Cowboy State of Mind (Tarnation, Texas Book 4)

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by Rhonda Lee Carver


  “I just got back from Bali. Not just, but a few days ago. I bet you’re glad to be back home yourself. The land is beautiful.”

  “Yeah, I’ve missed the place. For now, I’m the only brother who has returned. Arc and Ash come to visit often.” He shifted in his worn, dusty boots, feeling like his belt tightened at his waist. “You look good.”

  “So do you.” She gave him a glimpse of a smile.

  “Why’d you come?”

  “We need to talk.” She tucked her hair behind her ear with her left hand. She wasn’t wearing her ring and it triggered an avalanche of familiar pain in his chest. He still loved her, but the anger remained. He hadn’t deserved the cold shoulder.

  Yet, seeing her after so long a bigger part of him needed to tell her how much he cared for her. He glanced down at the band on his fourth finger. He hadn’t taken it off since he left Tarnation. The ring was now scratched and dented from working the land. A perfect symbol of what he was feeling inside—a symbol of how rough their marriage had been. “Yes, we do.”

  “Is there somewhere private we could go?”

  “Let’s take a walk.” He jutted his chin away toward a worn path along a grove of trees.

  They walked about a hundred feet before she said, “I can’t get over how beautiful it is here.”

  “It’s home.” As the words passed his lips, they didn’t have the satisfaction that he thought they would. Being back didn’t fill him with the same pleasure he’d once felt. He’d lived an entire lifetime in six months in Tarnation. The time there had changed him, molded him. Made him want things he thought he never would. He took pride in the idea that he was married, even if he wasn’t sure he would be for long. He glanced over at her, seeing the sadness in her features. He didn’t want to see her sad or hurt.

  He stopped and she naturally faced him.

  “CC—”

  “Adam—”

  He grinned. “I wanted to say that you look lovely. Bali did you well.”

  One corner of her mouth played with a smile. “I always come back feeling like I have accomplished something after being there.” She looked off into the distance.

  “I understand.” But really he didn’t. “You left, CC. Without a word.” He even heard the resentment in his tone.

  She blinked. “I needed to get away.”

  “I hear you, but what you did…well, it wasn’t quite fair.” As he started to open up the more his words flowed. “I tried to contact you. Over and over.”

  “I know you did. I was hurt.” She crossed her arms over her waist.

  “Over something that wasn’t quite how it seemed.” Seeing a group of hands coming back on horses, he grabbed her hand and led her to the other side of the row of trees.

  “Adam, I heard you say—”

  “That I married you because of your disease.” Seeing her pained expression, he swallowed the ache in his throat.

  “Can you tell me that you didn’t?”

  Her pensive glare turned his veins into knots. “No, I can’t. That was the initial reason.” He wouldn’t lie to her, not even if the truth could ruin his life.

  “Then what did I hear that wasn’t right?” Her bottom lip quivered.

  “A whole lotta things,” he growled.

  As if her patience waned, she dropped her arms and shook her head. “I brought divorce papers for you to sign.”

  Her words pounded through him like acid. “Papers? Divorce? So you’re doing it again?”

  “Doing what again?”

  “Not giving me a chance. You think it’s your way or the highway, don’t you?” He didn’t want this to turn sour, but that’s where things headed. Maybe they just weren’t meant to be together.

  “We weren’t thinking clearly when we—”

  “Got married? Hell, we both know that’s not true.” He dragged off his hat and gave it a toss onto the grass. He noticed that her features paled some.

  “What I asked out of you. It was wrong.”

  “Does that mean you regret it?”

  She averted her gaze. “Don’t you?” Did she wobble a little?

  “Hell no!”

  “Let’s face it, my home is in Tarnation and your home is here. We would have never agreed where to live, where our baby should live…” As if she realized what she said, she brought her gaze up, meeting his in a willful tug of war.

  It took him a second to wrap his brain around what she actually said. “CC, are you pregnant?”

  “Adam—”

  “I want the truth. We’ve kept too many secrets.”

  Several seconds floated by. “Yes, I’m pregnant. I planned to tell you.”

  He rubbed his palms down his face. Had he heard right? She was carrying his child. “This changes things.”

  “It doesn’t have to.”

  “Of course it does. We had an agreement, remember?” The sun seemed to burn his skin.

  “I wouldn’t want you to feel obligated.”

  He blew out a long, agitated breath, gaining his bearings. “Woman, you’re going to be the death of me if you don’t stop talking shit like that. Can’t you see that I love you? And I think you love me too.”

  “You love me?” Her cheeks flushed.

  She wobbled.

  “CC? What’s wrong?” He crossed the distance in two strides, just as her eyes rolled back and she fell forward, straight into his arms. Laying her gently to the ground, he checked her pulse and it was slow but fine. She was clammy and pale.

  Grabbing his radio from his belt, he pressed the button, “Harvey, bring the truck to the grove. Immediately!”

  Chapter 22

  “NOW, DON’T FORCE yourself. You take your time in waking up, you hear?”

  CC’s was in a haze. Hearing the grandmotherly voice, she fluttered her eyes open, looking up into grey, seasoned eyes. “I-I…where’s Adam?”

  “He’ll be right back, sweetie. He’s speaking to the doctor. I’m Maureen. I help out here with the Colt household. You’re safe and sound in Adam’s bedroom.”

  Attempting to lift herself up on an elbow, she dropped back down as a wave of dizziness swept over her. “I’m not feeling so well.”

  “Here. Take a drink of water.” Maureen held a glass with a straw and CC sipped gratefully.

  “I must be dehydrated,” she muttered.

  “Among a few things. I’ll let Adam explain when he comes back.”

  Fear made her body tingle. “Is the baby okay?”

  “Yes, dear.” The mellow elderly woman patted her shoulder. “The baby is fine.”

  “Is she awake?”

  Hearing Adam’s voice somewhere in the room, she forced her torso up on the pillow. He looked worried. “Adam?”

  He switched spots with Maureen. “You’re fine. Doctor Whales said he thinks you’re still experiencing jet lag. Nothing to worry about, you just need your rest.”

  “The soup should be ready in a few minutes,” Maureen said and left the room.

  “She seems very nice.”

  Adam smiled which eased some of the tension in her. “She’s the best.”

  “I’m sorry that I caused such a ruckus. I should be getting up,” she started to and was met with another round of dizziness.

  He shook his head. “Not yet. You stay here and rest. You did cause quite a stir, but that’s only because you scared the life out of me.”

  She nodded against the pillow. “Fine. I think I should stay here a little longer.” Closing her eyes, she drifted back to sleep.

  Not sure how long she’d been asleep, she came awake with a jolt. Through the window she could see it was now dark outside.

  Sitting up, she was glad that the dizziness had faded and she felt better.

  Pushing back the covers, she slowly lowered her feet to the floor, testing her stability before she finally managed to stand.

  Stepping into the hall, she listened. The house was quiet, but a dim light was on downstairs. Taking them, being sure to hold onto the bannister
, she made her way down into the living room.

  She followed the hallway into the kitchen where she found Adam sitting at the round table along with the man who had told her where she could find Adam. Standing at the stove was the woman she recognized as Maureen.

  “Look who’s up,” the man with the thick beard said.

  Adam brought his chin around, hurrying to get up and he met her at the doorway. “How are you feeling?” He still had worried lines etched around his eyes and mouth. A wave of guilt invaded her.

  “I’m sorry. How long have I been sleeping?” Her throat felt tight.

  “A few hours.” Adam led her over to the table and pulled out a chair for her. “I’ll grab you a bowl of soup. You’re probably hungry.”

  “I have it here,” Maureen placed a white soup bowl in front of CC. The contents were steaming and smelled divine. She indeed was hungry. She guessed she hadn’t been eating enough for two. Dipping her spoon into the broth and vegetables, she sipped it. “This is delicious.”

  “A family recipe,” Maureen stated proudly. “This is my husband, Harvey. He’s the foreman here at the ranch. Has been for more than twenty years”

  “More like family, you mean,” Adam chimed in, taking his place back at the table. “Both of them.”

  “Darlin’, your color is back,” Harvey said. “Congratulations. To you both.” He held up his glass and saluted them. “You have a catch here. Adam’s the best of the best. All the Colt men are. I’ve known them since they were little.”

  Feeling more alive now that she had half the soup into her stomach, she looked from the grey whiskered man to Adam. Her heart ached. She’d missed him dearly.

  “I didn’t tell them,” he confessed. “About the baby. Maureen knew instantly. After five kids of her own she’s a pro at recognizing the signs.”

  “Harvey, let’s let these kids be alone,” Maureen patted her husband on the back.

  “Please, I don’t want to chase you away.” CC liked the couple already. They seemed very friendly.

  “Oh, honey, you’re not. We’ll have plenty of time to catch up. Anyway, Adam has told me so much about you I feel like I already know you.” Maureen beamed.

  “He has?”

  “Of course he has. I knew when he found the right one he’d be different.” The older woman gave Adam a wink who buried his face in the steam of his soup.

  CC smiled. That made her feel warm inside but considering she came to get her papers signed she shouldn’t feel so…what? Happy? Like she’d finally come home?

  “See you in the morning.” Harvey stood, gave CC a grin, then he and his wife left.

  “You told them about me.”

  Adam brought his chin up. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  Shrugging, she dipped her spoon in the broth and looked at him. “I figured since I left like I did you wouldn’t have wanted anyone to know that we’re married.” Her eyes found the wedding band he still wore.

  He clasped his hands and steepled his fingers, looking at her over his knuckles. “I guess you were wrong.”

  “I shouldn’t have left like I did. I know it was wrong to do that.”

  Dropping his hands, he pushed his chair back and took his bowl to the sink. “You’d be right on that account.”

  “I would have told you about my illness. It needed to be at the right time and when I was ready.”

  He turned and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest that made his biceps bulge. “I get that, but you should have told me from the get-go. It wouldn’t have made a difference in how I felt.”

  She lost her appetite. “I thought it would change your mind.”

  “You know what part of your problem is?”

  “I think you’re going to tell me.” She smiled.

  “You’ve been independent for so long that you’re afraid to rely on someone for anything. You’ve been swimming against the current where your sister is concerned for so long that you tend to fight the waves with everyone.”

  “Maybe you should be a little clearer.”

  He pushed away from the counter and went to his chair, leaning over the back. “You’ve said yourself your sister is suffocating you, always trying to mother you. I think you used what you heard over the baby monitor to decide that you couldn’t allow me into your safe and protected life.”

  She placed her hands in her lap. “That’s not true.”

  “Oh, it isn’t?” He raised a brow.

  “Okay, maybe a little. I swore after Rob I would never rely on anyone again, especially not a man.”

  “So you allowed a sum’bitch to ruin it for all men?”

  “Come on, Adam. Lower the sword some. I know you’re angry, but this hasn’t been easy for me.”

  “You take off for Bali as if…” He tore a hand through his hair that had grown a few inches since she saw him last.

  “As if what?” She needed to hear what he had to say.

  “Like you didn’t give a damn that I had fallen for you.” His eyes were dark and brooding.

  “I had no clue. I thought we would divorce after the appropriate amount of time.” Tears filled her eyes.

  “Maybe that’s what you were hoping would happen.”

  “No.” She stood and he hurried to her side, protecting her. She wanted to push him away, demand that she was okay, but in truth she needed him. No, she wanted him. “I love you, Adam. I’ve been too proud—too stupid. I’m sorry.”

  He let out a long breath as if he’d lost the wind in his sails. Then he pulled her against him, holding her in a desperate man’s grip. “I’m pissed.”

  “Are you?” She brought her gaze up to look at him.

  “Yes, but more than being angry I’m so freaking happy that you’re here. You should know that I won’t sign divorce papers. Not now. I’m not Buzz and no way in hell will I leave you or my child. If I have to prove each and every day for the rest of our lives that I love you, I will. I’ll do anything for you both.”

  The underlying power in his words brought a serenity to CC that she couldn’t remember ever feeling. She took his hand and led it to her stomach where their baby was growing. “Our child, Adam.”

  Tears filled his eyes and he blinked them away. “My child. How is it possible? How did I get so lucky?”

  “How did we get so lucky?”

  He wound his fingers in her hair, looking into her gaze. There she found home. Although she had no clue where they’d live it didn’t matter. Wherever Adam and their child were would be their home. “I love you. I do. You don’t have anything to prove to me. I’ve known from the beginning that you’re not Buzz. You’re Adam Colt. An amazing, compassionate, loving, strong man. My husband. My heart. My forever.”

  “Till death do us part,” he whispered.

  Not the end but only the beginning.

  From the author:

  Thank you for reading. Please leave a review and let others know your thoughts.

  Check out the entire selection of books by me… http://www.amazon.com/Rhonda-Lee-Carver/e/B00CQLXKTO/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1456497552&sr=1-2-ent

  Hugs,

  Rhonda Lee Carver

  At an early age, Rhonda fell in love with romance novels, knowing one day she’d write her own love story. Life took a short detour, but when the story ideas were no longer contained, she decided to dive in and write. Her first plot was on a dirty napkin she found buried in her car. Eventually, she ran out of napkins. With baby on one hip and laptop on the other, she made a dream into reality—one word at a time.

  Her specialty is men who love to get their hands dirty and women who are smart, strong and flawed. She loves writing about the everyday hero.

  When Rhonda isn't crafting sizzling manuscripts, you will find her busy editing novels, blogging, juggling kids and animals (too many to name), dreaming of a beach house and keeping romance alive. Oh, and drinking lots of coffee to keep up with her hero and heroine.

  For other titles by Rhonda Lee Carver, please visit:
www.rhondaleecarver.com.

  Find me on Facebook, too! www.facebook.com/rhondalee.carver

  Other books by Rhonda Lee Carver

  HERE are a few of her books…

  Diamond in a Rose

  Double Dare

  Delaney’s Sunrise

  Second Chance Cowboy (Book 1, Second Chance Series)

  Second Ride Cowboy (Book 2, Second Chance Series)

  Second Round Cowboy (Book 3, Second Chance Series)

  Second Dance Cowboy (Book 4, Second Chance Series)

  Second Song Cowboy (Book 5, Second Chance Series)

  Second Burn Cowboy (Book 6, Second Chance Series)

  Second Hope Cowboy (Book 7, Second Chance Series)

  Second Sunrise Cowboy (Book 8, Second Chance Cowboy Series)

  Castle’s Fortress

  Dreaming Ivy

  Friends With Benefits

  Sin With Cuffs

  With Honor

  Wicked Pleasures (Book 1, Wicked Wolves Series)

  Wicked Lust (Book 2, Wicked Wolves Series)

  Fighting Flames

  UNDER PRESSURE (Book 1, Rhinestone Cowgirls)

  PRESSURE RISING (Book 2, Rhinestone Cowgirls)

  PRESSURE POINT (Book 3, Rhinestone Cowgirls)

  SECRET PRESSURE (Book 4, Rhinestone Cowgirls)

  RESISTING PRESSURE (Book 5, Rhinestone Cowgirls)

  Under the Mistletoe

  Cowboy Paradise (Cowboys of Nirvana)

  Ropin’ Trouble (Book 2, Cowboys of Nirvana)

  Smoke. Fire. Cowboy (Book 3, Cowboys of Nirvana)

  Kissed, Spurred, & Valentined (Book 4, Cowboys of Nirvana)

  Leather for Two, Wings of Steel MC

  An Unexpected Hero (Buttermilk Valley)

  A New Year’s Cowboy (Ring In A Cowboy Boxed Set)

  Pride & Pleasure (Book 1, The KNIGHT Brothers)

  Have you read Claimed by the Lawman? (#4, Lawmen of Wyoming)

  Blurb:

  He won’t stop until he claims what is his…

  Years have passed since Tyler Posey last saw Kace Cade. Fifteen years ago, he was a relationship-shy boy with deep dimples who stole her heart right out of her chest. When an opportunity came knocking she went in search of her dreams, but destiny brought her back home to Bohannan, Wyoming—and to Kace who is no longer shy or a boy. In fact, he turned into quite the man.

 

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