“We’ve lost her, this is a sad day for us all.” I nod my head in a feeling of abandonment. She’s growing up way too fast, I want that little girl back who’d follow all of us men around the shops learning to turn a wrench. Hell, she knew how to do an oil change by her fourth birthday. She’s as smart as a whip and has a sassy mouth to boot. I miss the days I’d spend with her as she asked a million and one questions about everything I was doing. It’s a sad day for us all to know she’s growing up and her interests are beginning to change and reshape into that of a young lady. Goodbye four wheeling in mud and hello to dolls and boys. Poor Tic, I should ask him if we need to weld a chastity belt for when the day comes that boys begin knocking on their front door.
Fucking hell, I’m glad Kassi’s not in any hurry to reproduce any time soon. The thought of my young spawns running around scares the ever-loving fuck out of me. Nah, we need some time just the two of us before adding numbers to our family. I’m perfectly happy and content with it being just the two of us.
We all begin to make our way into the clubhouse. My eyes scan until I find my woman, who looks a tad bit uncomfortable with the new visitors. She was around the last time the guys were here, but she wasn’t a frequent visitor of the clubhouse, and if she was, she kept pretty much to herself. I know she met them the last time they were here, but she looks at them as if they’re perfect strangers. I have to think back and remember that during that time, she was still lost in her physical healing process and most likely tuned out the fact that the three of them were here. Walking over to her, I put my arm around her shoulder and pull her close to me so I can whisper without being overheard by anyone. “Do you not remember the three of them?”
“No, they don’t look familiar to me, who are they?” she quietly asks her question.
“Let me point out who’s who,” I state, first pointing at the big man that can’t be ignored, “the big one, that’s Riptide. The shorter one, that’s Julius, and the bald one standing between them, his name is Tyler but everyone calls him Dust. They were here when Justice and Lizzie came to help us out a while back.”
“The names sound familiar, but for some reason their faces don't,” she admits begrudgingly. “I’m sorry I don’t recall who they are, I wasn’t really doing well during that time.”
“I know, baby, and there’s no reason to apologize. But with me pointin’ them out to you, you know you can trust them and know who they are in case they try to initiate a conversation with ya.” I wanna kick myself in the ass for not realizing back then that she was as lost as she was. I was so deeply embedded in my own pain and club business that I didn’t give her the thought that she needed me to. “Do you wanna go talk with everyone, or would you like to have a seat on the couch with me?”
“I’m a bit overwhelmed at the moment, can we, can we just sit and take a breather for a minute or two?” The tone of her voice causes me to pause before leading her over to where there’s a group of chairs and couches. As I sit down, I pull her into my lap and bury her head into the crook of my neck. This is always the go-to position she seeks when she’s not feeling confident or wanting a way to escape the things surrounding her. I feel her body begin to loosen up the longer she sits here and just ignores the happenings in the room. It isn’t long until her breathing evens out and I hear a slight snore in my ear. I’ve noticed the past day or two she’s been abnormally tired compared to usual. I’ve chalked it up to her coming to terms with her emotions and feelings… shit like that.
* * *
Kassi slept in my arms for two hours; I eventually had to reposition myself since parts of my limbs were falling asleep. “Sorry,” she mumbles as she reaches up and stretches out. “Didn’t realize I was sleepy until I was using your neck as a pillow.”
“No place I’d rather you sleep than in my arms,” I state, placing a soft, gentle kiss on the top of her head. The women, noticing that she’s awakened, come over and practically pull her out of my arms. I give them a scathing look that doesn’t faze them in the least. Kassi looks over her shoulder at me as she’s being dragged away and blows me a kiss.
“It’s good to see you two gettin’ back on track again, brother,” Travler says as he takes the vacant spot next to me, passing me a beer as he does.
“Feels good too,” I admit as I take a gulp of the ice-cold brew. “Things are startin’ to feel normal again.”
“It’s a sight to see. There’s not this tension and attitude stuck to you anymore. I know that the need to find the fuckers who killed Fern and messed with Kassi is front and center, but at least you can pull back and relax some knowin’ we’ve got your back.”
“I always knew you guys would,” I state before continuing, “but I was lost, brother. Hurtin’ so bad I couldn’t see what was in front of me.”
“That’s somethin’ we can all understand. In one way or another, we’ve all been down a rough patch with our women. We understand the ins and outs of the struggles that come along with lovin’ the women that we do. They aren’t easy, but they’re worth it.” Travler’s eyes travel the room; finding his woman at the bar with the others, a peaceful look overcomes him. Then, his eyes seek out his son, when they land on him, something different, indescribable takes hold. One day, I’ll understand that feeling a father has for his child, the difference in the love between mother and child. A part of me is a little jealous of him that he has that, but the other half of me is content with things just as they are. “Some of the best joys in life are the ones we don’t think we want,” Travler says as he sees that my eyes are stationed directly on his son. He places his hand on my shoulder as he stands up and walks away with that last sentence dancing around in my mind. Fuck, now he has me wondering if it’s something that I could want and need and not even realize it.
Nope, not going there. I’m not ready and Kassi is still recovering from the sudden flash of memories she works through on a daily basis.
Kassi
My nephew is the center of Lila Rose’s attention. Why she loves my little nephew to pieces but feels as if her brother’s the devil reincarnated is beyond what my mind is capable of processing. I don’t remember those issues between Ryder, Kaci and myself, but then again, we didn’t really grow up with each other. Ryder was the golden child in my father’s eyes and Kaci and I were more of a nuisance. We saw Ryder from time to time, but not enough to where we had that sibling bond that Kaci and I have.
“Kingston.” Lila slams her foot on the ground in protest. “That’s not your toy, it’s Cash’s. Give it back to him this instant,” she hollers pointing an accusing finger in his direction.
“Lila, what have we said about you lettin’ your momma and I deal with Kingston? You’re not his keeper, little girl,” Tic scolds his daughter and she looks at him with trembling lips and watering eyes. She looks as if her father has ruined her life with his correction of her.
“B-but he stole the toy from the baby!” she cries out hysterically. “You said we shouldn’t take what doesn’t belong to us.” My ovaries go into hiding as my mouth drops open in the argument between the two of them. If this is what having children involves on a daily basis… I’m good with never having one. I’ll sit on the sidelines and be the aunt for the rest of my days. I’ll spoil them rotten, send them back home and never have to deal with the temper tantrums. Yep, a concept that works A-Okay for me. Yep.
“What are you thinking about so hard over here? Your face just scrunched up and a look of disgust was clear and present for all to see.” Skylar, never one to hold back asks me as she bumps me with her shoulder.
“Why haven’t you and Ryder ever had kids?” Out of blue the question comes out of my mouth instead of telling her what was rumbling through my head.
“We just aren’t ready. Ryder wants the club to be on its feet and doing well enough financially to ensure ours and our children’s future. We’ve discussed it a time or two, but ultimately we both wanted me to finish school and spend some years with it being just the two of
us before our house turns into a madhouse. What about you and Malibu?”
“I’m not sure I’m cut out to be a mother, Sky. I didn’t really have one front and center growing up. She was more of a flyby person in my life than viewed and recognized as my mother.” My honesty must catch her off guard because her mouth opens and closes a few times before she gets a contemplative look on her face.
“Your sister seems to be doing fine and you both had the same upbringing,” she finally decides to go with. Her comeback makes me stop and think, she’s right in some regards of her statement, but in others she’s wrong. Kaci’s always had that motherly, nurturing instinct. Me, I always run and hide when a situation arises where I need to be tender and loving. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that other’s tears scare the ever-loving fuck out of me. I don’t ever wanna say the wrong thing that causes others to feel worse than they did before coming to me for advice and comfort.
“She’s always had a natural mothering way about her, it’s something I’ve always been lacking,” I defeatedly admit. It’s hard to speak out about the way I’m missing that genetic gene. Aren’t all women born to become mothers one day? It’s something that’s missing within me.
“You do too, Kassi. You may not recognize that inside of yourself, but everyone whose life you’ve touched has seen it firsthand one way or another. Personally, I think you’d be a wonderful mother, a child would be lucky to have you. All the kids here adore you, if you weren’t a motherly type, they’d steer clear of you. Trust me on that one,” she vehemently declares with steely determination written all over her. She looks ready to argue with me on this. Fighting with Skylar is like punching a brick wall, it’s satisfying at the time when you get your frustrations out, but in the end, it ends up hurting you more than her. I nearly snort at comparing her to an inanimate, immovable opponent. And fuck if my knuckles wouldn’t split the same way if I was to throw down with her… either verbally or physically. I’ve seen her and Ryder go to blows, and she has never backed down, always stood her ground and given as good as she gets. I can’t even wrap my head around going toe to toe with her right now. Instead, I simply nod my head, pretending as if I’m letting her words sink in.
The rest of the evening flies by as I talk with the members of the mother chapter, primarily Tic and Kori, then I’m reintroduced to the men who I couldn’t remember before. They are a hoot, each and every one of them told me some interesting stories of the things they got up to while serving our country. Pranks they’d played on one another, the leaves they’d take and the shit storm that would usually follow them back to the barracks.
It seems my earlier nap reenergized me and helped me relax and enjoy our company. Malibu was never far away, always touching me, kissing me; when he’d walk away, his eyes would stay on me the entire time.
I’m finding my happy place again.
Scanning the room, I smile at the thought that each person in this room has in one way or another played a big part in my recovery process. For the first time since Fern passed, a feeling of settlement encompasses me and the brick that’s been weighing me down has crumbled into tiny, miniscule pieces. A real smile alights my face as I realize this fact.
I’m back, bitches!
16
Malibu
After scanning the folder that Steve gave me yesterday, I can’t believe what I’m seeing. They’ve been wire-transferring money to someone in Mexico. Why the fuck didn’t I think of this before? Fern had an aunt and uncle who’d moved there many years ago, when she was just a small child. They weren’t people we ever talked about on a weekly, or even a monthly basis, it just so happened to come up in conversation once. A long-assed time ago; when we’d talked about going to a resort in Mexico for a vacation. She’d asked if we could make the trip to visit them, and it slipped my fucking mind. “Kid,” I walk into his office calling out his name.
“Christ almighty, Malibu. Are ya tryin’ to give me a heart attack here?” he asks as he clamps his hand over his chest. He and Tic were in a meeting and I hadn’t realized it before I came charging in here.
“Sorry, I wasn’t thinkin’ about knockin’, I found somethin’ you need to see, now.” I place the folder on his desk in front of him and point to the first transfer I see. “Mexico, I completely forgot that the mom’s sister lives there with her old man.”
“Motherfucker,” he heavily murmurs, swirling his desk chair around and picking up his mobile phone. “Riptide, grab your brothers, we need ya.” He disconnects the phone after that declaration, before Rip has a chance to say anything in response. Just as I take my seat next to Tic in front of Kid’s desk, Rip and the other two come bolting in.
“You rang,” he comically states as he enters the room, mimicking Lurch from the Addams Family television show.
“Yeah, I did, sit your asses down and check this shit out,” Kid remarks, holding his laughter inside. I can tell he wants to let out a bellow with the way he has his lips clamped tightly together. It’s his giveaway that he’s trying to keep his shit together and not give in to our entertaining ways. He can’t be the man in charge if he’s clowning around, allowing us to be goofballs while joining in with the rest of us twenty-four-seven. He’s fair-minded however, and gives us a little leeway before biting our heads off. Riptide reaches across Kid’s desk and grabs a highlighter when he sees the wires from their account.
“Julius, need you to do your computer guru thing and find out what account this is going into,” Riptide superiorly commands. I hadn’t realized before now, because Rip is such a jokester that he’s the man in charge of these men. It’s weirdly odd to see him taking on a leadership role considering he’s the fun and outgoing one of the group. As soon as Rip is done marking all of the transfers, he passes the papers over to Julius, who then briskly stands up and departs from the room. “He’ll have us answers in no time, in the meantime, I’ll get us packed up and ready to hit the road. That is what you had in mind, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, ya read me like an opened book,” Kid good naturedly ribs Riptide.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be your Huckleberry.” Rip cleverly chuckles as he mimics yet another film we all know and love. I understand he’s a movie buff, but his knowledge of different variations is hysterical. If this was the time to be huffing and guffawing, I’d be rolling on the floor in howls of laughter.
“Bring Granger back in one piece, brother. Malibu would like to have a few words with him,” Kid issues, making sure to look Rip straight in the eyes.
“Can we at least rough ‘em up a little?” Dust asks. I can see the disappointment at the thought that he won’t get any knuckle time with Granger’s face.
“You can play, just leave the heavy hittin’ for me, Dust.” I leave no room for argument with my declaration. I need this, I’ve dreamed about it for weeks now.
“I’ll only make him bleed a little.” Dust promises me with a smirk on his face and his fingers opened wide, showing me just how much he plans on pounding Granger's flesh.
“As long as he’s still breathin’, and in one piece, I don’t give a fuck how much you execute your punishment.” My face is solemn and unforgiving. I’m not messing around here; I need him to be able to withstand my interrogation and heavy fist. This is my punishment to dole out, my woman is the one who suffered because of his poor choices in life.
“Keep us updated while you’re on the road,” Kid interrupts, knowing that I’m in a mood for destruction and violence. Not that Dust has done anything wrong, but I need an outlet, and if he wants to spar, I’m down.
“Don’t worry, Malibu. I got you, I’m just gonna make him quake in his boots before delivering him to you. I’d never take this away from you.” His words appease me and the tension deflates from my shoulders.
“Appreciate ya,” I profess, sticking out my hand for a manly shake, in a showmanship of our friendship and the respect I have for him.
* * *
We sit in Kid’s office and shoot the shit while
we stall, waiting to see Rip and his men off. About an hour later, they come striding into the office, bags securely in their hands as Julius hands us back the paperwork he took when he went to do his research.
“Found ‘em, I’ve positively identified that it is the aunt and uncle's account. Their bank’s security system sucks ass, I was able to pull up their home address along with their business one as well. I have their social security numbers, phone numbers and credit card information. There’s nowhere they can run and hide that I won’t be able to track them down and find them with this information,” he proudly advises.
“We’ll call as soon as we secure the package,” Rip talks in code. Why? I have no fucking clue, it’s not as if the clubhouse is bugged or anything.
“Let us walk ya out,” Kid states as he stands up from his perch behind his desk. We all stroll out and as we walk through the main room, I smile when I see all of the women on the floor playing with the young ones. Kassi lifts her head up from where she’s playing dolls with Jayna and gives me a small smile. I wink at her as I pass by and can’t hide the happiness and joy I’m feeling from having her here with me. That woman has become my lifeline.
Kassi
I was never one for playing with dolls, but when Jayna came up to me, begging me to spend some auntie time with her, I couldn’t resist. She has these eyes that make you feel guilty if you deny her. I searched for Lila Rose, thinking she would make a better playmate for Jayna, but she was nose deep in a book. Not wanting to disturb her, I gave in and resorted to playing the momma to Jayna’s baby.
My body became a live wire and I instantly knew that Malibu was in my general vicinity. We’ve become so entuned with each other, that we connect mentally when the other one is in the same proximity. We never had that before, it’s a new development, but one I’m enthralled to experience. “Aunt Kassi, Drea just asked her momma for a popsicle. You have to answer,” Jayna whines, capturing my solicited attention.
Forever Yours: Rage Ryders Templeton Chapter Book 2 Page 11
