by Ellie Wade
“I guess we should get a drink,” I call back to Amos and Quinn.
We make our way to the kitchen and fill three red Solo cups with whatever alcohol-infused punch they’re serving this time. It’s always a little different.
“I wasn’t trying to hide anything. I wanted to explain everything in person. Sorry this is so awkward,” I say to Amos.
We leave the kitchen and follow Quinn into the game room. I haven’t been to one of these parties in a while, but the couches in the game room seem to still be our designated spot.
“Is he good to you?” Amos questions.
I nod. “He really is. We got off to a rocky start, but things have been great, and he’s different. I’m really happy.”
“Okay, but please be careful. He rubs me the wrong way,” Amos says.
I chuckle and take a sip of my drink. “He has that effect on people, but I promise, once you get to know him and he lets his guard down, you’ll see him differently.”
Amos doesn’t respond, and I know he’s still skeptical of the whole situation, but he’ll come around when we can talk without yelling to each other over the loud music.
“You look really good as a fighter pilot,” I tell him with a wink.
“You pull off a cat pretty well yourself.” He nudges my knee with his.
I look down to my barely there black dress. “Yeah, this is all Quinn.” I shake my head.
We chat with the group we’re sitting with and watch as a few play beer pong on the table beside us. There’s a semi-innocent game of Never Have I Ever, where only half of the questions are sex-related. I try not to worry, but Leo still hasn’t come back from wherever he stormed off to.
“Hey, Alma!” Quinn leans toward me. Her big green eyes aren’t as focused as they were when we got here. She evidently hasn’t been nursing the same cup of punch the entire time, like I have. “Do you care if I steal Amos away to dance? You’ll dance with me, right?” She directs the last question to Amos.
“Of course not! I’m going to go track down Leo anyway,” I say over the music. “Have fun, Cookie!” I laugh at the uneasy expression on Amos’s face as Quinn pulls him onto the living room dance floor.
The house is exceptionally packed tonight. There’s nothing like booze and costumes to bring the college kids out of their shells. I wind my way through all of the rooms on the first floor, looking for Leo but come up short.
I’m relieved when I spot Ethan filling a cup by the keg in the kitchen.
“Hey! Have you seen Leo?” I ask.
“Hi. Yeah, he’s up in my room. Third door on the right.” Ethan nods his head toward the stairs leading to the second floor.
“Thank you.”
I step around a couple practically doing it at the base of the stairs and hurry up the steps. Taking a deep breath, I take hold of the handle and push Ethan’s door open. Leo is sitting on a futon, his eyes shut and his head tilted back. A girl who decided to dress as a prostitute for Halloween is sitting on his lap, sucking a lollipop.
“Leo,” I say, and he jerks his head up.
“Oh, look! It’s my secret girlfriend. We don’t tell people that we’re dating though because I’m such a fuckup. Little Miss Perfect is embarrassed to be with me, you see?”
I’m assuming he’s saying all of this for the hooker’s benefit, but she’s completely zoned out.
“Can you please give us a minute?” I say to the girl in Leo’s lap.
She looks at me, confused.
“She said, get the fuck out, Stacy!” Leo tilts his legs, so she slides off onto the futon. “Get out,” he barks, and she rolls her eyes before standing and walking out.
I shut the door behind her. “Is she going to be okay? She seems off.”
“She’s fine.”
“Were you doing anything with her?” My voice is hesitant, and I’m terrified of his answer.
“No. She, unlike the only person you care about in this world, knows that we’re dating,” he grumbles, and I notice that his words are slurred.
“Are you drunk?”
“Something like that,” he huffs.
“So, you get mad at me, and the first thing you do is get wasted?”
“I don’t know. You talk to that guy every single fucking day, and I just never came up?” he snaps out a question in response to my own. “Are you that fucking ashamed to be with me?”
“No, of course not. I was going to tell him.”
“Well, if it were important to you, you would have.”
Leo is different. His voice is off. His eyes don’t seem to be able to focus on me. His entire demeanor has changed, and it makes me uncomfortable.
“I don’t like you like this,” I admit.
“Yeah, well, I don’t like you very much either.”
I stand, staring at this beautiful, broken man, and I don’t know what to do. Should I leave? Should I stay? We’re so different. Maybe I’m just kidding myself in all of this. We’ve been happy for three weeks, and now, we’re fighting again.
I contemplate my next move, failing to realize that tears are falling down my face until Leo points them out.
“I’m sorry.” He rushes toward me and pulls me into a hug. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry, Alma. I’m sorry. I just love you so much, and I want you to love me back.”
I stiffen at his words. “You can’t tell me you love me for the first time when you’re wasted, Leo. That doesn’t count.”
“I do love you, Alma. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. Love me back,” he pleads.
“Let’s get you home. We’ll talk tomorrow.” I wipe my cheeks, removing any trace of mascara-coated tears.
I text both Quinn and Amos to let them know that Leo’s not feeling well and that I’m taking him over to his house. In my text to Amos, I apologize and promise that we’ll hang together soon. I know if I go and find Amos downstairs, he’ll see that I’ve been crying and worry. I don’t want him to be concerned when, moments ago, I was telling him how amazing Leo was.
“You’ll stay with me, right?” Leo’s question makes him sound like a little boy.
“Yeah, I’ll stay.”
I lead Leo down the stairs, and we exit right off the back door in the kitchen. Once we’re across the street, I unlock his door, and we go inside. I’m grateful to have space between me and that party. I can’t say I’ve ever had fun at one of them.
We brush our teeth together in the bathroom, and I make sure that Leo drinks some water. Once in bed, I don’t allow him to kiss me, but I let him hold me. He tells me he loves me again, but I feign sleep. The thought that perhaps love isn’t enough echoes deep within my soul.
TWENTY-ONE
Alma
Leo wakes, screaming from another nightmare. I calm him down, and he holds me while drifting back to sleep. He doesn’t seem to remember the night terrors in the morning, which is probably a blessing for him. Though I can’t get his tortured cries out of my mind.
Sleep evades me for most of the night. My brain won’t stop weighing all the options. The blatant differences between Leo and me keeps me tossing and turning, but the glaring truth makes me stay—and that’s that I love Leo. I do. I’m drawn to him on a spiritual level. It doesn’t make sense, and I can’t always put words to our connection. Just like faith, love is hard to prove, but when it’s present, it’s impossible to ignore. I feel it. I believe it. I need it.
I need Leo.
Sleep doesn’t come, so I decide to get up. I’ll go back to the dorm to shower and get ready for the day. I have a feeling that Leo will be sleeping off his choices from last night until at least the afternoon.
I leave him a note in case he wakes before I return and start toward the dorm. This outfit felt cute and sexy last night, but in the morning light, I probably look like Leo’s friend Stacy.
Relieved to be back at my room, I unlock the door and step in. Gasping, I drop the keys, covering my mouth. Quinn is lying naked in her bed with an equally bare A
mos draped around her. His tight ass facing me.
Half-asleep and confused, he rolls away from Quinn and toward the door, giving me a full-frontal show.
“Oh my goodness!” I hold my hand out to block him and squeeze my eyes shut before quickly stepping back out into the hallway and closing the door.
Wow. I did not expect to come back to that.
There’s some commotion inside the room, and then Amos opens the door before closing it behind him.
“I’m sorry. We didn’t mean for you to come home to … that.” He rubs a hand along the back of his neck. “We just fell asleep after.”
I slide down the hallway wall and sit on the questionable carpeted floor. Amos sits beside me.
“You and Quinn had sex?” I ask.
“Yeah, we did.”
“You lost your virginity with my roommate?”
“Yes. Are you mad?”
“No,” I say hesitantly. “Shocked, I guess. I didn’t know you were into her.”
“Something changed last night. We were drinking and dancing and then kissing. Then, one thing led to another, you know?”
“Wow. Okay, well … are you dating now?”
“I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it. I guess we’ll do that today.”
“Right.” I nod. “I’ll just grab a change of clothes and get out of here, so you two can talk and whatever else.”
“Don’t be mad, Mutt. I’m nineteen. Do you know how many nineteen-year-old male virgins there are? It was long past due. You understand.”
“I’m not mad. I told you that. And, no, I don’t really understand because I love Leo and we still haven’t done that. Do you even know Quinn’s last name?”
“You haven’t slept with Leo?” Amos asks in disbelief.
“No, of course not.”
“I figured you had.”
“Well, I haven’t,” I say with a sigh. Extending my pinkie toward Amos, I say, “Promise me we’ll be fine. We won’t change.”
He wraps his finger around mine. “We’ll always be fine. You’re my soul mate, Alma. My family. My best friend. Others will come and go, but you and I are forever.”
“Okay. Don’t you forget it.” My lips tilt up. “Well, I do need a change of clothes, but I can shower at Leo’s and give you two some time to do whatever it is that you want to do.”
“Thanks.” He stands and takes my hand, pulling me up.
“Was it good?”
“Amazing. I don’t know why I waited nineteen years. It was …”
I hold up my hand, halting his thought. “I’m not ready for details yet.” I chuckle.
“Fair enough.”
We venture back into the room. Quinn is sitting on her bed in a loose T-shirt and cotton shorts. Her legs sway nervously over the side of the bed.
“Hi,” she squeaks when I enter, eye makeup from last night smeared across her face.
“Hi. I’m just grabbing some clothes and heading back over to Leo’s.”
“Are we all okay?” she asks.
“We’re all great,” I reassure her.
I change out of Quinn’s hooker dress and throw on something comfortable before grabbing another change of clothes and my backpack, just in case their day-after-sex date goes long.
“I’ll talk to you both later,” I say before leaving to head to Leo’s again.
At least he’s only a three-block walk away.
I’m not surprised to find him still sleeping when I get back. I start the shower and step in, allowing the hot water to wash off the makeup and randomness of the past twelve hours.
“Can I join you?” Leo’s voice startles me.
“Gosh, you scared me. Yeah, sure.”
Leo steps in and shuts the glass door. Standing behind me, he circles his arms around my front and holds me against his body. “I’m sorry about last night,” he whispers against my neck between soft kisses.
I turn in his arms and press my cheek to his chest, hugging him tight. “I’m sorry too.”
Taking a step back, I find the loofah and squeeze body gel onto it. Sudsing it up, I clean Leo’s chest and arms.
“You probably don’t remember much from last night, huh?” I ask, swiping the loofah over his shoulder.
“Not much, no. Well, besides when I confessed my love for you.”
I stop cleaning him and look up to see him grinning down toward me.
“Oh,” is all I can say.
“I do love you, Alma. Like, a crazy amount.” He cradles my face in his hand and lowers his lips to mine, the bewitching kiss affecting me to the point of dizziness.
“Really?” I breathe.
“Definitely.”
I part my lips, and his mouth closes in on mine. The kiss is slow and teasing.
“I love you too,” I say against his lips, causing him to smile wide.
We make out under the hot spray of the water until my skin starts to crinkle. I pull my mouth away from his, and my lips, sore from the intensity of the kiss, miss his almost immediately.
“I’ve been wanting to try something, but I’m scared. I’ve never done it before.” I swipe the wet strands of hair away from my face. “I want it to be good for you.”
“What is it that you want to try, babe?” Leo asks, rubbing the pad of his thumb against my bottom lip.
I swallow. “I want to kiss you … down there.”
Leo’s arousal grows harder against my stomach. “I want that too.” His words are gruff and husky.
“Can you help me? Tell me what to do.”
Leo chews on his bottom lip and extends an arm against the shower wall, steadying himself. He nods in response to my question, and I drop to my knees.
Grabbing the base of his shaft, I slide his length into my mouth as far back as I can manage.
“Suck, baby,” Leo instructs, and I comply. He hisses as I move my head back and forth, suctioning my mouth and swirling my tongue around him. “Stroke the base with your hand. The part that won’t fit in your mouth.”
I do as Leo said, spurred on by the sounds coming from his mouth and the needy movements of his hips.
“Just like that,” he groans, pumping into my mouth as he chases his orgasm. “Alma.” My name is a prayer on his lips, and he threads his fingers through my hair. “Baby … fuuuuuck,” he moans as warm, salty liquid squirts into my throat.
I gag a little. With the combination of him pounding against my throat and his cum filling it, my gag reflex is set off. Pulling my mouth from him, I close my lips and focus on swallowing. Leo wraps his hands around my arms and pulls me up from the tiled floor.
“You okay? I meant to warn you in case you wanted to finish with your hand.”
“It’s fine. I liked it,” I tell him, and it’s true. There’s nothing sexier than being the cause of your lover coming undone like that. The power is intoxicating. “How was I?”
“So good.” He kisses my forehead. “You are amazing.”
“I won’t make you wait much longer,” I say because the reality is that I really want to have sex with Leo. There’s just a small part that’s holding out because I feel like I should.
“Alma, baby … I will wait for you forever. There is absolutely no rush, okay? Plus, I think we’re having plenty of fun with the way things are right now. Don’t you?”
“Yeah,” I agree.
“Then, don’t worry about it. When you’re ready, I’ll be here. Until then”—he drops to his knees and inserts a finger inside of me—“I’ll be here,” he growls before his tongue licks between my legs.
My eyes roll back, and I hum in approval.
TWENTY-TWO
Leo
I can’t wipe the smile from my face as I listen to Quinn and Alma’s banter in the kitchen.
“Is it done?” Quinn says to Alma.
“I don’t know. The red thingy hasn’t popped up. So, I don’t think so,” Alma notes.
“Why are you buttering it?” Quinn’s question is clipped.
“To keep it moist. I saw someone do it on a cooking show once.”
“But it’s never going to finish cooking if you don’t keep the oven door closed, you know? You’re letting out all the heat,” Quinn says as calmly as possible even though it’s obvious that Alma’s methods are driving her crazy.
“You’re right.” Alma pushes the turkey back into the oven and closes the door. “I think the potatoes need a few more minutes before they’re ready to be mashed,” she tells Quinn.
“Yeah, they’re not ready yet,” Quinn agrees, stirring something on the stove.
Meanwhile, Ethan, Amos, and I are sitting in the living room, staring at the giant TV, watching our professional football team, the Detroit Lions, lose.
Alma had the idea to host Friendsgiving at my house since Ethan, Quinn, and Amos are going home to see their families for the holiday in a few days. Apparently, Alma usually spends Thanksgiving with Amos’s parents, but he told her that she didn’t have to go this year, and she was relieved. From what I’ve heard, his dad’s a real asshole, though I’m sure he doesn’t hold a candle to mine.
My family is celebrating America’s day of thanks in St. Lucia. Nothing says that you’re grateful like an out-of-country vacation on a beach. It’s perfectly fine by me, to be honest. I would’ve canceled on my family’s Thanksgiving dinner anyway. Now, I get to stay home with Alma without having to shoot my mother a text with a complete lie as to why I can’t come.
The past month since Halloween has been incredible. Thanks to all the fucking that her roommate and bestie have been doing in their dorm room, Alma is back to spending most nights with me. Alma and I, on the other hand, are still not fucking. But I can’t complain. She makes me come at least twice a day with her hand and/or mouth, so it’s been pretty great. We’ve been spending so much time on third base that it’s practically home at this point.
Alma and I have started to get each other off in the most random places lately. It’s become the best game. I know her clit so well that I can have her violently shaking in less than a minute. Three days ago, she sucked me off during one of my last prescribed tutoring sessions. Now that I know orgasms are included, I’m going to miss studying in that little room.
