and he nods before we begin the journey back. It’s both good and bad. The system is so extensive and takes time to explore, which means there are more possibilities for reaching the ocean and the chances are greater for a serious find, or it could all be dead ends. Only time will tell.
Chapter Nineteen
Peyton
“Could that location be used as an advanced base?” Tyler asks, leaning over Riggs’ shoulder and looking at the footage.
“It could, but there are no real exits, so I would suggest we keep looking,” I advise as I tie back my hair and tuck in my shirt now that I’m dry from the dive. I have no clue what time it is, but down here, it doesn’t really matter.
He peers at me over his shoulder, wearing a frown, and then looks to Kalen to confirm. It makes me grind my teeth, but I bite my tongue. “I agree. We still have a lot to explore, so chances are we’ll find something better. We have stopping points and storage areas now though. I would like to explore the tunnel on the right.”
Tyler nods. “Then we’ll explore one of the others from the submerged cavern while you rest.” He looks back at the map, which now has a small countdown in the corner. “We’re doing good on time, but the dives are only going to get harder and longer, and you will be exhausted. Keep up your spirits, and if you’re struggling, speak up—remember why we’re doing this.” He raises his eyes and meets all of our gazes.
“For the girls!” Fin shouts, making everyone laugh, including me.
“Glory.” Kalen smirks.
“To say we can,” I add, my dad’s words flowing from my mouth. They all freeze, especially Tyler, who was used to hearing them. They all watch me with a mixture of emotions—longing, regret, love, and hate—and then Tyler’s eyes narrow.
“When I say time, you come back, understood?” he snarls at me, calling me out in front of everyone. They are all staring at me, but I refuse to back down or be intimidated. He wants to show me up, to hurt me…to make me leave.
He needs to realise that it’s not fucking happening.
“Understood, if you can comprehend I know what I’m doing,” I retort, crossing my arms and stepping closer.
His nostrils flare as he glares, and he looks to everyone before his eyes land on me. “And this is why I didn’t want you here. You’re not a team player. One way or another, Peyton, you will be leaving this dive if you keep this up.”
“Fuck you, Tyler. I’m here because of my talent, same as you. This is my dive as well, so get the fuck over it or keep your mouth shut for once,” I snap, tired of being beaten down by them. I’m not the type to sit back and take it, and the only reason I have so far is because I felt guilty for leaving. Guilty for hurting them. I understand their anger and hatred, I do, but I can’t take it anymore.
They want to fight? We’ll fight.
I’m not their punching bag, and they are not my guys anymore.
He narrows his eyes on me after the outburst, and without looking away, he barks, “Dismissed,” before stalking away.
Oh, hell no!
Ever since we were reunited, this inner turmoil has been stirring, building, and I’m about to set a match to it and blow that shit up. I’m tired of the snarky remarks and dirty looks. We need to work together, and for that to happen, we need to clear the air.
As everyone starts to disperse and he looks back at the map, ignoring me, I tap his shoulder. He disregards it, talking to Riggs, so I do it harder. He sighs and turns. “What?” he snaps.
“We need to talk,” I growl.
Tyler’s lips press into a flat line before he looks back at Riggs. “Good work, I agree. See if you can add water depth.” He completely turns his back on me, almost causing me to fall to the floor, and begins to storm away.
This motherfucker.
I chase after him, matching his long strides as he walks through the camp. “Tyler, don’t fucking ignore me, we need to talk. You can’t keep shitting on me in front of everyone because of your issues with me. This is business, you need to—”
“I don’t need to do anything,” he snarls and speeds up.
It’s my turn to get angry now, my eyes narrowing on his retreating form until my irritation just explodes out of me.
“Don’t you fucking walk away from me!” I nearly scream, stopping as he spins. He’s enraged, his nostrils flaring and muscles shaking in anger. Those once bright eyes are dark, gleaming with pain and animosity. Tyler squares up, getting right in my face.
“That’s rich coming from you, baby. I thought you were the one used to walking away,” he growls out harshly, true fury leaking through his tone. The dark, hateful way he says ‘baby’ sends a shiver through me, and not just from anger. Fuck, why is that so hot? Why do I want to taste that explosive mix on his lips and feel his hatred in his hands while he fucks me?
<
br /> Ouch.
I swallow, about to retort, when he lifts his head and looks around. I realise everyone is watching us, and so does he. He grabs my arm and none too kindly yanks me into his tent, shoving me away as soon as we’re inside as if not to touch me any longer than necessary.
I stumble but turn, glaring at him. I open my mouth to snap at him when he advances, backing me into the wall of the tent. I slip and almost fall as his arms come up, one on either side of my head, and bracket me in place. His tall, ripped body almost touches mine, and our breaths mingle as he lowers his head. “You will stop being such a brat and causing a scene. You will act like a diver, a professional, or you will be gone so fast, you won’t even have time to pack,” he whispers dangerously, each word hammered into me with those intense eyes.
He starts to move away, and each step he takes unlocks me from his gaze, but I find myself wanting to be captured. I want to be here, right before him. I want to feel the emotions pouring from his body, even if they are all tinged with anger.
Because…I still want him.
And I think he still wants me, but we still have those glaring issues hanging over our heads. Like the fact I kissed his brother. Like the fact I love his two best friends.
I’m tired of being alone, I’m tired of missing them every single day. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I walked away from them, and every day since, I’ve just been trying to survive, but here they are, here we are, and I can’t help it. I’m falling back into the same patterns and routines, falling back in love with them.
Except we are all different, and even though it’s selfish, I need him to understand why I did it. Why I left.
“Tyler,” I start.
He freezes with his back facing me, his fists clenched at his sides. I want to slide my hands over his shoulders and pull him into my arms, to kiss him and make it all better, but he’s not mine to do that with anymore, and I know he would push me away. He would be disgusted by my touch.
