She wiped her eyes clear of tears. It looked like she was calming down. That’s all she needed to hear, that I was coming to her. All she ever wanted was me to be under her, like she couldn’t rest unless I was in her eyesight.
Shit was fucking insane.
“You promise?” she asked as she put the key in the ignition.
“Yeah.”
By the time that I got back in the shop, TJ and Paris were gone. I finished up my customer’s cut and got the fuck up outta there. Teyanna was blowing my phone up, though, making sure that I was coming and wondering what was taking me so long, even though it had only been an hour. So, I knew going back to my crib or hers wasn't an option if I wanted some peace. So, I popped up at my pops’ crib.
“What are you doing here?” Heaven asked as she stood on the other side of the open front door. A dude like me rarely used the word gorgeous, but Heaven was the pure definition of that word as she stood in the sunlight, wrapped in leggings that hugged her thick thighs and a simple wife beater. Her flip-flops showed off fresh, French tip, pretty toes. Her weave was up in a high ponytail, keeping it off her neck that was sweating despite the cool breeze from the central air conditioner I felt blowing out of the house.
I shrugged, trying to act like the sight of her wasn’t making my dick hard in my Nike shorts. “Just came to say what’s up.”
She leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms over perky, chocolatey milky titties that the wife beater was doing a bad-ass job covering. “Mmm humph.”
I chuckled. “Nah, for real. I can’t go home. Teyanna showed up at the shop spazzing. I know she’s lurking at my crib.”
She giggled. “So, you came over here to hide from her?”
And to steal a look at you… “Something like that.”
“Well, me and Sunshine are about to leave.” Before I could respond, she turned and went into the house, leaving me in the doorway, staring at the way her big-ass booty was eating up those leggings.
Pops can’t possibly know what he’s doin’ with all that.
I stepped in the house and hurried to adjust my hard-on before closing and locking the door. “Where y’all goin’?”
Heaven shrugged as she walked into the kitchen. Sunshine was at the table eating chicken nuggets.
“For a walk.”
I frowned. “A walk? Ain’t no fun in that. Let's take her to the zoo.”
She looked up at me as she sat down in the chair in front of Sunshine. “Let’s? As in you and me? You want to spend your summer day with a toddler?”
“Yeah.” I shrugged. “I ain’t doin’ shit. And it's nice as hell out today.”
“Cool.” Man, when she looked at me and smiled, she probably thought it was the most innocent gesture, but that smile was killing me softly.
An hour later, Heaven was still tormenting me without even knowing. I was starting to think it would’ve been a better idea to have dealt with the torment back at Teyanna’s place rather than deal with all this temptation. However, I preferred the sight of watching Heaven lick on an ice cream cone instead of watching Teyanna’s head spin like the exorcist.
“Look, Mommy, that’s a big kitty! Can we have one?”
Heaven laughed as she looked down at Sunshine, who was standing next to her, holding her hand and pointing at the lions.
“That’s a lion, baby. We can’t have those as pets.”
“Oooh,” she sang as she stared in amazement at the lions. They were staring out of the window at us just as amazed as Sunshine was staring up at them.
I watched as Heaven took in a long, deep breath as she looked around.
I leaned over and nudged her with my shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
Still looking around, she said, “This is nice. Thanks for suggesting this. I am really enjoying myself.”
I was still staring at her, watching the ice cream melt on that juicy bottom lip of hers. “For real?”
“Yeah.”
“I would think this was nothing compared to the things you and my pops do.”
I couldn’t understand why it was so much sadness in her eyes when I said that.
She shook her head and said, “Nah. The most me and Ross do is go to clubs, and that's always with our friends. We’ve never done anything like this.”
I was shocked. I looked at her, but she was staring at the lions in just as much amazement as Sunshine was. It was like she had never seen them before either.
“Never?” I asked.
“Nope,” she answered as she shook her head and started back on the ice cream.
Fuck, I wish she would just finish that motherfucker.
I forced my eyes away from the ice cream melting on her warm tongue. “Y’all don’t go downtown?”
“Nah.”
“He never took you to the beach?”
She shook her head. “Nope.”
Then what the fuck did he do to get you? “His old ass probably outgrew all that shit.”
Heaven laughed. “Yeah, probably.”
“I figured Pops would’ve taken you all over the world, showing you off.”
That’s when she looked up at me. Our eyes met. We held eye contact longer than we ever had. I wanted to look away. I mean, it would have been inappropriate as fuck for me to be walking around that zoo with my hard dick sticking out of my basketball shorts. But, fuck, it was so hard to look away from those eyes.
She did, though. She smiled and then looked away, lightly tugging on Sunshine’s hand. “C’mon on, baby. Mommy wants to see the gorillas.”
8
Heaven
“It’s so nice out today.” I leaned against Mello’s Jeep Wrangler, inhaling the summer air. I don’t think it was the weather that had me feeling like this, though. It was the freedom. It was the relief of not feeling suffocated because Ross was somewhere lurking. “It’s not too hot. It’s perfect.”
Mello leaned against his truck next to me. “Yeah. I’m not ready to go in.”
I cringed, feeling myself in the midst of the weird tension that had developed between us all of a sudden. It was funny how there had never been this tension between us before. When we would Facetime, or have those countless hours of conversation when he was away at school, it felt like I was talking to a friend. I felt like he looked at me as a friend. Even as we had hung out here and there now that he was back in Chicago, it always felt so innocent. He treated me like I wished Ross would. I admit that he treated me so good that I was falling in love with our friendship even more. But it always, always felt like friendship.
But the way that he looked at me at the zoo earlier made me feel like he saw me differently. It was messed up how I was a married woman but had never had a man look at me like that before. I was married and had a baby but still had never been looked at as if I was so adored and treasured. It was such a different feeling.
“Me either,” I said honestly.
I really wasn't. I wasn't ready to go back into that house where I spent so much time stressing and wondering why I was still with the man who had had the nerve to try to drown me when he probably was out of town with the next bitch. No, not probably; he most likely was out of town with the next bitch, because he had been gone for four days, and I had barely heard from Ross. He was just texting me like we were still in high school and he didn't know how to court a woman. He had disappeared; some shit that he would never let me get away with if he was at home. Let me disappear inside of the four walls that we lived in for more than thirty minutes; he would swear to God that I was somewhere on my phone talking to the next piece of dick.
“Yeah?” Mello asked. “Wanna hang out?”
“Ummmm…” I acted like my mind had drifted off as I watched Sunshine ride her scooter in the yard. But I was actually wondering if I should hang out with Mello or not. When he first showed up at the house earlier, I thought it was cool. I figured, you know, this was Mello. I thought it was okay to hang out with him like we had been doing. But as the day went on, I didn't l
ike the way he looked at me. I didn't like the way I liked how he looked at me. There was no way that anything would ever happen between us, of course. But my dumb ass was still so afraid of, and at the same time still loyal to, Ross that I felt like I shouldn't be in the presence of any man who was looking at me the way that Mello was.
But this was Mello, Ross’ son. He would never try me. We were friends. We cared about each other on another level. I knew I was just thinking too much into things. Or maybe I was the one so thirsty for affection that I was seeing something that wasn’t there.
So, I said, “Yeah. Let me tell Esperanza we’re leaving.”
He nodded, and I went into the yard, picked Sunshine up, and made my way into the house. Esperanza was in the foyer mopping when I got inside.
I placed Sunshine’s feet on the floor. “Go watch TV, Mama.”
Without a word, she ran into the living room where the TV was still on the Cartoon Channel from earlier today.
“Hey, Esperanza. I am going to leave Sunshine here with you while I take a ride with Mello.”
Her eyebrow rose as she continued mopping. “And if Ross calls?”
My face scrunched up. “If Ross calls? He hasn’t called me since he’s been gone.”
Her eyebrow was still awkwardly arched high as she told me, “He’s been calling me.”
“For what?”
She stopped mopping and put her hand on her hip. “What do you think? Checking up on you. Wanting to know where you are. He called earlier, but I didn’t tell him that you were at the zoo with Mello. I told him you were alone.”
“What was wrong with you telling him I was with Mello? He wouldn’t trip over me being with his son. Mello and I hang out all the time.”
“I don’t trust that. And I wasn’t willing to take that risk. Are you?”
She was right. After that stunt he’d pulled in the bathroom, I really wasn't sure of how far Ross would go. Clearly, he wasn't thinking straight. And I was honestly enjoying him being away from the house. I didn't need him to feel like there was any reason for him to cut his trip short. So, I told her, “No. I’m not. Tell him that I’m sleep if he calls.”
“That won’t work. He’d want me to show him.”
My mouth dropped. “Like on Facetime? Are you serious?!”
“Yeah.”
“Then…um…then tell him I went for a drive. I’ll deal with the bullshit if it comes. Maybe that’ll make his ass actually pick up the phone and call me.”
Esperanza laughed. “Okay, sweetie.”
“Be back soon.”
Vegas
“What you got for me? What’s the verdict?”
I was holding my breath. This was it. This young, genius motherfucker was about to decide Ross’ fate. Either Ross was being loyal to me and he would live, or he was cheating me out of bread… and he was going to die.
I had thought long and hard about it. Yeah, me and Ross had been bros for some years. He had been like a big brother to me for so long that I had forgotten that I actually had blood brothers. We had gotten this money together, slowly making a name for ourselves in the streets of Chicago. We weren’t kingpins or no shit like that, but we were living freely and comfortably. Not only were we business partners, we were like family. I kept all of his dirty-ass secrets from everyone, including my own girl…. And that was why I was going to kill that motherfucka if he was stealing from me. I was the one who had put him on when he was trying to get into the business. He wouldn’t have shit if it weren’t for me.
Steve sighed long and hard before sealing Ross’ fate. “You were right.”
I sat back in the booth that I was sitting across from him in at White Palace. “You serious?”
Steve nodded as he took out his phone. “Yeeeep,” he said slowly. “Unfortunately, Ross has been stealing from you.”
Then, as he tapped on his phone, I asked, “How much?”
When he said, “At least a hundred thousand,” it was the most painful betrayal I had ever felt. I had always thought that a woman would be the one to make me feel like this, not my bro and right hand.
“What the fuck?” I rasped in a whisper.
Steve’s lips were pressed in a thin line of regret. “Here. Let me show you.”
I leaned over as he tilted his phone so that I could see it. That’s when he showed me statements and figures while using big words to explain the situation that only his genius ass could understand. Although some of the words were going over my head, one thing was crystal fucking clear: after a thorough investigation, Steve had learned that Ross had been stealing from me for years, using withdrawals to a phony automotive parts company as the front that was in Heaven’s name.
Heaven
♫Who can I run to,
To share this empty space?
Who can I run to,
When I need love?
Who can I run to,
To fill this empty space with laughter?
Who can I run to,
When I need love?♫
I was wrong. I was really, really, really wrong. There was no way that I should have been hanging out with Mello. It wasn't his fault that I was feeling this way. He wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. It was me. It was totally me. I just felt like I was in the presence of a man that looked at me in a way that I wanted Ross to look at me. Being with Mello made me realize how much shit I was taking from Ross for no reason at all. He made me see that I was taking the cheating and his abuse just to get shitty treatment in return constantly. Ross never looked at me the way that Mello was. He never took me and Sunshine to intimate alone moments like the zoo. And he had never taken me downtown on a warm summer night to simply walk the streets alone, just me and him, playing R&B from his phone.
♫And my mind is so confusing,
Who would be that special one?
Every day I'm trying to find you,
All along, I've got to know,
Is there a place for me?♫
As I listened to the words of the song, I looked up at Mello with a teasing smile. “What do you know about Xscape?”
He looked down on me and beamed as well. “My mama listens to this old shit all the time.”
I blushed at the way he smiled at the mention of her. It was clear that he put his mama up on a pedestal that he had never put Ross on. Then I quieted and kept enjoying the mood.
“You okay?” Mello asked over my thoughts.
I looked up at him and saw a younger version of Ross that I wished I’d had. Mello had been so thoughtful and caring all day, seemingly without even trying. Why couldn’t Ross be that way?
“I’m good,” I lied.
“Why you so quiet?”
You.
But I couldn’t say that. Instead, I told him, “Nothing. Just enjoying myself.”
“I still can’t believe you’ve never been down here.”
“I have.”
“To shop, yeah. But I mean on some shit like this. Downtown is the nicest but cheapest date that a dude could take his woman on. Got that romantic feel y’all like and shit. You can bring your own liquor.” He laughed at his own joke as he waved the Mr. Pure Cranberry Juice bottle in the air that he was drinking his whiskey from.
I giggled, but I was still all in my feelings. Mello was right. This was the type of simple night I had never experienced but should have. Ross felt like because he took care of me that I had to deal with his shit while he dated other bitches. I wondered had he ever done this with the hoes he cheated on me with.
Mello was also right about this night being so romantic without either of us even trying. At ten o’clock at night, after the stores had closed and the sun went down, and after all the shoppers had disappeared, Michigan Avenue was beautiful. It was beautifully lit by the lights in the windows of the stores. The air smelled so much cleaner than in the inner city. I closed my eyes and heard nothing; no sirens, no ambulances, and no gunshots. And there was something about it that was very dreamy. The hotels, the resta
urants, the skyline—it all gave you peace and tranquility that was romantic. And although we were just hanging out, it made me see Mello in a different light. I no longer saw him as the guy I talked to for hours who was off at college. He was Mello; tall, chocolate, handsome, wide stance, full of swag and charisma, thoughtful, caring, slanted light brown bedroom eyes, heavy, curly lashes, smelling good, and … sexy. So fucking sexy.
“Heaven…”
I jumped out of my skin when he grabbed my hand. I stood there, frozen in the middle of the block on the corner of Chestnut and Michigan.
He watched my fear curiously. “You okay?”
“Yeah…I-I…I’m sorry. You just scared me. I was in my head for a minute.”
“Sorry. I was just trying to get your attention.”
Still, I was shaky and nervous. “I know.” I nervously played with my hair and smiled. “Sorry.”
He reached and grabbed my shoulders gently. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Stop lying,” he replied as he stepped closer. He was too close. His smell. Fuck, that smell. Ginger, lavender, African Mandinka fruit and leather stimulate… Shit, it was suffocating me.
I stepped back.
But he stepped closer, narrowing the gap between us even more. He stared at me with the kind of intensity that scared the shit out of me.
What the hell is he doing?
Mello
What the fuck am I doing?
I knew it was wrong. She was my father’s wife, but I didn’t see him as my father. That motherfucker had not been a father to me—ever. So, to me, he was not my father. He was Ross. He was a man, a man who wasn't treating his woman right. And I didn’t see her as my father’s wife, not when it mattered and definitely not right now. She was Heaven, the chick I had had a crush on for a long time. And now that I had matured, I was a grown-ass man ready to take advantage of any moment she gave me to treat her like I always wanted to. That’s why I was creating this fake-ass date mood with liquor and Xscape singing in the background. She had never complained to me about Ross. But when a man is really into a woman, he can see the pain behind her smile. And every time she had smiled that day, I saw the pain. And I knew he couldn’t have been treating her right, if he hadn’t even given her simple time like this. She deserved days like this. She deserved to be with someone who was utterly obsessed with her.
When the Side Nigga Catch Feelings 1 Page 9
