by Lindsey Hart
He felt himself go hard under the table and he was glad the thing was there to block Callie’s view. The last thing she needed to see was how tight his jeans were strained over his damn groin. He didn’t like the instant reaction, but he could do nothing about it. It felt wrong, given that he was there to apologize.
“Chantara and I might have set this up,” he confessed.
“No, really?” Callie rolled her pretty blue cornflower eyes.
“Yeah, I know. Hard to believe.” He had a laugh at himself before he studied her. She shrank back an inch from the sudden intensity. “All joking aside, I needed her to help me. I knew there was probably no way that you’d agree to see me again. I needed her to get you here so that hopefully I could do the rest.”
“The rest?”
“Yeah. The rest. I- I want to apologize to you, Callie. For the other day, and really, for everything. I pursued you when you said that it wasn’t right for us to have a relationship since we worked together. I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t let you go.”
Callie blinked. “Why not?”
“Why not?” It wasn’t the response he expected.
“Yeah. Why couldn’t you let it go?”
And there it was. The shocking truth that he was hardly even able to admit to himself. “I- I- don’t know why.” It was lame and he knew it. A cop out. Callie pursed her lips and he could tell that he’d made her angry. She wasn’t going to be honest with him if he couldn’t be honest with her. “I honestly don’t know,” he rushed on. What the hell am I doing? “You’re just- different. I can’t put my finger on what it is, but ever since that night at the Christmas party, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”
“What about before that? You never realized I was even alive.”
“Because you worked for the company! And directly under me. Contrary to what the entire world thinks, I’m not someone who likes to make conquests or take people down just for the sake of it. I do want it to mean something. I- I really- it wasn’t that I didn’t see you. I was trying to be professional, but you woke me up at the Christmas party. Big time.”
“I was drunk. I didn’t even know who I was kissing!”
“I know. Believe me, I know all about how alcohol can lower the inhibitions.”
“Then you know that I wasn’t- well- that I never tried to-”
“Yeah. I’m not coming here to split hairs or discuss what happened that night or who wanted to kiss who or who drank too much or how it happened. I’m coming here tonight because what happened that night started this whole thing. I did notice you. In a big way. That might not have been your intention, but it happened. I’m glad it did.”
“So- why are you really here?”
“I’m here to apologize. I didn’t mean to come to your place the other day and try to tell you how to live your life. I don’t want you to think that I know better than you. Because I don’t. I know I’m the last person that should give advice. I really was just trying to help you. I- I wanted to try and make things better for you because I didn’t want- it hurts me to- to see you hurting.”
Callie blinked, as though she had never really considered that he might actually have any real kind of feelings attached to the whole thing. Or to her. The look of disbelief, the glow of tears in her eyes, it all hit him right in the gut and he found he had to struggle to take his next breath. Not every guy is Ben. That’s what he’d said to her. He hadn’t meant it as a parting shot. He wanted her to know, truly, that people did care. But have I ever cared about anyone before? Truly?
“I don’t know what to say.” Callie looked down at her hands, which were folded in her lap. “I feel like both times, this and the other day, it was just kind of sprung on me. I didn’t really think I’d see you again.”
“Is it really so terrible? No, wait. Don’t answer that.” He tried to smile, attempting humor, but the sad look in Callie’s eyes never went away. She did look up though, which was an improvement.
“I guess I just don’t know what you want from me.”
“I really just want to make sure you’re okay. Even if you don’t want to see me again, I need you to know that you’re a great person, Callie. You really do deserve to be happy. I need you to know that and I really hope that you’ll believe it.
“It doesn’t just happen, just like that. I can’t erase all those years and all the things that happened. I can’t just learn to trust overnight.”
“No, of course not,” he said softly. Even though Matt was tempted, he didn’t reach across the table. That would be too much, expecting her to take his hand. He wanted to touch her though. He craved that contact, even just an innocent brush of their fingers, or his knuckle against her cheek, more than anything in the world. “I just- I care that you’re okay. Really.”
Callie shrugged. She stared off to the bar for a second before she tore her gaze away and pinned him with eyes that were entirely devoid of emotion. “Why? You don’t even know me. We had- we had a few days of flirting and then we had sex. It wasn’t more than that. It was never going to be more than that.”
Matt searched her face for some sign that she was lying. For a sign that she maybe didn’t mean what she said. For something… anything. He found nothing. Just a blank wall that he butted up against every single time. There was nothing more he could do or say. It hurt. It really fucking hurt. He’d never felt so useless or helpless in his life and he didn’t like it.
“Okay.” He nodded. He realized he was bobbing his head way too hard and forced himself to stop. “Okay. I get it. I- I really do wish you all the best, Callie. I won’t try and contact you again. I won’t bother Chantara again either. If you end up needing a reference to find another job, let Chantara know and I’ll write one and give it to her. I hope that you can find what you need.”
She blinked hard, just once. “I hope you can too,” she whispered. The sincerity in her voice nearly knocked him over as he got up to leave.
CHAPTER 20
Callie
Luckily enough, after several more days stuck in the apartment, one of the zillion resumes Callie sent off finally landed her an interview at a secondhand store that dealt primarily with vintage clothing and other small antiques. It was right up her alley, even though it didn’t pay more than minimum wage. When she was offered the job the day after her interview, she took it without hesitation.
After a week of training, she felt confident enough to be left alone in the store for her first shift by herself. She was just finishing getting the mannequins dressed in new outfits when Chantara walked in through the front door.
Callie turned around at the sound of the bell at the door. She was so surprised to see her bestie that she nearly dropped the mannequin. She caught it at the last second, heart racing.
“Oh god, that was a close call. If I damage one of these things, I’m not sure how much I’d get charged. Probably my first whole paycheck.”
Chantara looked around, surveying the pink floral wallpaper, the black and white checker pattern on the floors, the red countertops and all the racks of clothes and oddities tucked in corners and on stands throughout the store.
“Wow. This is really cool.”
“See, I told you. You didn’t believe me that it would be better than another boring admin job.”
“You’re right. It wasn’t really that, I just know how much money you were making before and-”
“It’s okay,” Callie hurried to assure her. “I didn’t want another admin job. I’ve always hated sitting behind a desk all day and I just finally realized that I was never going to like it, no matter how good the pay was. All the extra money just goes to taxes anyway. I’ll be okay.”
“Really? Because I can pay more than half the bills and-”
“No. Really. It’s okay. I like it. It’s funky. And I get the clothes for half off. I’m not allowed to give anyone a discount, friend or not, but if you see anything that you think looks good on me. You know- really, really good and you think i
t would just be stunning on and would be something you’d ever like to- uh- borrow- you can let me know.”
Chantara grinned. “Yes. Right.” She took her time browsing around.
Callie finished up the mannequin and came over to help sort through clothing racks. “Are you on lunch time? It’s early. It’s only eleven.”
“Yeah. I took it early and saved up my breaks for the past few days so that I could have a little bit of extra time to get down here. I really wanted to come see where you work.”
“Awww. Next time, can you bring me a latte? Those green tea ones I like?”
“Sure. My treat.”
“No way. You don’t have to-”
“Seriously, it’s a latte. You’re my best friend. You should let me treat you once in a while.” The look Chantara gave her spoke volumes. It said that it wasn’t all about overpriced green teas. It was also about life. Like- all of it.
“Right.” Callie was sure she was a little bit red. She felt her face heat up and carefully looked away, searching for some kind of project that needed her attention. She tried and failed to come up with something. The store was clean. Everything was organized. There were no other customers.
“I totally forgot I wanted to show you this dress,” she finally mumbled.
It turned out, she had, and she remembered just in time. She pulled out a purple dress with white polka dots. It wasn’t her style, but she knew Chantara would love it.
“Oh!” Callie could see Chantara tried not to be swayed by her distraction. Tried and failed. She came over and touched the dress. “It’s soft. I thought all vintage clothing was itchy and scratchy.”
“Nope. Not always. Though some of it really is. I have to wear it to work here. I can borrow it and bring it back after I wash it. I don’t have to buy it since it is a minimum wage job and the owner knows I wouldn’t be able to afford it right off the bat. I’ve pulled some things out that I liked, but god, they were horrible. Just like, flake your skin right off itchy.”
Chantara winced. “I can see that. I like that plaid skirt over there, but I’m not even going to give it a try.”
“Yeah. Not that one.” Callie nearly laughed. She knew Chantara would see that skirt if she came in when it was still in the store. It nipped in at the waist and flared out at the knees. It was adorable, red with little green and yellow plaid stripes. “But it’s straight wool. It made my fingers fuzz just to hang it on the hanger.”
“Alright, I’ll take the dress. You don’t have to worry about getting it for me. I can support your shop. It’s a good deal. Thirty bucks is a steal.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.”
As Callie walked to the till, rang the dress in and bagged it up, she felt a little bit like crying. She couldn’t say what it was. Maybe it was everything. Chantara’s absolutely kindness. Her willingness to always be there no matter what it took, including all the little gestures that no one else would even think of. It was everything else too, but she didn’t want to think about that.
She didn’t want to think about how she lays awake well into the night, thinking about Matt, wondering what he was doing. She didn’t want to admit that she wanted to tell him she was sorry too, for the fact that she’d been fairly rude and lost in her own pain. She wanted to tell him thanks, at the very least. She wanted to tell him she’d be okay, even if she wasn’t sure she would be. She wanted to tell him so many more things, how she wanted to believe that what he said was true. That not all guys were Ben. How she wanted so desperately to trust. How she was lonely, but not just any kind of lonely. She missed him. The things he’d said had really sunk in once she’d given them a chance. She just didn’t know what to do with that exactly.
“Just so you know,” Chantara said softly as she took her debit card back and tucked it in her wallet. She slipped the handle of the bag through long slim fingers. “When I bring you that latte, I’m going to get the barista to write, Master of Deception, in that little name section.”
Callie was so startled she almost slammed the till drawer on her fingers. She recovered enough to giggle. Chantara always knew just what she needed. She never gave up on her. Ever. “You could try, but I don’t think it would fit. Those little spaces are pretty tiny.”
“You’d be surprised.” Her best friend winked and walked to the door. “Oh, by the way… I promised myself I wasn’t going to tell you, but I know you’ll want to know. Matt looks horrible. He always has these black smudges under his eyes like he isn’t sleeping. I know you didn’t mean to. I know it might be amazing for you to hear it, but I think you really did a number on him. That’s all I’m going to say.” She held the bag in the air like a trophy and grinned. “Thanks for the dress.”
The jangle of the bell on the door handle lasted for only a few seconds, but it resonated with Callie for the rest of the afternoon.
CHAPTER 21
Matt
The bell on the door that opened up into the little vintage store made a little jingling noise when Matt stepped inside. He paused, his eyes doing a quick sweep of the store. He didn’t want to be there if the place was full. He’d come back in a few minutes when there weren’t customers, but he was lucky. The place was empty.
He wasn’t even sure that Callie would be working, but then she appeared from the back. She never failed to take his breath away. Her hair was swept up on top of her head, piled up and tied with a sweet little scarf. She had on a vintage green dress that fell to her knees and a pair of white high heeled, platform boots that nearly reached to the hem of the dress. She looked like she’d stepped right out of the past, obviously a look for the boutique, and she was absolutely adorable.
Matt couldn’t help the way his heart raced in his chest. He didn’t want to hope, but he couldn’t help how he felt.
Callie froze when she saw him. Those cornflower blue eyes that he adored, widened prettily. Her lips parted, but no sound came out.
“Hey,” he said softly. “I know I said I’d leave you alone, but Chantara told me to come. She told me where you are working and when you’ll be on shift.”
“Oh… I- she- she shouldn’t have...” her stammering trailed off right around the same time her hand snaked out and gripped the edge of the counter for support.
“Maybe she shouldn’t have,” Matt admitted. “But I’m glad she did. I need to say something to you, and it’s been bothering me for quite a while. Will you please hear me out?”
He half expected Callie to tell him to get lost and was almost surprised when she nodded. “Alright.” Her voice shook.
Matt took a deep breath. He knew he ran the risk of really offending Callie and of losing her for good, but he had to try. Nothing else had worked. “I just wanted to say that I know the past might have been shitty for you. Okay, it was shitty. But it wasn’t all roses and what not for me too. Having money doesn’t fix all your problems. Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s the rich people in the world who are the loneliest. Every single person I’ve ever been with used me for my money. They were only ever with me because they could get something from me. I might be successful and have a good job and a house and a car and all those things that you already know about, but it doesn’t mean that I’m happy or that I can’t be hurt. So, I want you to stop using that as an excuse to stay away from me. I don’t care that we come from different income levels. I- I might have been spoiled, according to you, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have feelings.”
“Matt, I-”
“No, just let me finish.” He felt like gripping something of his own for support, but he didn’t think that the mannequin to his right was going to do the trick, so he stayed right where he was, braced in the front entrance, his hands tucked against the suit he had on, since he’d just come from a meeting. “That night that we were- uh- together, you used me for something different than anyone else has. You used me for- for therapy. As a way to make yourself feel better. A way to try and move on from your past. Which I wouldn’t have
minded, if you hadn’t run, but you did it, knowing that you’d never see me again. What we shared that night- maybe it was only me who felt it- but it was incredible. It was amazing. I’ve never felt anything like that in my life. And then you left. In the middle of the night. You couldn’t even face me to tell me the truth in the morning. Honestly, it hurt, Callie. It really did.”
Callie’s features tightened. Her lips thinned into a hard line and her eyes darted away, but not before he saw the guilt there. He didn’t like it. He didn’t want to hurt her. He just wanted to try and make her understand.
“Matt…” she lifted her head and took a step forward. “I- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean- I- the whole thing shouldn’t have happened. I- it took me by surprise as much as it probably did for you and I agreed to your request thinking that I could just give you one date to stop you from asking and then that changed into something else. I wanted- I wanted to just live. For one night. I wanted to just let go of everything and just be alive. I wanted to let myself feel something for the first time in a long time. It wasn’t supposed to happen. I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. It just kept changing for me, and I kept trying to justify it to myself. And you’re right. I did use you. I wanted to feel better. I’ve realized that I’m really good at self-sabotage. A lot of people have told me that I have no right to be happy in my life and I believed them for a long time. People hurt me and I walled myself up so it wouldn’t happen again. I never saw you coming. But you were right. About everything you’ve said.”
