Yet not what makes men laugh is good or honourable, but rather what makes them joyful; and for lack of joy and for ignorance thereof men seek laughter. You must have heard of the plant called Sardonian, which produces laughter, but sure, but a laughter which is distressing and disastrous.
[100] χαλεπὸν δὲ τοῦτον καὶ ἐπ᾽ ὀλέθρῳ. μὴ οὖν σφόδρα οὕτως περιέχεσθετούτου, μηδὲ ἀμούσους καὶ φορτικὰς καὶ ἀμαθεῖς ποιεῖτε τὰς Χάριτας, ἀλλὰ μᾶλλον Εὐριπίδην μιμεῖσθε οὕτω λέγοντα:
μὴ παυσαίμην τὰς Χάριτας
Μούσαις ἀναμιγνύς, ἁδίσταν συζυγίαν:
[p. 297] ἵνα μὴ τὸ Μουσεῖον ὑμῖν ἄλλως εἶναι δοκῇ τόπος ἐν τῇ πόλει, καθάπερ οἶμαι καὶ ἄλλοι τόποι μάτην προσαγορεύονται, τὸ πρᾶγμα μὴ ἔχοντες μετὰ τοῦ ὀνόματος.
[100] Therefore be not so devoted to that laughter, nor cause the Graces to be unmusical and vulgar and boorish, but rather imitate Euripides in these lines of his:
May I ne’er cease to join in one
The Muses and the Graces;
Such union is surpassing sweet,
and thus will your Mouseion be regarded, not just as a place in the city, as indeed, I fancy, there are other places with labels devoid of meaning, not possessing a character to match the name.
[101] ἀλλὰ γὰρ δέδοικα μὴ κἀμοὶ συμβέβηκεν ὅ φασιν Αἰγυπτίων τινὶ τῶν σφόδρα ἀρχαίων μουσικῷ. ἐκείνῳ γὰρ τὸ δαιμόνιόν ποτε προειπεῖν καθ᾽ ὕπνον ὡς εἰς ὄνου ὦτα ᾄσεται. καὶ δὴ τὸν μὲν ἄλλον χρόνον οὐ προσεῖχεν οὐδὲ ἐφρόντιζε τοῦ ὀνείρατος, ὡς οὐδενὸς ὄντος. ἐπεὶ δὲ ὁ τύραννος τῶν Σύρων ἧκεν εἰς Μέμφιν, ἐκπληττομένων αὐτὸν τῶν Αἰγυπτίων ἐκάλεσεν. ἐπεδείκνυτο οὖν πάσῃ προθυμίᾳ καὶ τἀκριβέστερα τῆς τέχνης: ὁ δέ, οὐ γὰρ ἦν οἱ σύνεσις μουσικῆς, ἐκέλευε παύσασθαι αὐτὸν ἀτιμάσας. ὁ δὲ ἀναμνησθεὶς ἐκείνου τοῦ ὀνείρατος, Τοῦτ᾽ ἦν ἄρα, ἔφη, τὸ εἰς ὄνου ὦτα ᾄδειν. ὁ δὲ τύραννος ἀκούσας τῶν ἑρμηνέων οἷα ἔλεγεν ἔδει καὶ ἐμαστίγου τὸν ἄνδρα, καὶ τοῦτο πολέμου λέγουσιν αἴτιον γενέσθαι.
[101] But enough of this, for I fear that I too have had the experience that they say befell a certain Egyptian, a musician of the very early school. For the story goes that the deity once told that musician in a dream that he was destined to sing into an ass’s ears. And for a while he paid no heed and gave no thought to the dream, as being a matter of no consequence. But when the tyrant of Syria came to Memphis, since the Egyptians admired the artist, he summoned him. So the musician gave a performance with all zest and displayed the more intricate phases of his art; but the tyrant — for he had no appreciation of music — bade his cease and treated him with disdain. And the musician, recalling that forgotten dream, exclaimed, “So that was the meaning of the saying, ‘to sing into an ass’s ears’ “. And the tyrant, having heard from his interpreters what the musician had said, bound and flogged the man, and this incident, they say, was the occasion of a war.
THE THIRTY-THIRD, OR FIRST TARSIC, DISCOURSE
ΤΑΡΣΙΚΟΣ ΠΡΩΤΟΣ.
THE THIRTY-THIRD, OR FIRST TARSIC, DISCOURSE
In this Discourse Dio appears to be addressing a public gathering of the people of Tarsus upon invitation. Like the comic poets to whom he refers, he treats his audience to λοιδορία, inveighing against their wantonness and moral decay. Fully half of what he has to say is concerned with what he calls ῥέγκειν. Though his treatment of that topic is manifestly humorous, it is designed to make palatable the serious charges that he desires to make.
The word ῥέγκειν is said to mean now ‘snort,’ now ‘snore.’ For lack of an English word of like flexibility, the translator has elected to use consistently that one of the two conventional meanings that seemed the better adapted to the majority of occurrences. ‘Snort,’ however, is doubtless inadequate as an interpretation of Dio’s meaning. He himself appears to be perplexed as to the proper label for the sound to which he has applied the term (55). He does give some clues. It is a sound made by some persons when asleep (34), by small boys, and by some mature men of good standing (33-34). It might be taken to denote the presence of a brothel (36). It is made by persons of uncertain sex (36). It is more suitable for the elderly (45). It is produced by the nose (50). It is a symptom of bad morals (50-51). It is not clucking or smacking of the lips or whistling, nor is it employed by shepherds, plowmen, huntsmen, or sailors (55). It is a sound peculiar to neither man nor woman, not even to a harlot, but rather to a male of the most debased sort (60). If, then, Dio himself, in spite of elaborate efforts to define the sound, has found no better term to symbolize his meaning, perhaps indulgence may be shown the translator.
To the modern reader Tarsus inevitably suggests the name of Paul. The picture of that ancient city, half Greek and half oriental, to be found in this Discourse and in the one to follow, awakens the keener interest for that reason. Sir William Ramsay holds that the Athenodorus of whom we hear exerted an influence upon the thought of Paul. Arnim assigns the present Discourse to Dio’s latest period.
[1] ἐγὼ θαυμάζω τί ποτ᾽ ἐστὶ τὸ ὑμέτερον καὶ τί προσδοκῶντες ἢ βουλόμενοι τοὺς τοιούτους ἀνθρώπους διαλέγεσθαι ὑμῖν ζητεῖτε, πότερον εὐφώνους οἴεσθε εἶναι καὶ φθέγγεσθαι ἥδιον τῶν ἄλλων, ἔπειτα ὥσπερ ὀρνέων ποθεῖτε ἀκούειν μελῳδούντων ὑμῖν ἢ δύναμιν ἄλλην ἔχειν ἔν τε ὀνόμασι καὶ διανοήμασι δριμυτέρας τινὸς πειθοῦς καὶ τῷ ὄντι δεινῆς, ἣν καλεῖτε ῥητορικήν, ἔν τε ἀγοραῖς καὶ περὶ τὸ βῆμα δυναστεύουσαν, ἤ τινα ἔπαινον καθ᾽ αὑτῶν ἀκούσεσθαι οἰόμενοι καὶ δημόσιον ὕμνον τῆς πόλεως, περί τε Περσέως καὶ Ἡρακλέους καὶ τοῦ Ἀπόλλωνος τῆς τριαίνης καὶ περὶ χρησμῶν [p. 298] τῶν γενομένων, καὶ ὥς ἐστε Ἕλληνες καὶ Ἀργεῖοι καὶ ἔτι βελτίους,
The Thirty-third, or First Tarsic, Discourse
I wonder what on earth is your purpose, and what your expectation or desire, in seeking to have such persons as myself discourse for you. Do you think us to be sweet-voiced and more pleasant of utterance than the rest, so that, as if we were song-birds, you long to hear us make melody for you; or do you believe that we possess a different power in word and thought alike, a power of persuasion that is keener and truly formidable, which you call rhetoric, a power that holds sway both in the forum and on the rostrum; or is it because you expect to hear some laudation directed at yourselves, some patriotic hymn in praise of your city, all about Perseus and Heracles and the Lord of the Trident and the oracles that you have received, and how you are Hellenes, yes, Argives or even better, and how you have as founders heroes and demigods — or, I should say, Titans?
[2] καὶ ἀρχηγοὺς ἔχετε ἥρωας καὶ ἡμιθέους, μᾶλλον δὲ Τιτᾶνας: ἔτι δὲ οἶμαι περί τε τῆς χώρας καὶ τῶν ὀρῶν τῶν κατ᾽ αὐτὴν καὶ τοῦδε τοῦ Κύδνου, ὡς δεξιώτατος ἁπάντων ποταμῶν καὶ κάλλι
στος, οἵ τε ἀπ᾽ αὐτοῦ πίνοντες ἀφνειοὶ καὶ μακάριοι καθ᾽ Ὅμηρον.ταῦτα γὰρ ἐστὶ μὲν ἀληθῆ, καὶ συνεχῶς αὐτὰ ἀκούετε τῶν τε ποιητῶν ἐν μέτροις καὶ ἄλλων ἀνδρῶν αὐτὸ τοῦτο ἔργον πεποιημένων ἐγκωμιάζειν, δεῖται δὲ μεγάλης τινὸς παρασκευῆς καὶ δυνάμεως.
[2] You may even, methinks, expect to hear a eulogy of your land and of the mountains it contains and of yonder Cydnus, how the most kindly of all rivers and the most beautiful and how those who drink its waters are ‘affluent and blessed,’ to use the words of Homer. For such praise is true indeed and you are constantly hearing it both from the poets in their verse and from other men also who have made it their business to pronounce encomia; but that sort of performance requires ample preparation and the gift of eloquence.
[3] τί οὖν ἡμᾶς ἐλπίζετε ἐρεῖν; ἢ τί μάλιστα ἀκοῦσαι σπεύδετε παρὰ ἀνδρῶν οὐκ εὐτραπέλων οὐδὲ πρὸς χάριν ὁμιλεῖν εἰδότων οὐδὲ αἱμύλων οὐδὲ ὑπὸ τρυφῆς ἰόντων ἐπὶ τοὺς λόγους; ὅτι μὲν γὰρ οὐ χρήματα ἐλπίζοντες παρ᾽ ἡμῶν οὐδὲ ἄλλο τι δῶρον καὶ πάνυ ἐπίσταμαι. φέρε οὖν ἔγωγε εἴπω τὴν ἐμαυτοῦ ὑπόνοιαν.
[3] What, then, do you expect us to say? Or what above all are you eager to hear from men who are not of nimble wit and know not how to make gratification the aim of their discourse, who are not flatterers nor moved by insolence to mount the platform? For that you are not expecting money from us nor any other contribution, I am well aware.
Well then, let me state my own suspicions.
[4] δοκεῖτέ μοι πολλάκις ἀκηκοέναι θείων ἀνθρώπων, οἳ πάντα εἰδέναι φασὶ καὶ περὶ πάντων ἐρεῖν ᾗ διατέτακται καὶ τίνα ἔχει φύσιν,περί τε ἀνθρώπων καὶ δαιμόνων καὶ περὶ θεῶν, ἔτι δὲ γῆς καὶ οὐρανοῦ καὶ θαλάττης, καὶ περὶ ἡλίου καὶ σελήνης καὶ τῶν ἄλλων ἄστρων, καὶ περὶ τοῦ σύμπαντος κόσμου, καὶ περὶ φθορᾶς καὶ γενέσεως καὶ μυρίων ἄλλων. ἔπειτ᾽ οἶμαι προσελθόντες ὑμῶν πυνθάνονται τί βούλεσθε αὐτοὺς εἰπεῖν καὶ περὶ τίνος, κατὰ τὸν Πίνδαρον,Ἰσμηνὸν ἢ χρυσηλάκατον Μελίαν ἢ Κάδμον: ὅ, τι δ᾽ ἂν ἀξιώσητε ὑμεῖς, ἔνθεν ἑλὼν ἄθρουν καὶ πολὺν ἀφήσει τὸν λόγον, ὥσπερ τι ῥεῦμα ἄφθονον ἐν αὐτῷ κατακεκλειμένον.
[4] You seem to me to have listened frequently to marvellous men, who claim to know all things, and regarding all things to be able to tell how they have been appointed and what their nature is, their repertoire including, not only human beings and demigods, but gods, yes, and even the earth, the sky, the sea, the sun and moon and other stars — in fact the entire universe — and also the processes of corruption and generation and ten thousand other things. And then, methinks, they come to you and ask you what you want them to say and upon what topic — as Pindar put it,
Ismenus or Melia of the golden distaff or noble Cadmus;
and whatsoever you may deem suitable, the speaker starts from there and pours forth a steady and copious flood of speech, like some abundant river that has been dammed upon within him.
[5] ἔπειθ᾽ ὑμεῖς ἀκούοντες τὸ μὲν ἐξετάζειν καθ᾽ ἕκαστον ἢ ἀπιστεῖνἀνδρὶ σοφῷ φαῦλον ἡγεῖσθε καὶ ἄκαιρον, ἄλλως δὲ τῇ ῥώμῃ καὶ τῇ ταχυτῆτι τῶν λόγων ἐπαίρεσθε καὶ πάνυ χαίρετε ἀπνευστὶ ξυνείροντος τοσοῦτον ὄχλον ῥημάτων, καὶ πεπόνθατε ὅμοιον τοῖς ὁρῶσι τοὺς ἵππους τοὺς ἀπὸ ῥυτῆρος θέοντας: οὐδὲν ὠφελούμενοι [p. 299] θαυμάζετε δὲ ὅμως καὶ μακάριόν φατε κτῆμα. καίτοι καὶ τοῖς ἵπποις ἰδεῖν ἔστιν οὐ τοὺς δεσπότας χρωμένους πολλάκις, ἀλλὰ φαῦλον ἀνδράποδον.
[5] Then, as you listen, the thought of testing his several statements or of distrusting such a learned man seems to you to be shabby treatment and inopportune, nay, you are heedlessly elated by the power and the speed of his delivery and are very happy, as, without a pause for breath, he strings together such a multitude of phrases, and you are affected very much as are those who gaze at horses running at a gallop — though not at all benefited by the experience, still you are full of admiration and exclaim, “What a marvellous thing to own!” And yet in the case of the horses it is frequently not the owners who may be seen handling the reins, but rather some worthless slave.
[6] ἡ μὲν οὖν τοιάδε ἀκρόασις θεωρία τις οὖσα καὶ πομπὴ παραπλήσιον ἔχει τι ταῖς ἐπιδείξεσι τῶν καλουμένων ἰατρῶν, οἳ προκαθίζοντες ἐν τῷ μέσῳ ξυμβολὰς ἄρθρων καὶ ὀστέων συνθέσεις καὶ παραθέσεις καὶ τοιαῦθ᾽ ἕτερα ἐπεξίασι, πόρους καὶ πνεύματα καὶ διηθήσεις. οἱ δὲ πολλοὶ κεχήνασι καὶ κεκήληνται τῶν παιδίων μᾶλλον. ὁ δ᾽ ἀληθὴς ἰατρὸς οὐκ ἔστι τοιοῦτος οὐδὲ οὕτως διαλέγεται τοῖς ὄντως δεομένοις: πόθεν; ἀλλὰ προσέταξε τί δεῖ ποιεῖν, καὶ φαγεῖν βουλόμενον ἢ πιεῖν ἐκώλυσε, καὶ
[6] Well then, the sort of recitation of which I speak, being a kind of spectacle or parade, has some resemblance to the exhibitions of the so-called physicians, who seat themselves conspicuously before us and give a detailed account of the union of joints, the combination and juxtaposition of bones, and other topics of that sort, such as pores and respirations and excretions. And the character is all agape with admiration and more enchanted than a swarm of children. But the genuine physician is not like that, nor does he discourse in that fashion for the benefit of those who actually need medical attention — of course not — but instead he prescribes what should be done, and if a man wants to eat or drink, he stops him, or he takes his scalpel and lances some abscess of the body.
[7] λαβὼν ἔτεμεν ἀφεστηκός τι τοῦ σώματος. ὥσπερ οὖν εἰ συνελθόντες οἱ κάμνοντες εἶτ᾽ ἐπὶ τὸν ἰατρὸν ἐπεκώμαζον καὶ κωθωνίζεσθαι ἠξίουν, οὐκ ἂν αὐτοῖς κατ᾽ ἐλπίδα τὸ πρᾶγμα ἀπήντησεν, ἀλλ᾽ ἴσως ἠγανάκτουν πρὸς τὴν ὑποδοχήν, ταὐτό μοι πεπονθέναι δοκοῦσιν οἱ πολλοὶ ξυνιόντες ἐπὶ τὸν τοιοῦτον καὶ λέγειν κελεύοντες, ἄγευστοι δῆλον ὅτι τῶν τῆς ἀληθείας ὄντες λόγων, ἔπειθ᾽ ἡδύ τι καὶ προσηνὲς ἀκούσεσθαι προσδοκῶντες. φέρε δὴ πρὸς τῶν θεῶν, ἆρα ἀνέξεσθε, εἰ μὴ πάνυ τις τῇ παρρησίᾳ χρῷτο μηδὲ ἐπὶ πάντα ἔρχοιτο τὰ προσόντα ὑμῖν, ἀλλ᾽ ἓν εἴποι τι μόνον ἢ δεύτερον;
[7] Just as, therefore, in case the sick were to assemble and then proceed to serenade the physician and call for a drinking-bout, the outcome would not meet their expectation, nay, they might well be annoyed at their reception, such it seems to me, is the situation of the masses when they gather before a man like me and bid him make
a speech, obviously never having sampled the words of truth and consequently expecting to hear something sweet and pleasant.
Come then, tell me, in heaven’s name, will you be indulgent toward a speaker, provided he is not wholly outspoken and does not touch upon all the ailments that afflict you, but rather confines himself to just one item or maybe two?
[8] σκοπεῖτε δὴ μὴ ταὐτὸ πάσχητε Ἰλιεῦσιν ἐκείνοις, οἳ τραγῳδόν τινα ἐπιδημήσαντα ἠνώχλουν, ἐπιδείξασθαι κελεύοντες: ὁ δὲ ἐᾶν αὐτοὺς ἠξίου καὶ τὴν ἡσυχίαν ἄγειν. ὅσῳ γὰρ ἄν, ἔφη, κρεῖττον ἀγωνίσωμαι, τοσούτῳ φανήσεσθε ὑμεῖς ἀτυχέστεροι. τὸν οὖν φιλόσοφον κρεῖττόν ἐστι τοῖς πολλοῖς σιωπῶντα ἐᾶν.
[8] Take care, I warn you, lest you meet with the same experience as those people of Ilium, who, when a certain tragic actor paid them a visit, annoyed him by demanding an exhibition of his skill, until he finally bade them to let him alone and keep quiet. “For,” said he, “the better my performance, so much the more hapless will you appear.” So then, with the philosopher, it is better for the masses to let him hold his tongue.
[9] σκοπεῖτε δὲ τὸ πρᾶγμα οἷόν ἐστιν. Ἀθηναῖοι γὰρ εἰωθότες ἀκούειν κακῶς, καὶ νὴ Δία ἐπ᾽ αὐτὸ τοῦτο συνιόντες εἰς τὸ θέατρον ὡς λοιδορηθησόμενοι, καὶ προτεθεικότες ἀγῶνα καὶ νίκην τοῖς ἄμεινον αὐτὸ πράττουσιν, οὐκ αὐτοὶ τοῦτο εὑρόντες, ἀλλὰ τοῦ θεοῦ συμβουλεύσαντος, Ἀριστοφάνους μὲν ἤκουον καὶ Κρατίνου καὶ [p. 300] Πλάτωνος, καὶ τούτους οὐδὲν κακὸν ἐποίησαν. ἐπεὶ δὲ Σωκράτης ἄνευ σκηνῆς καὶ ἰκρίων ἐποίει τὸ τοῦ θεοῦ πρόσταγμα, οὐ κορδακίζων οὐδὲ τερετίζων, οὐχ ὑπέμειναν.
Delphi Complete Works of Dio Chrysostom Page 285
