by Talia Jager
Lainey and I walked over to where our stuff was. My eyes scanned the field looking for Zander. “See him yet?” Lainey asked.
“No. It’s hard to tell what someone is really going to look like.” I kept looking as we started walking.
Finally, I saw a guy helping a younger boy that fit his description. His hair was tousled and blonde just like in the pictures I had. He stood up and I saw his face. It was definitely Zander. I smiled just seeing him. He was cuter than I had imagined. I nudged Lainey; she looked over and followed my gaze. “Oh… he is cute! Go meet him.”
“I feel silly.”
“Come on, we’ll both go. That’s what we’re here for, right? To find each other.”
I nodded. “You’re right.”
We walked towards him; he glanced up from his papers and saw us. A smile spread across his face. He started walking towards us and we all met up. He was only a couple inches taller than me. He didn’t say anything; he just hugged me and then Lainey. “Wow, it’s so good to meet you,” he said.
I smiled again. “It sure is.” I was shy. I didn’t know what to say. I felt all tingly inside and I had never felt that way before. Maybe this is what Connor and Kate were talking about. That special feeling when you know you want to be with someone. Could I know this quickly? “I can’t believe this is real,” I muttered.
“What?”
“It’s real. We’re all here and we’re meeting and it’s just… wow,” I wiped the tears away from my eyes. “Sorry… I get emotional easily.”
Lainey hugged me. “It is real, Teagan. I have a feeling this is going to be a special summer.”
“I second that,” Zander said.
“Yeah.” I smiled. “So, what kind of counselor are you?” I asked Zander.
“Right now I’m in charge of some of the sports games and I’m helping out in other areas,” he answered.
We talked for a couple more minutes and then we all had to go. Lainey and I walked to the cabin. “You guys make such a cute couple,” she said.
I laughed. “We just met.”
“Yeah, but you two have loved each other for years. Meeting was just a technicality.”
“True… And you know what? We’re going to find you someone too.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, there is someone here for you. We’ll find him.”
We reached the cabin and went inside. Everybody else was already there. They were looking around the room. “Hi girls, come on in and grab a bed.” I threw my stuff down on one of the beds and sat down.
“We were just talking about some of the things in the cabin. The beds are all close to the ground to prevent long, hard falls if anyone has a seizure in the night. There is a first aid kit right here.” She held one up. “We have radios that go directly to the nurse’s office. We have extra pillows and blankets for safety in case anyone has a seizure in here.” Meg showed us around the room. “Questions?” Nobody had any.
“So, what we’d like to do is get to know you all real quickly before dinner. I’ll start with me. I have simple partial seizures. It feels like déjà vu and then I usually have some sort of motor seizure. I’m on medication and haven’t had a seizure in about nine months. I live about twenty minutes from here and I’m studying nursing in college.”
Gabby was next. “I have atypical absence seizures. They are like regular absence seizures but I can usually respond. I am told that I start staring and I do say things, but it’s a very slow response. Sometimes I rub my hands together and I blink a lot. I am on medication, but it doesn’t help as much as I’d like. I still have them a couple times a week. This is my second year in college and I’m studying business. I live about an hour from here.” She looked at each of us as she spoke, her hazel eyes finally resting on Peyton who was next.
Peyton rubbed her blue eyes before she began. “I’m Peyton. I’m seventeen and going into my senior year of high school. I have myoclonic seizures. My arms get the jumps, especially in the morning. Strobe lights will provoke one. I am hoping to go to college, but I’m not sure what to study yet. I live near Washington D.C.”
Then Rylee introduced herself. She picked at the strings of her jean shorts as she spoke, only looking up once or twice. “I am also seventeen and going into twelfth grade. I have secondary generalized seizures. It begins with a partial seizure, like a big aura. Sometimes then it goes away and other times I have a tonic-clonic seizure afterwards. They are pretty well controlled with medication, but not completely. I’m from North Carolina.”
Lainey took her turn. “I’m seventeen. I’ve been having a hard time with everything lately. I have tonic-clonic seizures. I guess I have a couple every month.” She paused, pushing back a strand of hair that had fallen forward. Inside the cabin, her hair looked darker than before, more like a chestnut brown. “My parents are getting divorced and that has put a lot of stress on me and I seem to have more seizures then normal. I’m going into twelfth grade and I’m hoping to go to college next year. I’m from New York.”
Everyone looked at me. I felt the blood rush to my face. Taking a deep breath, I began, “I’m also seventeen and going into twelfth grade. I want to go to college, but I’m not really sure what for. I have both absence seizures and tonic-clonic seizures. The absence seizures I have daily. The tonic-clonic seizures happen a few times a month. I’m from Virginia. My life has been really crazy this past year. My parents kept me really sheltered. I was even home schooled. Then they died last year. Now, I live with my older brother and sister-in-law and I had to start public school. It’s been very stressful,” I told them a bit about my life.
“Well, we have a little bit of everything in this room. How does it feel to be with other people who have epilepsy?” Gabby asked.
“It feels great,” I said.
Everyone chuckled. “Having people who understand what you’re going through is a blessing,” Gabby said. “Not that I’d wish epilepsy on anyone. But, I’m glad there are people out there I can share with and know that they will understand.”
“Okay.” Meg stood up. “Let’s go eat.”
We walked to the mess hall. One of the counselors was always in front, the other always in back. Each table had a cabin number on it and that’s where we sat. Next to us was a group of girls that were sixteen.
I scanned the hall looking at all the kids who came here. There were a handful of younger kids that wore helmets. I was guessing they suffered from atonic seizures. They just dropped to the ground. I had read that many times, doctors would suggest that they wear helmets to prevent injury.
I spotted Zander a few tables away. He winked at me. I smiled. I imagined myself running up to him, throwing my arms around his neck, and having him kiss me. I wondered if that would ever become a reality.
Half way through dinner, there was a commotion on the other side of the hall. I didn’t see it, but word was someone had a seizure. It wasn’t like at school where everyone rushed over to gawk at the person. The counselors took action, the nurse was in the mess hall and the child was brought to her office. It was nice to see it handled quickly and quietly. Most of all, it was normal.
After dinner, there was to be a campfire. There would be story telling and singing. It sounded really nice. We all helped clean up and went to sit where the fire had been started. It was a night of getting to know each other.
Our group sat together talking while the fire grew bigger. More kids joined the huge circle. “Hey there.” Zander plopped down next to me.
“Hi.” I blushed. “How is it?” I asked.
“It’s good. This was a great idea, Teagan. We should have all done this years ago.”
“Yeah, except my parents wouldn’t have let me come,” I said.
“Really?”
“Well, I don’t know for sure. But, they were the type to keep me very sheltered. You know that. They were wonderful parents, but way too overprotective,” I said. “Connor has been much more lenient even with all the rules I
have to live with.”
“Well, I’m sure glad he let you come,” Lainey said.
“Me too.”
A few minutes later, some of the counselors got up and started the evening. They talked about last year and what they hoped to accomplish this year. “As you all know, Camp Hope has the longest camp sessions in the area. We get you guys for two weeks.” Everyone clapped and cheered. “Now to open our first night, here are the Seizure Sisters!” Again everyone clapped.
Three girls walked up and took the microphones. They started to sing. They harmonized beautifully. They did a very popular song and most of us sang along to it. Then some other people got up and started talking about the camp, the programs offered during the day, and then they started telling jokes and stories. One of the counselors had a guitar and he started playing some music. Other kids picked up on it and started singing along. Soon, everyone was singing. It was really fun.
At nine o’clock, they dismissed for the night. Zander leaned over to me. “I can’t wait until I can be with you,” he whispered. He got up and walked away. I sighed wanting to rush after him. But, I couldn’t. If we got caught kissing, they’d probably kick us both out.
Our group walked back to the nurse’s office where she handed out medications and made us sign that we got them. Then we walked back to our cabin and got ready for bed. I smiled at Lainey when I got in bed. She smiled back before closing her eyes.
Chapter Fifteen
In the morning, the counselors gently woke us up. “Time to get up,” they quietly urged us out of bed. I rubbed my eyes. I had slept pretty well considering it was somewhere I wasn’t used to. “We have thirty minutes until breakfast. You can shower, clean up, whatever. Lots of us only shower every couple days. Then we’ll make it over to breakfast.”
I grabbed my backpack and put my clothes in it along with all my toiletries. We walked over to the building where the showers were. I didn’t shower, but I washed up. I got dressed and pulled my hair back. I didn’t put on any make-up. I wanted to see what the day had in store for us.
We headed over to breakfast. They had cereal! I was elated. I loved my cereal in the morning. I drank some orange juice with it. The girls at our table were all talking about boys. I had my eyes locked on Zander. He had smiled at me a few times. He made sure I knew he was thinking of me.
When breakfast was done, Meg and Gabby told us what we were going to do today. First we would head over to the nurse’s office; from there we’d drop off our bags at the cabin and go on a hike. After that was boating and then arts and crafts.
I looked over at Lainey, she was staring at me. “What?”
“Nothing.” She looked guilty.
“Did I have a seizure?” I asked.
She looked down. “Yeah. I think so. I’ve never seen one, so I’m not sure.”
“Then it was probably one.”
“I’m sorry if I—”
“Sorry for what?”
“Looking.”
I laughed. “Lainey, please don’t be sorry. Watch if you want to.” I smiled remembering how my mom would react. “My mom used to take my hand whenever I had an episode in front of her. Kind of let me know that I had been gone without saying it.” I pushed back the tears that threatened to come.
She smiled. “That’s sweet.”
* * *
The nurse gave us all our meds and we were good to go. We dropped off our bags at the cabin and headed into the woods. Another counselor came with us. They had extra counselors just in case something happened. If one of us had a seizure and one counselor had to go for help, then there would still be two counselors left. It was nice being out in nature. The air was refreshing. The smell of the wild flowers was beautiful.
The path ended at a clearing about a half-mile from where we started. Meg and Gabby brought some things to do. They had balls, Frisbees, and bubbles. So, we just goofed off for a while. Then they brought out a rope and taught us how to make certain knots with them. “I feel like I’m in Girl Scouts.” Peyton snickered.
“It’s a lot like that,” Meg answered. “Life can leave you in knots and you need to know how to get out of them.” We exchanged knots and then had to undo them. It was a neat exercise that required a lot of patience.
When we were done with that, we hiked back to camp. Next was boating. Once we got down to the lake, we all had to put life jackets on. We took two canoes, three people in each. We all helped to row. This was something I had never done before either. It was tiring! There were boats out on the lake just with counselors in them in case anything happened. Everything here was very safety oriented. It had to be. We reached a certain buoy and then had to turn around and go back.
“Have we tired you out yet?” Gabby asked when we got back. We all nodded our heads. “Let’s go chill out and make stuff. I love the arts and crafts part of the day.”
We all sat down at the tables and looked over our choices. They had a few things laid out to do. One was just coloring. “We find it therapeutic,” an older lady said. “My name is Claudette and I oversee the arts and crafts. Kids love to color, even teenagers. So, pick up a crayon and get busy. If that’s not for you, pick one of the other crafts.”
She had beads and sun catchers out. I went for the crayons first. I hadn’t colored in years and that sounded neat to me. I took one of the coloring pages. It was of fairies and butterflies. I started coloring it with pastel colors.
Half way through my picture, I looked up and noticed Gabby was staring off. She was blinking a lot and rubbing her hands together, just like she had mentioned. It was almost neat watching someone else have a real seizure. It lasted longer than my absence seizures, but it was only about a minute long. I could tell when she came out of it because she started working on her craft again.
A couple of the girls looked up and noticed it, but they continued on with their work. Rylee and Peyton said they had been to camp before when they were younger, so they were probably used to seeing other people have seizures.
I glanced over at Lainey. I wondered what it would be like to see her have a seizure. She had been my friend for years; would it upset me to watch it? Would she want me to leave so she wouldn’t be embarrassed? I thought about what I want. Would I want her with me if I seized right now? Or would I want her to go away so she couldn’t see me like that? I didn’t know what I’d rather have.
Connor and Kate were family; I didn’t mind them seeing it. I didn’t like it, but it couldn’t be helped. The kids at school were mostly strangers who wouldn’t remember me in a few years. It bothered me a little that Mandi and Maddie had seen my seizures. But, could I deal with Lainey watching? Or Zander?
I finished my picture and then started another one. I felt better as I colored them. It sure did help. Even though I was just coloring in the lines, I felt that I was expressing myself in the colors I chose and how I colored the picture.
Lunchtime came and we all went to eat. “What’s after lunch?” I asked.
“You get down time for thirty minutes. Then we do group, sports, swimming and writing before dinner.”
“Wow, they do so much here.”
Meg nodded. “They sure do. They try to make everyone feel like this is a normal camp, yet a special one too.”
After lunch, I bumped into Zander. “Hi,” I smiled.
“Hi. How are you doing?”
“Good.” I nodded. “It’s nice here.”
“Yeah, it is.”
Our eyes were locked. “I wish I could hold you.”
I smiled. “Soon. You wrote about it many times and you’ve waited so long. It’ll happen. We just have to wait for the right time.”
He nodded. “I’m trying, but it’s very hard seeing you in person.”
“Hey, do you know any guys who might want to get to know Lainey? She really needs someone too.”
He nodded. “I’ll ask around. See if anyone is interested.”
I smiled. “Thanks.”
Meg and G
abby took us to a nice air-conditioned cabin. “Girls, this is Ms. Reed. She is the therapist here. She leads us all in group sessions.”
“Hello,” we said to her. We all introduced ourselves.
“It’s so nice to meet you,” she said. “I’m here to lead groups but also for anyone who needs individual counseling. Please just let me know and we’ll set something up.” She ran her hand through her dark blonde hair. “I know Rylee and Peyton. Lainey and Teagan, you are new to camp?”
I nodded and Lainey said, “Yes.”
“Good. Does anyone have anything they want to talk about?”
It was quiet for a couple minutes. “I will,” Rylee started. “I had a boyfriend this last year and he dumped me last month. I don’t know why. I wonder if it’s the epilepsy. Maybe it scared him away. But, then I start thinking that it’s been a while since I’ve had an episode in front of him. It just bothers me.”
Ms. Reed was nodding. “Can anyone else relate?”
We all nodded. “I’ve never had a boyfriend,” I said. “I tried to go to a dance once last year, but nobody wanted to go with me. I felt rejected and yet I knew why and didn’t blame them one bit.”
We talked more about boys and relationships. “Do you all have friends outside of this camp?” Ms. Reed asked.
We all nodded. “I have tons of friends,” Peyton said. “I don’t have seizures in school very often. So, I guess they forget.”
“It’s important to have both friends with epilepsy as well as friends without it.”
“Why?” I asked. “They don’t understand.”
“And somebody with epilepsy does?” Ms. Reed asked.
“More than someone who doesn’t,” I stated my belief.
The other girls agreed. “It’s easier,” Lainey said. “You don’t have to come up with excuses.” We talked some more about friendships and why all kinds were important.
“We meet again in two days. We will be talking about college and your futures, so think about it,” Ms. Reed said.
Sports were next. We went to the big field near the lake. I saw Zander and some other guys his age helping some of the younger kids to do kickball. We started with running around the field a few times. Then we got to jump rope. Zander blew a whistle and gathered up a lot of little groups. “We’re going to do some project adventure type stuff,” he said. “It helps you trust the people around you.”
