I swatted him away. “If you had done that on the day we met, I would have turned the ship straight back to Arcadia. Or maybe just on to Trione,” I added, unable to resist teasing him a little. “I hear their prince is a nice enough fellow, and they make excellent allies.”
“Lies. All lies,” said Jon promptly, trying to kiss me again.
I giggled and wriggled out of his grip, the other voices long since having faded away. “That’s funny. I could have sworn you were the one to…”
“Oh, look! Shall we take a rest on that lovely patch of grass?”
I shook my head, but followed him over to it, and even let him lie back with his head in my lap.
“I think I deserve all sorts of credit for my nobility,” he said, once we were settled. “Praising Teddy like that.”
“Certainly,” I agreed soothingly. I felt a spike of fear that he would ask what had happened to Gabe during our dance, but he said nothing.
We fell into a peaceful silence, and my hand reached out of its own accord to stroke his hair where it rested against my gown. He sighed and closed his eyes.
After some time, he spoke. “The truth about the tree, is that, just this once, I couldn’t bear to share you. Not even for a minute. Not this morning.”
I felt a warm wash of contentment at his words, and the feeling scared me. My fingers stilled. “This is so unlike us,” I said. “Both of us. Being irresponsible and foolish. Do you think someone put something into our breakfasts this morning?”
He sat up. “If they did, I’ll have to request they do it every morning.”
I shook my head, the magical bubble I had somehow enclosed myself in disappearing and exposing me to cold reality again. “Our responsibilities won’t go away simply because we wish to be free of them.”
“But we could be together,” he said, his eyes burning into mine. “And surely, together, we could find some way to save Marin.”
“But the Tourney,” I whispered.
“There’s still time. You don’t have to win.”
I shook my head, saying nothing. There was nothing helpful to say.
He stood up abruptly, paced the length of the grass, and then dropped back down with a growl. “I think I will go mad at the idea of you going off to Dominic. I can’t bear the idea of the Beast being anywhere near you, let alone getting to call you his.”
His pain tore at me, but I liked the idea no more than he did. This had always been nothing but the lesser of many evils.
He read the answer in my eyes and sighed. “There’s nothing I can say to convince you, is there?”
“I’m sorry, Jon.”
He looked away. “It’s horrible, but I feel so jealous of Sophie sometimes.”
I frowned at him, startled and displeased to hear him say such a thing.
He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I love that you have each other. But I hate that I can’t get through to you, no matter how many words I use. And yet, the two of you only need to look at each other, and you seem to arrive at perfect understanding.”
His words surprised a laugh out of me. “Hardly.” In all these years I had never told anyone the truth, but the words fell from my lips now with surprising ease. It felt right to share every part of me with Jon. “We use as many words as anyone else. You just can’t hear us.”
“I…I don’t understand. What do you mean?” His brow crinkled in adorable confusion.
“At our Christening, our godmother gave us a gift. ‘A greater bond than ever twins have shared before.’ We can, sort of, project our thoughts to each other. Silently, and regardless of our physical location.”
He stared at me in disbelief. “You’re telling me you can read each other’s minds?”
I shook my head quickly. “No. No mind reading. We can only hear what the other chooses to send. Like talking, but we don’t use our mouths or our ears.”
“So…” He paused, clearly struggling to wrap his mind around my revelation. “Right now you can project your thoughts to Sophie. And she to you. Even though she’s…”
I nodded. “Exactly.”
“Are you talking right now?” He stared at me with wide eyes.
I shook my head again and then realized the truth of my denial. I had just made one of the most momentous decisions of my life. I had shared my darkest secret, and with a foreigner, no less. And it had never even occurred to me to reach out to Sophie for her opinion. Despite how much it affected her. Guilt filled me, but also a strange exhilaration. I had always shared everything with my sister. Had always been glad to do so.
But now I had something that was all my own. Jon and I might never be together but, when it came to Sophie and me, he would always be mine rather than ours. When I was with him, I wasn’t a twin, one half of a whole. I was just Lily.
It struck me that I had always been a little bit afraid. Afraid that our godmother had gifted us such closeness because she had known from the beginning that neither of us was a complete person on our own. That, without each other, we were both deficient.
But, in this moment, nothing about me felt deficient. And my new sense of freedom brought back my earlier bubble of hope. Only, this time, it was hope for my sister. That once I was gone to Palinar, she, too, would discover she didn’t need me to make her whole. She could stand on her own and make a life for herself without me.
Lily? Her voice sounded as if in response to my thoughts. You’ve been gone all morning. Where are you?
Just in the gardens. I’ll come in now.
“You’re doing it aren’t you? Talking to her, right now.” Jon sounded excited. “You get a sort of faraway look on your face, sometimes, as if you’ve mentally detached from your surroundings. I always wondered what you were thinking about because you sometimes do it at the oddest times.” He seemed proud of himself.
I stood up and brushed myself off. “Yes, that was Sophie wondering where I am. I should go in.”
He leaped up to accompany me, ready with a constant stream of questions about our gift, many of which I couldn’t answer. When we neared the palace, I swore him to secrecy. Telling Jon was one thing. That didn’t mean I wanted to tell everyone. And certainly not without Sophie’s agreement.
Chapter 31
Over the following days, I no longer avoided Jon, but neither did I leave my room again without Sophie by my side. I treasured our stolen morning together, and the feel of his lips on mine, and I craved his presence, but my heart could only take so many tragic kisses. I needed to start thinking of Jon as nothing more than a friend. However hopeless a task that seemed now.
Each hour that passed after the fifteenth event seemed to bring all my worst fears closer. When I spent time with Sophie and Jon, I could smile, but the gesture didn’t reach my heart. In my heart I felt only panic.
The day before the ball, I convinced them both to join me in the library, in one last, desperate attempt to come up with a plan.
“You really love books, don’t you?” Jon sounded bemused.
I grinned. “I like books well enough. But it’s my sister-in-law who’s the true fanatic. She believes that the answer to any problem can be found in a book somewhere. And, admittedly, she’s managed to solve some pretty big problems in the library. I figure it’s worth a look.”
“It certainly can’t do any harm.”
But once we were in there, none of us knew where to start. We wandered down the shelves aimlessly, calling out the names of books, in case they sparked an idea. Sophie pulled a book off the shelf and started reading it, so I wandered over to peer over her shoulder, hoping she’d found something of interest. It was a book on fabric and clothing design.
I raised one eyebrow at her, and she shrugged. “They have a very large section here on cloth and fashion. I was curious.”
Jon looked over. “My mother brought many of those with her when she married my father. Trione is known for its fabric, and many of the garments throughout the Four Kingdoms originate on the island. I believe she
had a great interest in it as a girl.” He ran his hand over the spines of the books. “My ancestors have lived here for too many generations to count, each one growing this collection of books, building this duchy. I just can’t believe it’s all about to be ripped away from us.”
“There is still hope,” I said, although the words felt increasingly empty.
A gravelly voice spoke from the far corner of the room, startling me. “Some of us still remember how many generations it has been, my lad.”
“Albert!” Jon strode over to greet the old man who rose from a deep chair, half hidden in shadows. “I didn’t expect to see you here today.” He turned back to Sophie and me with a wide smile.
“Albert here used to be our Keeper of the Library, although he retired many years ago. He had endless patience for a serious young boy wishing to make his father proud.”
“And proud he is,” said Albert, clapping Jon on the back. “Never you doubt it. We Keepers always know what’s going on.”
“Do you?” The shadow had dropped back over Jon’s face. “And do you have the answers I seek this time?”
Albert sighed and slowly lowered himself back into his seat. “Not all answers can be found in a library. Some you must search out for yourself.”
“That sounds like the sort of cryptic thing a godmother would say,” said Sophie.
“Godmothers, hey?” Albert looked her over with a sharp eye. “And what would you know of godmothers, young lady?”
“My apologies,” said Jon, ushering us both forward to join them. “This is Princess Sophie and Princess Lily, Albert. They are part of the delegation here from the Four Kingdoms.”
“I know who they are, boy.” He sounded testy and not at all impressed by our rank. He watched us silently for a moment and then shook his head. “I did not think I would live to see our lands united again. Or to meet someone from the Old Kingdoms.”
“The Old Kingdoms? I haven’t heard that name before,” I said, just as Jon said, “What do you mean ‘again’?”
Albert looked between us. “I knew that no one here cared to remember, but I have often wondered if anyone in the Old Kingdoms remembered those they had lost.” He seemed to sink into his memories for a moment.
“We would like to remember, if you would be willing to tell us,” said Sophie softly.
He looked up and a light came into his eyes. “It does me good to hear you say so, my girl. I have stories in me still, for those who care to listen.”
“Haven’t I always listened to you, Albert?” asked Jon.
Albert gave a bark of laughter. “Oh, aye, you did your best. But young boys are restless by nature.”
Sophie giggled, and he smiled at her. “Girls, too, if this one’s sisters were anything to go by.”
“Yes, we gave our governess plenty of grief as children,” said Sophie.
“Not that she didn’t deserve it,” I muttered. Sophie gave me a reproving look.
“But we never learned anything about this land,” I said to Albert. “And yet, you seem to have heard of ours.”
Albert nodded. “Have you not wondered why we speak the same language? Why so many of our customs are similar? Many generations ago, the rulers of the Four Kingdoms lost their way. They forgot the directions of the High King, and they ceased to rule their kingdoms with love. A group of nobles collected a band of citizens who wished to live by the old ways. They built a flotilla of mighty ships and sailed off in search of a new home. They found these lands, pristine and untouched, and founded the kingdoms we have now.
“They called on the High King to protect them from their old rulers, and he set up a wall of storms to keep them safe. But they still remained fearful. So they asked the High King to choose their queens for them. To ensure that true love always ruled their lands. He assured them that his godmothers would always be there to help them. But it wasn’t enough. They didn’t want to trust to the godmothers, and the trials that seem to accompany them. They wanted an easier, surer way.
“They begged and pleaded and, at last, he agreed and made the Princess Tourney for them. He warned that any such system had the potential to become twisted, but they insisted upon it anyway. And for generations it served them well.
“Until a generation arose who wanted to make their own alliances without influence from the Tourney, or the godmothers, or even love. They worked against the Tourney, and they ceased even to call upon their godmothers.”
The old man spread his hands wide. “It seems they got their way, and now we all suffer for it. Because, I ask you, who has seen a godmother in their lifetime? Who is coming now to aid us in our trials?”
None of us replied.
“But I see that the Four Kingdoms have found their way again. And the godmothers help your rulers to find true love, bringing good to all the kingdom.”
“Things weren’t going so well for a while,” I said. “But then my mother’s godmother gave her a pea. Things began to turn around after that, kingdom by kingdom.”
“A pea?” Jon looked as if he thought he must have misheard.
“Well, there was also a bargain in Northhelm, and a curse in Lanover...” Sophie trailed off. “It’s a long story.”
Albert barked a laugh. “It always is once the godmothers get involved.”
“I’d like to hear the whole story one day,” said Jon, his eyes on me.
I turned away with a weak smile. I still had hope he would survive to hear the story, but I didn’t expect to be the twin around to tell it to him. I withdrew from the conversation a little after that, and we left the library without having found any solution to Marin’s problems.
I didn’t see Jon again until the final ball, and it arrived all too quickly. Helena had instructed us to save our most elaborate gowns for the Betrothal Ceremony the next day, and we made no protest. After the many different events we had endured, we couldn’t even guess what this final group competition might entail, and we wanted to be dressed as practically as a ball would allow.
We did, however, wear our favorite colors — pale gold for Sophie and pale blue for me. A small gesture of comfort and familiarity as we faced our fate. And, at the last moment, I tucked the second vial of sleeping draught into my gown. I had taken it to the last ball without need; Gabe had not even attended. But I would rather have it again and not need it, than find myself having to run back to the room.
I danced the first dance with Jon, and when the music ended he made no move to let me go. “I don’t care what anyone says. If this is to be our last night, I won’t leave you.”
I could resist neither the sentiment, nor the passion in his eyes. And so we danced and danced, sometimes spinning, sometimes merely swaying in each other’s arms. This ball seemed long and, after a while, I laid my head against his chest, uncaring about the other people that filled the ballroom.
His arms tightened around me as we swayed to the music. “Don’t be afraid,” he whispered to me. “Albert was wrong. There will be someone to help you in this trial.”
I jerked up and stared at him with wide eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He looked back at me in stubborn silence, refusing to say more. But I didn’t need him to speak, I could read the truth in his eyes.
I let him pull me back down against his chest, but my mind raced frantically. He meant to try to follow us as Gabe had intended to do. To find out where we went and aid in the final challenge.
Another song passed and then I made myself speak, voice light. “I’m thirsty.”
We stepped apart, and he tucked my hand into his arm. “Let’s find you some refreshment, then.”
I smiled back at him, forcing my expression to stay calm. As we approached a table against one of the walls, I called out silently for Sophie. I need your help! I recounted our conversation, and she soon appeared, Teddy in tow.
The two of them engaged Jon in conversation, leaving me to choose our drinks. I turned my back to them, hiding my hands as I chose a glass for
myself and a goblet of wine for Jon. I needed something dark and strong enough to hide the draught. My hands shook as I poured it in, trying to hurry.
Pasting my smile back on, I turned and handed Jon the goblet. His eyes conveyed so much affection as he took it from me, that I had to fight the waves of guilt.
You’re doing this to save him, projected Sophie, instinctively understanding my feelings. You don’t have a choice.
Jon led us all to a place by one of the windows. We stood between two large potted plants and observed the dancers, talking only fitfully. I kept glancing surreptitiously at his goblet. When was he going to drink it?
“I have to admit I’ll be glad not to have to attend a ball every three days,” said Teddy.
Jon laughed and raised the goblet to take a sip. I looked away, hoping he hadn’t noticed my interest.
Sophie made a teasing reply, and he sipped again.
Calm down, she sent to me. He’s going to realize something’s wrong.
She was right. I stepped away a little, going to her side and putting my arm around her and resting my head on her shoulder. She tipped her own head sideways to lean against mine. I forced my anxious eyes to look away from Jon for a full twenty seconds.
I’m not at all interested in your drink, I’m not at all interested in your drink, I repeated to myself silently.
What? Sophie projected. And then, Are you projecting your thoughts again without realizing?
Sorry. I sighed.
Look, he’s finished it now.
I couldn’t stop my eyes from flying to his hand, relieved to see the empty goblet. He reached out a hand for my glass as well, and deposited them on a nearby table. “Dance with me again?” he asked.
I nodded, not trusting my voice, and returned to the dance floor. But within minutes, his movements slowed. “I’m sorry,” he said, rubbing at his face. “I’ve been suddenly overtaken by exhaustion. I don’t know what’s the matter with me.”
“Nothing is the matter with you,” I said firmly. “You’re just tired and stressed. Come over here, and we can sit down quietly for a few minutes.”
Beyond the Four Kingdoms Box Set 1 Page 27
