“No, and I’ll race you there.”
He looks down at Hadley. “If I didn’t have my daughter on my lap, I would take you up on that and kick your ass with a smile.”
Cocky asshole. “You forget who beats you at everything.”
“I beg to differ.”
“Name one thing.”
“Women.”
I cover Hadley’s eyes with my hand and flip him off with my other. “You wish.”
“I’m engaged, and you’re …”
“Going to kill you.”
He laughs and tosses me the keys to the quad. “You’d have to catch me first.”
We get to the creek, wind blowing and slightly cold, but there is a rush that I haven’t felt in so long humming in my veins. There were things about the country I loved. The clean air, trees, the night sky, and the fact that being outdoors was always preferable.
When I’m home, this is not my reality.
I work.
I work and work and work more in my office, stopping only to eat and drag my ass back to my apartment.
But I’ve been content, so I’ve let this part of myself go.
Seems the next six months will remind me of everything I used to love.
Once Hadley is set up with her pole and we all have our areas on the creek, Connor makes his way over.
“You really made her day by coming,” he says with a hint of appreciation in his voice.
“She’s my niece, and it’s my job to win my spot as the favorite.”
“You mean before Sean gets here and spoils her, knocking you down a peg?”
I nod. “Exactly.”
Sean is the sweet guy. Kids love him, girls fawn at his feet, and there’s not a woman alive he can’t charm. There’s no doubt in my mind he’ll be Hadley’s favorite.
“How is work going?” Connor asks.
“It’s fine, I’ll have to go into the city next week. There are a few meetings I can’t miss, and I need to see a guy for Sydney.”
He throws his line out. “What about Syd?”
“I figure she’ll tell everyone, but she’s selling the farm.”
The pole dropping from his hands tells me that’s a no. “She’ll never sell her farm.”
“Well, she is.”
“What the fuck did you do, Declan?” His voice is low and my name comes through his teeth.
Of course, it must be my fucking fault. Everything is my fault if you ask them. I step back, instantly angry and frustrated that he jumped to that conclusion. “Couldn’t be her decision, right? It has to be something I did?”
Connor grabs his pole and throws his line back out. “I didn’t say that, but … this is Syd. This is her home. She wouldn’t leave here on a whim.”
“She said she wants to be closer to Sierra and her family.”
He shakes his head and then rubs his forehead. “This doesn’t make sense.”
“I said the same.”
“And now you’re helping her?”
“I’m not sure,” I admit. “I don’t know if this is what she really wants, but the offer was out of my mouth before I could stop it.”
He laughs. “Of course it was. You love her. You’ve always loved her, and you’re back in the town where it was all about you and Syd.”
“What does that mean?”
My youngest brother snorts and then stares at me like I’m an idiot. “It means that you can’t help yourself when it comes to Sydney. It means that you being around her makes you do dumb shit, like going to her pond and screwing her a couple of months ago.” He keeps going when I open my mouth. “Yeah, I know all about that.”
“She’s not mine anymore.”
“No, but neither of you seem to get that. I know you’re my older brother and you know everything, but you’re an idiot. That woman is the best thing you had in your life.”
“And you know damn well why I had to let her go.”
He looks over at Hadley, who is grinning as she twirls the rod. “I know, but while you may not want a wife and kids, you want Sydney.”
“Well, I think we both know that, in life, you don’t always get what you want.”
“No, but we can have something.” Connor casts his line out and then continues, “We aren’t destined to suffer forever. It’s a choice you’re making.”
Maybe he’s right. I made a lot of choices over the last few years that I wish I could go back and change, but maybe my being back here isn’t about changing things, but making it right.
“What do you think of telling Sydney about what happened with the accident?”
Connor blinks a few times and then shrugs. “You mean the whole story?”
“Yes, I think maybe … maybe it could make things better. Maybe she’d understand why I left, and we can be friends.”
“I don’t know, I mean, I’m sure Ellie wouldn’t care. Syd is her best friend, but I don’t think it would hurt. If you’re never going to give in to the obvious feelings you both have, might as well give her some closure.”
“I have never denied that I love her.”
He releases a heavy sigh. “No, but you won’t do anything about it either. You love her, but you won’t try again? You love her, but you won’t fight for her? You let her go, but you’re holding on.”
“How am I holding on?” I say with a bit more anger than I wanted.
Connor laughs once. “You showed up two months ago and went to talk, mauled the girl, and came back with grass stains. Love her or don’t, Declan. You can’t have both. Do I want you guys to be friends? Sure. Do I think it’s possible? Not a fucking chance. You love Sydney with more than your heart. If Ellie and I couldn’t be together, I wouldn’t be able to see her. Hell, she was married, and I couldn’t handle it. I had her one night. One. You had Sydney for years. Tell me that the thought of her with some other guy doesn’t make you crazy.”
I can’t.
Hell, I can’t even imagine it.
“How does this change anything?”
He shakes his head and then grips my shoulder. “That, brother, is what you need to figure out.”
Chapter Eleven
Sydney
My office is a mess—like my life. It’s late Friday evening, and while my assistant, Devney, is leaving to go on a date, I’m stuck here trying to go over a deposition.
It’s so sexy being me.
“You’re sure you don’t want me to stay?” Devney asks as she walks into my office.
“No, it’s totally fine.”
She gives me a knowing look that says it isn’t fine, but I’m not going to force her to stay. Devney has been my assistant for the last two years, and she’s a godsend. This office is always running in perfect harmony because she doesn’t allow anyone slack, including me. I thank God that when she came back from college, she chose to stay here. She’s been a great friend, and an exemplary employee.
“I can tell Oliver I need to cancel.”
Her boyfriend takes her on a date once a month, no matter what, and that’s tonight. I stand quickly. “Absolutely not! You will go on your date and be happy, damn it.”
She rolls her eyes. “You’re a mess.”
“No shit.”
She doesn’t even know the half of it.
Devney turns and then stops. “Hey, are you feeling okay?”
“Yes, why?”
“You just seem … off. Is it because Declan is back?”
I flop back into my chair and huff. “Why does everyone assume it’s because of him? Am I that transparent?”
Devney is best friends with Sean Arrowood, and since he and Declan are the closest in age, we all ended up hanging out a lot in high school. While Devney and I are nothing alike, we’ve always gotten along.
“Not transparent.” She smiles softly. “But I can’t imagine it’s easy for you, Syd. You loved him for a long time, and Sean asked how you were holding up when I spoke to him earlier.”
Great, I’m the family topic of conversation. “Dec
lan and I have our issues that are what they are. I’m not off because of him.” I’m off because I’m pregnant.
There’s a knock at the door of the office and her brows furrow. “That’s weird.”
“Are we expecting anyone?”
“No, but …”
I get to my feet again, and we both walk to the door. My office is known as being not just a place for great legal advice but also a safe haven for people. My sister used to joke that my law firm was more of a shelter than anything else because I don’t turn anyone away if I can help it. There are many women who suffer in relationships and don’t feel there’s an out—I’m the out.
When I pull it open, I almost burst out laughing. It’s a stray all right, but not anyone in need.
“Declan.”
He grins. “Sydney.” His eyes move to the person beside me, and he smiles so wide it could break his face. “Devney! Get the fuck out of here! You work here? How did I not know that?”
She rushes toward him, arms wrapping around his neck as he pulls her tight. “Yes, you big idiot! I’ve been here for a few years, but you would have known that if you’d made time to see me since you’ve been back.” Devney slaps his chest as he puts her down.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not surprised.”
Declan pulls her to his side and kisses the top of her head. “I missed that level of honesty.”
She pushes out of his arms, turns to face him, and plants her hands right on her hips. Oh, he’s in for it now. “Really? So, you’d like me to be honest about how you suck and need to get your cute butt out of here?”
“What did I do now?”
“You”—she pokes her finger into his chest—“were a jerk.”
Declan looks to me, but I raise my hands. I happen to agree with my spitfire of a friend. He is a big jerk.
“I’m going to assume you’re talking about Syd?”
“Were you a jerk to more women in this town that I should know about?”
I smirk, and he purses his lips. “No, but did she tell you that I’m helping her to sell the farm? I can’t be that big of a jerk.”
Oh, dear fucking God, can the man ruin anything else for me?
I let out a long breath and wait because the tables are about to turn as soon as Devney does. Sure enough, her body starts to spin, and then her eyes are on me. “You’re what?”
“I hadn’t told anyone yet,” I say to him through gritted teeth.
“Don’t look at him. Look at me. You’re selling your farm?”
“Yes.”
“To buy another farm in Sugarloaf?”
I shake my head. “I was going to talk to you about it this week. It’s time, Devney. It’s time for me to move on.”
I see the hurt in her brown eyes, but she doesn’t comment further. “I see.”
“Nothing is final yet.”
I really didn’t want to have this talk now. I planned to tell each of my friends very carefully, and since Ellie and Devney are my two closest friends, I wanted them to hear it from me. Moving wasn’t a decision I came to lightly, and I want them to understand.
She looks to Declan and then back to me. “You’ll talk to me later?”
I nod. “Of course.” Her phone pings, and we both know that’s Oliver letting her know he’s here. Each date night, it’s the same routine. “Go. Come by my house tomorrow.”
Devney laughs. “You can bet your ass I will.”
With that, she gives me a quick hug and then kisses Declan on the cheek. When she’s gone, I head back toward my office, planning to leave him in the lobby. I have nothing to say to him that isn’t curse words or threats of bodily harm.
“Sydney, I didn’t know ...”
I turn with a giant huff. “Didn’t know that I wouldn’t have told my friends yet? I have a lot of ducks to get in a row before I move. This town may not have meant anything to you, but it’s been my world. I wanted to make sure that I was one hundred percent sure before telling them.”
“I see that now. I’m truly sorry.”
I’m not even angry, just upset. I hate disappointing my friends.
“It’s fine. What brings you by, Dec?”
His lips part, but he closes them before starting to move around the room. “I came because I got back from New York City a few minutes ago. I met with a few people and wanted to tell you what I found out.”
“Okay.”
I motion to the seat in front of my desk and then take my own chair. The desk between us allows me to relax a bit. He can’t touch me or make me feel weak. When I’m here, I’m in charge.
“Milo Huxley is a good friend of mine, he is a real estate investor and would like to come see the property. Based on what I’ve told him, he feels he can help, and might even purchase it himself if he sees an opportunity.”
This is what I wanted. I’ve told myself dozens of times over the last week that I was ready to sell my farm and move on. I talked at great length with Jimmy, who seemed almost relieved that I was considering it.
But now, I’m not so sure.
There’s an ache in my chest as I think about someone else living there, sitting in the tree swing out back, or going near the pond that holds memories I will never forget.
“When?” I choke the word out.
“He lives in London, but he’s in New York for the next few days to see his daughter. He’d like to come out as early as the day after tomorrow.”
My stomach flips. “Two days?”
“If you’re not busy.”
I’m not busy other than my normal farm-life thing and finding a way to explain this to my friends.
I have things that are bigger than my sadness to consider. My life isn’t going to be the same, and I can’t pretend that staying here is the right thing.
A support system is what I need, and that’s my mother and sister.
Declan has made it abundantly clear that he won’t be that for me—or anyone—and a child is not something he wants.
So, if this friend of his can help me, then I’m not going to be a fool and pass it up.
“No, I’m not busy. That’s fine.”
He smiles and nods once. “All right. I’ll set it up.”
Declan stands, and I do the same. He looks as though he wants to say something, but doesn’t.
When he gets to the door, I call out. “Dec?”
“Yeah?”
I’m having your baby.
I want this to be better.
I love you still.
I wish I didn’t.
Those aren’t the words that will be said. “Thank you.”
His eyes lock onto mine. “There’s not much I wouldn’t do for you, Sydney.”
Not much except the only thing I’ve ever wanted.
“So, you’re selling the farm?” Devney asks as we sit at my table.
“I am.”
Ellie enters the room, taking in the two of us. “What did I miss?”
Devney sighs and looks up. “Syd is moving.”
“Moving?” Ellie yells and then takes a seat. “What do you mean you’re moving?”
The two of them are going to grill me, and I came prepared with two sleeves of cookies. I put a mug in front of each of them and the cookies in the middle. I have another package in case I need reinforcements.
“It’s time for me to move on,” I say matter-of-factly. There’s nothing either of them can say to change my mind at this point. “I’m going to sell and move closer to Sierra and my mother.”
Ellie’s hand reaches out to mine. “Is this because of what happened a few months ago?”
“What happened?” Devney sits straighter.
I didn’t tell anyone other than Ellie about that because it was embarrassing. Once Devney knows, there will be no escaping the million questions and accusations as to the real reason I’m getting out of Dodge. She knows me too well.
She probably already assumes it’s because of Declan, but once she knows what happened, s
he won’t have any doubt.
Might as well get it out now. “I slept with Declan, thought I could be pregnant, and now that he’s back, I can’t seem to get away from him. I can’t escape him, not even with selling my farm. He’s just … here. I can’t take it anymore.”
“But he’s only here for a few months,” Ellie says. “He’s made it crystal clear he’s not staying, so you’re going to leave your home and your practice because of a short stint?”
Devney nods. “Seriously, Syd, take a sabbatical for fuck’s sake. Don’t sell the one thing that you’ve fought so hard to hold on to.”
God, they have no idea. “You can’t begin to understand. Neither of you. Ellie, when you found out that Connor was who he was, what did you want to do? Run, right? You didn’t want to stay with him. Hell, you fought him at every turn. Why? Because the Arrowood brothers stick their targets. Every fucking time. They pierce through the heart and you never recover. That happened to me when I was a little girl and that arrow is still embedded in me. I have to get away from him, I have to remove it, move on, go somewhere there’s no chance of him getting another shot. And the thing is, he doesn’t even want me!”
“Syd …” Ellie says with so much sympathy it actually hurts.
“No, that’s the thing. He doesn’t want me. He may love me. He may want to be friends, but I can’t be friends with him, Ellie. I can’t. I can’t talk to him and not want to kiss him. I can’t look at him and not want to throw myself into his arms. When we slept together, it was like the dam that I had closed broke. All the emotions, the love, the feelings all flooded back, and I’m going to drown,” I say as tears form in my eyes. “It’s too much. I have to go where I can start over.”
Ellie rushes toward me, pulling me into her arms as I start to cry. God, these hormones are crazy.
“This isn’t you,” Devney says from the side of me. “You don’t run away from a fight.”
I turn to her and shake my head. “Sometimes fighting isn’t the answer.”
“When it comes to this, it is. He’s what you want. This farm is what you want, don’t give up.”
She’s nuts. She shouldn’t talk. “Don’t get me started with you and giving up or choosing not to fight.”
Fight for Me Page 8
