On Christmas Eve morning Agatha arrived in Manhattan at seven o’clock, finding a quiet house and the mail on the dining table just as she had left it yesterday. Lynne’s letter was still atop the pile and Agatha smiled, the legal-sized envelope not Lynne’s typical correspondence.
By the time coffee was brewed, Stanford had joined Agatha in the kitchen, but he wore his dressing gown and looked disheveled. For a moment she wondered if he’d drank last night. He didn’t act like a hangover plagued him, a more crippling malaise dogging his steps. Agatha didn’t speak, not wishing to hurt him, nor did she think her words would force his hand. She had said her piece, up to him to make the next move.
She fixed oatmeal, then set a bowl in front of him, his coffee and juice untouched. She poured her own coffee, then joined him at the table, taking Laurie’s chair. Stanford glanced at her, then avoided her eyes, but she kept her gaze upon him, gripping her mug for warmth. “Good morning,” she finally said, her voice flat.
“Good morning.” He spoke softly, then cleared his throat, looking her way. “How long are you staying?”
“Just to make sure you eat something. Are you seeing your father today?”
“We’re going to Melanie’s for dinner and….” He sighed, took a bite of oatmeal, then shook his head.
Agatha drank more coffee, then leaned back in her seat, which she had chosen deliberately. She stared at the man across, but he appeared more like a ghost. “Well, I’m glad you have plans,” she said, still in a monotone. “Do you want me to come on Thursday?”
Stanford didn’t reply, but he drank some juice. Then he looked up. “Did you say something?”
Agatha took a deep breath, her heart racing. “I asked if you wanted me here on Thursday.”
“Thursday, Thursday, um….” He gazed around the room, then met her eyes. “Oh yes, Thursday, certainly, I mean, if you want.”
She nodded, but still her heart beat hard. He had read the letter, although he’d taken great pains to make it appear as if Lynne hadn’t written, or had sent only a brief note. “Well, if it’s all the same, I might just stay home. Don wants to….”
She made up a story, for her husband had no plans other than to enjoy the quiet. Christmas at their house was a boisterous affair, especially that year, what with their youngest bringing his girlfriend to dinner. That child had spent Thanksgiving with the girl’s family, about time he introduced her to his own kin. Agatha kept that to herself, although if Laurie had been there, she would have mentioned it. But this man was having a hard enough time just dealing with breakfast. She nearly reached for Stanford’s hand, but left space between them. He was like one of her own, although not that many years separated them. Still she cared about him and it broke her heart that he was isolating himself from those who truly loved him.
He should be out west, for Michael was getting along fine now, and Stanford’s sisters, bless their hearts, held little understanding of this outwardly complicated soul. But Agatha knew what made his heart tick, art yes, and one man who for whatever reason brought Stanford to life. She didn’t know why God had put those two men together, but together they would be until death parted them. Or Stanford’s pigheadedness, she sighed.
That sigh caught his attention. “Did Lynne write to you as well,” he asked.
“She sent a Christmas card last week.” Agatha gazed around the room, then looked at Stanford. “I saw she sent you a letter yesterday.”
He nodded, then toyed with the mug’s handle. He gripped the cup, sipping slowly. Then he set it back on the table, meeting her eyes. “Laurie’s going to buy a house out there.”
Agatha wanted to gasp, but calmly she took a breath, then drank some coffee. “She say anything else?”
“She invited me to visit when the baby’s born. She….” He flinched, then shook his head.
“She what?” Agatha inwardly trembled, yet maybe this sort of ultimatum was what Stanford needed. She had never seen him so rattled, not even when his mother was near death.
“She said she hoped to see me.” He spoke like it was an unbelievable request. Then he looked quizzically at Agatha. “She said….” He ate some oatmeal, washing it down with coffee.
Agatha sighed. “Well, she cares about you, about the both of you.”
He nodded, then slouched back in his seat, staring at his breakfast. “I can’t believe he’d actually….”
Agatha could, but Stanford had a hard time seeing the forest for the trees, although now the view was plain. She wondered what he would do; Lynne had three weeks of pregnancy remaining. Was that a similar countdown to what was left of Stanford and Laurie’s relationship? “So, shall I come on Thursday?” she said as if that subject was all to matter.
Stanford nodded, then looked at her. “No, I mean, not if you already have plans.”
“Plans can be changed, you know.”
His gaze was as if she had spoken a previously unconsidered truth. Then he stared at her, but she knew he saw someone else in that seat. His eyes, often so shielded, were for those moments open windows, which made Agatha blink away tears. He loved Laurie so much, and had tried desperately to hide from that realization, unwilling to face the accompanying pain. Now that anguish was threatening to overwhelm him, but maybe that was essential. Perhaps reaching rock bottom might force this man’s hand.
His slight nod nearly made her gasp, but she remained impassive as he took another bite of oatmeal. Then he looked her way, and she met his gaze, those windows still open. She nodded, then reached for his hand, which he grasped with all the strength he possessed. To Agatha his grip was weak, but she wasn’t surprised. She placed her other hand around his, still nodding as tears fell from his eyes. Then she looked away, praying for peace, joy, and love. It was all any of them needed.
Later that same morning, the Ahern family visited Ritchie, a prearranged gathering as Brenda and the couple’s youngest children were also present. Those kids were older than Paul and Ann, and they minded the youngest Aherns while the adults chatted. Then Sam stood, pulling something from his pocket. Renee observed how her husband handed Ritchie the keys to Bel Air, saying the car was a Christmas gift for the whole Nolan family, even if it would seat less than a quarter of them.
Brenda began to cry, but didn’t bother hiding her tears, which stirred the attention of her kids. Ritchie gaped at Sam, then shot Renee a look, as if this was a joke. Renee nodded while Sam explained the reason, eschewing the short-lived nature of the station wagon. Paul and Ann came to their mother’s sides as Brenda was flanked by her offspring, who asked what Uncle Sam had given their dad. Then Renee gazed at her brother, tears welling in Ritchie’s eyes. Renee stood, leading Paul and Ann from the room, Brenda and her children on their heels.
In the corridor, Brenda and Renee exchanged embraces. Then Brenda asked if Renee was sure and Renee grasped her sister-in-law’s hands, giving Brenda their assurance. Brenda shook her head, but her smile shone, then she stared toward her husband’s door. “It’s like sometimes I don’t know who he is, I mean….” She chuckled, wiping her face. “It’s like he’s a completely different man.”
Renee nodded, feeling a brief tightness within her chest. “I imagine that must be pretty strange.”
“Yeah, but then I look in his eyes, and it’s like he was in there the whole time, hoping for a way out. Not that I ever thought he could do it, and maybe, well….” She glanced at her children, who were again keeping an eye on their younger cousins. “But I gotta believe this’s gonna work. If I don’t, I might as well leave now.”
Renee considered Lynne, then prayed for Eric. Then she hugged Brenda. “You’re not alone, you know.”
Brenda pulled away, laughing as she did so. “My family thinks I’m crazy, that I’m gonna regret not just….” Then she shrugged. “But I love him. For better or worse, I really do.” She took a deep breath. “Maybe you understand, I mean….”
Renee chuckled. “Oh I do, believe me.”
“Everyone’s got so
me load to carry. And now we’ll have an extra car. My goodness Renee, that’s just, it’s….”
Brenda broke down again, but this time relief echoed through her tears. Renee embraced her, then heard Sam clearing his throat, their children calling for their father. Those sounds strengthened Renee, who still harbored doubts toward her brother’s continued sobriety. As Sam joined them, Brenda went to hug him while Renee picked up Ann, Paul at Sam’s side. They asked what was going on, but Renee didn’t answer as Sam told Brenda it was going to be all right.
The Aherns didn’t speak much on the way home, but Paul and Ann asked when Uncle Ritchie would come out of the hospital as well as where Santa might be. Then Paul asked when they were going to see Uncle Laurie and Aunt Lynne, and Jane of course. Renee giggled, then inwardly shivered for who was missing from that group. “We’ll meet them at church tonight,” she said, grasping Sam’s hand. He gripped back with force and Renee wondered how much of that was for Eric, or what Sam had said to Ritchie.
The adults didn’t get a chance to speak until after lunch, once Ann was napping, Paul resting on the sofa. While the Aherns had decided to skip midnight mass that year, even St. Matthew’s seven p.m. service wouldn’t end until well after eight. Once Renee was sure Paul was still, she led Sam to their bedroom, closing the door. She sat beside him, holding his hand. He gazed at her, his eyes as blue as that night in Vivian’s kitchen once both kids had finally collapsed. Renee leaned toward him, kissing his cheek. Then she laid her head on his shoulder, breathing in a deep peace.
“I love you,” Sam said softly. “Merry Christmas.”
“I love you too.” Then Renee met his gaze. “Sort of unreal, you know?”
“So much to think about, to be grateful for,” he smiled.
She nodded, but didn’t speak. If Sam needed to share his thoughts, he would. Maybe it was enough to absorb the silence, which wouldn’t last long once both kids woke. Then Renee giggled. “We have children Samuel. We actually have kids.”
“That we do.” His voice was light. Then he squeezed her hand. “We have all we need.”
His tone was still jovial, but it was laced with intense thankfulness. Renee fought tears, but they trickled down her cheeks just as Ritchie’s had right as she left his room. Could her brother stay sober, would he and Brenda remain married? Renee gently shook her head, then Sam wiped her face. His eyes were still that stunning shade of blue, but a little misty. Then he chuckled. “I know there’s a lot of uncertainty out there, but you know what? Right in this house God’s given me everything I always wanted. And I can’t ignore that, what I told your brother. And he smiled, said he understood. I have no idea what he really thought, but it’s the truth. I wish Eric was gonna be with us tonight, but Laurie’ll be there, that’s a blessing.” Sam smiled. “And like I said, the kids are….” Sam paused, turning toward his wife. “Our children Renee, what could be a bigger blessing than that?”
She didn’t know, but her heart felt so full. She grasped his hands, then kissed him. Sam pulled away, a little breathless. “Oh my goodness,” he smiled.
Renee giggled, then looked at their closed door. “Do you think, I mean, do we have time?”
His eyes grew wide, but he nodded. “Maybe just enough time.”
“Maybe,” Renee teased.
Within minutes they were under the covers, celebrating a multitude of joys. They lingered only for moments afterwards, then were dressed, but still flushed. Renee remade the bed as Sam opened their door, finding all was quiet. Closing the door most of the way, he met her at the foot of the bed. “Whatever happens next, I know it’s gonna be all right.”
“Yeah?”
“It won’t be what we expect.” He motioned to the rest of the house. “But if that’s not the message of what we’re celebrating tonight, what is?”
She caressed her husband’s cheek. “You’re right. My goodness but God works in strange ways.”
“Indeed he does.” Sam smiled, then paused, looking at their door. Suddenly a knock was heard.
Both parents giggled as Paul asked if he could come in. Renee opened the door, finding her son smiling widely. As she embraced him, she gazed back at Sam, who blinked away tears. Then Paul asked when Aunt Vivian was coming, to which Sam said soon. Renee nodded in agreement as aloud Paul wondered if she was bringing presents with her. Perhaps, the little boy was told, as he led his parents to where the Christmas tree shone brightly.
Chapter 177
The Hawk: Part Nine Page 20
