by BJ Harvey
He slowly ends the kiss, his eyes hooded and hazy, his gaze heated and torn as he pulls away from me.
We’re both in this now. I can’t lie for shit, and even without looking at myself in the mirror, I know I look far from unaffected. We stand there staring at one another, our breathing fast and deep. I can see the struggle written all over his face—the desire, the hurt, and perhaps a sliver of surprise that I haven’t gone running for the hills—or the airport—again.
The question now is whether we can navigate all of this without driving one another—or ourselves—crazy. Will we still be standing by the end of this, whatever it is?
“Gonna lie now and say you felt nothing?” he challenges.
I square my shoulders, meeting him head-on. “I’ve never lied to you, Bry, so I’m not about to start now.”
He quirks a brow. He hasn’t stepped back and having him this close is muddling my head. Needing space to breathe, I move, and his shutters come down. The moment has obviously broken, despite the effects of our kiss still lingering throughout my body.
The silence is deafening, but I know I can’t be the one to break.
There’s a knock at the door.
“Bry, Mom wants a photo of all us kids,” Jax says from outside the room. I’d know his voice anywhere because it’s almost identical to the man in front of me.
“Yeah, Jax. I’ll be right there,” Bry calls out, not looking away. “Unless you tell me otherwise by the end of the night, I’ll assume you’re agreeing to my suggestion and accepting my proposal. But babycakes…” His tone softens with his pet name for me. “Unless you tell me otherwise—and to my face—I’ll pick you up Monday morning, and we’ll go to City Hall to get things underway. We need to get the marriage license twenty-four hours before the ceremony.” His voice belies the enormity of what he’s literally proposing.
Finally, I find my voice. “Don’t you think we should talk about this a little more? What you’re suggesting is crazy. We can’t get married. We haven’t spoken in years. We’re—”
“Twelve years, to be exact,” he deadpans.
“We’re different, Bry. We’ve grown up. We might not be—”
His hardened stare burns through me. “Anything worth talking about can be discussed after you prove you really want this,” he says, sounding like this is a business transaction rather than a life-altering decision.
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Of all the times for words to escape me.
When I don’t say anything further, he shrugs in a ‘suit yourself’ gesture. “Right. I’ve gotta go.” He doesn’t give me a kiss on the cheek, or a gentle squeeze on my arm. There’s absolutely no sign of affection or even a friendly gesture. He just nods, turns around and walks to the door, disappearing from view. He leaves me standing here dumbfounded, confused, turned on, torn and finally—and stupidly—hopeful.
I’m not sure who’s the bigger fool—him for suggesting it, or me for considering it.
I guess we’ll both find out Monday morning.
Bryant
I meet Faith at City Hall on Monday morning, and we apply—and obtain—a marriage license. With every minute that passes and every time Faith opens her mouth, I still expect her to turn around and say she can’t go through with it, then leave… again.
Amazingly, that doesn’t happen.
Even when we go to the lawyer’s office to sign the prenup Jamie insisted we get to cover my interest in our house flipping venture—she still doesn’t flinch.
It’s like we’re playing the ultimate game of matrimonial chicken, with neither one of us willing to swerve away from what may very well be certain disaster.
I know this is moving quickly, but time is of the essence. That expectation that she’s going to leave causes tightness in my chest and an uneasy feeling at the bottom of my gut. I’m compelled by this irrational need to get her to marriage court as soon as possible. Unfortunately for me, Cook County requires twenty-four hours between obtaining a marriage license and getting married.
I had contemplated the merits of flying off to Vegas to get married by Elvis, but my brother Jax and his new wife Ronnie already cornered that market just five weeks ago.
When I drop Faith off at Ezra’s building after the lawyer’s office, there’s an awkward silence filling the inside of my truck.
“So I guess I’ll meet you there tomorrow?” she asks, her tone unreadable as she looks out of her window.
“Yeah. Unless you want me to pick you up?”
“You know what they say about the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding,” she says, turning my way, her lips twitching.
“I think you’ll find that’s an antiquated tradition dating back to when a woman came with dowries, and her parents were scared the groom might bolt.”
“Only you would say the word antiquated.” Faith quirks a brow. “Are you planning on bolting?”
“I already know what you look like. It’s been burned on my brain since I was an eight-year-old boy who didn’t know girls were made as cute as you,” I reply, my mouth curving into a grin.
There’s no missing her blush despite the fact she’s rolling her eyes at me. “No need to charm me, Bry. I said yes, and we’ve already got the marriage license.”
“Ah, yes, but there’s still time for you to change your mind, Ms. Baker.” I school my expression. There was a time when I wouldn’t hide a single thought, fear or feeling from this woman, but understandably, I’m a little battle-worn when it comes to opening up to her now.
She tilts her head and glares at me. “You honestly think I’m going to jilt you at the altar, don’t you?”
I open my mouth to reply something along the lines of, ‘Well you do have a history of running away,’ but I stop myself. Not that my astute soon-to-be wife misses it. She always was able to read me like a book. Her eyes glaze over and with a rough, “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she shoves open the door to my truck and slams it shut, walking through the building’s glass doors, not looking back even once.
I’m the first to admit it’s not my finest moment, but no one ever said a man with a bruised heart is smart—or rational. Seeing those unshed tears in her eyes made my heart clench. I almost park up and storm after her, to goad her into hashing it all out, to reignite that unmistakable spark in her green eyes that used to get me hard in the middle of any argument we’d have.
Tuesday morning, I wake up feeling out of sorts. I may have instigated this, but it was never supposed to be this way with Faith. I’ve only ever wanted to give her everything I have… and more.
I’m dressed for the ceremony, wearing a pair of black slacks and shiny matching shoes, a white pinstriped shirt and a navy blazer. I wasn’t sure what normal civil wedding ceremony attire might be, but I assume Faith won’t be wearing a traditional white dress. It’s not like this is the outcome we imagined. Hell, I never expected I’d be marrying this woman so soon after seeing her again. Call it stubborn, idealistic, or just me being a glutton for punishment, but a masochistic part of me wants to show her what we could’ve been—what we could’ve had—with the hope that she won’t ever want to leave me again.
A knock at the door and the rattle of a key in the lock break my train of thought.
“Bry, where are you?” Jax calls out from the front of the house.
I walk out of the master bedroom and move down the hallway toward the living area. There I find Jax and Ronnie already at second base.
“I’m here,” I say, laughing at them. I catch movement out of the corner of my eye and see Jamie sitting on my seen-better-days three-seater couch. “Jamie, Jax is kissing Ronnie again,” I fake-whine, adding in a foot stomp for added effect. He lifts his gaze from the happy, fornicating-with-clothes-on couple, then moves it to me. Amusement crinkles his features. “You know him better than any of us. When Jax is happy, he kisses. He’s like a puppy who has to slobber over anything and anyone. Just be thankful he’s not all over us,” he says, his lips quirking wh
en Ronnie breaks away from Jax and bursts out laughing.
She grins at my twin. “I never thought about it before, but that’s so true.”
“What’s this? Pick on Jax day?” Jax says. “I thought the whole point of Jamie being here was to talk Bry out of getting married.”
My brows jump up. “Since you all have already gotten married recently, is that really a good move?” I look to Ronnie. “Unless you’ve finally realized you married the wrong twin?” I say, smirking at my brother’s growl. I always tease Ronnie about coming over to the dark side, and she always laughs it off.
“And as for you…” I point at my biggest brother, “… you’ve only been married for a few days, and you leave tomorrow on your honeymoon. How are you already anti-marriage? Shouldn’t you be making sure April can’t walk straight?”
A highly satisfied grin appears on his face. “Maybe I’m the one who’s walking with a limp after two days in bed,” he says. Lucky bastard. “And I’m definitely not anti-marriage. I’m all for it when the two people getting hitched aren’t fooling themselves into thinking they can jump straight back into what they had. So I’m here to try one last time to make you see sense. Date, get to know each other.” He sends me a pointed stare. “Make sure she’s all in and isn’t going to leave without you again.”
“Is that why Ezra isn’t here?”
“Ezra is not exactly ‘team wedding’ either, but he said you’re both old enough to know whether this is a good idea, and he trusts his sister not to make another bad decision.” Well, that feels good. “I told him I wasn’t so sure about that, and he didn’t exactly thank me for my thoughts.”
My head jerks at that. I thought for sure Ezra would be firmly on his sister’s team and had been anticipating a rather uncomfortable conversation with him before now, but it hasn’t happened. Then again, it was Jax and Ez who helped me when Faith left the first time.
I try to hide my confusion behind false bravado. I hate having to put on a show, but it’s an unfortunate consequence of my head and heart having conflicting motivations. Until I can get them on the same page about how I feel, I’m not going to open myself up to anyone else’s amateur psychoanalysis, even those close to me.
I lock eyes with Jamie. So many thoughts, words and emotions are shared between us in that look, reminding me of the conversation we had Sunday afternoon at a Cook family post-wedding BBQ at Mom and Dad’s house.
“Don’t do this.”
“I have to know.”
“Then date her.”
“Dating isn’t certain enough. I need to know once and for all whether this is ever going to work.”
I’ve always been a man who needs to work things out for himself, and a big part of me knows it’s that personality trait leading me to the legally binding union being made in a few hours.
“So where’s Cohen in all of this?” I ask, turning to Jax. He rolls his eyes and lets go of Ronnie before crossing the room and walking into the barely-holding-on kitchen. “Is he still not coming?”
“He’s working, but let’s just agree that the words he would probably say right now may not be all that helpful,” Jamie says.
“Can I offer a female perspective?” Ronnie says, stepping in front of me and resting her hands on my shoulders.
“Barbie…” Jax warns from the kitchen.
“Shut up, Ken. I’m talking to GI Joe,” she says with a wink.
“Yeah, and we all know how that ends, right Jax?” I ask, waggling my brows at my twin who in turn, flips me the bird.
I return my attention to his wife. “Okay, Ronnie. Impart your female wisdom on me. God knows the advice from the men in my life isn’t helping.”
“Are you doing this to hurt Faith?” she asks, going straight for the jugular.
“No.” I give my answer with no hesitation.
“Are you prepared to do this knowing it may hurt her?”
This time, I do pause because as much as her leaving hurt me, I would never wish Faith any harm. I swallow hard, hoping to ease the sudden tightness in my chest. Irrespective of any romantic relationship we had, or may ever have, I could never forget the fact she is—or was—my best friend. “I would end it before that happened.”
She nods, approval shining back at me. “Last question. If you had a choice to take back asking Faith to marry you—”
“Ah… I wouldn’t exactly say I asked…”
Ronnie’s eyes widen as her head jerks back.
“Say what?” Jax says, reentering the room and setting down shot glasses and a bottle of Jack onto my wooden coffee table.
“I can’t remember my exact words, but I think it was a case of her not getting the hint that I didn’t really want to talk about things then and there. She said she missed me and how she’d come back to work on things; I pretty much told her to prove it by marrying me.” I shrug, happy with my quick summary of events.
“Wow,” Ronnie says, her lips curving up on one side. “You and my husband really are twins.” Jax and I snort at that. Jamie soon joins us when we start laughing.
“What?” she asks, looking between the three of us.
“Beautiful, we’re identical. It kind of gives away the whole ‘twin’ thing,” Jax says.
Ronnie winks at me before turning in Jax’s arms and looking up at him. “But you said you weren’t identical in every way.” Oh, she’s good.
“Oh, is he spinning the line that he’s got a bigger dick than me? ’Cause turn around, Ronnie. I’m more than prepared to prove that particular myth wrong,” I say, hands going to my belt.
“That’s not required, brother,” Jax growls, narrowing his eyes.
I chuckle, shaking my head. “Just offering.”
“Does that mean I should offer to lock you down so you can’t marry Faith Baker today?” Jamie asks, standing and moving closer toward me. Well played.
“No, it means Jax should pour me a couple of shots before driving us downtown so I can get to City Hall by two p.m.”
“You sure?” Jax asks, all humor now gone. I know everyone in this room will always have my back, so if this goes pear-shaped, I’ll have my family to make sure I recover the best I can.
“Yep. It’s just something I have to do. I have to know, once and for all.”
“Do you love her?” That’s Jamie, and it’s the first time anyone in my family has asked me that.
I meet his eyes and make sure he can see just how serious I am when I give him an honest answer. “Always have, always will, and if I don’t do this, I’ll never know, and will never be able to move on.”
When he claps me on the shoulder and gives me a hearty squeeze, I know I’ve got his support.
“Now, where are those shots, Jax? If anyone needs Dutch courage right now, it’s me.”
My twin nods and sets the shot glasses on the glass coffee table, and fills them to the top, handing one to Jamie and then one to me, before lifting another glass for himself. I quirk a brow to Ronnie who grins.
“Someone has to drive you guys, and this is a brotherly tradition, I’m told,” she replies. “Considering only two of you are married, and that’s only been in the last month, I’m not sure how that warrants a tradition, but oh well.”
“Anything is a tradition if it’s done more than twice, right?” I say with a smirk.
“Does that include blow—” Ronnie asks with a giggle.
“Definitely,” Jamie, Jax and I all answer in unison before looking between each other and bursting out laughing.
The front door swings open, and Ez and Cohen walk in like they own the place, Ez coming straight to my side and wrapping his arm around my shoulder. “Are we too late?”
“Nope, you’re right on time,” Jax says, pouring another glass and smirking up at Cohen. “None for you, little brother.” Co flips him the bird.
Turning my head, I meet Ezra’s gaze. Part of me wants to cover my junk, and part of me is also wondering whether he’s gonna tell me Faith has changed her mind. As if re
ading my thoughts, he shakes his head ever so slightly, and I breathe out. Which earns a questioning brow lift from Cohen. He closes the distance between us and gives me a quick hug. “I’m with you. I was being a dick and projecting.”
I go still, wanting to ask what that means, but Jax clears his throat and the moment is gone.
When all us guys have glasses in our hands, Jax lifts his in the air. “To Bryant. May your balls remain intact and may you and Faith find the answers you’re looking for, whatever they may be.”
“And we won’t talk about the sex part of the marriage, because that’s my sister and I’d have to punch you,” Ez adds with a bullshit glare.
“Deal,” I say with a grin that actually feels genuine.
“To wedded bliss,” Jamie adds, all five of us touching glasses before knocking the shot back and wincing as the Jack burns on its way down.
“Should we go then?” Ronnie asks, looking at the time on her phone.
I take a deep breath in and slowly exhale, finding it a little easier to focus on what is about to happen. I’m going to marry Faith Baker. My first love, my only love, and soon, my wife—that’s if she doesn’t change her mind and catch the first plane out of the country.
What if she changes her mind and stands me up as a big fuck you?
I guess there’s only one way to find out. But first…
“One for the road?”
Bryant
I get a combination of cautious and concerned looks on the drive and then walk to City Hall. When we take the escalator down to the marriage court, my heart races, my chest feeling like it’s about to explode. After rubbing my clammy palms against my pants, I force my hands into my pockets to stop myself from fidgeting—or running for the hills. Maybe I’m the one who should be jumping on the next flight out of here.
An arm wraps around my waist, knocking me from my thoughts. I look down to find Ronnie’s understanding eyes shining back at me. She grabs hold of my hand, the contact centering me, which is precisely what I needed to get out of my head.
