“Nothing, I guess.”
“No?” I give him another chance.
Declan releases a shaky breath, but when he answers, there’s nothing but steel in his voice. “Nothing worth holding on to at least.”
I love him. I always will, but it’s clear he won’t try. Sure, he wants me—it’s undeniable when we’re together. It’s just not enough. He has to want more.
He has to want it all.
“Okay then. I’m glad we got that settled.”
Only I don’t feel good or glad or settled. I feel sad and like a part of my soul has just left me.
Chapter Fifteen
Sydney
Ugh. This puking thing is for the birds. I thought I was done with the morning sickness thing, but apparently, I am not.
I get up, wash my mouth out, and brush my teeth. Today is the annual Country Tractors and Treat fair in Sugarloaf. It’s one of my favorite things we do, but I’m just not feeling it. Tonight is Ellie and Connor’s joint bachelor and bachelorette party, and I can’t miss that. I figure if I can rest and keep my stomach settled, maybe by tonight I’ll be good.
Not that I understand why the hell they want to do this as their send off to being single. A small country concert is not exactly my idea of a good time. At least, not anymore.
Once upon a time, I loved the fair’s concert. We would listen to whatever local band or singer they found at the karaoke bar pretend to be the next American Idol, dance, and have fun. I loved how Declan would dance with me, laugh as we made fun of the bad singers, and talk endlessly about our future.
I haven’t gone to the concert once since he left. It’s not the same anymore, but for my friends, I’ll suck it up.
There is a knock on the door, and I head down, not sure who the hell would be at my house now.
When I open the door, I’m greeted by the huge smile of one of my favorite people, who just happens to be in the arms of the man who starred in my dreams last night.
“Good morning, Aunt Syd!”
“Good morning, Miss Hadley!”
“I brought Uncle Declan.” She beams.
“I see that.”
“Morning, Bean.”
I really wish he’d stop calling me that. I’m not his bean anymore. “Dec.”
“We’re going to the festival today!” Hadley pipes up.
“You are?”
She nods quickly. “Uncle Declan said we’re going on a date.”
I laugh and lean against the door. “Well, you are a very lucky girl. You know, your uncle loves to buy things and carry them around all day. So, you make sure you take him to every single stand, and don’t be afraid to ask for anything you want.”
Hadley beams up at him. “You do?”
Declan looks at me with his lips set into a thin line, which disappears when he turns to his niece. “Not every stand, but—”
“Oh, don’t let him fool you, princess. He loves to spoil the girls in his life.”
Declan clears his throat. “You know, Syd, you’re right. I do. And that’s why I’m so excited that you’re coming with us.”
My lips part, and I scramble to think of a way out, but Hadley squeals first.
“You are! I knew it! I knew that was why we were coming. Uncle Declan said he had to come do something here and then we could go, but I was hoping we would be picking you up first. And I was right! Aunt Sydney, it’ll be so much fun. We can go see the animals and eat all the food and then they have tractors and all kinds of toys and games. You have to go get dressed so we can go!”
I look down at my attire and quickly put my arms over my chest. I have on a black tank top, my sleeping shorts, and no bra. Great.
“I think Aunt Syd could go just like that.”
I glare at him. “Funny.”
“Well, what do you say? You want to come to the fair?”
“Of course she does!” Hadley answers for me.
I guess I don’t really have a choice. “The child has spoken,” I say with a smile.
“She does that a lot.”
I giggle and nod. “Yes, she sure does. What was it that really brought you by, though? I know we’re all meeting later for the joint party, but I wasn’t expecting anyone this early.”
“I figured I would stop to put the for sale sign up in the yard, and I wanted to give you the paperwork. You are officially on the market as for sale by owner.” Declan lifts the lawn sign that was resting on the other side of the door.
“Oh, wow. I mean, this is great.”
He looks back at my chest and then turns away. “Why don’t you get dressed while Hadley and I take care of putting the sign up?”
“Sounds like a plan.”
I head upstairs to my room, feeling a little dizzy at how quickly my plans for the day have changed. Ten minutes ago, I was going to eat, try not to puke again, and then lie in bed with a book before I had to go to the concert. This sort of screws it all up, but I can’t seem to say no to Hadley.
After getting dressed in a pair of leggings and an oversized sweater, I head downstairs. I’m far from glamorous, but at least I’m comfortable.
“Are you ready?” Hadley bounds forward.
“Easy, Monster, give her a second to get off the stairs.”
I smile down at her and push her light brown hair back. “I’m ready.”
“I want to eat everything they have. I didn’t get to go to the fair the last three years. Dad, er, Kevin,” she corrects, “didn’t let us go, and Mommy didn’t want to make him mad, but I could smell the food from my house. If I went all the way to the back fence, I could hear the music, and it was so nice.”
This kid never fails to make my heart break just a little. She has the most beautiful spirit of any child I know, and I shudder to think what her life would’ve been like had Connor not found her.
“Well,” Declan says with a tightness in this voice. “I think we might have to stop at every stand, food, and craft, to see what we can find.”
I can see the hurt and love he has for her. His lips part a little, and his chest rises and falls heavily. It’s hard to see anyone hurt Hadley, but it’s clear that Declan cares and will do everything he can to protect her, which is his thing.
The protector.
The one who will deny himself everything if he thinks it’s for the greater good.
He’s an idiot.
However, today, I don’t want to fight. I want to enjoy the time with Hadley and give her happy memories of the fair I grew up attending. She should smile, laugh, and be spoiled by people who love her.
“Where are Connor and Ellie?”
Declan looks around and then shrugs. “I think they had something to do or had to go get something. They’ll probably meet up with us later.”
Oh, they’re doing something, all right. “You gave them some alone time, huh?”
He laughs and shakes his head. “I mean, I wouldn’t doubt it, but no, Connor took the truck and had to pick something up.”
Whatever that means. “That’s good for us then, huh?” I ask Hadley as Declan opens the back door to his Jeep.
“What is?” she asks.
“That we don’t have to worry about your mom or dad telling us no.” I give her a wink, and she grins back.
“Will Uncle Declan tell us no?”
I drop my voice to a whisper, but I know he can hear us. “I know all the tricks to get what we want from him, you leave it to me.”
She buckles herself in and leans back in the seat. “I love you, Aunt Syd.”
“I love you most.”
Declan’s deep voice sounds resigned. “And I’m in so much trouble.”
“Yes, yes, you are,” I reply, feeling lighter than I have in days.
Chapter Sixteen
Sydney
“Can we get another snow cone or maybe a funnel cake?” Hadley asks after we finish with the petting zoo. Well, if you can call it that. Basically, it’s a pig from the farm down the road, two goats, and a few cows,
which may be from the pasture and not part of the zoo at all.
“I think your stomach might revolt if you keep up at this pace,” I suggest.
As much as denying this kid is the last thing I want, I also don’t want her sick to her stomach. Since we got here, she’s had pizza, a pretzel, a fried Oreo, and a snow cone.
“Okay, then can we go to where all the toys are?”
Declan leans in. “What toys?”
“I have no idea.”
“Are you going to clue her in that it’s a bunch of crap?”
Not a chance in hell. I’m not breaking her heart. “Nope.”
He slides from the bench of the picnic table and extends his hand to help me up.
“Thank you.”
“I may be an asshole, but I’m always a gentleman.”
I laugh. Sure, he’s not. “Whatever you say.”
“Come on, Aunt Sydney!” Hadley grabs my arm, and we start to walk.
It doesn’t take long before we’re in the throngs of the town people. It’s busy, and people stop to wave as I see them. This town has been a huge part of who I am, and I’m going to miss it.
“Sydney!” Mrs. Symonds, the principal at the high school, calls out. “Are you feeling better, dear? I was so upset when I heard you weren’t well.”
“You were sick?” Declan asks.
My mouth goes dry, and I speak quickly, ignoring him. “I wasn’t sick. I was just really tired after being out on a call last night.”
She pats my arm. “I’m so glad to hear that. I understand being tired, with running this event and working, it’s a lot even for me. I heard that Mr. Grisham fell and broke his leg. Is he all right?”
I nod. “Yeah, just a fracture. I’m sure he’ll be all good.”
We really need to get some people in this town a hobby. Mrs. Symonds is so incredibly busy, yet she still listens to the police scanner as though it’s the radio. She knows everything that goes on in this town. She also knows everyone in this town since she either taught them or was the principal when they were in school.
“And you”— she turns her attention to the tall, sexy, and commanding man at my side—“Declan Arrowood, you have grown up to be a very handsome man and so tall.”
He grins, takes her hand in his, and places a kiss against her knuckles. “And you haven’t aged a day.”
“Clearly, you haven’t lost that silver tongue of yours.”
“Never.”
The mention of his tongue causes my belly to flip. I can feel his lips, taste the mint on his breath, and my body yearns for it.
Mrs. Symonds laughs and then claps her hands together. “It’s wonderful seeing you two here together, feels like fifteen years ago when you two would sneak off behind the tents and think no one saw you.”
I feel the heat on my cheeks. Declan was always stealing me away, kissing me whenever he could. It was impossible to keep away from him back then, and it seems as if I still suffer from the same affliction.
“That was a long time ago,” I say, needing not to go on another stroll down memory lane and end up at the same dead end.
“Yes,” Declan agrees. “And a lot has changed.”
She tsks. “Of course it has. We all grow and evolve, but there are very few relationships I’ve seen in my time that were anything like yours.”
I blame every damn hormone that’s coursing through my pregnant body for the tears that come. I have never been a weepy girl. I’ve been strong, angry, determined to prove people wrong. Do I cry? Sure, but not like this. I turn my head to hide, but I know he saw.
“There’s no one in the world like Sydney.”
“I would agree there,” she says. “And is that you, Miss Hadley Arrowood?”
She nods. “Hi, Mrs. Symonds.”
Of course, she knows who Hadley is.
“Are you having a good time?”
“Uncle Declan is going to buy me a pony!”
“Two of them,” I correct her.
He looks heavenward, and I grin. “Don’t make promises to a kid.”
“I didn’t. You did.”
“She doesn’t seem to think that,” I say with a sing-song tone.
Mrs. Symonds watches the two of us with a wishful gaze. “I always hoped I’d see this again. The two of you smiling at each other. Even before you were a couple, you were friends in a way I’ve seen only rarely in all my years. Never had two people who just understood each other.”
I look away, not wanting anything in my eyes to give away the feelings in my heart. I have hoped for us to be this away again too. I waited for so long, and now, we’re here, and it’s all so ... natural.
Declan and I are just enjoying the day together, no pressure, no talking about the past or being lost in old hurt. I never thought I could let myself feel this again. A friendship, anything less than full-blown love, seemed impossible for us.
But now, I see how wrong I was. At the very core of loving him was a deep friendship.
We’ve been playing with Hadley, laughing and joking around, and it is like coming home.
A place where things make sense and the world is spinning correctly.
Declan speaks first. “It’s something I think we are both grateful for as well.”
“Can we please go see the tents now?” Hadley breaks in, her impatience finally winning out.
I’ve never been more appreciative of this kid than I am now. “Yes. We definitely can, and then we can go see the ponies!”
“Great, I’ll go back and get my checkbook,” Declan says with a chuckle.
“You all enjoy yourselves, I have a few vendors to check on,” Mrs. Symonds takes a few steps away and turns back. “Oh, and did you hear who the singer is tonight?”
I shake my head. “I didn’t.”
Her face brightens, and she clasps her hands in front of her chest. “It’s Emily Young! The country singer from Tennessee, who toured with Luke and just won a CMA. It’s just too much. When I wrote to her, I didn’t think it was possible, but then she replied two days ago and, well, I just can’t believe we’re going to have some real talent tonight.”
“That’s wonderful!” I say. At least tonight won’t be a total shit show and Connor and Ellie can have something special.
“Yes, it really is. All right, you three have fun,” Mrs. Symonds says with excitement in her voice.
“We will!” Hadley beams. “Come, Uncle Declan, let’s go shopping and then see the ponies!”
He lifts her into his arms and kisses her nose. “All right, Monster, but then let’s see if we can find something to drive your Aunt Sydney crazy with.”
She laughs while I roll my eyes. The only thing that drives me crazy is the man beside me, and I already know I won’t have him.
Once this house sells, I can finally move on and allow Declan and I a chance at finding our futures.
Ellie and Connor went off to get her something to eat while Declan and I were tasked with finding a spot on the lawn.
It seems everyone in the area heard about Emily Young playing here tonight. Usually, you only find your way to the concert once you’re seriously drunk. It’s better for the ears.
“You think this is a good spot?” he asks.
“I guess so.”
I help him spread out the two blankets we brought and then Declan and I take our seats. “Did you have fun today?”
“I did. It was great spending the day with you and Hadley. She’s truly a great kid.”
He smiles softly. “She is, and it was nice for us to just be able to be friends again.”
“Yeah, I guess we were.”
“I felt …” He starts and then stops.
“Yes?” We shift closer to each other as though it’s the most natural thing in the world.
Declan’s eyes move to my lips and I wonder if he’s going to kiss me again. I want it, even though I shouldn’t, but there’s this sadistic part of me that is always going to crave more. Parts of him are better than nothing, at l
east that’s what my heart is saying.
My head knows that I will never be content without the whole of him.
“It was like old times.”
Another shift toward each other. “And what did it feel like?”
“Forgiveness.”
My heart is pounding against my chest. I don’t know what any of this means, but I pray it means something.
“Well,” Connor’s voice makes us both freeze. “I guess some things never change.”
“I guess not,” I say, not moving my gaze from his and backing up.
I swear it was there, the want to say more, but what? It could mean that he finally sees that the feelings we have are worth fighting for or it could mean he’s forgiven himself for leaving me and is done.
Declan gets to his feet. “Anyone want a beer?”
What I wouldn’t give for one, but I can’t drink. “I’m good. I’m thinking I need to avoid adding alcohol tonight.”
“I’ll go with you,” Connor says and then looks at me and Ellie. “I figure you two will want to talk.”
“Thank you, babe.” Ellie waves as he leaves and then her eyes are on me. “What the hell was that?”
“Keep your voice down,” I whisper harshly. “It was nothing. We just ... we had a good day today. It was nice, and we didn’t fight or talk about the past or me moving. We had fun with Hadley, and I don’t know, maybe it’s just a place of understanding.”
“Oh, I understand, all right.”
I internally groan and look toward where the guys went. Declan is standing at the beer tent, watching me as well.
I feel as though I’m a yo-yo on a string, and it’s crazy. I’d been so sure about my life until he came back. Now, it’s as though, each time I try to sway one way, I find myself being pulled right back to him.
It’s always him, which is why I tried to put up the walls that he scaled so effortlessly.
Maybe it was because they weren’t walls so much as mounds. The truth is, I want him to break through and come to me. I want us to … be something—anything—because I love him.
We may have changed, but my feelings haven’t.
Fight for Me Page 11
