by Jenni Sloane
I whimpered, grinding against him, unsure exactly how to take my pleasure, but feeling it build until it was nearly unbearable.
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and clutched him to me as my release took me. Waves of pleasure engulfed my body, and the sensation seemed to go on and on. My arms went limp, and I let go, falling back against the blanket. Cole was suddenly nestled beside me, kissing me tenderly. I turned my head to gaze at him, still panting and speechless.
“You okay?” he asked in a whisper.
I tried to nod. Looked up at the sky again.
“That was amazing, TT.”
It had been. Amazing. And scary, and strange. And…
So fucking hot.
But now that he’d had me, was he going to push me away? My body stiffened at the thought. My throat grew tight.
“Hey,” he whispered. “What’s the matter?” He wrapped an arm around me. Turned me gently onto my side to face him. I felt like I might cry. What was going on with me? “Was it okay for you?”
For a second there, he sounded every bit as vulnerable as I felt.
“It was amazing,” I whispered, burying my face in his chest.
And then I just let him hold me.
I don’t know how long we laid there, side by side, gazing up at the stars. Long enough that I was sure someone would come looking for us. Ainslie would be no less than delighted to tell the bedtime monitor I was AWOL.
“Why isn’t there a campus-wide search for us?” I murmured.
Cole laughed softly. “I called in a couple of favors.”
I tilted my head toward him. “You did?”
“Yup. I didn’t want anything to spoil this night.”
I smiled softly. “It was perfect.”
“I made a good case?” he asked.
“Case?”
“For why you should be mine.”
My chest tightened a little—the thrill of his possessiveness clashing with my own desire for freedom. For…more. Bennett’s face flashed before me.
He sighed after a moment. “You still want him?”
“Yes,” I replied honestly, hoping it wouldn’t drive Cole away. Or make him angry at Bennett. “I like you both.”
He nodded slowly.
“Is that bad?”
He hesitated, then kissed my cheek. “No,” he whispered in my ear. “It’s not bad.”
I wasn’t sure he was telling the truth. But that was as far as he seemed interested in taking the conversation.
He sat up, gazing down at me and linking his fingers with mine.
“You’re gorgeous, Amma.”
I blushed, wanting to take the comment at face value. But there was still something nagging at me. “Is this just about Bennett?” I asked. “Showing him up?”
“No! Amma, god…no. I don’t know why I brought it up. I get that you want him. I can make myself deal with that. As long as you want me, too.”
“I do,” I whispered.
He reached out and stroked a wisp of hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. “You never quit. Ever.”
I reached up—tentatively at first, and then with more certainty. I traced the line of his cheek. Ran my thumb over his jaw. “And I’m not going to quit now.”
He grinned. “Glad to hear it.”
He stroked my hair again, and I sighed with pleasure. “I just never imagined anything like this.”
“Like what?”
I shook my head. “I know I’m basically a prisoner. But, compared to my home…sometimes I feel so free here.” I paused. “I know it’s stupid.”
He gazed off into the shadows, and I wondered what he was thinking. “No. It’s not. I know what you mean.”
I waited.
He finally shifted, returning his focus to me. “When I think about how someone like you could have come from the same family that turned out your brother…”
I was sitting bolt upright in an instant.
“My brother is off limits!” I said, my voice ringing through the night.
“Easy, Amma.” He put a hand out. “Easy.”
“How can you say something like that?” What the hell had he meant? “You don’t know my brother.”
“I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry. I just…I’ve heard things…”
“Nothing you have heard is anywhere near the truth!” I shot back, anger straining my throat. “So don’t comment on it. Don’t you fucking dare.”
“Okay, hey. I’m sorry. Really.”
“I don’t get to see him,” I said tightly—not adding that I had only gone to visit him once even before I went to Strathmore. “I don’t know if he’s okay, or—or—if, you know, what kind of violence is going on there…” I trailed off. I thought about his letter. Maybe he’d be free soon. Maybe his lawyer would prove to the world—and to me—that Mason was innocent. “He doesn’t deserve this,” I whispered.
“It’s awful that you don’t get to see him. That you have to wonder if he’s okay. I can understand that.”
I tried to control my breathing. I knew it was mostly guilt making me lash out. Guilt over how little I knew of Mason’s life, both before and now.
“Tell me about him,” Cole said.
I could feel the fragility of the moment. The lifeline Cole was trying to offer, and the way it gleamed white through all our dark history together.
“If you want to, I mean.”
I hesitated. I didn’t talk about Mason. My parents didn’t talk about Mason—not unless it was to tell me I was going to turn out like my brother. But Cole was even closer to his siblings than I was to mine. Maybe he really did want to know about Mason’s and my relationship. Maybe he actually did care.
Don’t be stupid, Amma.
But I’d been stupid time and time again where Cole Heller was concerned. Why not have one more go?
“He was a pretty typical older brother,” I said. Cole ran his thumb over my knuckles, and I tried to keep my breathing steady. “He picked on me. I annoyed him. But we both had each other’s backs. I think he’s the reason I didn’t get bullied more at Monroe. People like him. They don’t like me.”
Cole huffed slightly. “You don’t know that.”
“You don’t like me. Or, you didn’t.” I wasn’t sure what was true now. Only that, at one point, he’d hated be enough to dedicate his life to ruining mine.
He opened his mouth, then closed it. Shook his head. “I’m sorry I ever let you think that.”
“You made me think it. With your actions.”
“I know. I was so angry about being here. I needed someone to blame.”
“Stop it.” I spoke firmly. “You didn’t need someone to blame. You wanted to. Because you can’t take responsibility for yourself.”
He glanced at me, and his grin this time seemed almost shy. “You don’t mess around, TT. You tell it like it is.” A strange look came over his face. “Sorry. I can’t call you that anymore.”
“I kind of like it,” I said honestly. When Cole said it like this, affectionately…it didn’t mean what it used to.
He put an arm around me again, and I leaned into him.
“He started causing trouble. Fights. Drugs. Shoplifting. I didn’t want to know the details. I guess, at some point, I got so busy worrying about my own problems that I lost track of him. Lost him. And he became someone who…”
Who might have…
Who couldn’t have…
“What happened?” Cole asked, his voice so soft, I almost didn’t catch the words.
My anger flared again. Why would I tell him? He had no right to my story, to Mason’s. He was a twisted excuse for a human being, and for a second, I regretted being here with him tonight.
Only for a second.
People were complicated. They struggled and they dreamed and they lied.
And they hurt each other.
What chance did anyone stand in this world if they were hoping for black and white? If they believed that attraction, need, love…could eve
r be simple?
Cole held me tighter. And something broke loose within me.
“There was a hold-up at a convenience store. A gunman dressed in black, matching my brother’s height and build, demanded all the money from the register. It was bad. Shots were fired, but no one was hurt. They found my brother out back, wearing black clothes holding a gun. Mason claimed he’d been passing by and heard the shots inside, then tried to confront the burglar when he came out, using his own weapon. But the guy ran off.”
“Do you believe him?”
I shot him a cold look.” He’s my brother,” I said. As though that explained everything. I hesitated before continuing.
“They found about half the money from the register in the dumpster near where Mason was standing. So I guess they figured Mason handed the rest off to somebody, or…I don’t know. His gun was unregistered, which didn’t help his case. He claimed the clothes were a coincidence—and that could be. He wore black all the time. But the gun…the fact that he just happened to be there…” I sighed. “One witness to the robbery said the gun didn’t match the one they saw the gunman pointing at the cashier. But she changed her story before she testified.”
Cole didn’t speak. His expression never changed.
“Are you going to say something?” I finally asked.
“It sounds like a complicated situation all around,” he replied softly. Then he shifted me closer to him. “One of my brothers was in trouble with the law once. I thought I’d lose my mind. I knew I’d do anything to protect him. Anything.”
I nodded. But I hadn’t felt that way about Mason. I’d let him go as if it didn’t hurt. As if it were inevitable that I’d lose him.
I glanced down at the blanket. “After he went to jail, my parents started cracking down. They were already strict, but it got so much worse. They wouldn’t let me do anything that might lead to a life of delinquency. No revealing clothes, no makeup, no violent movies, no dating…not that anyone was lining up to date me.”
“That’s kind of hard to believe.”
I glared at him.
“What?” he protested. “I’m dead serious.”
“You don’t want to date me. You just want to fuck me.”
His jaw dropped a little. “Okay, first of all, you swearing is still… It kinda turns me on.”
“Asshole.”
He laughed. “Be still my heart!” He collapsed onto the blanket, taking me with him. I rolled, giggling, until I was on my back beside him, then flopped a hand over so that it lightly smacked his chest. I wished my own heart would be still. But it was positively alight around Cole.
“Can we stay here forever?” I whispered after a moment. Maybe, if we never went back inside, Strathmore would just cease to exist. No more Callahan. No more detentions. No more Ainslie. Nothing but Cole and me out here in the dark.
He took my hand. Gently ran his thumb over the back of it. “I wish we could. I really wish we could.” He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it.
For just a second, I felt so…different.
So special, so adored.
So free.
Chapter Nineteen
“You fucked him.” Kayle stared at me over a tray of chicken in lumpy gravy.
“What?” How could she possibly… Had she been spying on us?”
“You did. You have the look. You totally had birthday sex.” Her grin wavered. “With…?”
“Cole,” I supplied.
I could see the disapproval in her eyes.
“It was really good, actually,” I said, trying not to sound defensive. “He was…sweet.”
“Cole Heller? Sweet?”
“Yeah, he actually is a human being, you know.”
She sighed. “I know. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I won’t,” I insisted. “I’m careful.” Someone brushed past me, and I got an elbow in the head. Probably intentional.
“Well,” she said briskly. “That’s good.” She dropped her voice. “So are you still going to try the serum on Ian?”
I shook my head. “No. This is already confusing enough.”
“Hell,” Kayle said, “I’m curious to hear Ian tell the truth. I never know what he’s thinking. Smug bastard.”
I laughed. “It doesn’t make people tell the truth,” I reminded her, wagging a finger.
“Yeah, yeah. But it definitely helped Cole and Bennett along.”
I sighed. “Thank you. For making it. My revenge plot didn’t exactly pan out, but at least…”
“At least now you know for sure he likes you. They like you?” Her voice went up at the end, making it a question.
The person who’d elbowed me had stopped to talk to someone at the table behind me, and was still standing close enough that her arm hit me whenever she shifted. “I still don’t know about Bennett,” I admitted. “I mean, he’s—attracted to me. But Cole actually seems to…”
“Like you as a human being?”
“Yeah. Weird, right?”
“Hard to imagine him having actual feelings,” she agreed. She still looked worried.
“Kayle… I’m okay,” I tried to assure her.
She nodded. “I just thought this was about revenge. Not you actually wanting these guys.”
“I don’t know if I do or not,” I muttered. I didn’t tell her I had the weird brooch-ribbon from my bouquet in my pocket. That I liked having the weight of it in there. Being able to hold onto something Cole had given me.
“You do, Amma. It’s written all over you.”
“I have that look?” I shot back.
“Hey,” she said sharply. “I’m looking out for you. Better than you’re looking out for yourself.”
I burned with anger. I finally, finally had something good in my life. Had someone who made me feel desired and—and like I had some measure of power…and she wanted to take it from me. “Maybe you’re jealous,” I suggested.
She laughed. “Oh, that’s rich! Yes, I want to fuck every bully in this school, because I have no self-esteem.”
The words landed like a blow. I stared at her.
Then I got up, giving the student who’d been hitting me with her elbow a shove without even looking at her, and walked out of the cafeteria.
Walking into tutoring later that day, I could tell Bennett was in a shitty mood.
Well, great. So was I. And I wasn’t about to add his shit to mine. “If you’re about to be an asshole to me just because I spent some time with Cole, save your energy. I need to focus on statistics.” I slid into the desk beside him and opened my Stats book.
His sidelong glare was pure fire. “What makes you think I give a shit who you spend time with?”
“Don’t you?” I lifted my brows.
He broke, just like that. I’d thought it would take longer. His cheeks turned their familiar pink, and his eyes blazed. “How can you like him? After everything he’s done to you?”
It was Kayle all over again. Fuck them both.
“Everything he’s done to me?” I snarled. “You enabled him. You watched what he did to me. You participated.” I sank back in my seat. “I’m so sick of seeing you two acting like whiney babies. Grow up, or I’m done with both of you.” It gave me a little thrill, to say it. Both of you. As though I had them both. As though I could choose.
Except that I didn’t want to choose.
And how did I explain that?
Bennett’s face was suddenly devoid of color. It was an unnerving effect—I’d never seen his face without its natural flush. That pale mask regarded me with an odd mix of anger and regret; his shoulders slumped, then tightened again. “I didn’t want it to be that way,” he said softly.
“Well,” I said, unsympathetic. “It was that way. Wasn’t it?”
He nodded. “I’m sorry,” he muttered.
On an impulse, I leaned close to him. I was feeling devilish and unafraid. I looked into his eyes, making my own hard as gemstones. “How sorry?”
He lo
oked startled. “What?”
“How sorry are you?”
He had no idea how to answer. Poor thing. I grinned, waiting. This was fun. Cole brought out the vulnerability in me. Bennett brought out the power.
“Very?” he tried.
“You might want to show me,” I suggested.
He glanced around. “Now?” He sounded so scandalized I wanted to laugh
“You weren’t so shy about it the other day.”
He stood slowly. My heart leaped to my throat, my thighs tensing against my seat. He approached, and I forced myself to sit still, waiting. “You were the one who wasn’t shy.”
“I know,” I said softly. “I needed you. I need you now.”
“You drugged me.”
I lifted my brows. “You drugged yourself.”
“But you would have done it.”
I nodded.
“Why?”
“I told you.”
“You didn’t really.”
“I wanted to humiliate you,” I whispered.
His pale cheeks finally regained their flush.
“I wanted to show you what you couldn’t admit to yourself. You’ve treated me like shit. But deep down…”
“I wanted you,” he finished, reaching out a large hand to gently cup my cheek. I closed my eyes and sighed, letting him trace my cheek with his thumb. His touch was different from Cole’s. Softer. Strange, I’d almost expected it to be cold, harsh. Like him. But it was anything but. His fingers drifted up, into my hair.
“You were with him last night,” he growled.
“I was. And if you have any problem with that whatsoever, I’ll walk out of this room right now.” I looked up at him. “I mean it.”
He nodded. Cupped my cheek again and slowly, with his other hand, drew me out from behind the desk. We stood face to face, his head tipped down and mine tilted up. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. The kiss was gentle, but sure. I let his tongue tease my lips apart. I lifted one leg, hooking it around him as his broad arm wrapped around my waist. I’d thought that after last night with Cole, I’d be sated for the rest of my life. But need was burning in me, deep and hot. Our hips bumped together, and I ground against him, desperate, helpless. I could feel how hard he was under the layers of our clothes.
