But had he?
No.
Coward.
Yeah. That definitely seemed to be more of his M.O. where she was concerned; he knew if given the chance, he’d change it. All of it. Every unkind word, every flippant attitude…every time he let her walk away.
“You ready?” she asked, grabbing her purse and opening the car door.
Offering her a small smile, he replied, “Sure.”
He fought the urge to take her by the hand and walk into the diner like they used to way back when. It felt weird and he was a little at a loss at how to act around her. They seemed to only have two speeds – together or apart. This in between that they were experiencing right now was brand new. Once they were seated and had ordered some dessert and coffee, Penny looked up at him and asked about his life. And being that she had just gotten the update on Eva, he knew she wasn’t referring to family.
A weary sigh came out as he raked a hand through his hair. “I’m an architectural engineer and I’m with a firm down in Atlanta.”
She cocked her head, her expression serious. “You don’t sound happy about it.”
Relaxing a bit, Spencer leaned forward and rested his arms on the table. “I actually love what I do,” he began. “I’ve designed some great buildings, the work is challenging but I thrive under it.”
“But…?”
“But lately I’m feeling the pressure to take over my father’s firm.” He gave her a half-hearted grin. “He started it up a little over five years ago after spending most of his life working for someone else. It’s a perfectly fine firm – different from what I’m doing now – and…”
“And you don’t want to do that,” she stated.
“That’s the thing. I’m not sure,” he admitted. “At least, I think I’m not.”
When Penny didn’t comment, he clarified – for her and for himself. Talking out loud usually helped him when he had big decisions to make.
It was just that recently, he tended to be alone, talking to himself.
“What I do is very different from what he does. He’s residential, I’m commercial. And that’s not to say that I can’t do residential design or don’t want to – that’s not it – but it’s a completely different mindset. His firm is small and it’s very successful but…” He shrugged.
“It’s not what you want to do,” she said softly.
How was it that she grasped in two minutes what he’d been arguing with his parents about for almost a year? “If I do what he’s asking, I’m not sure either of us will be happy.”
“How come?”
“Because he’s not looking to change anything or see anything change, I should say. He wants me to step directly into his place and keep doing things his way.” He looked at her helplessly. “I don’t think I can do that. I feel like my creativity would be completely stifled.”
Their waitress came back with their food and after they thanked her, they ate in companionable silence for a few minutes.
“What about if you came on as a partner?” she asked. “Maybe if you were coming in and expanding the business – making it a father and son operation – he’d see that not all change is bad. Your dad is still young to be retiring – unless…there’s another reason why he’s looking for you to take over.”
Spencer shook his head. “I think he’s just tired and looking to cut back a little bit. Part of me is afraid that he’s not actually going to cut back and then I’ll have him hovering over my shoulder every day and that will just make me crazy. You remember how I couldn’t wait to move away and be on my own?” He sighed. “And I’m in a really good place with the firm back home. I’m hoping to make partner by the end of next year. At least, that’s the track I’m on and…”
“So you enjoy living in Atlanta?” she asked and not at all in an accusatory way; she seemed genuinely interested.
He nodded. “It’s all right. Big city, tons of stuff to do…what’s not to like?”
Only…there were a lot of things he could think of off the top of his head. None of them were the fault of the location just…him. For all the things to do, he never went anywhere. He didn’t travel, he didn’t socialize much he just…worked. A lot. All the time.
Why was this all just coming to him now?
When he sighed again and pushed his plate away, Penny asked, “Are you okay? Do you not like the pie?”
He was eating a slice of apple pie and it was fine but…even that wasn’t right at the moment. Shit. When did he become so discontent with everything? Pushing his coffee cup aside as well, he felt bold. He reached across the table and took one of her hands in his and noticed her soft gasp as her eyes met his.
“I’m sitting here with you and it’s all just hitting me that I’m not okay,” he admitted. “When we were driving here, I was thinking how much fun I was having and how I couldn’t remember the last time I had had any. I love our conversations and I can’t remember the last time I had one that didn’t revolve around a building.” He squeezed her hand slightly. “My whole life I thought I knew what I wanted and now…? I just don’t know.” Then he looked at her. “But when I’m with you…things just seem better. Clearer. Does that make sense?”
“Spencer…”
“No, it’s true,” he quickly interrupted, unwilling to let her try to tell him he was wrong, or worse, crazy. “I feel like there isn’t anything I can’t say to you that you wouldn’t understand. You’re probably one of the only people who’s ever been able to do that. I’ve missed that about us. I…I miss you.”
For a moment, neither of them spoke and Spencer wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. All he knew was that it felt good to say those things out loud to her.
“Spencer,” she began and then slowly pulled her hand from his. “This is…this is what always happens with us. We see each other and we always have great conversations and a lot of fun until…we don’t.”
Her tone was just a little sad and it bothered him more than he thought it could.
“For whatever reason, we keep coming back to each other and think it’s a good thing – that it will be better, different. But it doesn’t take long for one of us – me – to suddenly not measure up to whatever it is in your mind.” She gently pushed her plate away and gingerly wiped at her mouth with her napkin.
“That’s not true…”
Then even her smile turned sad. “It is.” She paused and seemed to carefully consider her next words. “In the past you’ve accused me of being immature, superficial and even a bad kisser…”
“I was eight and I had no idea what I was talking about!” he argued lightly, but when he reached for her hand again, she moved it away.
Not a good sign.
“I’ll give you a pass on that one, but the point still remains…” She sighed. “Look at me, Spencer. This is who I am.”
“I am looking at you. Hell, I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of you,” he admitted.
“You’re attracted to this…this outer image,” she said softly. “That’s it. I’m never going to be some crazy smart intellectual person. I’m never going to have some high-powered career and you know what? I’m really okay with that! I refuse to feel bad because I didn’t go to an Ivy League school or wasn’t the valedictorian in high school.”
“I never said that…”
“I’m working at Enchanted and I have my glam squad business plan and I’m happy! And I learned a long time ago not to let someone else’s closed-mindedness take that joy from me. I can’t.” Then she paused. “I wish you’d do the same.”
“What do you mean?”
“What makes you happy, Spencer? What brings you joy? What has ever brought you joy?”
You.
But he didn’t say it. What would be the point? Right now, she wasn’t ready to hear that and if he was being honest, he wasn’t sure he was ready to say it out loud.
No matter how comfortable she made him feel.
When the waitress came by and asked i
f they wanted anything else, Penny asked for the check and he didn’t bother to correct her. It was getting late and his mind was spinning in a dozen different directions. It would probably be a good thing to go back to his parents’ house and spend some time alone to think.
And man did he suddenly have a lot think about.
Then something Penny had said earlier came to him.
“What’s a glam squad business plan?”
“Oh…um…glam squad is kind of my thing. I do hair and makeup – I’m a certified cosmetologist – and I not only help with that for the fashion shows, but it’s a service I provide for bridal parties too.”
“I don’t remember you talking about going to school for that back when you and Eva graduated.”
She shrugged. “I went to UNC Wilmington for business and found that I was bored. I didn’t overly enjoy college life – dorm life, actually. It felt an awful lot like I was still living at home because I had to share a bathroom with so many people.” Laughing softly, she moved her napkin around idly. “So, I talked to my folks about coming home and taking some business courses at the community college and they agreed.”
“And when did you realize you wanted to go into cosmetology?” he asked, finding he was mildly fascinated to be learning this about her.
The expression on her face was like a silent reprimand. “I’ve always wanted to do that, Spencer,” she said quietly. “I just never told you.”
“But…why? I think it’s kind of cool.”
Another bland look from her put him in his place. “Again, after having you call me superficial, I didn’t particularly want to talk to you about going to beauty school.”
“Penny…”
“No, I’m serious! How do you think you would have reacted back then?” Now there was a little heat behind her words. “You would have made a comment on how that was a typical career choice for someone like me – someone who only cared about appearances.” Then she stopped and seemed to will herself to calm down.
“I had no idea,” he began. “I didn’t realize I made you feel that way.”
It took her a minute, but she sat up a little straighter and looked him in the eye. “I’m proud of the work I do. And if all goes as planned, this time next year I’ll have my own little spot at Enchanted Bridal,” she stated proudly.
“Really? Good for you! That’s impressive!”
“Thank you for saying that. I know it’s not much but…it’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.” She paused and shrugged. “The whole thing overwhelms me. I always thought I would eventually have a shop of my own someplace, but the thought of being in with Enchanted was an amazing opportunity. This way I can build the business while still working for Hailey part-time at the bridal shop.”
“Will you really need to still work for her?”
“In the beginning I will, I’m sure. Hopefully it will only be temporary. The upside is that I love what I do with the bridal shop. Staying on there won’t be a hardship.”
Studying her for a moment, he realized what she’d said. “Why don’t you think it’s much? You’re looking to start your own business. That’s always a big thing!”
She gave him a bland look. “Oh, I know it’s a big thing, but compared to what you do…you know…I just figured you might not see it that way.”
And he felt like the biggest jerk in the world. Had he really been that much of a snob back then? So much so that this was the memory – the impression - she had of him?
He shook his head and felt his dessert turn in his stomach. “Penny…I am so sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t good enough. Hell, who am I to say that about you or anyone? I think what you’re doing is amazing.”
“You do?” she asked, but Spencer could hear the skepticism in her voice.
“Hell yes I do!” And this time when he reached for her hand, she didn’t pull it away. “I think your decision to be a part of Enchanted is very smart. You’ll have a customer base that’s already established and then you’ll get to build on that. And because I know you, I know you’re going to make a success of it. Earlier, Hailey was saying you’re her right-hand girl. It’s obvious she thinks highly of you and no doubt she’ll support you with this endeavor.”
She blushed and it was sweet and sexy all at the same time.
Their check was placed on the table and Spencer immediately picked it up. Penny started to argue but he simply held up a hand to stop her. “I asked you out for coffee, didn’t I?”
She didn’t comment. Instead, she grabbed her purse and left the tip.
Stubborn woman.
As they stood in the lobby and looked out at the parking lot, Spencer sighed. Tonight was certainly a night of revelations and maybe he should just say goodnight here.
“I hate putting you out and asking you to drive me home,” he began cautiously. “I can just grab an Uber home.”
For a minute all Penny did was study him. “It’s not really a big deal. I don’t mind driving you home.”
“You’re sure?”
“Positive.” He wasn’t sure what to do or say and after a few silent moments, they agreed they should go. They were back in Penny’s car now, but with Spencer behind the wheel. It was starting to rain and his parents had moved since she had last seen them so he figured it would just be easier for him to drive.
The conversation went back to nostalgia as they drove by more familiar landmarks and some newer ones and he cursed the fact that they were pulling into his parents’ driveway so soon. There was a loud crack of thunder and a flash of lightning and now he worried about her driving home.
“I hope your drive isn’t very far,” he said. “I had no idea it was supposed to storm tonight.”
“Me either,” she replied. “But…it will be okay.” Pausing, she added, “But it is getting late and it’s been a long day so…”
It didn’t seem fair. He didn’t want the night to end and if he wasn’t staying at his parents’ house, he would invite her in. “You’re sure you’re okay driving in this? It’s really coming down now.”
It was pouring.
Damn near monsooning.
“I’ll be fine,” she said softly.
“Can I call you?” he asked tentatively.
Penny didn’t quite look at him. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. It was really good to see you, Spencer but…”
She didn’t finish, and he didn’t push.
“Well…I guess…um…be careful driving home.”
“Thanks.”
Penny opted to get out of the car and come around to the driver’s side rather than climb over the console of the small SUV. She ran around as Spencer held the door open for her. But rather than climbing in right away, she stopped right in front of him. In just those few seconds, they were both already soaked from the rain.
And still he couldn’t move.
They were standing close together and there wasn’t anything else to do or say. She needed to get in her car and warm up and Spencer needed to…well, he just needed to leave and take this for what it was – a chance meeting at the wrong place and at the wrong time in his life.
Again.
“Spencer, I…”
Screw it. He’d kick himself years from now if he didn’t take a chance – if he didn’t at least try.
Reaching up, he cupped his hand around her nape as he leaned down and kissed her.
It was quite possibly the most exciting moment of her life. Standing in the pouring rain and kissing Spencer Buchanan.
Finally kissing Spencer Buchanan.
And it was even better than she remembered.
His lips were soft and demanding all at the same time. He didn’t just kiss; he took, he devoured, he claimed. And Penny was completely on board with that. Her hands reached up and gripped the front of his shirt to pull him closer. It was completely crazy. She rubbed up against him even as his arms banded around her to hold her and all she wanted to do was climb him and wrap her legs around hi
m. Hell, if she could, she’d pull him right into the car and wrap her entire body around him!
She opened one eye and considered opening the back door and getting them both out of the rain. But just as she was about to suggest it, Spencer broke the kiss. Both of their breathing was ragged, and he slowly trailed one rough finger along her cheek before he took a step back.
“Good night, Penny,” he said gruffly.
She called after him, but there was a boom of thunder that shook her to her bones and several flashes of lightning that swallowed the sound of her voice. By the time things were quiet again, Spencer was standing in the doorway of his parents’ massive home. She knew he would continue to stand there and watch and wait until she was back in her car. It took her a solid minute to get her head clear enough to register that she was soaked to the skin and then she gave him a weak wave before climbing in and shutting the door.
She instantly turned on the heat and took a minute to try to warm herself up. Lights came on along the driveway and the front of the house and still Spencer stood and watched her.
She had to give him points for being a gentleman, at least.
And a great kisser.
And still holding the top spot of the perfect man and star of all her fantasies.
Dammit.
So now what? What was she supposed to do? Was she supposed to just forget about that amazing kiss or was she supposed to find an excuse to get out of the car and go and talk to him? Or maybe she needed to wait and do that in a day or two? Was it foolish not to give him her phone number?
She had no idea.
And unfortunately, she knew she was going to obsess about it until she made herself crazy.
With nothing left to do, she offered another small wave before pulling out of the driveway. The entire drive home was spent alternating between smacking herself in the head for being so stubborn and high-fiving herself for sticking to her guns and not giving Spencer the chance to hurt her again.
There was too much history there – too many past hurts to overcome. She was at a place in her life where she finally felt like she was getting her shit together – being responsible and making plans for her future. No doubt if she gave Spencer the chance to come back into her life, he’d undo all of the hard work she’d put into building her self-esteem and becoming the confident woman she was today. Why would she jeopardize all of that when she already knew how it was going to end?
Glam Squad & Groomsmen Page 3
