"Finally, something we agree on," he said, sitting back with something of a smile on his old face. "Which brings me to my next question: If you don't believe you're the right person for the job, why are you still here?"
"Because I haven't found a suitable replacement yet," I replied smoothly. "And I think it's important to find out who's been committing regicide." My gaze was averted, but I watched his reaction out of the corner of my eye. His eyes flashed at the word regicide, but showed nothing more. Knowing he was my uncle—and August's—made it less likely that he would be responsible for his death. I doubted he was in line for the throne; Felix hadn't mentioned it at all. And if he was my mother's brother, that took him out of contention completely.
"We seem to be working toward the same goals, then," he said after a moment. "We both want a good, strong leader for Forcadel and we both want to see the murderers of King Maurice and Prince August brought to justice."
"Same goals, perhaps. But our methods will probably differ wildly." I let a coy smile play on my lips. "I do hope if you find an answer to either, you'll share with me."
"But of course," he said. "Do you have any theories?"
"Some," I said quietly. "Llobrega is on it."
"He's a young fool," Garwood said with a grimace. "He still believes he can fix everything by controlling it. And in doing so, he misses all the shades of gray. I doubt very much that he'll find the one who killed our kings, as he's convinced of everyone's goodness."
"And are you good, Garwood?" I asked. "Do you swear fealty to Forcadel and the Lonsdale throne?"
"You may not remember, but your father and I were very good friends," he said, looking down at his hands. Sadness entered his features, and his hard gaze softened. "Since boyhood really. Much like Llobrega and August. It was the greatest honor of my life to serve your father."
"It probably won't surprise you to know that my memories of my father aren't the most positive," I replied with a scowl. "To him, I was just a means to an end. I firmly believe I was born to be traded to Kulka for peace."
"Of course you were," he said. "The second child of a king has no other use. Unless, of course, there's a vacancy." He tilted his head in my direction. "There are some who'd say you were eager for the throne."
"Then those people are blind," I said, not bothering to hide my disgust. "I was happy living my life, and Llobrega comes along and drags me back here. If there were any other option, I would find it."
There was a soft knock at the door and a very worried footman appeared.
"Excuse me, Lord Garwood. Captain Llobrega is h-here. And he says it's urgent that he speak with the princess."
"Ah, my babysitter has arrived," I said, putting the saucer down.
"Was he unaware that you'd accepted my invitation?" Garwood asked, sipping his tea.
"I don't believe, as princess, that I answer to Captain Llobrega." I shrugged as I walked to the door. "Thank you for a very enlightening tea. I'll see you at the next Council meeting."
"It was a pleasure, Brynna."
I stopped, glancing back at him with a knowing smile, before continuing out the door.
"What in the Mother's name were you thinking?" Felix snapped as soon as we were inside the carriage. "Do you not understand what's going on here? Garwood could very well have been the one responsible for all this!"
I shrugged. "He's not."
"And how do you know?"
"Gut feeling," I replied with a smile. "And I'll thank you to quit sending pages in your stead."
"Obviously, I can't leave you alone."
"Obviously, you're wrong," I said, looking out the window. "Garwood is my uncle. Thanks for telling me."
"I…thought you knew that," Felix said. "How did you not know that?"
"Nobody told me anything as a child," I said. "He's not in line for the throne, is he?"
"No. Your mother's family was a landed, wealthy group, but not royal." Felix cleared his throat. "But that's beside the point. Why the hell did you go to his house? Alone?"
"He and I had a good chat. I believe he's on my side now. Or, at least, he now believes that I am who I say I am."
"You're wrong about that." He shook his head. "In the first place, the princess doesn't meet with the Council outside of the castle. If you wanted to talk to him, he should've come to you. You're royalty. He's not."
"Sometimes, Felix, it's best to make your opponent think they have the upper hand," I said, looking out the window. "You thought I would be compliant if you sent Riya. I obviously wasn't."
He worked his jaw. "Still. You weren't ready to talk to him."
"I think I did just fine."
"I'm sure you think that—"
I released a loud sigh. "I swear, Felix. I will break your arm if you don't back off. I'm not a child, and more importantly, I'm not an idiot. You don't need to control my every move."
"Is this how it was with Celia?" he said. "I can't imagine she let you talk back this much. Or was it merely because you're the princess?"
My anger spiked, but I held my tongue.
"I've just been informed about all the things you agreed to at today's grievance hearing," Felix said. "Even though Kat specifically told you not to agree to anything."
"And why shouldn't I? I'm the princess—"
"Because you have no idea what your decisions mean, or how they affect other people."
I threw my hands in the air. "Give me one example."
"You told a shipper on the eastern front that you'd send a few ships from your navy to help secure her shipments to Forcadel."
"Yes, I did. She said her shipments are getting hijacked on the Severian border." I opened the curtain to the carriage window and peered out. "I'm going to write a letter to the queen and send some soldiers to help guard her stuff."
"You… Brynna, you can't just agree to things like that," Felix said, rubbing his face. "If you offer royal help to her, you'll have a thousand shippers at your door, asking for military support."
"Well, if they all need help—"
"And from which forces were you going to send? Your navy is spread pretty thin at the moment, and Forcadel's ground forces are primarily concentrated here in the city."
"I'll send your guard," I said with a smirk. "You can lead them. Take a nice six-week vacation to the western front."
He growled. "This isn't a game, Brynna."
"So why do I feel like a pawn?" I said heatedly. "You come in, ordering me around, following me at night. All these rules and regulations. I have some idea of what I'm doing, and you yelling at me every time I do something you don't approve of is bullshit."
"It's not about approving," he countered. "It's about doing what's best for the kingdom—the whole kingdom—"
"Then why does it feel like we're only helping the well off and leaving the rest of them to fend for themselves?" I asked, throwing my hands in the air. "You told me I could help the people as queen, but you aren't letting me do anything!"
"Because nothing you're doing is helping anyone but yourself!" He barked, his words echoing in the carriage. "You're just an egocentric little asshole hell-bent on doing exactly the opposite of what anyone tells you. And maybe, just maybe, if you pulled that chip off your shoulder and listened to the people who just want to help you, you could do some good instead of ruining everything."
My jaw fell and the door to the carriage opened, revealing Coyle's shocked face. Leveling a death glare at Felix, I pushed past him and marched out toward the castle.
Chapter 15
"Egocentric little asshole"
"Ruining everything."
Felix's jabs echoed in my mind as the sun disappeared over the horizon and the moon rose over the bay. My door was locked as soon as I walked into the room; more proof that my guards thought I wasn't to be trusted. I half-expected to remain in there all night, but eventually, the lock turned over and Felix appeared wearing his dark tunic.
"I want to apologize for losing my temper earlier today,"
he said, as if that would fix everything. "Are you ready to go?"
I snorted, having decided I wasn't speaking to him, and brushed past him. Partly, I just couldn't stand to look at him. And partly, I hoped if I ignored him long enough, he might just leave me alone.
"So, are you just going to ignore me all night?" Felix asked, coming to walk beside me. "I'm letting you out to do vigilante stuff. That should count for something, right?"
With a brisk pace, I marched through the city, listening for the sound of trouble and finding none of it. Of course, the one night I wanted to get into it with someone, the criminals all decide to stay home. I even stopped by the house of the young girl I'd rescued the night before, hoping I might've been wrong and Celia had sent more thugs. But no, the girl was seated around the dinner table with her family, sharing what looked like a delicious meal of fish and vegetables.
"Suppose she was telling the truth about Jax extorting her, huh?"
I bit my lip so hard I was sure I'd made myself to bleed. I spun and kept walking, his presence making me angrier by the minute. In a fit of stupidity, I made a break for it, bolting into the darkness. But no matter how fast I ran, he was right behind me.
"You can try all you want, but you aren't going to shake me," he said, on the fifth time I tried. "So I suggest you just accept it and start talking to me again."
I closed my eyes, ready to snap finally, when I caught sight of the lit steeple of the church. There was a place I could lose him. At least temporarily.
I walked into the church, now empty of parishioners as it was closing in on midnight. The dais where my father and brother had lain was gone. Now there was the pulpit and a wall of lit candles, flickering lights that represented a prayer wish of someone in the kingdom. There were more than usual; a sign, perhaps, that people were worried about the future.
"What are we doing here?" Felix asked.
With a smirk on my face, I marched toward the side of the church where a small wooden room was set aside. The confession box, and only one confessor in at a time.
"Oh, Brynn—"
I pulled open the door and slammed it behind me, settling into the hard, wooden seat and sighing in relief.
"So what, you're just going to hide in there all night?" Felix asked. When I didn't respond, he sighed. "Look, fine. I'll be outside when you decide to grow up."
His footfalls disappeared and some of the tension released from my shoulders. I pulled my mask off my sweaty face as it felt wrong to hide myself in here. This was a ploy to get him away, sure, but it was also a sacred space.
As if on cue, I heard the rustle of cloth in the booth next to me.
"Is there someone in there?"
I smiled. "It's me, Mother."
"Me. There are many mes. Which me am I speaking to?"
"Brynna," I whispered, allowing the stress of the day to wash away. There was something reassuring about being myself in this box. Not the princess, not The Veil. Just me.
"It's been many years since you've come to see me in here." Her brown eyes sparkled through the mesh screen. "You seemed to have some more weights on your chest since the last time we spoke."
"At the funeral?"
She chuckled. "No, the night you saved that woman. The night you first donned the mask."
My eyes shot open, the memories of that fateful night coming back in a rush. I'd just run away from Celia's camp, seeking atonement for the horrible thing I'd done. But along the way, I'd stopped a young woman from being raped by some thugs. Fishen had witnessed it and suggested instead of throwing myself in jail, I keep the mask on and find atonement through service. And thus, the Veil had been born.
I chuckled. "So you knew it was me, hm?"
"The Mother works in mysterious ways," she said. "So tell me, what's troubling you tonight?"
I traced my finger along the carving. "I'm frustrated."
"With?"
I closed my eyes, the fight I'd had with Felix in the carriage coming back to me. "It seems every decision I make is the wrong one. And it feels like I'm being forced to do things that I don't agree with."
"Your captain, the one standing guard. He can help you."
"Who do you think keeps telling me I'm wrong?" I said with a laugh. "He wants me to be queen, but a queen that makes decisions he likes. But what if those are the wrong ones?"
"Do you think his decisions are wrong?"
"I think he doesn't see the bigger picture," I said. "It seems like all he cares about is maintaining order at the expense of people he's sworn to protect. We have to make the rich richer, because otherwise… I don't know." I looked at my hands, allowing myself to be vulnerable. "Tonight he said I was selfish. How can I be selfish when all I've done for the past three years is dedicate my life to helping others?"
"Hm…" She was quiet for a while. "Perhaps instead of focusing on how you feel, you could consider the world from his perspective. He's been thrust into a new role after the deaths of two monarchs, one of whom was his best friend. I don't think it's a reflection on you, but perhaps his own insecurities and fears." She paused. "But he's allowing you to continue as The Veil, isn't he? Doesn't that count for something?"
"You mean second-guessing every decision I make?" I said with a snort. But she had a point. Felix would be well within his rights to lock me in the castle, especially after all the events of the past few weeks. Yet, he'd been allowing me to continue, even if it was for a short time.
"Felix is a good man," she replied. "He only wants to keep you safe. Perhaps if you approach it from a place of understanding, you might be able to communicate better."
I nodded and pulled the mask back over my face. "Thank you, Mother."
"Any time, my child."
I walked out of the box and Felix was nowhere to be found, but I knew he wouldn't be far behind. So I crossed the chapel to the wall of candles. I pulled a small matchstick from the jar at the top, striking it and finding a half-used candle in the center and pressing the tip of the flame to it. As a tiny flame emerged, I whispered a small prayer for myself. To give myself strength and wisdom as I tried to balance these two lives.
Felix came to stand next to me. He took his own stick from the set and lit it, pressing the new flame onto an unlit candle next to mine.
"What are you praying for?" I asked softly.
"You," he said. "I prayed that you'd start speaking to me again."
I rolled my eyes so hard it hurt the muscles. "I swear, Felix."
"Don't swear. We're in church."
I might've laughed had I not wanted to punch him in the face.
"I would like to apologize again for calling you an asshole," he said, turning toward the candles again. "That was out of line. Truthful, but out of line. I shouldn't have lost my cool like that, especially with you."
That he thought me selfish was still rubbing me the wrong way. "I fail to see how spending my evenings protecting the kingdom under a mask is egocentric."
"You're right, that's not. But disobeying a direct order just to spite me is an asshole move."
"Funny, I didn't think you could give me orders."
"Fine, you ignored a request," he said. "I thought we were friends, Brynn. I thought that you trusted that I was trying to help you."
I craned my neck to look at the sculptures above us. "I think you think you're trying to help."
"And I think you think you know everything," Felix said. "This may come as a surprise to you, but your way isn't always the best way. You have this habit of running in, fists bared, fighting your way to resolution. But when it comes to politics, to getting people to do what you want them to, you've got to have more finesse."
"I have plenty of finesse," I said. "Garwood trusts me now. All it took was some one-on-one time, a little honesty, and I know he's on my side."
"What about all those other decisions you made? Combining the summer festival with your coronation?" He snorted. "You're going to get me killed by the rest of the guards when I tell them."
>
"Why?"
He waved his hand. "Because it's our busiest weekend regardless—three guards on every street, jails filled with drunks and petty thieves. And you want your coronation the same weekend?" He shook his head. "It'll be madness."
"Then let's delay the coronation," I said, leaning back on my heels. "Winter would be a good time, I think."
His brown eyes caught mine again. "Nice try." He nudged me slightly. "Are we okay?"
I exhaled, leaning onto the bannister and staring at the candles. "Why do you care if we're okay? Think I'll fire you if you piss me off too badly?"
"Well, that would truly devastate me," he said with a wry grin. "As I've put a lot of time and effort into your guard over the past few years." The grin faded. "I want us to be okay because you're my friend, Brynna. I don't like it when my friends are mad at me."
I cast him a wary look. "Do you really think we're friends?"
"I hope we are." His smile was genuine, but his eyes grew sad. "You're a lot like August in so many ways. Just more hot-headed and a lot better in a fight. Kat and I feel like having you around is a little like having him back. Although he listened to us more than you do."
There was something honest about the way he stared into the candles, something that tugged at my heart and gave me the urge to pull him into my arms and comfort him. Instead, I settled for nudging him back.
"We're okay, Felix. And who knows? Maybe if I'm a good little princess, you'll let me out on my own one day."
"That is entirely possible," Felix said.
I almost toppled off the bench. "Seriously?"
"Perhaps." He smirked. "If you're a good little princess."
I smiled and turned back to the candles, lighting one more as relief swelled in my chest. "And while we're on the subject of concessions, you can't schedule me from morning until evening. I have to sleep sometime."
"Fine," he said, rising to his feet and offering his hand. "Where to next?"
Although I could patrol the city again, perhaps take down a few bad guys, my body was crying out for sleep. Knowing Felix would never let me live it down if I made a mistake, I admitted defeat.
The City of Veils Page 11
