"Never…" His voice thick with emotion, "Never has anyone other than me gone out of their way to buy something for him. My friends love him, I know that, but none of them have gone out of their way to give him that." The awe and amazement in his voice is too much.
I shrug, trying to not let his words affect me. "I wanted him to feel comfortable here."
Christopher closes his eyes, "I know, blue eyes, I know."
I can't stop the giggle that bubbles out of me, "Blue eyes?"
He steps forward closing the gap between us. My heart races as I suck in a sharp breath. No man has been this close to me since Jamie. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'd rather cut off my own arm," he tells me. "I called you blue eyes, because you have the most amazing eyes I have ever seen. Your blue eyes are pale yet bright. They're so expressive, every single thing you think, you feel can be seen through your eyes."
I lick my lips. "Christopher," I whisper, unsure what to say right now.
"I know and I understand but, Tia, I've only known you for about three weeks and we have a connection I'm not willing to let go. I'll go slowly, but the truth is, I want you and not just to have sex with. I want you all in."
I can't do this. I take a step back from him. "Excuse me, I need to use the restroom." It's a lie, I don't, but I need to put some space between the two of us.
As soon as I'm in the bathroom, I run the faucet and splash water over my face. What the hell is happening? This is crazy. I want Christopher, more than I have ever wanted anything in my life but the fear of what's happened in the past is like ice water being thrown on me.
The things that Jamie did to me were horrific, I have scars on my body from the abuse that he dealt out. Scars that I've never let anyone see and never want anyone to. The thought of being intimate with someone scares the ever loving crap out of me. Being raped repeatedly by Jamie was the worst thing he did to me. The results of those rapes have caused me to have nightmares; the night I cried out in my sleep wasn't even the worst nightmare I have had about it.
The thought of Christopher finding out what Jamie did to me makes my body break out in a cold sweat. I never intended for Gabby, November, and Asher to find out about him hitting me. If I had my way, they never would have, but at the same time, I'm grateful to them for everything they've done for me since finding out. They’ll never know about the rape. Ever. I don’t want the pitying looks or even worse, for them to think that it wasn’t rape. Gabby is my constant, always there to check up on me and make sure that I'm doing okay. November, God, I love that girl, she's always texting me, checking in and much like Gabby, she no longer talks about Jamie.
Asher, he's the most protective of the three. Whenever I speak to him, I know that he's got his brother Nico, who's a detective, as well as his cousin Kenton, who is some kind of badass, looking into it. Asher assures me that Jamie will never hurt me again, I want to believe him but he can't promise that. I haven’t told them that Jamie's here in New York, I feel it down to my bones that he's still following me, watching me. Whereas Asher is in Tennessee, where I want him to stay. The last thing that I want is something to happen to November and July because of me, that's something that I would never be able to live with. It's bad enough that I'm staying with Gabby and putting her in the firing line. I can't have the worry that anyone else will get hurt because of me.
Once I have rebuilt my composure, I go back to my desk. Christopher is on his haunches as he reads to Marcus. I swallow hard at the sight. I've never seen anything more beautiful than this. Christopher has so much love in his eyes for Marcus, it's clear for everyone to see, but the best thing? Is the love that Marcus has for his dad. The adoration, respect, and the happiness that Marcus has, makes my heart swell. Such a beautiful sight.
"Tia." Marcus smiles as he gets to his feet. "These are the best!" he exclaims as he rushes over and barrels into me as he hugs me. I crouch down and fold him into my arms. Nothing has felt as pure and as sweet as this hug. "Thank you," he whispers.
"You're welcome," I whisper back, grateful that he hasn't let go just yet. I'm savoring every single moment of this. "You're the sweetest little boy, ever. Thank you," I tell him, still whispering.
"For what?" he asks as he pulls back.
I release him but still stay crouched down in front of him. "For giving me a chance, for being so awesome and sweet, but most of all, for hugging me."
He tilts his head to the side and studies me and I can picture his father doing the exact same. "Do you not get hugs?"
I think about it and I can't remember the last time I had a real hug and those from Gabby don't count. "Not anymore."
He loses his smile, "I'll always give you hugs, Tia."
Such innocence. "That would be awesome."
He grins at me and runs back to his dad who’s currently staring at me with a weird look on his face.
"Everything okay?" I ask Christopher as I walk back to my desk and sit down. Hoping that being seated will stop my legs from shaking as he continues to stare at me with that unguarded expression.
"Everything is fine. Are you alright?" he asks as he passes Marcus the book that they were reading and the little boy doesn't even hesitate in taking it and flipping through the pages looking at the pictures.
"I'm good." I assure him with a nod and his gaze sweeps across my face. "Mr. Harlan," I say needing to keep the distance between us. Right now, things between us are blurring. I want things I shouldn’t be wanting.
He steps into my personal space and just like the last time my pulse skyrockets and my body begins to tremble. "Christopher to you. Always, Christopher," he demands. "I know you have a lot of shit you're dealing with, but I'm a patient man, Tia."
"I don't understand," I whisper. Why is he pushing this?
"I know you don't, but you will. Trust me on this, Tia, I will never hurt you. Ever. Marcus' mom abused him when he was a baby, she was negligent and I suspect physically abusive too. The thought of someone hurting a woman or child is abhorrent to me. I'll never hurt you ever."
For some reason I can't explain, I believe him, deep down in my soul I believe he would never hurt me but I'm still wary and I think I always will be.
"It's okay," he says softly. "Give it time and learn to trust me, you'll see that what I'm saying is true."
"What do you want from me? I'm broken," I whisper the truth that I've tried so very hard to hide. Jamie destroyed me and I don't think there's any way I'll ever fully recover from that.
He slowly reaches out and I tense as his fingers brush against my cheek, "You're not broken, blue eyes, you're so fucking strong. You have no idea what I see when I look at you, do you?" I shake my head, unable to speak. "I see the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. One that has been hurt and is afraid but still lives her life. Every time you've gotten scared today, you've managed to pull yourself together. That, Tia, is strength and I admire just how strong you are."
My breath hitches at his words.
"But the thing that has made up my mind is how loving you are to my son. I'm patient but I have a feeling with you that a little push is what you need. So, Tia, this Saturday, I'm making you dinner."
"Dinner?" I squeak.
He grins and my heart melts, "Yes, dinner. We're having a date, one that Marcus will be with us. I'm looking forward to it." He winks at me as he pushes away from my desk. "Son, you'll stay out here with Tia, okay?"
"Yes, Daddy," he replies instantly.
"I'll see you two in a while," he says and walks into his office, closing the door behind him, not once looking back.
I'm going on a date. God. A part of me thinks it's too quick but another part of me wants to. Christopher has reached a part of me that I forgot existed. I just pray that I'm not making a mistake. The last mistake I made almost killed me.
10
Christopher
"Daddy, what time is Tia getting here?" Marcus asks as he walks into my office, he's got his game console in his hands.
It
doesn't matter what I do, he either has his game console or his tablet in his hands. When I was his age, I was playing with my friends, hoping to spend as much time outside as possible. But not him, he'd rather be alone and in his room. He hates when I try and set up a playdate for him, he scowls at me. He's six, going on sixty.
"She'll be here soon. Are you going to be playing your games all night?"
He stares at his hands and I see the disappointment when he realizes that if he wants to play his games he won't be able to talk to Tia. I take pity on him. "You can talk to Tia for a while and then after dinner, you can go to your room and play."
"Okay, Daddy, I'll go play until she comes." He backs out of my office flashing me a grin, his teeth showing as he gives me his full childish exuberance. Something I didn't think he'd have thanks to his mom, but since he's been here with me, he's settled into our life and has come out of his shell. Most of the time he's the same as every other six-year-old boy, and then he'll get a look or say something that'll transport my mind back to that fucking apartment in a crappy estate in London, where his mom was off her fucking face on Coke and God knows what else.
The way he looked is something I'll never be able to forget. The filth stuck to his skin where he'd been neglected so badly. The clothes were at least two sizes too small for him. He was tiny, his poor body was so small I was scared that if I hugged him I'd break him. But my boy took one look at me and ran into my arms. I vowed then and there that I'd never let anything happen to him.
We've not been able to find Layla, which just pisses me off. How hard is it to find one woman? Knowing her, she's hooked up with a dealer and hiding out somewhere until she gets bored or he gets pissed that she's using too much and gets rid of her. It's the pattern with Layla, she'd call me every time her men dumped her. She's still hung up on her ex, Owen. Apparently she loved him while he was only with her for sex. But Layla being Layla was a raging bitch and tried to bully his sister years earlier and when he found out he wanted nothing more to do with her.
I felt sorry for her in the beginning, she wanted love and would do anything for it, but she is rotten to the core. I don't regret being with her because it resulted in Marcus, but fuck, she's evil.
Twenty minutes later, there's a knock at the door, I hope that it's the delivery guy with our dinner, they were supposed to be here ten minutes ago. I hear Marcus' squeal as he races out of his room. "Bud, this is probably dinner," I tell him and he scrunches up his face in disappointment.
This past week after school, Marcus came to the office and he stayed with Tia. The bond they have is something I never expected in a million years, she's torn down his walls just as he has hers. The love they have for each other is clear for everyone to see.
I open the door and I'm surprised to see Tia standing there. "Hey, blue eyes."
She smiles brightly at me and just as my son has stripped away her walls, I have started to as well, she's not as scared around me as she was when I first met her. She stands close to me and is even used to me touching her now. I just skim my hands across her shoulder, arm, or face. She doesn't stiffen under my touch nor does she pull away.
"Hey, you, how are you?" She walks into my house and shocks the shit out of me by placing a kiss against my cheek. Her lips are cold and wet, like she's been nervously running her tongue over it. She does that a lot while at work, she has no idea that she's doing it.
I wrap my hands around her waist and pull her closer to me, her entire body goes solid in my arms and I instantly regret doing it. But before I'm able to release her, she relaxes and sighs against my chest. "I'm better now that you're here. Marcus has been asking when you're getting here."
She giggles, "Where is he?"
I feign hurt, "What, am I not good enough?"
Her giggles get louder, "No, now where is he?"
She's still in my arms and I don't want her to go just yet, so I throw my arm over her shoulder and walk her through the house until we reach Marcus' room. "Bud, Tia's here."
He glances up from his games console and smiles brightly at the woman that has obviously stolen both of our hearts. "Hey, T," he says casually and I appreciate the fact that one of us is able to be casual around her. I tend to lose my mind whenever she's close by.
"How are you?" she asks, bending down in front of him and just like that, he's enthralled as he talks to her about what he's been up to since we left work yesterday.
There's another knock on the door and I leave them to go answer it, knowing that he's safe with her. I trust her with him, I know that she'd never hurt him, she's a special woman who cares a great deal about my son.
I open the door and the delivery driver is here with the food, I pay the guy and when I close the door, I yell, "Dinner's here!"
I can't help but smile as I see them walking toward me hand in hand. Fuck. I'm falling so fucking hard for this woman, there's no way I can stop.
Dinner was a strange affair, everyone was relaxed, smiling, and having fun. Whenever there was a lull in the conversation Marcus would start asking questions, nothing personal, just questions about things he'd heard or learned that day.
Right now, they're sitting on the floor in the sitting room getting ready to play their second game of Monopoly for the night. "Daddy, come and play..." Marcus grins up at me.
I smile and shake my head, "I'm enjoying watching you and Tia play."
Marcus pouts. "Okay, Daddy," he says softly and I hate the disappointment in his eyes.
"Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk," Tia comments from the floor. Her eyes bright with mischief and her mouth twisted into the most beautiful smile. "Your daddy's too scared to play with us, he's afraid he'll get his butt kicked."
Marcus giggles and moves closer to Tia and then they both start making chicken noises, "Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk."
I shake my head trying to fight my smile as they start moving their arms imitating a chicken. "Come on, Daddy, you're not a scaredy cat, are you?"
Tia giggles and I turn my gaze to her, raising my brow, that only makes her giggle harder. "Scared you're going to get beaten by a child, or a girl?"
I narrow my eyes at her, "Baiting me to play is childish, don't you think?" There's no heat in my words, I've not seen either of them this happy before and I'd do anything to keep them both this carefree.
She blinks at me and then bursts out laughing. "Are you going to play?" She glances at Marcus before turning back to me and pouting, soon Marcus follows suit.
I shake my head as I get to my feet. "You win," I tell them and they cheer. Marcus taps the floor beside him and I dutifully sit down. Glad that my sitting room is spacious, giving us enough room to all play.
Twenty minutes later, I’m staring at Tia in disbelief. “How?”
She grins at me, “How what?” she asks, acting innocent.
“How the hell did you do that? I mean, we’ve been barely playing and you’ve managed to practically win the game. How?”
Her smile widens, “Gabby loves this game.” Her eyes are bright with happiness.
“Gabby?” I ask and Marcus scowls at me, “What?”
He rolls his eyes and I’m wondering where my six-year-old is gone? “Dad, Gabby’s Tia’s sister.”
I look at her in surprise, she has a sister?
She giggles and I realize I just asked the question out loud. “Yes, I have a sister, she’s older than me and she’s without a doubt the best sister a girl could ask for.”
“What about your parents? What are they like?”
As soon as I ask, I regret it, the happiness she had in her eyes leaves and she has a shuttered expression. “They’re in Australia.”
I’ll be coming back to this topic another time, one when Marcus isn’t around.
“Tia, can you bring Gabby with you the next time?” Marcus asks her and she smiles brightly again.
“She’d freaking love that.”
Marcus grins, “Yeah?”
“Yeah, she really would. I’ve told her all about you. S
he’s jealous because I told her I have a new best friend.”
Marcus leans into her and whispers, “Don’t tell anyone, but you’re my best friend too.”
Tears spring to her eyes and she smiles at him. “Your secret's safe with me.”
He flashes her a smile and I glance at the clock and realize that it’s almost nine. “Bud, it’s bedtime.” I’m shocked as shit when he gets to his feet without putting up a fight. “Say goodnight to Tia.”
He walks over to her and wraps his arms around her neck, “Night, Tia, will you still be here in the morning?”
Tia’s eyes get wide and she looks at me for help. Fuck no, I want her here. She belongs here.
“There’s a spare room…”
She narrows her eyes at me but sighs as she turns her attention back to my son in her arms, “Okay, I’ll be here in the morning.”
“Night, Tia,” he says again as he pulls away from her and walks toward his bedroom.
“I’ll be back in a while, make yourself at home,” I say as I get to my feet and follow after him. When I reach the doorway, I look back and see that she’s got a smile on her face as she starts to tidy up the board game.
God, this is what I want every day of my life, all of us together as a family.
11
Tia
It's been two weeks since Christopher and I had our date night and I've spent every evening with him and Marcus except for last night. I'm falling head over heels for him, for them both. I've tried to pull back but each time I do, I think about not being with him or Marcus and my heart hurts. But in my heart I know things are moving too quickly and that's making me panic. It's how it started with Jamie, I know that Christopher would never hurt me like that, but it doesn't stop the fear coursing through me.
I haven't heard what's happened with Layla, or if they've found her. I asked before I left our date and Christopher changed the subject so I haven't asked again. Marcus has opened up to me a little about what happened while he was in her custody and it makes me sick to my stomach at the thought of someone treating their child the way she treated him. I understand that it has to be hard being a parent, and a single one at that, but to leave him days on end alone in their apartment without any food is awful. I'm not a violent person, but when he told me about his mom, all I wanted to do was track her down and kill her for hurting her beautiful boy.
Until Tia Page 7
