With a frown, she crept to where her clothing was hung in front of a raging fire and slipped them on over her dried underthings carefully and quietly. Her skin longed to be back in the bed with his warmth pressed up against her, but the rest of her knew better. Betrayal was best done cold.
Biting her lip, she slipped on her damp boots and cloak, set a few more logs on the fire from a heap of them stacked in an alcove beside the fireplace, and then slipped from the cabin into the world outside.
If Tamerlan was here, then Etienne and Jhinn were probably close by. She needed to find them and they needed to talk. Now. While Tamerlan slept.
There were footprints in the light snow and she followed them down a hill to the river where a pillar of smoke rose up from the small gondola and Etienne and Jhinn – wrapped in threadbare wool blankets – squatted on either side of an iron frying pan filled with a small fire.
She cleared her throat and Etienne looked up.
“You survived the night,” he said with a gleam in his eye – but the gleam made her want to sigh with relief. He looked like his old self. “Where is Tamerlan?”
“I left him sleeping.” She could feel her cheeks heating at Jhinn’s smirk. “I have to talk to you two – without him.”
“Without him?” Etienne lifted an eyebrow.
“Without the Legends hearing. Without them knowing. The Grandfather shouldn’t be in your head anymore – not now that his avatar is dead. Am I right?”
He nodded, speculation thick in his eyes.
“Then it’s finally safe to talk to you,” she said, carefully stepping into the gondola. “Jhinn is going to spread the good news to his people on the plains – that they can go to the world beyond the stars and beyond the lands of the dead.”
Jhinn nodded soberly.
“But to rid this world of the dragons forever means all of them must go.”
“Why do you want to rid the world of dragons?” Etienne asked, one eyebrow lifted.
“You’re joking, aren’t you?” Marielle asked as she squatted beside the smoky fire with them. “Don’t you want a world with no more blood sacrifices? No more fear of a dragon waking and destroying everything? No more Legends coming alive and destroying the innocent?”
“No more magic,” Etienne said. “No more power.”
She shrugged. “A small price to pay for so much less fear.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” Fury leaked into her voice. “You were going to kill me to keep the dragon bound and you don’t think that’s a system that should be stopped? You fought to free me from the clock. You fought to get Jingen grounded again – and now you don’t know?”
He shrugged and it only made her fury bubble up hotter.
“I like power, Marielle. And I like the world of the Dragonblood Plains.”
“And did you like being taken by the Legend? Did you like being his plaything?”
“Of course not.”
“Then how else did you see this playing out?”
He shook his head. “I think we go back to the plains and we tell them what we saw and then we let everything go back to normal.”
“And the Retribution?”
“We’ll deal with them.”
“And the ruined cities?”
He let her words hang in the air before countering. “Doesn’t your plan involve ruining the rest of them?”
“It involves destroying the avatars of the Legends and freeing the dragons.”
“And the ones across the ocean?”
“Those ones as well. All of them, Etienne. There is no other choice. Until the dragons are free, this travesty will go on and on for generations – just as it has been doing. And more innocents will suffer.”
He sighed, his gaze going out across the river and up to the waterfall coming down from the mountains. She shuddered at the same time that he did. There were only two options. Neither one was ideal. Both would involve the deaths of innocents. But this was the only way she could see to stop it from going on forever.
“What do you want from me?” he asked heavily.
“Does that mean that you will help me?” she asked, pressing.
He shook his head, rubbing his hand over his forehead wearily. “It means that I won’t stop you. But I will keep my people safe, Marielle. As many of them as I can. It’s what I was born for, trained for. It’s what I’ll die for.”
She nodded. “That’s all I’m asking, Etienne. I’m asking you to go down to the Dragonblood Plains and get the people out of the cities before the dragons wake this time. It has to be you. You were Lord Mythos – maybe you still are, I don’t know how that works. You are friends with Allegra who has seized Xin. You know how to speak to the Retribution. You can do this. No one else can.”
He was quiet for a long time before he spoke. “And you will be slaying Legends. With Tamerlan. Who is going insane hour by hour.”
“Yes,” she said in a small voice.
“Hoping all the time that he doesn’t turn on you and destroy you or make you an avatar, too.”
“Yes.”
“And how do you plan to do that?”
She looked at Jhinn. “I’m hoping Jhinn will help. We’ll need transport. And I need someone else who cares about Tamerlan. Who will help him fight this.”
Jhinn was already nodding. “That boy needs help. That’s for sure.”
“Will you help?” What would she say if they said no? But she could already smell genius flowing off of Jhinn – the smell and color of strawberries. He was thinking. And ambition rolled off of Etienne in russet curls like smoke from the iron frying pan.
“Yes,” Jhinn said shortly. “But first, I want my clothes back. Etienne hung them in the cabin to dry.”
Marielle was nodding.
“And look for food there. Maybe there’s something.”
She didn’t think there was.
“Etienne?”
He nodded reluctantly. “It will destroy us. Everything will need to be rebuilt from the ground up. The ground won’t even be the same.”
“It will take the rest of your life,” she agreed. He gave her a sharp look and she smelled suspicion. “But at least you’ll have a life.”
His nod was reluctant.
“We’re agreed, then?” she asked. “We can’t let Tamerlan know any of this.”
“Are you really going to be comfortable lying to him?” Etienne asked. His beautiful features were pinched with concern. She usually forgot that Etienne was beautiful. He wore power and arrogance like a cloak, hiding himself from curious eyes with its protection.
“I’ll have to be,” Marielle said. The words left a bitter taste in her mouth. She’d just have to learn to be comfortable with it. The fate of the Dragonblood Plains rested on this. “I need to go talk to him.”
She was already standing up and stepping from the gondola before Etienne called to her. “You know that for this to work we have to trust you with everything, right?”
“Yes,” she said, already striding up the hill.
“I’m not entirely comfortable with that,” he said, raising his voice. Anxiety wafted off him, punctuating his words. She smirked as the ochre wafted through the air.
“Get comfortable,” she said, not bothering to turn. If she could learn to lie to the man she loved, he could learn to trust her. Saying that over again in her head made her want to snort with the irony of the situation. But it was all they had, and it would have to do.
She was still trying to decide what to say to Tamerlan when she opened the door and snuck back in.
She sat down on the cot beside him, lulled by the warmth of the fire. It was hot enough that she almost wanted to strip out of her clothes – or at least strip down a little. The heat was dry and comforting and if she didn’t have a world to save, she would have liked to slumber here all day.
Why couldn’t it be like that? Why couldn’t they just have one day of rest? One day to be human for a w
hile?
Tamerlan lay sprawled across the cot, one leg thrust out from beneath the blanket and one arm stretched above his head, for all the world like a gift laid out for her to take. Was there any other way to do this? Could she hide him somewhere? If she did, would the Legends drive him insane or seize him and help him escape? She couldn’t risk that. Someone needed to watch him.
Could she leave him with someone else? Not Etienne. He had a job to do. And Jhinn needed to warn his people. Plus, she needed his gondola to get her to where the Legends were. And she needed Tamerlan’s knowledge to find them.
No matter how she thought of it, the only way was to bring him with her. Which meant lying to him. She should be shoving him away and telling him that she was a bad choice for him. She should be promising herself not to keep falling more in love with him.
But she wasn’t doing any of that. What was the point? Maybe he’d only have a few months left before the Legends took him entirely and there was no Tamerlan left. Maybe only a few days. Couldn’t she spend those with him?
She stroked his cheek idly, affectionately. If she’d lived a different life, then all of this could have been different, too ...
He pursed his lips as if in a sleepy kiss. One of his hands reached up and found hers, gently drawing it down so that she leaned over him. He kissed her sleepily, murmuring her name. Warmth flooded her – more than just from the fire. Warmth, deep affection and a longing she’d never felt before. It was so sweet it was almost overpowering – and so bitter that it made her ache inside because whatever they had couldn’t possibly last. There would be no happily-ever-afters for them.
She kissed him back all the same.
She let herself lose all thought in the tangle of his intoxicating scent. Let him wrap his other arm around her and draw her close, his strong muscles drawing her in so gently that he might have been cupping a baby chick. He murmured her name again – it was sweet on his lips. Sweet as sugar and honey and dreams of peace.
His blue eyes flickered open and a look of surprise filled his face.
“I thought you were a dream,” he said in awe.
He had wanted to dream of her. Just the thought made her mouth dry, her heart race, her eyelids flutter. She swallowed and pounced, catching his lips with hers and kissing him more intently than she should, more purposefully than she should.
Gently, oh so gently, he took her shoulders and moved her back so she couldn’t reach him with her kisses. She felt her cheeks flare. She’d thought he wanted it.
“I’m ...” His words were hesitant. “I don’t know if you realize this, Marielle, but I’m losing my mind. Bit by bit.”
She nodded, but her eyes were stinging, and she didn’t want to hurt him by crying. She tried to blink back tears but hearing it from his own lips made her ache for him.
He bit his lip before he went on as if he was also trying to disguise emotion. “I can’t let you ... I can’t promise ... There’s no future in loving a madman.”
“Maybe we can stop it.” A silly wish. An idle hope.
He nodded vigorously. “Yes, we should stop.”
“Not this,” she said, half-laughing, half-sobbing. “I meant the madness.”
His laugh held no humor but it wasn’t scornful either.
“In another lifetime, maybe,” he said, echoing her thoughts. “In another lifetime – when I was my own man, I would have asked you in this moment to be my wife. And I would have been so good to you, Marielle. Loyal. Yours to the core. I would have done whatever needed to be done to make a life with you. But now ... Like this? I wouldn’t give you widow’s white for a wedding gift. And that’s all I could offer.”
She could feel the hot tears spilling over now. Not because he was rejecting her. But because he was so sure he was going to die.
“Please, Marielle, don’t cry. Please, sweet Marielle.”
And then he was kissing her cheeks, kissing away the tears, his palms on either side of her face, his fingers holding her ears and hair loosely between them. He was always so gentle – so different than the forces that raged within him.
“I won’t hurt you. I won’t take from you. I will only give.”
“What if I want you to take?” she asked, irritated by the weak waver in her voice. “What if I want to offer you strength and loyalty, too? What if I want you to take it?”
“Then I will. I’ll never say no to you.”
“What if I want the widow’s white?”
He pulled his face back, his expression pained at her request, as if she’d slapped him.
Her voice faltered at his expression. “What if I want to marry you, Tamerlan Zi’fen? What if I want the right to know you were mine – if only for a little while?”
What was she thinking? She was crazy. She had just been thinking that it would be better for him without her and now here she was begging for him like a silly schoolgirl. But it seemed almost possible in this glorious hot moment. In the warmth of the fire and the glow of her passion, anything seemed possible. She sucked in more of his scent, intoxicated by it.
He was hesitant. “I told you, I would never say no.”
“But would you say yes?”
His lips parted but no words came, and his blue, haunted eyes agreed with the sudden anxiety in his scent. She felt her cheeks heating with the sharpness of rejection.
“Never mind,” she pulled away from his grip, turning her face from his.
“Marielle!” He reached for her, his hand resting gently on her arm as if afraid to close his fingers on it.
“No, no of course not. I forgot.” She tasted bitterness on her tongue.
“Forgot what?” He sounded confused.
“That you’re Tamerlan Zi’fen the son of a landhold and I’m Marielle Valenspear, daughter of Variena the common street whore.” Her face felt hotter – so hot that it might burst into its own flames.
“No,” he grabbed her hands this time. She tried to pull them away, ashamed, but he held on. “Marielle. Marielle, look at me.”
She looked at him, his bright blue gaze almost too much to bear.
“Never that, Marielle. It is I who am unworthy of you. Not the other way around.”
She kept his gaze but turned her face as if she could hide while being seen.
“I’m going to have to keep secrets from you because of the Legends. I’m going to have to plan behind your back. I might have to lie to you. I can understand why you don’t want to trust me. I don’t know why I thought ... why I hoped ... I’m just a silly girl ...”
Her words faded off as he leaned forward, the blanket falling to the cot as he leaned far enough to hold her face again in his hands. The look in his face was so tender, so incredibly soft as if he had made it like that just for her.
“Marry me, Marielle, and claim the right to call me your own for those last few days or weeks I have to give. Lie to me. Work behind my back. Kill me when – eventually – you must. I will never say no to you, only yes. Yes, you may have any part of me you want. All of it, if that is what you want. Every scrap of me left. Every bit of humanity left in me sets to you – like a compass to north, like smoke to the wind – I am tuned to you. Please take what I have left.”
She couldn’t bear his sweetness anymore. It was too much. She flung herself into his arms, kissing him roughly as if to counter the softness, firmly as if to promise she would keep his scraps safe, determinedly as if to show she would be tenacious at preserving what she could of him, and with abandon as she abandoned hope for her heart.
“Take all my respect and honor, Tamerlan Zi’fen,” she said when she pulled back, keeping a hand tangled in his hair. “Take all my love. I will do what is right for you for all my life, honor you, work beside you, fight for you.”
And this time it was him kissing her, sealing their promises in the way of their people as he repeated the same vow.
“Take all my respect and honor, Marielle Valenspear. Take all my love. I will do what is right for you for all my lif
e, honor you, work beside you, fight for you.”
Marriages in the Dragonblood Plains were serious things. But there was no spectacle. There were only promises said in secret and then the declarations made to family.
And neither of them had family they wanted to declare anything to ever again.
They clung to each other, drinking in the sweetness of this – the one moment they knew they could share – until the fire burned low and Marielle pulled herself from Tamerlan’s embrace.
“Jhinn is waiting for his clothes,” she said. But she wished she didn’t have to say anything. She wished she could spend the rest of her days here in this cabin with him and forget about dragon and Legends and everything else.
But how can you forget your enemies when they are inside the one you love most?
6: Promises Kept
Tamerlan
Etienne and Jhinn were thick as thieves, huddled over a smoldering fire in a frying pan when Tamerlan and Marielle joined them. It was all Tamerlan could do to keep a smile from his face despite everything.
These ones are plotting against us.
He felt his hand twitch and he kept it under firm control. The Legend had nearly taken him up there with Marielle. He’d felt Ram looking for a crack – any crack – even while Tamerlan was confessing his love to Marielle. He’d heard the Legend screaming in his mind that now was the time to pin her hands to the ground with knives even as he’d been kissing her, trying to fight every whisper of violence with added gentleness. He was a monster. He knew that. He adored this woman. He’d married her. And he’d done it all knowing there was a monster inside him who might spring out and destroy her given even the slightest chance.
He must not let that happen. He must never let the Legends get a hold of him again.
“I have your clothes,” Marielle spoke from beside him and just the tenor of her voice sent little chills up his spine and little flashes of memory of what they had just said – just done. If he died right now, he couldn’t be more happy. The smile dancing in the corner of his mouth was genuine.
He just had to be strong. He just had to keep those Legends back for long enough that Marielle could do whatever she was going to do. He would be complicit in her deceit. He would keep away when she planned. He would let her do as she must. He was utterly, devotedly hers.
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