Pulling out her phone, she texted Sawyer. Can you meet me at the carousel instead? Not quite done with my meeting here. Honestly, she worried that if she let Sawyer wait for her at the house too long, he might leave. After a second, she added another text. Big red building right next to the coffee shop. She probably didn’t have to do that. He’d know where the carousel was because everybody knew where the Wander Canyon Carousel was.
She tried not to read too much into the long pause before he replied, OK.
As it turned out, Zack was still debating between the hippo and the kangaroo when Sawyer arrived. Molly was surprised to see his jaw drop when he pushed through the doors into the large circular room that held the carousel.
She left Zack to his pondering and walked over to greet Sawyer. “Don’t tell me you’ve never seen the Wander Canyon Carousel.”
One eyebrow lowered at her. “Why would I come in here?”
“Because everybody comes in here.” For a split second her brain tried to concoct an image of serious Sawyer Bradshaw atop a carousel animal, but she couldn’t fathom it. “Even the grown-ups ride the carousel in this town.”
Sawyer looked supremely relieved that the amusement wasn’t turned on at the moment. He was right—she couldn’t have resisted trying to get him on for a ride if it had been running.
Sawyer stuffed his hands in his pockets. “What kind of meeting happens on a carousel?”
Molly laughed. “Not on the carousel, about it. This year is the carousel’s fortieth anniversary, and there’s a big to-do in town in two weeks to celebrate. Zack’s picking his animal.” She allowed herself a small sigh. “It’s taking a long time for him to choose.”
“Two weeks? Are there any left to pick from?”
“Thankfully, they’re not assigned. There are way more kids than animals, so each child can choose whichever animal they want.”
Sawyer stared at the collection of beautifully carved wooden animals. Molly waited for him to realize what made it so distinct.
“Where are the horses?” he asked, looking as stumped as anyone else when they first saw the town’s pride and joy.
“There aren’t any.”
“A carousel with no ponies?”
“Yep. But we’ve got just about everything else.”
Sawyer scanned the colorful set of animals behind her, gave a double take then almost laughed. She liked that they could have a conversation with some ease now. More than coffee orders, at least. She found herself wanting to get to know him, to peel off some of that defensive silence he spent so much energy keeping up. “Our carousel probably has mounts you’ve never seen before.”
“You’re right about that. Can’t say I’ve ever seen a carousel gorilla.”
Molly had to smile that he’d noticed the gorilla. More than one person in Wander had a theory that whichever animal someone chose said a lot about their personality. She would have easily guessed Sawyer to go for the gorilla. Or maybe the porcupine.
“My favorite has always been the peacock,” she offered.
“Figures,” he said. It wasn’t an unkind remark. In fact, she could almost rate it as a compliment when he added, “Suits you.”
They watched Zack standing in front of the two animals, twisting a rubber band around his fingers and shifting his feet. “I take it Zack can’t choose a favorite?” It touched her that his voice held no hint of judgment or impatience.
“It’s not a big deal, but you know Zack.” She shifted her handbag to her other shoulder and checked her watch again. “Lots of things are big deals to him.”
Sawyer nodded. He gets it, Molly thought to herself. So few people do, but he does.
Sawyer scratched his chin, thinking. “So what does he choose it for?”
“People are building floats of sorts for a parade down Main Street. However you want to do it is up to you. Bicycles, wagons, tractors, baby strollers, shopping carts, you name it. As long as it can move, it’s in the parade.”
“What are you going to use?” he asked.
That was a good question. “Who knows? Right now I’m just trying to get us past step one, which is choosing an animal.”
They stood together for a quiet moment, waiting on Zack. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it did give her a new sense of how tall he was. If security guards ought to be big, solid men, he definitely fit the bill.
Despite his punctuality, Sawyer didn’t seem to be in the hurry she feared. Molly stole a glance at the man next to her, shifting her eyes away quickly when she caught him stealing a glance at her. She shook off the little spark of something in the air between them, convincing herself it was awkwardness.
Then Sawyer surprised Molly by walking over and crouching down to Zack’s height. Something told her to stay put, to let Sawyer have a try, moving Zack toward a decision when she hadn’t been able to.
“Can’t pick?” Sawyer asked. Molly was so pleased to hear no hint of pressure in his question.
“They’re both good,” Zack replied. He looked at Sawyer with worried eyes. “What if I pick the wrong one? What if I build the hippo and end up wishing I’d built the kangaroo?”
“I see your point,” Sawyer replied.
Molly’s heart pinched at Sawyer’s response. Steve—and others, for that matter, but especially Steve—dismissed Zack’s worries. They were small to others, she got that. But they were large to Zack. For all Sawyer’s gruffness, the man’s sad outlook somehow gave him a window into Zack’s world. One her own frustrations and worries wouldn’t let her see.
“But I gotta choose,” Zack practically moaned, the rubber band twisting tighter between his fingers.
Sawyer scrubbed a hand across his chin. “Well, let’s just take this apart and look at the pieces.” When Zack’s eyes popped wide, Sawyer revised, “The decision, not the carousel.”
He scooted over to sit on the carousel platform, now stationary, in between the two animals Zack was considering. Patting the platform, he invited Zack to do the same.
Molly stood there looking at the pairing of the man and the boy. On the one hand, her heart ached for the fact that it was not Zack’s father guiding him through this decision. Not that she missed Steve—the love between them had long since cooled. And although she would have stayed, prayed and fought to save the marriage, Steve had no interest in doing so.
No, the scene in front of her made her ache with mourning for the father Zack had lost. Not to death or distance or even just divorce, but to heartbreaking indifference. As if Zack was a complicated car Steve was no longer interested in bothering to maintain.
“Seems to me the point of all this is to have fun building a...” Sawyer looked to Molly to fill in the blank.
“An animal for the parade.”
Sawyer looked at Zack. “Is that it?”
“I guess.”
Did Sawyer notice that Zack had stopped twisting the rubber band so hard? Did the man realize how his surprising connection with Zack calmed her son in ways she still couldn’t explain?
“So, if you have fun building the hippo, that’s what’s supposed to happen, right?”
Zack wrinkled his small brow. “I guess.”
“And if you have fun building the kangaroo, then that’s what’s supposed to happen, too, right?”
“Maybe.”
“So either one is an okay choice. I don’t think you’ll have any more fun building the hippo than building the kangaroo. The thing is, will you have fun doing it? That’s totally up to you. I mean, if you can have fun with pizza golf than you can have fun doing pretty much anything.”
“I can have fun doing pretty much anything” was about as foreign a statement as Molly could imagine coming out of her son’s mouth. Or Sawyer’s, for that matter. Yet Zack seemed to accept it.
She watched Sawyer lean back until he had both animals in his view. It se
emed such an uncharacteristic stance for him. Sawyer so often seemed folded in on himself, and yet here he seemed comfortable taking up space, expansive, even. There was a protective air about him, something close to a command, that she’d not seen before. It touched her that Sawyer wielded that protection on behalf of Zack. There was clearly so much more to this man than met the eye. There was a deep history, likely a deep pain, that kept him closed off.
And yet here was Zack, slowly prying that thick wall of protection open. Zack was so special, if people just took the time with him the way Sawyer did.
“I don’t know...” Zack said slowly, not entirely convinced by Sawyer’s logic. After all, logic rarely worked against fear and anxiety—she knew that too well.
She didn’t know, either. Not about which animal to choose, but about the man in front of her. She liked to think she knew people, that she had God-given instincts about them, but that wasn’t the same as knowing them. She felt a gentle pull toward Sawyer that she neither welcomed nor understood.
It was becoming something more than gratitude. Not to say she wasn’t grateful for the connection he seemed to have with Zack. She was enormously grateful for that, even if she couldn’t explain it. This was something else. Something man-woman, something more instinctual than a mother being glad for a solution. Something she hadn’t felt in a long time.
And something that was definitely not a good idea. Now wasn’t the time to rock the boat for either her or Zack, especially in that department. Definitely not now, Molly reminded herself as she watched Zack talk to Sawyer.
“I’ll feel lousy after I choose,” Zack said.
There was that word again. Lousy. It wasn’t a word she used. And yet Zack had used it in a dozen unexpected places recently, but couldn’t—or wouldn’t—explain why.
Sawyer didn’t seem surprised by the comment at all. “New choice, new project, lousy feeling. They sometimes go together, right?”
It came from him, Molly remembered. A bit grumpy and extreme, but the same could be said of Sawyer. She couldn’t deny that the word had touched some useful nerve in Zack.
“And once it’s not new, it probably won’t feel lousy, right?”
Zack nodded. It wasn’t at all how she would describe her son’s anxieties, but what did that matter in the face of the connection it made with Zack?
The room was silent for so long even Molly began to feel anxious. Zack kept looking back and forth between animals, hands working the rubber band, little shoulders in a fretful scrunch. Send a bucket of patience, right now, Lord. Molly could almost laugh at the contrast in her prayer.
Zack suddenly stood, planted his feet as if the pronouncement might knock him over, and said, “Hippo.”
Molly didn’t even realize she’d been holding her breath.
“I like it,” Sawyer said, acknowledging the decision without making too much of it. She was just about to make too much of it, she realized.
There was something special about this man. Something unique and perfectly suited to Zack. Molly just needed to make sure Sawyer stayed unique and perfectly suited to Zack, and Zack alone.
Not to her.
Chapter Six
Sawyer waved hello to Zack as he hauled his little set of clubs out of Molly’s car. He caught himself, stunned at the impulsive friendly gesture. Sawyer wasn’t a wave hello kind of guy—at least he hadn’t been lately.
Molly got out of the car with one of those cardboard cup trays holding a trio of to-go cups from The Depot in her hand.
“You don’t work on Saturdays,” he said, realizing after the fact that the comment revealed he knew her usual schedule. She probably saw that as creepy, and she’d be right.
“But you do, so I figured it was the least I could do.” They’d spent too much time at the carousel house Friday night to install the makeshift holes in Molly’s backyard, so Sawyer had suggested Zack come by the resort for today’s lesson after Sawyer finished his night shift. “One double-shot Americano for you, one hot chocolate extra whipped cream and sprinkles for Zack, and a raspberry mocha latte for me.”
Did people choose to have so sunny a disposition this early in the morning, or was it genetic? He never could seem to make such an outlook happen before noon, if ever.
“Zack, why don’t you put your clubs over by Mr. Sawyer’s office while I give him his coffee.”
Zack gave Sawyer a look that roughly translated to “I get she wants to talk to you without me,” before taking his cocoa and clubs and trotting off to the spot where they’d had their first lesson. Kid’s smarter than I realized, Sawyer thought to himself. I should remember that.
Molly handed him the coffee. Hot and delicious, it beat the “drink it just because it’s caffeine” coffee in the resort’s security office by a mile. Coffee was such a small detail, but she took enormous care with how she treated it. How she treated him. It was one of the things he liked most about her. She was always so full of kindness.
“Thank you,” Molly said in an earnest gush. “I mean it, really.”
“How’d it go?” He wasn’t ready to admit to Molly that he’d spent half his shift wondering how the carousel animal decision had sat with Zack. In the predawn hours of his shift he’d envisioned Zack lying in bed, wide-eyed and sleepless with worry over the hippo-or-kangaroo question. Nor would he admit that occasionally those thoughts would wander to Molly, who he could guess was equally sleepless and worried. It seemed unfair that she had to fret so much about her son’s worrying.
“Let’s just say I heard the word lousy a few times last night,” she admitted. “Never thought I’d come to see that word as a good one.”
The woman in front of him was such a relentless optimist she probably never used a word like lousy to describe anything.
“He didn’t back out of the choice or anything, did he?” He actually craved the small victory of helping Zack make and stick with the decision. To give something back for all that Molly didn’t even realize she gave him. That was new, and it didn’t feel lousy.
She pressed her lips together. “Well, it was a bit shaky there for a while. But—” she cast her glance in the direction Zack had gone “—he worked through it. That’s huge. You have to know how huge that is.”
He suspected that on some level, but the gratitude on Molly’s face confirmed it. Heartwarming wasn’t really a word he normally used, but the look on her sunny features did raise up a little warmth in his chest.
“Glad to hear it. Let’s hope today doesn’t mess that up.” A bout of frustration over figuring out golf could undo Zack’s tiny burst of confidence. Sawyer knew that, and it reminded him how far out of his league this impromptu golf teacher thing was.
As he turned to go, Molly grabbed his free arm. Both of them froze, startled by the contact. They’d never actually touched before, and casual as the gesture was, it seemed absurdly important that they just had. He felt the press of her fingers zing the whole way up his arm.
She pulled her hand away. “I just thought you ought to know. Zack’s dad... He’s not...he’s not in his life the way he should be.”
Sawyer wasn’t sure why she felt he needed to know that, but he didn’t offer a response. He was still a little too stunned by the memory of her hand touching his skin.
“Steve couldn’t understand Zack’s personality. He looked down on Zack’s fears. In the end he...wasn’t kind.”
A burn of anger rose in Sawyer’s gut. Talk about lousy.
“Just...be careful. You’ve been great so far and you get him, and I’m so glad for that, but he’s...fragile. In that way, I mean.”
She was pleading for him not to hurt her son. It was compelling and terrifying at the same time. Sawyer suddenly found himself in higher stakes than he wanted, unable to back out now. He had a mile-high mountain of regrets in his life, and the last thing he wanted was to add Zack Kane to that pile.
She took it, though, forcing a smile and a nod. “Okay, then. Thanks. I’m going to run to the store and I’ll be back at ten thirty to pick him up.”
“We’ll be here.” The exchange felt too ordinary for what had just been communicated, but Zack was waiting.
Molly toasted him with her coffee, and he toasted back, feeling ridiculous. Then Sawyer turned toward the little patch of green behind the maintenance shed. Somehow, he was going to have to avoid squashing Zack’s confidence while teaching him the often-humbling sport of golf. A tall order, indeed.
Zack stood waiting for him.
Sawyer drew his shoulders back in a “let’s get right to it” stance. “I’m thinking today won’t feel as new, so we’ll do better.” While it veered dangerously toward Molly’s brand of optimism, Sawyer felt compelled to at least try to set a good intention. “And we’ve got decent drinks, so there’s that.”
“What’s so great about coffee anyway?” Zack asked. “Everybody makes a big deal about it.”
Sawyer had to think about that for a minute. “Do you ever have trouble waking up in the morning?”
Zack blinked. “No.”
“Then I’m not sure I can explain it to you.” He held up the cup. “It helps me to wake up. Or stay awake. What your mom makes tastes really good, too, but it’s mostly about the thing in coffee—caffeine—that makes it such a big deal. To grown-ups, at least. Caffeine’s not for kids. You guys come with your own energy.”
“Mom says that all the time. Dad used to...”
A Mother's Strength Page 5
