“Given you’re the one puking your guts up, while you grow another person, I highly doubt it’s worse for him.”
Her gaze goes out the side window. “I think he feels useless.”
Actually, for Dean that would be worse; he’s a man of action.
“It’ll be worth it in the end when you’re holding that baby,” I assure her.
At the twenty-weeks scan, Lawler junior was being shy, so they couldn’t see the baby’s sex. They have no clue what they’re having. Not knowing would kill me, but they seem weirdly okay about it.
Every time I ask Dean if he wants a boy or a girl, he just mutters ‘healthy’ at me, but secretly, I think he’s worried about having a girl, and I can understand that. He was protective enough of me growing up; he’s going to be ten-times worse with his own daughter.
“Oh, yeah, I’m sure at that point all this will be forgotten. Dean just worries.”
For good reason. Liv’s pregnancy didn’t exactly start on the best footing, considering she only found out she was carrying the baby after her ex kicked the hell out of her. The fact the baby survived that was a miracle in itself. It’s little wonder Dean’s on edge.
Logan parks the car close to the front door of the clubhouse and the three of us make our way inside.
Liv, despite her vomiting escapades this morning, looks beautiful in her soft green dress that cinches above her baby bump. Her blonde hair is worn loose in waves to her shoulders. She’s not quite glowing, but she does look better than she did earlier.
As we approach the dining room, Logan snags my wrist. “I’ll be in my office. You girls need anything, let me know.”
“Thank you, honey.”
I go to my toes as he dips his head and I press my lips to his. Kissing Logan, loving Logan, will never be enough. He consumes me. He’s my soul, my heart, my world and I hope he knows the power he holds. I hope he knows that if he walks away from me again, I wouldn’t survive it.
“Be good,” he murmurs.
“I can’t promise that,” I tell him.
I grin at him as I grab Liv’s hand. “Come on, baby mama, let’s go inside.”
As soon as we step over the dining room threshold, we’re greeted with shrieking and surrounded by the women. They’re all here: the Harlows, Mackenzie, Sofia and Mary; Clara; Jamie; Sammy; Paige; and Liv’s friend and boss from the shelter, Holly. Dorothy, Dean’s gran, is also here and comes to Liv, taking both hands in hers.
“You look radiant, darling girl.”
“I don’t feel it,” she mutters, her hand automatically going to her stomach.
“Come and sit down.” Clara gestures to the table.
The girls did a hell of a job. The dining room looks amazing. They’ve set up one table in the middle of the room with a white table cloth and gold accents. There are helium balloons around the room with ‘baby shower’ on them, and banners with similar slogans. The table is filled with food that looks amazing and there’s non-alcoholic fizz along the table. There’s another table filled with gifts. I sent mine and Logan’s present with Mackenzie and I spot the wrapping paper among the others.
“You guys really went to town,” Liv says as she takes everything in.
“Of course we did,” Sofia tells her. “You’re one of us and we love you, girly.”
I watch as Liv swallows hard at this statement. Like a lot of the people who come into the Club from outside, I don’t think Liv ever fitted anywhere before, so I can see how much Sofia’s words mean to her.
“And you’re going to push a baby out of your vajayjay in a few months’ time,” Jamie adds, tossing her red hair. “You deserve a party for that alone.”
For the next few hours, we eat, drink the faux booze, and laugh more than I’ve laughed in probably a decade. It feels so good to let go. And this… this is what the Club is about. If only we can get the boys to this stage.
I hate that they’re at such loggerheads with each other still. It’s probably insane to think a wedding can heal these rifts, but I have to hope. I have to have hope because the alternative is the Club falls apart.
“Shall we do gifts?” Mackenzie signs.
“Absolutely,” I say. “Just let me visit the ladies’ room first.”
“You bitches all have bladders like you’re ninety,” Jamie complains. Then glances at Dorothy. “No offence.”
With a completely straight face, Dorothy mutters back, “Offence taken.” Considering she’s only just pushing seventy, I can see why she’d take the hump at this, but Jamie doesn’t seem to notice her words did actually insult Dean’s gran. Then again, I don’t think Jamie notices much of anything.
Liv pushes up from the table as I do.
“I need to go, too.” Liv’s statement earns a collective giggle. “What? You’ve plied me with about fifteen glasses of fizzy orange. I’m going to be peeing the entire evening.”
Holly snorts. “I thought you just peed a lot in work to get out of making coffee.”
“No, but it is a convenient excuse,” Liv says with a not-so-innocent smile.
“You owe me a lot of coffee rounds when you’re done gestating, sweetie.”
This makes me laugh. “Okay, let’s get the pregnant lady to the bathroom before we have a clean-up situation.”
“I’m not at the peeing myself stage yet,” Liv says, with a roll of her eyes.
“Yet?” Paige winces. “Is there a time when that happens?”
“Oh yeah,” Mary says as Dorothy mutters, “Absolutely.”
“Jesus,” Jamie shudders. “I’m staying kid free.”
“It’s worth it in the end, right, Mum?” Sofia looks at her mother expectantly.
Mary gives her a thin smile then pats her leg. “Of course, darling.”
“Well, thank you for that ringing endorsement.”
I give Liv a nudge. Otherwise we’re going to be here all day listening to this.
We push through the dining room doors and into the corridor. The nearest bathroom is towards the common room, so we head in that direction.
“I can’t believe the amount of work you guys put in for this,” Liv says, her hand resting on her stomach as we walk. “I didn’t expect it. I’m a little overwhelmed.”
“Yeah, this lot have that effect.”
They really do. They can be a little much if you’re not used to them, but they mean well.
“I’m really grateful, though.”
I cast a sidelong glance at Liv. “Sofia was right when she said you’re one of us, honey. You are. Anything you need, no matter what, we’ll all be there for you.”
Raised voices cut through any response she might be about to make, and I glance at Liv before I turn in the direction it’s coming from. We can’t see anything because the voices are coming from one of the forks in the corridor that disappears out of our line of sight, but we can sure as shit hear everything.
“…angling for a fight, boy? Because if you want one, let’s go now.”
Slade. I recognise his voice immediately.
And he sounds pissed off.
“Oh, fuck off, you stupid bastard. I could take you with my eyes closed.” Jem. Being diplomatic, as usual. “I’m not spoiling for anything, but actions have consequences. You had to know that.”
“I’m not discussing this shit with you, Jem.”
“Oh? You’re not? You’re just a law unto yourself, huh? All hail Emperor Slade.”
I wince at his tone. This has the potential to get out of hand, fast. I grab Liv’s arm. “We should go back.”
“I know.” She winces. “But I really do need to pee.”
There’s another bathroom down the other end of the hall, so I nudge her in that direction. Neither of us speak a word until we’re behind closed doors.
“Things are kind of tense lately, right?” she says.
That’s putting it mildly.
“Yeah,” I mutter.
“Dean’s been quiet the past couple of weeks.”
Thi
s doesn’t surprise me. Considering he and Wade blew the lid off this whole situation, he’s probably feeling terrible for it. His actions caused a huge rift right down the middle of the Club, exposed Tap and Dylan’s betrayals, as well as the lies Derek and Slade were telling, too. He must be feeling awful.
“He’ll be okay. Just give him time to deal with everything. What he and Wade did put the Club in a tailspin.”
Liv rubs her lower back. “I know. Well, I mean, I don’t know, know. They keep so many secrets from us. It’s hard.”
“Yeah,” I agree because it can be and for someone like Liv, who didn’t grow up in this world, it can be really impossible to understand how it works. It’s hard for me, and I did. “But they do it to protect us and I know that sounds ridiculous. Most of the time I want to slap Logan around the head for not telling me things, but it is necessary. Believe me, we’re better off not knowing.”
And this is the truth. I wish I could unhear what I know about Slade.
“Do you think things will be okay?” Liv asks me in a small voice.
I squeeze her hand. “Yeah, Liv, things will be fine. We’re family and like all families we have our ups and downs, but at the end of the day we have each other’s backs.”
And I hope to hell that is the truth.
Chapter Twelve
I’m getting ready to head out for my first official dress trying on session when I get an email from a new client. This isn’t unusual; since I started up the business, all my clients have been new (obviously), but it is certainly welcome. I was worried when I first set up BM Marketing Solutions, I wouldn’t make any money and that all the money I spent getting set up would just fall into a black hole. Fortunately, that hasn’t been the case, although I’m not yet turning a huge profit, I am turning some. As word of mouth goes around, I’m seeing more and more clients heading my way. The Club, which was my first client, has spent a fair bit with me. This is great, since we now have a wedding (and a house move) to pay for.
Logan assures me I don’t ever need to worry about money, that he has more than enough to take care of us both, but I don’t like the idea of him paying for everything. I want to take care of him as much as he takes care of me.
So, a new potential client puts me in a great mood. I read through the email and see what is needed. It’s a new business he’s looking to set up and he’s after a full marketing package, which is great news for me.
I attach my standard form of what I need from him details wise and have just finished sending the email when Logan steps into the kitchen.
Placing my half-full mug on the table, I glance up from my laptop, beaming. “I think I just secured a new client. I mean, don’t count chickens or anything, but it sounds positive.”
He gives me a dimpled grin as he rubs a hand over his chest. “That’s great, love. I knew you’d smash this.”
I can’t help it; I beam at his praise. “Thank you for believing in me.”
“Beth, you’re the smartest, most determined person I know. You were always going to succeed.”
Again, I flush with pleasure at his words. Bloody hell. He knows what to say all the time.
“Well, you’re pretty fantabulous yourself.”
He plants one hand on the table, the other on the back of the chair and dips low to kiss me. “Yeah?”
“Yes. We don’t have time for any funny business this morning.” And I wish I didn’t sound so gutted about it. “Your sisters are picking me up in about ten minutes.”
He nuzzles my neck. “Hmm, that’s too bad. I guess we’ll have to make up for it later.”
A shiver runs through me at the promise in his words.
“How am I supposed to get through a whole day with that reverberating around my brain?”
“I’m sure you’ll manage,” he says against the shell of my ear and his warm breath sends another shiver racing through me.
Lord.
I shove him back. “Okay, you need to stop because if you don’t, I’m going to take you here on the kitchen table.”
His eyes darken as they slide towards the table. “Now, that’s an offer.”
“Logan! Focus. I have shit to do. So do you for that matter.”
I’m not sure if that is true, but given he’s dressed and wearing his kutte, it’s a fair assumption. I try not to wonder if whatever he’s doing today has anything to do with his little brother getting into it with Slade at Liv’s baby shower.
Not my circus, not my monkeys.
His sigh is laced with frustration. “You’re a tease.”
I roll my eyes. “How about when I get back I’ll let you fuck me senseless on the dining table—even if it is all kinds of unsanitary?”
I expect a smirk, what I get is his brows pulling together. “Darlin’.”
“What?”
He drags me to my feet, his hands slipping under my tee to span my ribs. “You should have stopped before the unsanitary bit.”
“Well, it is.”
My mobile phone buzzes on the table and I glance down to see a message flash up from Mackenzie. I barely catch the words ‘Outside’ before the screen goes black.
“Your sisters are here.”
“You better finish getting ready then.”
I burrow against him, my arms going around his waist. “I’d rather stay here and have wild kitchen table sex.”
“Even if it is unsanitary?”
“We can get a new table.”
He laughs. “Babe, go and buy a dress. I’ll fuck you senseless later.”
My legs wobble at that. “Promise?”
“I guarantee it.”
The bridal shop sits behind the high street down the dodgiest looking alleyway I’ve ever seen. If it wasn’t for the fact I’ve lived in this town my entire life, I’d be worried.
Mackenzie and Liv talk as they walk, Liv verbally, Mackenzie signing. Liv’s been learning it seems. Her understanding is really good. I wonder who has been teaching her—maybe Dean.
Charlie, one of the prospects, trails behind us, alert. I haven’t seen Lucas around since he failed to show after I left Grandad’s the other day, so I’m not sure what happened to him, and I’m scared to ask Logan, given all the violence going around lately. Not that he’ll tell me anyway. He’ll just trot out a line about ‘Club business’ and that will be the end of that.
As we reach the shop, Mary stops outside, bringing us all to a halt.
“Before we go in, there’s no looking at price tags. Money is not an issue. I have a budget from Logan, Jimmy and Jack.”
I frown at her. “You’ve spoken to Dad?”
“Not exactly.” Mary winces slightly. “Jimmy’s sorting the money side from your father. You’re not to worry anyway. Just try them on, and get whichever one you want.”
“I’m not spending a grand on the wedding and then double that on a dress.”
Mary’s hand goes up. “Darling girl, you get the dress you want. My son was adamant about this. And frankly, so am I.” She takes my face in her hands. “You only get to wear your wedding dress once. It should be special.”
“Jesus, just say yes, B,” Sofia says, rubbing her hands up her arms, shivering, “or we’ll be here all day.”
It is cold today. November started with a frost in the air and Sofia is dressed for fashion today, not the climate, in a tiny cropped jacket. No wonder she’s freezing.
“Fine. I’ll get what I like.”
The others push into the shop and I turn to Charlie. I wring my hands together, feeling more than a little awkward.
“Uh, are you joining us? I mean, you’re more than welcome to.”
Although that would probably be all kinds of weird for him.
He gives me a lazy smile that I’m sure does all sorts of crazy things to the women he meets. The kid must be nineteen or twenty, if he’s a day. He’s cute, and if I was ten years younger, I’m sure I’d be falling all over him, but I can’t believe he’s old enough to be wearing the prospect patch. H
e has shaggy blond hair that falls into piercing blue eyes—eyes that look as if they have seen shit no one his age should have. With the tattoos and rings adorning his fingers, plus the leather cuffs on his wrists, he looks every inch the bad boy in training.
“I’ll wait in the shop. Lo said I had to keep an eye on you all until Dean can get here.”
I don’t know where Dean is today, but Liv said he left early this morning and said he’d be at the shop to take us home later. I guess with Derek and Ghost still in London and Dad fuck knows where in Germany, things are tight at the clubhouse and everyone is having to pull their weight.
Logan has been there more than usual, too, but he’s still finding time to come home. They don’t have the manpower to spare. Trailing us all around town is putting far too much pressure on already stretched resources, and it’s unnecessary. Dylan hasn’t been seen since Weed chased him out of Wade’s flat, and while I know we shouldn’t let our guard down, surely if he was going to do anything, he would have done it already, right?
I head into the shop and find the Harlows, Jamie, Sammy, Clara and Paige waiting already. After some rather noisy greetings, we’re taken into the back part of the shop where there are some comfy sofas and chairs and then we start the fashion parade.
The sales girl is a little younger than me and is called Davina. She brings out a rack full of dresses and me and the girls whittle down the choices to a handful to try on. I’m not feeling the huge fluffy skirts, although I do keep back some long gowns. I know I wasn’t thinking anything too fussy, but holy hell, how can I resist these things? They’re gorgeous.
The first two I try on are beautiful, but they are not right at all. The first one makes my hips look like they go on forever, and the second one makes me seem flat on top. The girls cheer me with everything I try on and I love them for it, but I’m getting tired. These dresses weigh a ton. I want something lighter.
I say this to Davina who disappears and comes back a few moments later with a lacy white dress that looks floatier than the others and not as frilly. It has a satin belt around the waist and a scalloped edge. It’s pretty and more me.
Renewed Rider: A Lost Saxons Novel #4 Page 11
