Merryn began pacing the room, her voice rising in hysteria. “I kept everything going. Everything. For you. In your name. In your memory. Through the long days and nights. The lonely times. God helped me find the strength to somehow carry on.”
She stopped and faced him, her face full of anguish. “You’re still my everything, Geoffrey. You always will be. Yet you give me nothing in return. You gave me more during the years you were gone than you do now. You gave me my children. My position. The authority to become a leader. But now?”
Her eyes sparked with anger. Merryn slapped him again with a brutality that almost broke his spirit. Geoffrey grabbed her arms and jerked her to him.
“Nay,” he ground out. “I did what I had to do to survive. To come home to you. You’ve seen the physical scars I bear, Merryn, but the deeper ones are hidden within my heart.”
Geoffrey thought for a moment, then continued. “I give you my love. My life. My promise that I shall never leave you again. No one shall ever tear us asunder.”
She struggled in his arms, fighting to get away, but his fingers tightened as steel bands. He’d lost years with this woman. He couldn’t lose her again.
“I’ll never let you go, Merryn. Never.”
His mouth crashed down to claim hers. She twisted away, but he captured her head with his hands and then her lips with his. The searing kiss meant to punish her for lashing out at him, for her words had cut him to the quick. But the love between them was too strong. Soon, she clutched his shoulders, whimpering at his touch.
Geoffrey kissed her with passion and longing, wanting to prove to her how deeply his love for her ran. Merryn returned his kiss, the urgency binding them together as one. They stumbled toward the bed, ripping clothes off, once again making love as the afternoon light began to fade.
Finally spent, they lay exhausted, their limbs entwined, their foreheads pressed together.
Merryn was the first to pull away. She swung her legs from the bed and began dressing. From her jerky movements, Geoffrey could see her anger had returned.
“I don’t know how to soothe you, my love,” he said as he reached for his gypon and slipped it over his head.
Her eyes narrowed. “You could tell me where you were and what kept you from me,” she snapped.
He shook his head. “Nay. You ask the impossible of me.”
“What of our marriage vows? Your word to me? How can you not trust me? Your wife?”
“I cannot break my word, Merryn. You know I believe a man’s word sums up his whole character. The code of chivalry demands that I live by honor. If I shared with you what you seek to know, it would mean I must break my word to another. That I can never do.”
Merryn’s eyes looked as cold as a deadly snake’s as she stared at him. “Then I wish you had never come back,” she hurled at him.
They finished dressing in silence. He tried to catch her eye, but she stared at the ground. She left the room without a backward glance.
Geoffrey followed her downstairs. He stood in the doorway and watched her mount Destiny. He hadn’t a clue how to win Merryn back—and he couldn’t blame her. A husband and wife should share everything between them, yet he denied her the very knowledge that he owed her.
But he would never give her up. He would return to Kinwick. Somehow, they must work this out. The hours they’d spent together today let him know love still existed between them. He would find a way to bring them together while he continued to keep his promise to Hardie.
Geoffrey unhitched Mystery and swung a leg over to mount the horse. He would follow Merryn at a distance. Her anger always erupted quickly and then ended the same. Mayhap by the time they reached the castle, her temper might have cooled once more.
He reined in Mystery when he saw a flash of color ahead in the forest. He glimpsed Merryn’s light blue gown, but someone else had joined her and halted her progress. Geoffrey slid from Mystery’s back and wrapped the reins around a bush. He crept toward the riders in the distance.
As he drew close, he recognized his cousin’s voice.
“. . . so I waited for you.”
“You did not have to do that, Raynor.”
“I could not leave you unprotected in these woods, Merryn. If Geoffrey is too stubborn to make amends to you and accompany you to his own home, then I certainly can escort you there.”
“Thank you, Raynor. You have been a faithful friend to me.”
“Merryn.”
Geoffrey drew in a sharp breath at the tenderness he heard in that one word. From behind the tree where he hid, he saw Raynor take Merryn’s hand.
“I love you. I have always loved you. From the day I met you. Despite the fact that you belonged to Geoffrey, thoughts of you filled my mind, all these many years.”
“Raynor!”
“No. Let me finish. My heart broke as I’ve watched you all this time, pining for a man who would never return. And when he did, he is so changed that he should no longer be considered worthy of you.”
Geoffrey watched as Raynor moved his horse closer and took her chin in hand. “And when the king sent his messenger to you last week, I knew it was to marry you off again. He cannot, Merryn. I will not allow it. Geoffrey is no longer the man for you. You must seek an annulment from the Church. He has been driven mad by whatever happened to him. He can no longer be a husband to you. Not the way I can. I love you. I love the twins. We could have a happy life together.”
Geoffrey stumbled back. He turned and trudged toward his horse, unwinding the reins. Numbness invaded him. He quietly mounted Mystery and rode back in the direction of the lodge.
Merryn might have had a normal life if he hadn’t turned up again. Raynor was a good man and would be a decent father to his children. He could give Merryn more children. Geoffrey’s absence all these years had denied her that.
And so much more.
Guilt washed through him. Coming back had been a selfish mistake—but one that he could repair. He could take his own life and then Merryn would be free to marry again. His soul was already damned. He’d already spent years in Hell. Without Merryn’s faith in him, he no longer wanted to live.
More than anything, Geoffrey loved his wife enough to do what it would take to make her happy. He’d hurt her more than he had realized. He refused to continue to be a burden to her.
The time to contemplate was over. He knew the sacrifice he must make.
Geoffrey slipped from Mystery’s back but let the reins drop to the ground so that the horse could go free. He pulled out a knife from his boot, one that he’d found in the lodge and used to kill some game during the past few days.
Dropping to his knees, he raised his eyes to the heavens as tears streamed down his cheeks.
“Merciful Father, I ask your forgiveness for what I do. Please keep my sweet Merryn safe. Bring some happiness into her life, for I have made it miserable since I returned. I am no longer the husband she married and the man she loved. I am not worthy. Bless her and my children, Father. What I do, I do for her.”
And then Geoffrey slashed the blade across his wrist.
Chapter 23
“No!”
Geoffrey turned and saw Raynor ride into the clearing. His cousin leapt from his steed and rushed to him.
But not before he swiped the blade across his wrist again.
Raynor charged into him, knocking them both to the ground. The knife fell from Geoffrey’s hand. Raynor grabbed the dagger and flung it into the trees.
“God’s wounds, Geoffrey! What are you doing?” His cousin stood and then pulled him to his feet. Raynor tore a strip of cloth from his gypon and grabbed Geoffrey’s arm, shoving the sleeve up to bind the wound.
A small trickle of blood dribbled along Geoffrey’s wrist where he had twice tried to cut into the thickly-scarred flesh. Frowning, Raynor yanked the arm closer and examined it. Then without speaking, his cousin dragged him inside the hunting lodge. He found a bucket of water and bathed the cut skin in it before winding the c
loth around it for protection.
Raynor seethed with anger. “Who did that to you, Geoffrey? Those scars run so deep that despite your frantic slashing, you barely punctured your skin.”
Geoffrey walked away and sat, knowing he must remain silent. Raynor followed him and took the chair opposite him.
“Why should you care?” Geoffrey finally asked. “You want me gone. I want the same. ’Twould be better for Merryn if I no longer existed.” His eyes met Raynor’s. “I heard your conversation in the forest. You declared your love for her. You begged her to seek an annulment.”
His cousin turned a dull red. “I am sorry that you did. But you obviously did not hear all of it.” Raynor ran a hand through his hair. “Merryn rejected me. She only wants you.”
Geoffrey’s heart pounded faster.
“She told me she only needed you,” Raynor continued. “That she had depended upon me for my help in running Kinwick all these years.” He shook his head. “She even apologized if she gave me a false impression regarding her feelings. Merryn told me that you are the only man she’ll ever love and she will take what she can get of you. Then she spurred her horse and galloped away. Mad as a hornet.”
Raynor rose and began pacing the small room. “I realized you deserved a second chance with one another, so I came to drag your sorry carcass back to Kinwick—even if I had to club you unconscious and lash you to your horse to get you there.”
Geoffrey had lived off hope for so many years in the dungeons of Winterbourne. He clung to it tightly now, allowing it to blanket him.
Merryn still wanted him, despite how he had disappointed her. He would do whatever it took to get in her good graces. He must justify her faith in him.
Geoffrey stood. “Then I suppose we should ride to Kinwick at once.”
The men left the hunting lodge and gathered up their reins. Geoffrey could not fault his cousin for falling under Merryn’s spell. He supposed all men fell a little in love when they met his wife. Her outer beauty was but a fraction of the inner beauty she held. He knew when push came to shove that Raynor would be in his corner—else he’d never have come to retrieve him in the first place.
They rode through Kinwick farmlands. As they passed, several people in the fields called out his name and jauntily waved. He greeted them in the same fashion, some of his old confidence returning.
The gates swung open and they made their way to the stables. A stable boy took their horses and promised to look after them, his eyes round with wonder at setting eyes upon the master. As they headed through the inner bailey, Raynor slapped him on the back, their old camaraderie once again evident, no grudges between them.
That pleased Geoffrey. He wouldn’t wish to be at odds with his cousin. He considered Raynor his best friend. And from Raynor’s words, he had stood by Merryn during her darkest time and aided her in the running of Kinwick.
“I owe you much, Raynor. Thank you. For everything.”
Geoffrey raced up the steps to the keep. Before he reached the top, the door flew open. Alys burst through the door as if catapulted from a trebuchet. She squealed with delight as she caught sight of him. He ran the last few steps as she latched onto his leg, holding on with a death grip. Ancel followed her but stood back, reluctant to give his affection so easily to a man who had deserted him and his mother.
He ruffled Ancel’s hair and then bent and hugged them both. As he stood, Geoffrey grasped each twin about the waist and tucked them under his arms. He marched through the door and didn’t stop till he reached the great hall. They giggled and squirmed as he spun round and round until he had to stop before he dropped them from dizziness.
As he looked up, his mother approached him, a tentative smile on her lips. He released the twins and strode toward her. Geoffrey enveloped her in his arms. She clung to him. It concerned him how thin she’d grown, but he would be present to remind her to eat. After all, she would have more grandchildren to look after if he had his way. She must keep up her strength.
Geoffrey spent the next hour visiting with many servants who appeared to welcome him home. Merryn must have spoken to the people as a group, for none asked him where he’d been or why he’d stayed away for so long.
Finally, he knew the time had come to see his wife.
He looked at his children, one perched upon each knee. He gave both a kiss and threw in a tickle for good measure.
“We shall celebrate my return this eve,” he promised them. “Now run along. I must speak with your mother.”
They scrambled down, eager to please him. Merryn had done a good job in raising them. He couldn’t wait to learn everything about them. Their likes and dislikes. What foods they enjoyed and what games they played. He’d already missed much of their lives and wanted to make up for that lost time.
Tilda appeared at his elbow. “My lord.” She bowed. “My lady awaits you in the solar.”
That took him aback. The night Raynor slipped him into the castle, Merryn had taken him to the bedchamber he’d used growing up. The one where they’d spent their wedding night. She had told him she remained in it all these years.
Geoffrey climbed the stairs to the rooms above. He walked toward the solar, his heart pounding. It had been his parents’ room and where the family gathered during private times. He had fond memories of his older sisters there with him before their marriages. Playing games. Sewing. Reading. Telling tales. He approached the door and knocked.
“Come,” a voice called out. The voice that made his heart skip a beat. The voice of the one woman he would always love.
Geoffrey pushed the door open and stepped inside. The large room spoke of comfort and status. He had loved the decorative woodwork and tapestries that hung on the walls, as well as the huge fireplace and scattered tables and chairs. More than any place at Kinwick, this one room said home to him.
Merryn stood by the fireplace, her hands folded in front of her. She’d changed from the light blue cotehardie she’d worn at the hunting lodge and now wore one of midnight blue. The color brought out her sapphire eyes. As before, his brooch graced the area slightly above her heart.
Geoffrey knelt before her. His rough hands clasped hers. They gazed at each other wordlessly as he drank in Merryn’s beauty.
“I tried to take my life,” he said. “I believed I was a tremendous burden upon you and you have had far too many of those these last few years.”
Her body trembled. Her eyes welled with tears as she looked upon his bandaged wrist.
“I know you have doubts about us, Merryn. Even fears.” He tightened his grip. “I doubt I will ever be good enough for you. But I pledge to do whatever I can so you will believe in me—in us—again. I love you, Merryn de Montfort. More than life itself.”
“I let my anger get the best of me,” she admitted. “I should have focused on your return and rejoiced that I had you in my life once more. Instead, I allowed a wicked emotion to come between us. No more, my love.”
She tugged on his hands. He rose to his feet, standing mere inches from her.
“You cannot tell me of those missing years because of your honor as a knight and vassal to the king. I do not like it, but I will accept it. For in truth, the most important thing is that you have come back to me. God wrought an amazing miracle and I tossed it back in His face.”
Merryn’s face showed her concern. “I do trust you, Geoffrey. And I love you. With all my heart.” She glanced about them. “And here, in this solar—the private chambers for the lord of Kinwick—I hope to forge a new beginning with you.”
Tears fell from his eyes. “Know that every day I was apart from you, sweetheart, you were constantly in my thoughts. I did what I had to do to come back to you. I would march through the fires of Hell itself for a single smile from your lips.”
Merryn’s own tears spilled onto her gown. “I plan to give you that smile and many more for the rest of the days we will share together.”
Geoffrey embraced her, his throat thick with emotion. The swee
tness of this moment would live within him till his dying day. He kissed his wife with a yearning that he hoped spoke of his endless love for her. She returned it with abandon and joy.
He finally broke the kiss, both of them breathless.
Then Merryn gave him a tender smile. “You know, my lord, you have seen the outer room—but the bedchamber awaits beyond that door.”
Geoffrey swept her into his arms. “I believe the lord of Kinwick must investigate every inch of the solar. And every inch of his lady.”
He carried her beyond the family room and into the bedchamber.
“Come, let me love you,” he whispered into her ear as he placed her on the bed.
Chapter 24
It surprised Geoffrey how quickly he adjusted to life at Kinwick. He saw familiar faces everywhere he turned and caught up on what had passed in his time away—marriages, deaths, and the birth of many babes.
Touring the estate on horseback, Merryn pointed out improvements that had been made and new fields that were being plowed. Farming and husbandry had never interested Geoffrey. His training had prepared him for war. But during this new time of peace, he found an appreciation for how Kinwick ran. Under Merryn’s leadership, the estate proved self-sufficient.
Going over the ledgers with his wife, he saw the profit the lands turned while he had been away. Though he still looked forward to training exercises with the knights of Kinwick, Geoffrey was happy to settle into a more domestic kind of life with his family.
Only the king’s upcoming visit worried him.
“You will find our king is witty in conversation,” Merryn shared. “He is one of the most intelligent men in the kingdom and still handsome for his age. His only flaw is his petulant attitude. Edward is quick to anger, almost like a small child who’s denied a toy.”
The Age of Knights and Highlanders: A Series Starter Collection Page 45
