Providence Series Books 1-4

by Mary B. Moore

  Looking around for something I could use, it hit me that I could nudge the lever that turned the water on using my nose, my chin or my tongue. Fucking genius! Picking up the towel out of the drawer with my teeth, I dropped it in the sink and went after the tap.

  “Will you man up and just fucking do it,” my precious little wife yelled, loud enough that I not only heard it, but I’m pretty sure I felt the vibrations of it through the tiles under my feet too. For someone so tiny, she sure as shit can make a lot of noise.

  Picking up the dripping towel with my teeth, I walked close enough to her that I could close my eyes, so I didn’t see any puke in the toilet by accident, and drop it on the back of her neck.

  Maybe I should have used my hands, wrung the towel out a bit so that there wasn’t water pouring off it or have watched where I dropped it. Ebru made it clear how she felt about me dropping it on the back of her head, where it slid down into the mess in the toilet bowl, when she blindly swung her fist behind her, missing my nuts by an inch.

  Ebru

  Lucky old me. Not only did I have a stomach bug that was trying to kill me, but the hypochondriac that I married now had it too. Every morning without fail, he was waking up and running to the toilet and yacking so loudly that even Maya had heard it the other day. Thankfully, we had more than one bathroom because his loud vomiting set mine off too, so we were pretty much throwing up in surround sound. Colette had brought over chicken noodle soup last night and it had tasted like heaven at the time, but not so much this morning.

  “Maybe we should go and see a doctor?” I asked Cole as we snuggled on the couch watching television.

  “If it’s still bad tomorrow I think we’re going to have to,” he mumbled, not taking his eyes away from the chick flick that he’d chosen.

  I hated to admit it, but after suffering from the bug on and off for three weeks now and then having to suffer through Cole having it for four days, I needed a doctor. I’d tried everything I could and nothing was working. If it was just me, I’d suffer it out a bit longer, but Captain Asshole of the USS Melodrama was driving me insane, so for my own sanity, it was worth it.

  “Why did they get you to pee in a cup and not me?” the soon to be dead Townsend sulked beside me. Anyone would think that he’d not even been seen by the doctor. I turned the page on my Kindle, continuing to ignore him like I’d been doing for the last hour after he’d told the doctor that he needed an IV, CT scan and tested for Ebola. “I would have done it if he’d asked.”

  Our first Valentine’s Day together, and I was stuck in a freaking doctor’s office with a hypochondriac shit head. One that I was married to and for whatever reason loved. The sinking realization that all of my Valentine’s Days would likely be just like this was too depressing. Focusing on the book that I’d been trying to read since we got here, I started wondering if there were any divorce lawyers in the building we were in. Looking around the room at other patients, it occurred to me that maybe one of them had legal knowledge. Before I could ask though, my name was called.

  “I’ll come with you,” the sulky bastard mumbled.

  Continuing to ignore him, I followed the nurse.

  “Okay Ebru, sit down and we’ll talk over what we’ve discovered,” the doctor said, smiling at me and glaring at Cole. I can’t say I blamed him after he refused to get up off the examination table until the doctor had listened to his ‘grumbling tummy with the ear thingy around his neck’. Cole dropped into the chair beside me and crossed his arms waiting for the doctor to speak. I glared over at him because now wasn’t the time to continue his hypochondria induced sulks. “So, we tested your urine. We ran tests on a couple of things, one of which was pregnancy.” He leaned back in his seat and rested his chin on his steepled fingers as he looked between Cole and me. “The test was positive.”

  I’m pretty sure that my mouth was wide open with the shock. I mean, how could I be pregnant? Aw fuck me, I’d done a Maya. I hadn’t been on any antibiotics or had an upset stomach or anything like that, so how had the injection failed?

  Giving me extra ammunition to support my defense when I was tried for bodily harm on my husband, Cole broke the silence. “Which test was?”

  Turning my head slowly to look at him with an are you for real expression, I hoped that the doctor explained it before my hand gave him the obligatory clip across the head for stupidity.

  “Your wife is pregnant,” the doctor explained. Normally, it would have been done with a patient tone, but Cole had already pushed his luck with this doctor today, so the tone screamed you’re a fucking dipshit.

  Cole sat back quickly and when I looked over at him, he was staring at the desk in front of him, before he lifted his head up, pointed at me and said, “What? This one?”

  I went to lift myself out of my chair before he could embarrass himself even more, but the doctor got there first. “Unless you have another wife that I’ve looked after medically, then yes.”

  Taking that opportunity, I jumped up and went to shake the doctor’s hand and get the prescriptions that I could see the nurse holding, but Cole got in there. “How? We haven’t been able to do anything like that for a couple of weeks because both of us are sick. Maybe it’s wrong? Maybe it’s someone else’s?”

  Reaching over, I grabbed his hand and yanked him out of the chair. “We’ll talk about it on the way home.”

  Only I would have to explain it to my husband. Only my husband would ask questions like this. Only my husband would leave a really softly spoken and gentle old doctor looking like he was about to explode.

  Half way home, it happened.

  “How did this happen? How do they know that it’s ours? It could be someone else’s.” He spoke so quickly that it took me a second to separate all of the words that had just run into each other.

  “How do they know it’s ours?” I’m pretty certain that I’ve never sounded more sarcastic in my life, but seriously? “You’re the kind of guy who needs a safe place, aren’t you? I should have picked up on this before I married you.”

  The mouth breather pulled the car over, almost causing an accident, and got out and started pacing on the sidewalk. I got out and leaned against the car, giving the people who walked past giving him strange looks an apologetic smile while I listened to him rambling.

  “It could be someone else’s. I just don’t get how it happened.”

  Sighing, I got my cell out of the car and went searching for a book on the birds and the bees to download. Without saying a word, I pulled Cole over to the passenger side and opened the door.

  “But, I have more questions,” he sounded like a little kid as he got into the car. He must have been out of it because I got into the driver’s side of the ‘Stang and he never protested once.

  “Read this book, and then when we get home, I’ll answer whatever questions you have.”

  I never got one peep out of him as he swept his fingers across the screen, reading the sex ed book all the way home. As we pulled up in front of the house though, he turned and looked at me. “I see what you did there. Well played! For future reference, you almost hit six cars and three people. You’re never driving my car again.”

  “That you see, but finding out you’re going to be a Dad freaks you the shit out and turns you into a bumbling twat?” I asked dumbfounded. “What the fuck? Listen, this is a car. This is a baby,” I pointed to my stomach. “Pretty soon the baby will be in this car. I’d say you had bigger things to worry about.” I knew I was projecting, but again - seriously?

  Getting out of the car, I stormed toward the front door needing to find a safe place of my own.

  “Hey, random question?” He said behind me. “If it’s the birds and the bees, what would their kids be called? Bires? Berds? Berds sounds a bit pirate, doesn’t it? Arrrr, me berds…”

  I needed the happy place now, now, now. And then it hit me, I was stuck with him for life because I was an asshole and had married him. Now we were…oh fuck, I was having the unicorn whi
sperers baby.

  Chapter 2

  Cole

  I hadn’t told my family the good news yet. Ebru wanted to wait until we got this scan done and we knew the baby was healthy and doing well before breaking the news. It had only been twenty hours since we’d found out, and I’d made my peace with the who’s, what’s, how’s, when’s and why’s, but I wanted my family to know. Ebru had asked me how I was feeling about it last night considering that the last time I was told I was going to be a Daddy, it was followed by a whole bunch of fuckery and ended up being a lie. My ex-girlfriend had told me that she’d lost the baby and I’d mourned that loss for years only to find out that she hadn’t been pregnant, just psycho. Truth be told though, once the shock wore off I was over the moon. A mini Colbru, Ebrole, Coru.

  I felt like I was having a déjà vu moment sitting here surrounded by sick people. I still didn’t feel great and now that I knew Ebru was pregnant, it was worrying me more because what if I passed it onto her and it hurt the baby? What if it was something really bad? Ebola was doing the rounds and I was around random cars all the time. Who knows what was in them?

  “Ebru Townsend?” The nurse called and we got up and followed her down the hall to the Sonographer’s office.

  After a couple of ‘getting to know you’ questions, Ebru hopped up onto the table. I looked at the screen and shuffled to the left and the right a little so that I could get a prime viewing position. I didn’t want to miss a second of this.

  “Right Ebru, because it looks like you’re relatively early on, we’re going to use this to do an internal sonogram. You’ll recognize it, but…” I tuned out what they were saying as I looked at this huge thin dildo looking thing that the chick was holding up. Then she started rolling a condom down it and smearing lube shit all over it.

  I looked around the room making sure that we weren’t in some sort of pervert’s paradise, but no we were definitely somewhere medical. Maybe it went on the outside and just looked dodgy and the condom was to keep it sterile?

  “So, I need you to raise your legs toward yourself, Ebru, and then just let them drop out to either side, keeping the soles of your feet pressed against each other.” Looking back and forth between Ebru and the dildo doctor, I relaxed as Eb put her arm underneath the back of her head. There was no way that they were going to… “Just take a deep breath in and then let it out, and again. Okay, here we go.”

  That was when I watched in horrified fascination as a random stranger with a doctor’s jacket on, stuck the thin long dildo up my wife’s vagina and toward my child. The cover thankfully hid it happening, but Eb grabbing my hand and making a small noise clued me into when the highlight of the occasion happened. Thankfully, she squeezed my hand as tight as she could so that I didn’t miss the first video of our baby. Looking up and seeing it’s little heartbeat flickering and seeing it’s tiny arms and legs was worth my wife having a wand up her foof, well at least for me. I wasn’t the one going through it all.

  Ebru

  “So, will they be doing that every time they do a scan?”

  I knew that the scan had bugged him and I couldn’t blame him. I hadn’t exactly enjoyed having the battering ram shoved up my cooter either.

  “No, after this it’ll go to the normal sonogram from the outside.” Nodding his head, he pulled up in front of his parents’ house. “What are we doing here?”

  Cole turned and looked at me with a huge grin on his face. “We’re telling them!”

  An hour later I was done. I’d been exhausted recently anyway and now we knew why, but it was my day off and I’d been planning on having a long nap when we’d gotten home. I was also going to think about how to break the news to everyone, but the asshole had nipped that in the bud nicely.

  As we’d walked into the house, which was full of the family, he’d Skyped my parents, given the phone to Ren to hold and had then walked back and picked me up. Dangling me over his head, he’d yelled, “There’s a bat in the cave!”

  I think by now, most people were immune to Cole and his bat shit crazy ways, but this was just downright fucking bizarre. I’d dug my nails into his hand as a signal to put me down, but instead he’d given me a gentle shake above him while everyone stared at us in confusion and had gone for, “We’re in the pudding club.”

  It was his grandfather Hurst who’d spoken up first. “Fuck me,” he said looking at Jack and Colette. “Did you sniff solvents or some shit when you were pregnant? He’s joined a pudding of the month club and is dangling his wife like some sort of rag doll.”

  Cole’s father Jack nodded his head while his mother Colette looked at Cole with her normal bless him look. Thankfully, Cole was done dangling me above him and gently put me back on the floor and then put his arms around me from behind.

  Sighing in frustration, he tried another tactic. “I left something in her vagina.”

  “Dude,” our friend Luke snapped as he, his wife Isla and Cole’s brother Ren covered the baby’s ears. “Have some dignity!”

  I’m sure my face was on fire, like actually on fire. What the hell was he doing? And why wasn’t I killing him? I looked over at my friend, and Ren’s wife, Maya who was holding the phone with my parents staring out of the screen at me in some sort of horrified amusement.

  “What are you talking about?” My asshole husband sounded confused behind me. “The rabbit died!”

  “What fucking rabbit? I didn’t know he had a rabbit?” Hurst asked his wife Linda who was looking at Cole worriedly.

  “She swallowed a melon seed,” Cole tried again. What exactly was going on here?

  “That’s why you text us saying you needed an emergency family meeting?” Maya questioned, looking pretty pissed. “To tell us that she swallowed a watermelon seed and the rabbit that no one knew you had died? She’s a freaking nurse, I’m pretty sure she knows that swallowing a watermelon seed isn’t going to kill her!”

  “What’s wrong with you guys?” He growled. “Okay, her body’s been hijacked.”

  “I’m thinking hers isn’t the only one,” Jack stage-whispered to Hurst who nodded.

  “Holy shitting hell,” I yelled. I was exhausted and I really didn’t want to leave my unborn baby without a father already. “I’m pregnant! You know with child, knocked up, up the duff, expecting, in the family way…”

  In the next second, everyone was up and cheering. Over the noise of the babies crying and people congratulating us, I heard Hurst whisper in my ear as he hugged me, “Get that poor little shit tested, sweetheart. Its Dad has totally lost his nut. Fucking melon seeds and rabbits and shit.” Shaking his head, he let go of me and then froze. “Wait, will the melon seed hurt the baby?”

  Every time something like that happened, I marveled at the similarities between Cole and his grandad. At least I knew what he was going to be like in years to come. Oh God, was it hereditary though?

  Maya passed me the phone with my parents on the screen grinning at me.

  “We’re so proud of you, sweet girl,” Mom sobbed as Dad wiped under his eyes.

  “We’re going to come and tell Louise this weekend,” Cole said over my shoulder, breaking the control that I had on the tears that had been threatening to come pouring out. I turned into Cole’s chest as I bawled. I was having a baby, a tiny little human being and the most precious miracle anyone can ever have, and I was having it with the love of my life who wanted to include my sister in everything even though she wasn’t alive. “My forevers,” he whispered into my hair as he put his hand on my tummy, making me bawl even harder.

  He might have questionable sanity, he might be weird, he might say the most stupid stuff in the history of mankind, but he was my Cole and he was perfect to me.

  Cole

  I kept looking at Ebru once we got home and thinking of the fact that she was having my baby; my baby. I’d knocked her up, gotten her pregnant, whatever they wanted to call it. Unfortunately, the realization was making me hard. Shifting discreetly beside her, I did my best to disg
uise it. I mean shit, she was pregnant – was she even meant to do shit like that? Maybe I should ask Luke or Ren?

  “What’s wrong with you?” She mumbled against my chest. I’d put on another chick flick when we’d gotten home, and she was now snuggled up against me with my nose buried in her hair.

  “Nothing,” I shifted again and put my hand in my pocket to poke my dick slightly to the right, so I was a bit more comfortable.

  “Cole, honey, you’re at full salute. I may as well hang a flag on you and start singing the national anthem,” she pointed at the blue steel that was blatantly obvious through my jeans.

  Shifting it away from her because it felt wrong when she was carrying my baby, I replied, “Ignore him. He’s just bragging because he hit the bullseye.”

  I almost jumped out of my skin, although I’m sure the raging tent pole in my pants would have made getting them off difficult, when she started rubbing it up and down with one hand and then turned and braced herself so that she could kiss me. I hadn’t expected any of it, but as always, as soon as her hands and lips were on me, I couldn’t focus on anything apart from her.

  Her tongue flicked into my mouth and the taste of her burst across my taste buds making me groan. That thought gave me an idea; this taste wasn’t enough, I needed something else.

  Gently tipping her back onto her back, I swept her dress up and over her head and knelt back to look down at my wife. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever known in my life, the only woman aside from family that I’d ever loved, my entire life, and now she was carrying my child.

  While I was thinking, Ebru had undone my jeans and was pushing them down and off my legs along with my boxers. I couldn’t let her win the race, so I unsnapped the front closure of her bra, letting it fall either side of her perfect breasts, and then ripped her panties off. Holding them up in front of her, I grinned at her glare. The amount of panties she went through was getting ridiculous, but I’d found a solution to the problem and had asked our friend who owned a lingerie shop, Scarlett, to design some that had bows either side. A simple tug and they’d be undone and on the floor – genius.