“Some questions?” Soren’s frown deepened. “We finally got the retainers here and you went traipsing off! We’re leaving just after dawn tomorrow, we have to schedule meetings with the marriage candidates, plan to deal with the Gazifs and continue instructing you in handling your duties -” He faltered, peering more closely at Rian, his gaze flickering over the smudged face and the torn and burned robes. “Rian…” he said softly, “what happened?”
“To start with, we will need to call off any plans in regards to the Gazifs...” He relayed to Soren everything that had happened and all he’d discovered, minus the offer from Sachiel and Dalmarn.
“So the Gazifs were uninvolved…” he murmured. “Well, that solves one problem and once you return home we can hope this Heldot will realize your lack of involvement and leave you be; if he is foolish enough to persist, we will give him a reminder of just who he’s dealing with.” Soren nodded to himself with a savage grin. His face softened though as he turned back to Rian. “Most of all though, I am glad you are well. You came within an inch of death and survived, and behaved in a manner befitting House Miel.”
“Thank you, sir,” he said, his face heating up. “I tried my best.”
“Indeed, although we hope you never are faced with such peril again,” he chuckled, “which is why it’s a good thing that you aren’t going to this cursed academy. Imagine the danger you’d be in if you’d come. Assassins striking while alone and away from our holdings. Your life would have been in danger every minute.”
It would have been worth the risk, was Rian’s immediate thought.
Soren didn’t notice his lack of response. “Still, this is good news and beyond that, we’ve managed to get a tentative agreement from the Carib family as to your suit - oddly enough, they already want to meet you personally. This might change once they find out about the attacks though, so we will need to act quickly and keep this secret as long as possible. Beyond that, you will be taught how to make use of your newfound Sacrelith as well as the responsibilities you will face.”
He froze. He had forgotten about that, so concerned with the danger of his path that he forgot the simple truth: if he went on this journey, he would be unable to fulfill any of his responsibilities. How could he fulfill his duty if he was on a quest for a knight in the middle of nowhere?
He thought fast. Before the events of today, there was no chance, but after defeating the assassin… “Perhaps,” he ventured, “with the assassin out of the way, might I be able to try the Mage Trials again in the future…?” He trailed off at the disappointed look on Soren’s face.
“Rian,” Soren said quietly, “I admit that I have never cared much for this goal of yours, but your family and I were willing to tolerate it as long as you were successful. That did not happen, so now it is time to do what must be done. You are the spare to the Miel family, with all the duties that entails, and although that assassin may be gone, your life is still at risk. While you acquitted yourself well against him using your spellcraft I admit, you still needed the aid of that Dalmarn fellow - another commoner - to avoid dying at his hands.”
“I could become stronger...” he said, his voice wavering. “Like you said, I did acquit myself well.”
“Perhaps you could if you had time. With all the duties that you are about to face, you will have little chance to practice your spellcraft. And what would happen if another assassin struck in the meantime?” He looked at Rian and sighed. “I know you love this… stuff, but you have to remember: beyond any individual, the Miel family is what matters. It may be a lovely dream, but are you truly so selfish as to put your desires over the needs of House Miel?”
The words were calm, even kind, but they ripped right into the heart of Rian. If he left with Sachiel, not only would he be risking his life, but he would be abandoning his family, throwing his responsibilities to the wind. Risking his life was one thing, but to harm his family?
I… I can’t do it.
Soren continued speaking, but to Rian it was as if a tide were washing over him, and in the end, when Soren looked at him expectantly, he couldn’t find himself remembering so much as one thing he heard.
Exhausted, both in body and in spirit, he gave in. “Very well… that will all be fine. You - you go ahead and get it all started.”
Soren nodded, a note of sadness in his eyes. “I am sorry, for what it is worth. One day though, you will understand. It is the best option for everyone.”
Maybe it was. Perhaps one day he would look back and realize that this was the right thing to do. He just couldn’t imagine it rig, no matter how hard he tried. Still, he had his duty.
“For the Miel,” he whispered.
The rest of the conversation passed by in an hours-long grey blur, Soren arranging their plans for the coming days in the finest detail.
When he staggered back to his bed, in spite of the assassin’s defeat, the mirror reflected a haggard, defeated man. There he laid, his eyes hot but dry, all tears long cried out.
I'd defeated the assassin, part of him wanted to argue, albeit with the help of Dalmarn. Why wasn’t that enough?
It wasn’t though, and he knew that. In the Miel family, everyone had to make sacrifices for the good of the whole, and when his dreams resulted in weakness and mockery for House Miel… well, they had to be sacrificed too. He had his duty and that was what truly mattered.
So this was it. There was no more time for tears and what-could-have-beens. Tomorrow, he would inform Sachiel he’d changed his mind, bid farewell to the Royal Academy and return home, never to come back again.
Still, he got up once more. He had his duties to come and there was no more time for regrets, but before that there was one last thing he had to do before returning home, one last responsibility he needed to fulfill.
***
It was late. Nobody walked the corridors and the windows reflected only darkness. In the empty night, the sound of a fist pounding on the door echoed through the hall.
In any other circumstances, Rian would have waited for morning to come. Now though, he persisted. This couldn’t wait.
Finally, the door creaked open and Alensia peered out, a thick night robe covering everything but her narrowed eyes and the Spellstone in her hand. “Whoever this is, you’d better have a damned good -” Her gaze fell upon him. “Rian? What are you doing here?”
“My apologies for coming so late, but I am leaving tomorrow… and I did not wish to go without bidding farewell to a friend.”
“A friend, eh?” Her face darkened, not a surprise given how their last conversation had gone. Still, anger or no, she held the door open, letting him inside.
It was dark within save for a single enchanted light and Maleth was snoozing in bed, having kicked the sheets half off of him, but even with what little Rian could see, it was plain that the room was barren of any possessions - even what few clothes they owned had vanished.
“We were getting ready to move into official student quarters,” Alensia said in explanation. Her voice was soft, but her narrowed eyes made it clear that was to avoid waking her son rather than any warm feeling toward him. “We had everything brought over tonight, but Maleth fell asleep before it was done, so we’re waiting until morning.” She crossed her arms defensively. “It’s going to be bigger, with a kitchen and bathing room.”
“Oh…” he said, “that is nice.”
“Yes, it is,” she said in clipped tones. “Now, you came to say goodbye, didn’t you? Have at it then.”
Rian winced. She might have let him inside but her anger remained, and he couldn’t blame her. He was no better - a mess of emotions, everything wrapped up in a twisted knot. He wanted to be happy for her, he truly did, but resentment still festered.
He took a deep breath to tamp it down. “I know that you did not intend to harm me, but I think that I will always remember that my dream is in ashes because you defeated me and I hate that.”
She flinched a little before crossing her arms over her
chest, her expression hardening.
“Still,” he continued, “I would hate it even more if I ruined our friendship over some childish resentment. As such,” he bowed deeply, “I want you to know that I am truly sorry for how I took that disappointment out on you. You did not deserve my cruelty and I ask that you allow me to be your friend once more.”
Several moments passed in silence, but he maintained his bow until finally there was a little sigh and Alensia drew him into a hug. He hesitated, but let her pull him close.
It was warm, oddly reminding him of the hugs his parents used to give him when he was younger.
“It’s alright, truly,” she said. “After what happened… What you said hurt, but I know how badly you wanted to become a mage. If you hadn’t been bothered, you would have had less humanity than those golems we fought.”
“Thank you...” He enjoyed the hug a little longer before ending it and clearing his throat, “What will they be having you do as a student?”
“From what I heard, they will be starting with a review of the basics,” she said, accepting the change of subject with a nod. “Like what you helped me learn, but a lot more of it. I’ll be honest though, while I’m looking forward to learning everything, what matters most is that I won’t have to rely upon the charity of others, that I will be able to take care of my son.”
“That is good to hear, you deserved it,” Rian finally said, and it was true. No matter how broken he was, he wouldn’t let himself be consumed in bitterness for her well-earned success. It was good, he supposed, that his defeat wasn’t meaningless. “Tell me, what it is going to be like?”
At first, she was hesitant. Concern was visible in her eyes but she began to speak of classes and subjects, of learning things he’d dreamed of and while sadness remained, he began to smile a little. Her words lulled him almost to sleep and he imagined what it would have been like to learn with her; that would have to be enough.
When Alensia was finished, he nodded slowly. “It sounds like you are going to have quite the time of it. Perhaps you could let me know in some letters?”
“Of course! But it won’t be long until you’re here to join me. Soon enough, you’ll be learning the same things I am.” She chuckled, unable to suppress an impish grin. “Perhaps it will be my turn to tutor you!”
If only… if only. “It is lovely to imagine, but I am afraid it will not happen.”
“Awfully confident, aren’t you?”
Rian laughed, but it was bitter, without any semblance of mirth. “It is not that. I can never return, not next month, next year or next decade. My family will not let me.”
“What?! Why? Wait…” Alensia’s eyes went wide with horror. “It couldn’t be me. It was just one defeat.”
“Yes, however…” It took some time, but he explained everything and how, even though he had defeated the assassin, his defeat at her hands had been so humiliating for the family’s prestige that they refused to let him try again. Instead, he would be married off, while his skills would slowly be torn away from him by the Sacrelith training.
With each word, more of the blood drained from Alensia’s face, until at the end she looked like she belonged more amongst the dead than the living. “But it’s your dream to become a mage, isn’t it?”
“My family does not need one.”
“That’s all you’ve been saying!” she shouted, before remembering Maleth’s presence. After confirming that he was still asleep, she continued more softly. “You keep saying ‘My family wants this, my family wants that.’ Is this what you want?”
“Does it matter? They could be in danger if I continue. It is my responsibility and I cannot be selfish.” He looked at her pale face. “Tell me, if your dreams could hurt your son, would you chase them?”
“I-I -”
“Well?” he challenged her.
Alensia sighed, letting her shoulders fall reluctantly. “No, not if Maleth would be hurt, but,” her eyes hardened, “there is a difference there. A parent is supposed to sacrifice to protect and take care of their child, not the other way around, and this…” she shook her head. “I don’t know the ways of nobles, but our lives cannot just be about our families. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes. So, again, what do you want?”
He couldn’t meet her gaze. “I want to become a mage but… I cannot.”
Alensia squeezed his shoulder, her face full of understanding. “Listen, I love my son. I’ve loved him since before he was born and I’ll love him his whole life and long after. Even if he did something I didn’t want, even if it was something vile and wicked, I’d still love him!” She smiled. “This isn’t ‘what stockings will I wear in the morning’. I know how much this means to you and how badly you want it. If your family really, truly loves you, then they will understand. They will forgive you, won’t they?”
“I…” Rian thought of everything, from the kindness and worry they’d shared to the patronizing and disappointment, but above all, he remembered the family words. Was this acting in a manner befitting the Miel? “I do not know. Maybe…”
“It’s your choice and your life. You need to be the one to make it, not them.”
“Then I… then I…” The idea tore him in two. Either follow his dreams or fulfill his duty. Dream or duty, he could not choose both. “I do not know!” he cried, his voice breaking.
Her smile was sad but understanding. “Which one will you regret more?”
Logic. She wanted him to use logic. He swallowed, trying to clear his mind. If he followed Sachiel’s path, he would be abandoning his family for the sake of his own desires. He might die and even if not, even if one day he came home... while he hoped otherwise, he could understand if they never forgave him.
The logical choice was obvious. The danger was great and there was no way he could fulfill his responsibilities, no benefit for the family to this hunt.. he paused. Or was there?
If he were to help catch Heldot, that would not only mean him becoming a mage, it would mean him catching a dangerous criminal wanted by the king. If he succeeded, it would mean prestige, honors and rewards, all things that his family could parley it into greater alliances and prowess. What were some magisterial duties against being personally honored by the king as a hero?
The risk was incredible, his death probable, but if he were to succeed… it would be worth it without doubt. It would not harm his family but lift it to new heights, like his ancestor Arnla had before him.
By staying home, he would be safe, he would fulfill his duty, his family would be proud of him… and everything he’d ever dreamed of would crumble to ashes. He would never return to the Royal Academy, never see Alensia, Maleth or Pelric, never learn everything he had always wanted… and never be able to make up for his mistakes.
That made his decision.
“I love my family,” he finally said. “They mean so much to me, you can barely imagine. My father taught me to ride horses, my mother, numbers and the importance of ruling well, and my sister was almost my best friend growing up. And they might never forgive me for doing this… but if I do not, I will regret it for the rest of my life.” He took a deep breath and killed his heart. “So I choose to go.”
For a long moment, the only sound was Maleth’s snoring, then Alensia closed her eyes, smiling her approval. “Very well, I wish you the best of luck.”
“Until we meet again…”
One last time, they bid each other farewell and he returned to the quiet, darkened corridors. Maybe he would see her again, maybe his defeat at the Third Trial would lead to her achieving great things. But tonight, he closed the door behind him.
***
Sachiel was at the gate as she had promised, her cloak wrapped around her to ward off the cool morning air. A dappled grey mare stood beside her, a number of packs already tied to it; they each bulged with the contents within, whispering that this would be a long journey, even if he made it to the end. The fact she kept her Sacrelith sheathed at her belt was equally vocal
- even with the assassin dead and that glimmering black blade in her possession, she wanted it close at hand just in case.
She surveyed the single large pack he carried on his shoulders and her eyes knit together briefly. “Are you certain, your lordship?”
The cold breeze blew against his face. Was he certain? Doubts still plagued him. His family, the risks and the journey all concerned him. Danger was before him while safety laid behind.
‘What do you want?’
He looked back one more time, where the silver spires promised to wait for his return with knowledge beyond words. Miles beyond that to the west laid his family’s domains, fields of grain and his loved ones smiling at the sight of him. If they knew what he was doing now… he hoped they would understand once he succeeded.
He would be back, he vowed, and he would return in glory. When he captured Heldot, his shame would be erased, he would become a Mage and through such an action he would bring pride to House Miel, strengthening it in the eyes of all. The ends would justify the means.
Rian took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and stepped forward.
“I am ready.”
END
About The Author
Charles Cackler
My name is Charles, and I work hard at my office job every day. When not at work or spending time with my family, I love to read. I believe that books are something to be enjoyed, and if the story teaches us something new, or gives us a new perspective or thought...well, that's good too.
May your reading of my stories bring you joy.
The Mage Trials Page 24
