by Maggie Ryan
Belle refused to look back at him, but willed his hand not to leave her arm. Jake did leave her though. He walked out of the room with a backwards glance and held up his hand to indicate she not move. She was going to rub her skin raw, spinning the ring she wore on her middle finger repeatedly. Finally, she opted to sit on her hands to keep them from shaking and fidgeting. When the door opened again, she jumped so high she ended up off the bed and on her feet.
“I bought us some time. It’s a little trick that worked in high school, when we used to travel for football.”
“Relevance?”
“Axe and I would hang out with coach and the chaperone about thirty minutes before curfew. Then we’d feign exhaustion and say we were going to turn in early. At that point they wouldn’t come knocking at bed check. We could be out the back door of the hotel or whatever and never be disturbed.”
“And?”
“And, I just hung out at the nurses’ desk, asked for something to drink, had a little conversation and told them I was finally off to sleep. When they asked if they should come by with something to relax me, I told them no. We have at least two hours, before the shift change happens and the new nurse comes by to check. Now, we talk. No avoidance. No running. We are going to get this out in the open, princess, one way or another.”
They sat knees touching, facing the door, with the glow of the television bathing the room in ambient light, in complete silence. Not quite face-to-face, they were about to have a long overdue moment and suddenly neither one knew where to start. Belle scooted closer to the edge, extending her short legs, so they could tap the floor.
“I’m sorry, Belle. I really had the best intentions, but I clearly went about it the wrong way. Keeping the donor information from you was the wrong choice.”
“Why’d you do it? Was it just another thing to control?”
“Donating or the secret?”
“Please.”
“I am donating a kidney to your dad, because Matt is one of the best men, best humans I know. Look, I’m a paramedic. I’m in and out of this hospital all of the time. I saw you coming out of one of the emergency room bays and my heart stopped. I thought something happened to you. I went to a friend to find out and instead found out it was Matt who was the patient. I promise, once I knew you weren’t in danger I only wanted to help. Your parents are family to me. Period. I decided I would do whatever I could, as long as it didn’t disrupt or interfere with your life. Not to manipulate you, but for the exact opposite reason. I didn’t want you to think it was a ploy, because it wasn’t and isn’t.”
Belle wanted to believe his piacular, for months and months of lies, but his version seemed too easy. If she’d spent the last nine plus years keeping track of him, going out of her way to see him, while simultaneously ignoring him, then surely he had to be just as invested in her actions and movement. Tucker was small. There wasn’t a woman over the age of thirty in Tucker, who wasn’t in the gossip loop. He could have found out anything about her at any time. Did he not care as much as she did or was he being purposefully vague? She wasn’t sure, but being this close, touching, smelling, sharing the rhythm of breath with him was clouding her judgment.
He was telling her about a few months of her life, meanwhile she basically tracked him like a bloodhound for years.
“Going out west to Arizona State was our dream. We worked toward it every day, for two years. How many lost weekends went to SAT prep?”
“I never wanted to hurt you. There were just bigger things that had to be dealt with at the time. I know we were only kids, but I had adult responsibilities to take over.”
“Why did you wait until the last minute to tell me?”
“Honestly, it happened at the last minute, then I got scared.” Jake placed his hand on Belle’s knee hesitantly, fearing outright rejection.
She didn’t shove him off, but she also remained rigid, straight backed and questioning. “This is your story to tell. Don’t stop now.”
“The Marine recruiter was at school one day and on a whim Axe and I went in. He started telling me all the ways I could get the same end result, without a mountain of debt in student loans. What started as a lark was suddenly a very real option. Believe me, my mom hated the idea at first, but then she met Gunny Martinez and—well, she was won over. He’s very good at his job. Things went fast. There was a lot to do in a short amount of time and I wanted things in place before I said anything. Your tears broke my heart.”
“Your words broke mine.”
“I know. I thought with time you’d see and understand that going into the Corp was the best plan for me.”
“That was the biggest problem. You were thinking as you, instead of thinking as we. We could’ve gotten married. I could’ve gone with you. It just felt like you weren’t willing to do anything to keep me. You didn’t want me.”
The feeling of suffocation was taking over and suddenly his proximity was too much. Pacing in front of him, Belle attempted to recollect her nerves.
“You said we couldn’t get too serious in high school. You promised a more committed, adult relationship when we got to college. You said you loved me. Then you ripped that love and promise away from me. To do something I was terrified of, that we had never once even discussed. You shut the door on that discussion. Your decision was final. Well, I decided then that I was going to start making some decisions of my own and stop worrying what you might think.”
“Do you want them beating down the door? Lower your voice. Don’t give me that look. Lower it.”
“It was hard enough to lose the future, but what you did with the little time we had left, it wasn’t fair.”
“I was hurting too, Belle. It wasn’t easy. I was so worried about you.”
“See your words say one thing, but your actions were completely contradictory. No one who was worried about me would’ve ever kissed my best friend. I thought you refused to commit to a relationship because you were a little older, or you didn’t think I was ready, or you needed to play around more. I could’ve lived with it being anyone, except Kasey. Why her?”
“Is that what she told you?”
“Nope. Never mind. This is stupid. We’re adults now. Who gives a shit what happened a decade ago? You kissed her, you didn’t, I don’t care.”
“Clearly, that’s not true at all.” Jake pulled her back down on the bed to sit between his legs. Belle still couldn’t resist leaning into that embrace and she hated how that weakened her anger.
“Isabelle, I had plenty of girlfriends and my fair share of awkward high school sex, but it was never a secret and it was never with Kasey. There’s no way in hell I would cross that line. Not only was she your best friend, but also Axe was mine and I wouldn’t betray either of you that way. Now, I don’t know what you saw, what you heard, what you think, or what was reported to you, but nothing happened between me and Kasey.”
“Not even acceptance weekend? We were all going to Axe’s house to celebrate and share where we were all going to college and I came down with that wretched stomach bug.”
“I remember. I also offered to come over, feed you soup and tea and watch old movies with you. You insisted that I go to the party.”
“I wanted you to celebrate for us both.”
“I wanted to celebrate with you.” Moving her hair aside, he trailed kisses down her neck. “Hair tie?”
Running his hand down her arm he loved that she was a creature of habit. He pulled the elastic from her wrist and gathered her hair into it.
“Thanks. Tired of inhaling curls?”
“I still don’t know why she came to the party, considering her news wasn’t great, but there she was, and getting trashed. Axe tried talking to her before he was soaked in beer himself, but it fueled her anger and not her good judgment. Princess, your friend was far gone. She was in the kitchen mixing drinks and using a butcher knife to hack at fruit like a mad woman. I thought she was going to lose a thumb. Screaming out loud, not to anyone, but jus
t out loud. She was cursing the school, her parents, her future, Axe, and a myriad of things that didn’t make sense, nor that I remember. I just thought I needed to get her out of there. So, I picked her up and hauled her butt into the pantry to talk some sense into her. I thought I closed the door, but maybe I didn’t. I don’t know.”
“There’s a point I’m guessing.”
“She didn’t get into her first two choices and only got a partial scholarship to her third choice. We all knew money would be Kasey’s biggest obstacle. Her parents refused to pay tuition at some expensive out of state school. Community college was her only option and continued work in the diner. Belle, she was in a bad place. I just wanted to comfort her. Yes, she did try to kiss me, but I never let it go anywhere and I sure as hell didn’t kiss her back. It was a hug, an intimate and private hug and a very personal moment. Anything out of context can be seen in a bad light, but we didn’t cross any lines.”
“It’s not what she said.”
“At the pool? I’m not sure she would even remember. What started the conversation? How did that even come up?”
“I was complaining about you, of course, and our ruined plans, then she kind of went ballistic. Calling me names and saying how I was ungrateful, she said I always got everything I wanted, except you.”
“Babe, she was lashing out. Absolutely, nothing happened.”
“Well, according to her, she was giving you something the privileged, princess, virgin couldn’t or wouldn’t give you.”
“Turn around.”
Taking off her shoes first, Belle turned around and sat back on her haunches.
“Yes?”
“Nothing ever happened. There was never a chance then or now. I was no altar boy, but once I knew I wanted forever with you, that all stopped. Do you hear what I’m saying to you? Do you understand me?”
Staring into his eyes, Belle knew the truth of his heart. Her arms wrapped around his neck. She was no rookie anymore. Things were new and familiar at once. He was still solid, with huge hands and arms the size of her legs. Those arms pulled her atop his chest, allowing his hands to roam under her shirt. Belle’s kisses matched his with the same urgency and need. Jake threw a leg over hers, capturing her, even though getting away was the last thing she was thinking about. She did eventually come up for air.
“Ah, I, um—this was not how I expected the day to end.”
“Me either, but I can’t say I’m disappointed with the turn of events.”
“I feel ridiculous. Just so stupid for holding a grudge for so long.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t call yourself stupid. Things happen for a reason and when they’re supposed to. You don’t mess with divine order.”
“So, this situation is blessed. Is that what you’re saying?”
“Oh, yeah. Definitely.”
Complications
Belle, May, Mrs. Martin, and Morgan all waited together. The secret was out of the bag and they were absolutely stronger together. It was an uncomfortable silence created out of nervousness and uncertainty about the future and how they would each be impacted.
May wanted to finish growing old with the man she adored. The thought of starting new weighed her down in despair. Morgan and her mother worried about losing the only person in the world they’d had to take care of them since Mr. Martin’s passing. Belle, well she was stuck playing various vignettes of their lives together, after the night they spent in his hospital room. She wasn’t sure what the future held, but it felt good to just have him back. It was the comfort of knowing someone for years. They shared a type of shorthand born of history.
Two doctors came through the double doors, but after a quick look around found only the four women in the waiting room.
“Martin Family?” The taller of the two announced.
May and Belle were up in an instant, headed for his shorter counterpart. Both groups were engaged in a serious exchange and after a quick wave off, Belle followed her mother and the doctor to the recovery area.
It was several hours later, when they were once again alone in his room that Belle began to worry about Jake’s shallow breaths. She’d never known him to be an asthmatic, but he had all of the signs of an attack.
“Jake, what’s wrong? Should I get the nurse?”
“No,” he answered, so lowly it was practically a gasp.
Belle raced out of the room. Machines began to beep and the nurses were running toward her. Her brain couldn’t process that they were going to the room she just left.
It was something called pneumothorax, a collapsed lung. It was a post op concern, but pretty unlikely. Sitting by his bed, Belle guessed they were ironically lucky. Jake was rushed back into surgery to relieve the pressure and insert a chest tube.
She had come back to help her mom take care of her dad with every intention of avoiding the very man whose bed she now held vigil beside. Her mom and Mrs. Martin tried to get her to go home for short stints, but Belle couldn’t handle the idea of him waking up, even once, and her not being there. After fifty hours in the confines of room 306-A and the adjacent hallway, Belle was dozing off in the chair, with her hand on Jake’s and her head lolling back and forth.
“Princess?”
“Shh, oh, my God, Jake! Um, don’t talk. Let me get a nurse.” It was a case of déjà vu. This time she made it to the nurse’s desk and practically dragged her to the room.
Recovery wasn’t easy. Nothing worth it was ever easy according to her mother and Grammy. Jake was definitely worth it, even if he could be the worse patient on the planet. He had to be on his back for six weeks and Belle was splitting her time relieving her mom and Mrs. Martin. Her father was a much better patient.
“You are not supposed to be out of bed.”
“Yes, I can. I’m up tons, when you aren’t hovering.”
“Well, I’m sorry I want you to actually get better. You can’t take any chances, Jake. The surgery was supposed to be a cakewalk for you, compared to daddy, and you end up with a collapsed lung.”
“Princess, I know you must’ve been terrified, but I’m here and I’m doing fine.”
“Yeah, well, you weren’t. You went from talking to not breathing in seconds and you might not want to hear this, but I was scared. Really scared. So if I need you to be careful and follow the damn doctor’s orders to the letter, then you do it.” Belle was shaking and she was roughly wiping at the tears that began to flow.
Jake suddenly saw it all, the feisty girl who dragged him to lunch on his first day at a new school. The girl he shot hoops with every Saturday afternoon, until high school. She was his best friend, the girl who played video games, laser tag, and paintball; the one who would race him across the football field in her cheerleading uniform. Even when she was her most outrageous, she could make him laugh, and her acceptance of his discipline made him love her more. They could stay up and laugh at the silliest things and watch the sunset in silence, from the back of his dad’s truck. It was during one of those nights, when he was watching her and she was watching the sun that he knew he wanted to spend forever with her. There was an unimpressive list of one-night stands and short-term relationships, but there was never another Beulah Isabelle Grayson. She would always be his princess.
Standing in front of her, hearing and seeing her heartbreak, brought it all back. The time lost and wasted. He wouldn’t do that again.
“My beautiful, Belle. I am so very sorry. I hear you, I promise. There will be no unnecessary risk. If the doctor says only up to for meals and the bathroom, that will be the only movement I make.”
“I know I was stubborn and childish and that we lost a lot of time together because of that, but I’m here now. You just have to do what they say, so you can be here with me.”
“I can make you two promises. One, all the bossing, yelling, and swearing will be discussed when I have the strength to get you over my lap properly. Two, you and I have a date with forever, sooner rather than later.”
Epilogue
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“Come on, Jake! Geez, how flipping long does it take to change your shoes and grab my b… Ow!”
“If you don’t want that one smack to turn into a real delay, then I suggest you settle down and change your tone.”
“I just don’t want to be late.”
Jake kissed his wife and rubbed her protruding belly. It was the second anniversary of the transplant and her folks were going on a cruise. They were supposed to be out of the house a half hour earlier, but between wardrobe changes and multiple last minute bathroom stops they were now running late.
“It’s not a surprise party, princess, and we certainly don’t need to be the first ones there.”
“I know, but we have the cake, so we probably shouldn’t be the last ones either.”
“Belle, I know you have an article deadline, you’re worried about all the party details, and—”
“And I feel like I have a basketball sitting on my bladder. I love these babies, but I want them outside of my body already.”
“You’ll be fine, and I’ll rub your feet when we get home.”
“Let’s drop off the cake and come back and do that.”
Jake guided her to the door with a hand on her lower back and his fingers pressed against her even rounder bottom. He gave her a little pat.
“No snapping at your mama today, either. It’s her party, her house, and her way. Say it.”
Belle rolled her eyes and turned her pursed lips into a wide grin, as she repeated his phrase.
“Her party, her house, her way. This party won’t be the hardest thing to get through today. I can’t give any party advice, but she is a never ending vessel of pregnancy input.”
“And, you’re going to smile through all of it.”
He kissed her temple before he closed the car door. As he walked around to the driver’s side, Jake couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. It had all fallen into place. Every moment had led them there, to the best moment of all—forever.
