by Tim Grimes
The Joy of Not Thinking
A Radical Approach to Happiness
By Tim Grimes
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www.radicalcounselor.com
Copyright © 2019 by Tim Grimes
The ideas, concepts, and opinions expressed in this book are intended to be used for educational purposes only. This book is made available with the understanding that the author and publisher are not presenting any specific medical or psychological advice. The author and publisher claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material in this book.
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Contents
INTRODUCTION
WHY YOU SHOULDN’T THINK
HOW TO STOP THINKING THROUGH MOVEMENT AND NOISE
HOW TO STOP THINKING THROUGH SELF-TALK
HOW TO STOP THINKING THROUGH INDIFFERENCE AND STILLNESS
INTRODUCTION
I am a mystic at heart, and I believe in nothing.
– Gustave Flaubert
When I was sixteen, I had a mental breakdown. It happened while I was on vacation in the Caribbean with my family. I’d been reading an old Zen book, and it did me in. I’d experienced some strange mental states before, but this was different. As I read this book, death moved to the foreground of all my thoughts—and then stayed there. I found myself in a tropical paradise, terrified. Living seemed too cruel to carry on with. Buddha had said all life was suffering and all that meant was that everything was hopeless. There was no way out. Escape was impossible. When you looked at things soberly, it was obvious. Life, inevitably, was really just suffering and death.
I kept this anxiety to myself as best I could. There was nothing to say anyway. No one could help. I was helpless, mortified, but aware that I was unable to do anything about it. The stress began to wear on my body. It felt worse and worse. I would have killed myself right there if death didn’t scare me even more than life. I reasoned if I killed myself at least this particular suffering would be over.
These feelings peaked and then went on, and on, and on. At some point, I took a drive with my family to a beach on the other side of the island. It was bad. My insides felt as if they were being torn out. I didn’t understand what was happening. I felt like vomiting but couldn’t. Finally, we arrived at the beach. I sat under a tree, in the shade, trying to act sane.
And then I thought I died.
Something happened and then nothing. And then there was something again. I don’t know. Was I dead? I looked around and realized I wasn’t. I was on the beach, under a tree. But there was no “I.” Everything was different. Everything had dropped off. Where was “I”? I didn’t exist. What was happening? What was this? It was indescribable. You couldn’t describe this. Any description was pointless. Everything was perfect just as it was, but at the same time, it wasn’t that. Because there was no everything. There was nothing at all. There was no need to describe anything ever again because there was nothing. Words and description were meaningless. Nothing was real. Nothing mattered!
And this was, undoubtedly, the best news possible. The greatest realization I could wish to have. Yet that couldn’t begin to explain how good this was. It was way beyond any conception I could come up with. Everything, and everybody, was saved. That was clear. Everything was fine—now and forever. Nothing needed to be done, ever. The whole thing—life, death, reality, individuality, good, bad, right, wrong—was a lie. An illusion. A sham. Everything just was—just is.
And this was perfection, beyond any belief, rationalization or label I could ever put on it. It made no sense, and it was perfect. It was before time itself. It transcended thought, was past my comprehension. Thought created all this suffering—and thought itself was not real. Without thought, all was grace—always. It was all blissfully and blatantly simple, yet totally illogical. I sat on that beach, thunderstruck. It was laughable. Whatever you thought, it didn’t matter. Thought had nothing to do with anything real. Everything was always perfect, no matter what you thought…
These types of ineffable moments happen to some people. Maybe they happen to many people. Maybe something similar has happened to you. That experience, which wasn’t really an experience and can’t adequately be described, or explained, shaped my life. However, “I” gradually came back. Slowly, the inexpressible joyfulness faded, and as time went on, “I” started to feel like I was suffering again. My life again became, more or less, like that of a regular teenager.
But I wasn’t the same as before. Something had shifted. I saw that thought was what caused my suffering. And if I wasn’t thinking, I wasn’t suffering. Suffering was an illusion created by thought. And thought, ultimately, wasn’t real. Without thoughts, there is peace. Without the thought of an “I,” there is grace. And with thought, there is this deep peace too—it’s just we think there isn’t. Regardless, all is good, it’s just we usually completely fail to recognize it.
While I had perceived this truth, replicating that beach experience seemed impossible for me. I spent the next decade vainly searching for ways to do it, only to gradually realize that I was getting nowhere. Those moments—when you’re beyond thought and time itself seemingly drops away—utterly blow away any idea you may have had for them. Every single time. You don’t make it happen; it makes you happen. In such a way, the truth is always blindingly, brilliantly bright. And, likewise, in such moments, we naturally ask ourselves the question: If everything already is perfect, what are we trying to transcend anyway?
What I pragmatically was able to confirm for myself, through my wayward searching, was that everything begins and ends with “thought” and “no thought.” When our mind really quiets down, we inadvertently drop into profound stillness and peace. We automatically realize that everything is already fine exactly as it is. Everything is fine already. Everything is perfect. There’s nothing you need to do.
I guess this is the only real spiritual lesson I ever took to heart, and it happened to me when I was sixteen years old by having a mental breakdown on the beach. In the years since, I’ve encountered many wonderful teachers who touch upon this subject, and maybe they’ve helped me better articulate the practical benefits of not thinking than when I was younger. But there’s really nothing to explain or anything to get. Nothing I say—or anybody says—really means that much. I might tell you something that sounds interesting, but still it really misses the point. Reality is always better than whatever we think of it. The words in this short book might reinforce this for you, and you might find that helpful on a practical level. That’s why I wrote it.
WHY YOU SHOULDN’T THINK
Thought is the enemy.
– U.G. Krishnamurti
The premise of this guide is basically explained entirely in its title, The Joy of Not Thinking. If you ever become confused, just look at the title. It tells you all you need to know. We’ll be exploring the subject in further detail, but everything always comes back to the same place: Don’t think! This material is about learning how to practically deal with stress more effectively by viewing it through the lens of “thinking” and “not thinking.” It will show you how you can think far less rationally—in effect, not think—to better deal with your emotions. When we’re not consciously thinking so intensely, everything is fine. But we seldom allow ourselves to do this, and most of us don’t even know it’s an option.
While there’s obviously nothing wrong with th
inking—we have to think, after all, in order to live—we’re usually way too serious in how we think. We tend to overthink. And this can change with practice. So, while the idea of “not thinking” might sound strange at first, you’ll soon become comfortable with the concept, especially when you see how it makes you feel and behave. Then, once you’re comfortable, we’ll further explore the amazing ways you can utilize it as a practical tool.
Something should start to become clear as you read: You’re fine just as you are, as long as you don’t think about it. You’re probably going to get the sense that, on a deep level, everything already is okay—because it is. You’re fine as you are, however much you consciously try to deny it. Not thinking allows you to see this for yourself, which is nice. And when you start to know there’s nothing truly wrong with you, it gets harder and harder to make up a story that there is.
Although it might not sound like much, if we can learn how to relax more and accept that we’re already fine as we are, some good things are going to happen. We may think that we’re on a journey, one where we have to battle through adversity and gradually improve ourselves, but by not thinking we’ll see through this idea and recognize it for what it usually is: Bullshit. You don’t have to battle through things or constantly strive to improve yourself. We often try hard to do this—and it usually fails in working. The truth is most of us just need to become more relaxed because we aren’t that good at it. Thinking less and becoming more relaxed is, surprisingly, enough to positively change things.
In short, we usually don’t have to do anything—we just think we do.
This is very good news. Once we realize that most of our thinking doesn’t mean anything—and that we don’t need to be so logical and serious all the time—we begin treating things differently. We call into question some of the painful notions we hold dear. Like that being a very serious person is worthwhile (it usually isn’t) or that trying hard and being the hero will lead to success (it usually won’t). Not thinking allows us to flip many of these popular myths on their belly and expose them for what they are—falsehoods.
Again, to be blunt, if we can just learn to be less special and relax more into what we already are instead, good stuff will happen to us. I’ve done so many stupid things in my life, and most of them were well-intended. I often cared too much about outcomes and inadvertently stuck my nose in other people’s business by trying to be compassionate. I mentally tried too hard—and I did not help. In my opinion, there’s a better way, a quieter way that will make you feel better and also, paradoxically, allow you to help others more effectively.
No matter where you are in life, as you read this guide, I’m optimistic that you’ll start to see how stupid trying hard usually is. How dumb thinking hard is! We can stop doing so much of this unproductive “productive” behavior. It doesn’t take an elite skill to drop this useless overthinking. Instead, we can begin doing it by occasionally acting the way we did when we were four years old. Being less serious is one of the easiest ways to relieve stress. In other words, it’s one of the more straightforward ways to eliminate your overthinking and a great starting point for doing so. You’ll learn exactly how to do it shortly. But it’s important we first clarify and go over a few general concepts, like what I mean about being serious.
We should understand there’s nothing wrong with being serious when we feel like it, in the same way that there’s nothing wrong with thinking and being rational when we feel like it. If you genuinely like being serious at any given moment, that’s perfectly fine. If you’re serious and feel good, there’s no point in being less serious! But when you feel like crap, you’re going to find it incredibly helpful to say, “Screw it,” and drop the serious thinking as best you can.
So, what we’re really focusing on here is overthinking and being too serious. It can seem subtle, but when we feel worried or depressed, overthinking is the likely culprit. And even if we’re aware of this, we often go on autopilot when it comes to our difficult emotions. We generally lack the self-confidence needed to quickly make ourselves feel better. We assume the solution for feeling good is too far out at sea to possibly reach it—even though, in reality, it’s already with us right here on shore.
One of the main reasons for this is because of how stress is portrayed in our society. Most of us are unaware we can work with “negative” feelings—fear, anger, loneliness, anxiety, etc.—to minimize their lasting impact. Unfortunately, stressful feelings like these are, in many ways, the accepted cultural norm. We’re essentially expected to feel crappy a lot of the time. Therefore, many of us become used to being overrun by tough emotions and assume that’s just the way it is. Looking at the world around us, it seemingly confirms why we constantly have these overwhelming feelings. We, in turn, communicate to each other about how bad we feel, directly or indirectly commiserating about how tough life is. It seems very, very hard. Yes, we’re depressed and scared! Why we wouldn’t we be? It seems crazy not to be scared.
But we can test all these assumptions by examining how we think—and what happens when we don’t. And, by testing them, we realize how off-base these assumptions are. The constant negativity we feel is largely a false projection that we create for ourselves. Fearful, depressing beliefs were something fed to us when we were younger, and we ate them up unknowingly. These beliefs then went on to shape how we think about things. But these beliefs are not actually true. It’s just that we think they are.
In reality, we can drop most of this negativity. It’s not real and doesn’t need to be there! It’s perfectly okay to feel good more often instead. There’s nothing wrong with this—with wanting to feel good, allowing yourself to feel good. Logically, we know this. You might say, “Of course I can allow myself to feel good! Why wouldn’t I allow myself to feel good?”
But the proof is in the pudding. And you’ll find—perplexingly—that sometimes you’re going to have a lot of trouble allowing yourself to feel good, even when all logical indications are that you should feel good. We should feel good…and yet we don’t. It’s an unspoken truth a lot of the time. Relatively few adults in our society put a premium on feeling good with any type of consistency, or day-to-day regularity, partly because it’s going against the grain of our culture. But you can do it, it’s entirely possible. And it gets easier to do as we free ourselves from taking those false, fearful beliefs so seriously.
Understand that allowing yourself to feel good, instead of constantly stressed, will not make you irresponsible or reckless. It won’t make you unreliable. It won’t make you uncaring. It will probably have the opposite effect. When we feel good, we tend to become more responsible, sane and in tune with others. We become pleasant—maybe even a pleasure—to work with. We’re mindful of other people’s needs and more capable of responding accordingly. Feeling good, shockingly, is wonderful and far better than feeling bad! We might as well allow ourselves more of this satisfaction, as best we can, and be fully confident that we deserve it. Don’t turn away from feeling good. Don’t think you’re unworthy of it. That’s absurd.
Which takes us back to where we began. How do we feel good more often? We stop being so serious! We stop thinking so much! Perhaps it sounds simplistic to say this, but that’s because what needs to be made clear to us is simplistic. We become less serious in order to stop overthinking and feel better. Yes, it sounds simple. But it’s also profoundly effective if we do it. If you don’t overthink, you’ll feel better, and better things will happen to you. We need this to be repeated to us again and again, so it can be instilled into us.
Life is simple and then we complicate it. All the time. “Don’t worry, be happy” is the easier way, but we don’t listen. We screw up, screw up, screw up, inwardly struggle and fight ourselves. I don’t have to give you a litany of examples of this because you already know it. You can probably already feel many examples of this inner struggle from your own life. You’re familiar with suffering and worrying, we all are.
Yet, again, the pa
in we feel is often misrepresented in our culture. We’re taught that we need to learn more about suffering by welcoming it into all parts of our life. We’re supposed to think about suffering much more than we need to. On top of our own personal issues, it’s also normal to hear all about the problems of our friends, family and colleagues—not to mention the world’s problems. Now, obviously, on some basic level, this makes sense. It’s worthwhile to be aware of problems that are going on around you…but, in practice, it usually backfires terribly.
Hearing about everyone else’s troubles overwhelms us. It makes us suffer unnecessarily and painfully overthink things that we probably shouldn’t be thinking about at all. We can’t even solve our own problems, and now we’re somehow supposed to expertly solve the issues of others? Please! There’s clearly a time and place for listening and helping others with issues they may have, but the truth of the matter is that we have to focus on our own well-being first in order to help others with any sort of real success.
Peace is to be found in this moment. It isn’t something we attain. When we go out looking for it, we miss the point. It isn’t meant to be sought out, at least in the way we traditionally believe. It’s what we allow ourselves to be. It’s what we fall into when our overthinking mind is absent. And you can fall into it right now more easily than you think you can.
