by Nora Roberts
The sound of her own voice, the raw intensity in it, had her forcing herself to take several deep breaths. Losing objectivity, she warned herself. Any project was doomed without objectivity.
So she made herself sit, monitored the equipment for another thirty minutes. Precisely she added the event to her records before shutting the computer down.
Too restless to sleep, she left her room. In the hall, she stood quietly, waiting, hoping, but there was only the dark and the stillness. She moved downstairs, lingering as she tried to envision the murdered Confederate soldier, the shocked Abigail, the terrified servants, the murdering Barlow.
They were all less substantial than thoughts to her.
She tried every room—the parlor where some said you could smell wood smoke from a fire that wasn’t burning, the library, which both Regan and Cassie avoided as much as possible, because they felt uncomfortable there. In the solarium there was nothing but leafy plants, cozy chairs, and the light of the moon through the glass.
She struggled against discouragement as she wandered into the kitchen. There had been a moment, she reminded herself. She’d experienced it. Patience was as important as an open and curious mind.
She was drawn to the window, and that open and curious mind drifted past the gardens and the lawn, through the trees, to the fields beyond. And the house where Shane was sleeping.
The urge was so strong it shocked her. The urge to go out, walk over that grass, over those fields. She wanted to go into that house, to go to him. Foolishness, she told herself. It was doubtful he was alone. She imagined he was snuggled up with that beautiful brunette, or some other equally appealing woman, for the night.
But still the urge was there, so powerful, so elementally physical, it brought an ache to her belly. Was it the place that pulled at her? she wondered. Or the man?
It was something to think about. Something she would have to gather the courage to explore. No more mousy, fade-into-the-corner Rebecca, she thought. No more spending her life huddled behind a desk or a handy book. Experience was what she’d come here for. And if Shane MacKade offered experience, she’d sample it.
In her own time, of course. At her own pace.
He saw her as a woman who could hold her own with him, and she was going to find a way to do exactly that.
He wanted to take her to bed.
How does that make you feel, Dr. Knight?
Frightened, exhilarated, curious.
Frightened, you say. Of the sexual experience?
Sex is a basic biological function, a human experience. Why would I be frightened of it? Because it remains unknown, she answered herself. So it frightens, exhilarates and stirs the curiosity. He stirs the curiosity. Once I have control of the situation—
Ah, Dr. Knight, so it’s a matter of control? How do you feel about the possible loss of control?
Uncomfortable, which is why I don’t intend to lose it.
She blew out a breath, shut off the questioning part of her brain. But she couldn’t quite shut off that nagging urge, so she walked quickly out of the kitchen and went upstairs to bed.
But she dreamed, and the dreams were full of laughter….
A man’s arms around her, the two of them rolling over a soft, giving mattress like wrestling children. Giggles muffled against warm lips, teasing fingers combing through her long, tangled hair.
Hush, John, you’ll wake the baby.
You’re making all the noise.
Quick hands sneaking under her cotton nightgown, finding wonderful spots to linger.
You’ve got too many clothes on, Sarah. I want you naked.
Mock slaps and tussles, more giggles.
I’m still carrying around extra weight from the baby.
You’re perfect. He’s perfect. God, I want you. I want you, Sarah. I love you. Let me love you.
While the laughter stilled, the joy didn’t. And the soft feather bed gave quietly beneath the weight and rhythm of mating….
She was groggy the next day, not from lack of sleep, but from the dream that wouldn’t quite leave her. For most of the afternoon she closeted herself in her room, using her modem to call up snatches of data on the population of Antietam, circa 1862.
Her printer was happily spewing out a list of names from census, birth and death registries when Cassie knocked on the door.
“I’m sorry to bother you.”
“No, that’s fine.” Distracted, Rebecca peered through her glasses. “I’m trying to find Abigail’s lover—if she had one.”
“Oh.” Obviously flustered, Cassie ran a hand through her hair. “But how would you be able to?”
“Process of elimination—ages, marital status.” Remembering, she took the glasses off, and Cassie popped into focus. “You seemed awfully sure he didn’t have a wife.”
“No, he couldn’t have.”
“And he wasn’t in the army, but you said something about him resigning some kind of post when he left town.”
“It’s so odd to hear you talk about it, about them, as if they were real and here.”
Rebecca smiled and leaned back in her chair. “Aren’t they?”
“Well, yes, I suppose they are.” Cassie shook her head. “I get caught up in the story. I came to tell you I have to run to the hospital.”
“Hospital?” Alarmed, Rebecca shot out of her chair. “Is one of the children hurt? Sick?”
“Oh, no, no. Shane—”
“He’s had an accident.” Rebecca’s face went dead white. “Where is he? What happened?”
“Rebecca, it’s Savannah. She’s in labor.” Curious, Cassie watched Rebecca sink bonelessly back into her chair. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
“It’s all right.” Weakly she waved a hand. “I’m supposed to know better than to jump to conclusions.”
“Shane called a couple of hours ago, after Jared called him. I needed to arrange for a sitter before I could go. I’m going to drop Connor and Emma off with Ed at the diner. You haven’t met Ed yet. She’s just wonderful. She can’t handle Ally, too, but there’s day care at the hospital.”
“Uh-huh.” Rebecca had nearly recovered.
“I didn’t want you to think you’d been deserted. There’s some cold cuts and a pie in the kitchen, if you get hungry. I have to take the car, but I’m supposed to tell you that you can go over to the cabin, or the farm, and borrow one if you need to go out.”
“I don’t need to go anywhere.” Calm again, she smiled. “Savannah’s having her baby. That’s wonderful. Is everything all right?”
“Fine, at last report. It’s just that we all want to be there.”
“Of course you do. Give mother and father my best. I’d be happy to keep Ally for you, if you like.”
“That’s awfully nice of you. But I’m nursing, and I don’t know how long I’ll be.” Cassie nibbled her bottom lip as she began to organize things in her head. “We’re not expecting any new guests, and I’ve left a note for the ones who are out and about today. I usually serve tea in about an hour, but…”
“Don’t worry, we’ll fend for ourselves. Go on, Cassie, I can see you’re dying to be there.”
“There’s nothing like a new baby.”
“No, I’m sure there isn’t.”
When she was alone, Rebecca tried to concentrate, but she could visualize it all. The whole MacKade family would be pacing the waiting room, probably driving the nursing staff to distraction. They’d be noisy, of course. One of them would pop into the birthing room to check the progress, and come out and report to the others.
All of them would enjoy every minute of it. That was what close families did, enjoy each other. She wondered if they had any idea how lucky they were.
She put in another two hours at the computer, easily eliminated half the male names on her list before hunger had her wandering down to the kitchen.
Some of the other guests had already sampled the pie Cassie had left. And someone had been considerate enough to leave coffee on.
She poured a cup, thought about building a sandwich, and settled for blueberries baked in a flaky crust.
When the phone rang, she answered automatically. “Hello. Oh, MacKade Inn.”
“You’ve got a good, sexy voice for the phone, Rebecca.”
“Shane?”
“And a good ear. We thought you’d want to know the MacKades just increased by one.”
“What did she have? How is she?”
“A girl, and they’re both terrific. Miranda MacKade is eight pounds, two ounces and twenty-one inches of gorgeous female.”
“Miranda.” Rebecca sighed. “That’s lovely.”
“Cassie’s on her way back, but she might be a while yet, picking up the kids, telling Ed all the details and all. I thought you might be wondering.”
“I was. Thanks.”
“I’m in the mood to celebrate. Want to celebrate with me, Dr. Knight?”
“Ah…”
“Nothing fancy, I didn’t have time to change before. I can swing by, pick you up. Buy you a beer.”
“That’s sounds irresistible, but—”
“Good. Half an hour.”
“I didn’t say—” She could only frown at the rude buzz of the dial tone.
She wouldn’t primp. Sheer vanity had her doing a quick check in the mirror and giving her makeup a buff, but that was all he was getting. The leggings and thin fawn-colored sweater she’d worked in that evening were comfortable, and would certainly do for a casual beer.
If she dressed them up with big copper-and-brass earrings, it was for her own benefit. She’d begun to enjoy the ritual of decorating her body over the past few months.
She left a note for Cassie on her door, then walked out of the inn to wait for Shane.
Hints of the coming fall brought a tang on the air. The day had been hot and still, but now the air was cool. The darkness was soft and complete, as it was meant to be in the country.
Occasionally a car would rumble by on the road below the steep lane. Then silence would fall again, beautifully.
She’d been sure she would miss the noise of the city, the comforting grumble of life, the periodic and cheerful rudeness of it. In New York, she’d finally taught herself to join in that life, to spend time in the stores and museums, to brush up against people instead of shying away from them. It was a kind of therapy she’d prescribed for herself, and it had worked.
She’d stopped walking with her eyes on her own feet, stopped hurrying back to her own apartment, where she could be safe and alone with her books.
But she didn’t miss it. She liked the quiet here, the slower pace, and the opportunity to get to know people. Now she was going to have a drink with a very attractive man.
All in all, it wasn’t a bad end to a productive day.
She watched the headlights come and veer toward the lane. Shifting her shoulder bag, she headed toward the truck.
“That’s what I like to see, a woman waiting for me.”
“Sorry to disappoint you.” She hiked herself up and into the cab of the truck. “I wanted to enjoy the incredible weather. It’s starting to smell like fall.”
“You look pretty.” Reaching over, he flicked a finger over her earring and sent it dancing.
“So do you.” It was absolutely true—the stubby ponytail, the faded work shirt, the easy grin. “Where are we going?”
“Just down to Duff’s.” Shane slung an arm over the back of the seat and set the truck in reverse. “It’s not much, but it’s home.”
It certainly wasn’t much, Rebecca decided at first study. The tavern was badly lit, with glaring fluorescent lights over the pool table that were only softened by the clouds of smoke from cigarettes. A jukebox that blared out whiny country music. The decorations ran to scattered peanut shells, posters for beer, and an oddly charming print of dogs playing poker. The air smelled stale, and a little dangerous.
She liked it.
On their way to the bar, a scarred affair guarded by a scrawny man with an irritable look on his face, Shane introduced her to half a dozen people.
She got the look outsiders are greeted by in a close-knit community—a combination of curiosity, distrust and interest. Someone called out for Shane to pick up a cue, but he shook his head and held up two fingers to the man behind the bar.
“How’s it going, Duff?”
The skinny bartender grunted as he popped the tops of two bottles. “Usual.”
“This is Rebecca, a friend of Regan’s from New York.”
“New York City’s a hellhole.”
“You’ve been there?” Rebecca asked politely.
“Couldn’t pay me to set foot in it.” He slid the bottles over the bar and went back to scowling at his customers.
“Duff’s a real chatterbox,” Shane commented as he led the way to a table. “And the happiest man in town.”
“I could tell right off.” She took her seat. “After all, I’m a professional.”
Grinning, Shane tapped his bottle to hers. “To Miranda Catherine MacKade.”
In concert, Rebecca lifted the bottle and sipped. “So, tell me all about it.”
“Well, the couple of times I got in to see her, Savannah was a little cranky. She said MacKade men should be locked up—among other things that had to do with specific parts of the anatomy.”
“Sounds fair, coming from a woman in labor.”
“Yeah, well, Regan and Cassie weren’t quite so nasty. Then again, Savannah’s a little more out there. Anyway, she spit nails for a while. Then, after it was over, she was cooing rose petals.”
“And Jared?”
“Went from sweating bullets to grinning like a demented fool. That’s the way it goes every time we have a baby.”
“We?”
“It’s a family affair. You could have come.”
“It sounds like Savannah had enough company.” She tilted her head. “So, does it give you any ideas?”
“Huh? Oh.” He leaned back, grinning. “It gives me the idea that my brothers are doing a fine job making families. No need for me to horn in. What about you? You thinking about settling down and hatching a brood?”
“Hatching a brood?” She had to laugh. “No.”
Shane took a peanut from the plastic bowl on the table, cracked it. “So, what do you do when you’re not shrinking heads or chasing ghosts or giving lectures?”
“I live in a hellhole, remember? There’s always plenty to do. Muggings, murders, orgies. My life’s very full.”
He skimmed a hand over hers. “Anyone in particular helping fill it out?”
“No. No one in particular.” She smiled sweetly, leaned forward. “How’s Darla?”
He cleared his throat and bought himself a little time by sipping his beer. “She’s fine. Dandy.”
It wasn’t worth mentioning that he’d nudged good old Darla along, despite her invitation to fix his supper—and anything else he might like. “Any progress on the hunt?”
“That’s not a very subtle avoidance of the topic.”
“I wasn’t trying to be subtle.” He laid his hand over hers again, snagging her fingers before she could draw them away. “Find any good ghosts lately?”
“Actually, I did.” She had the pleasure of seeing the smile fade from his eyes.
“That’s bull.”
“No, indeed. I have some very nice documentation of an event. Registered a forty-two-degree temperature drop in less than two minutes.”
He took another drink. “Your fancy equipment needs to be overhauled.”
His reaction amused her, intrigued her. “You’re very resistant. Do you feel threatened?”
“Why would I feel threatened by something that doesn’t exist?”
One brow cocked up under her fringe of bangs. “Why would you?”
“Because I—” He caught himself, narrowed his eyes. She was smiling blandly and, he noted, very much in control. “Is that how you analyze your patients?”
“Do you feel like a patient?”
“Cut it out.”
“Sorry.” She threw her head back and laughed. “It was irresistible. I don’t really do individual therapy, but you’d make a terrific subject. Want to try word-association?”
“No.”
She arched both brows this time. “You’re not afraid, are you? It’s very simple. I say a word, you respond with the first thing that comes to mind.”
“I’m not afraid of some silly parlor game.” But he was irritated, just enough to jerk his shoulders. “Fine. Shoot.”
“Home.”
“Family.”
It made her smile. “Bird.”
“Feather.”
“Car.”
“Truck.”
“City.”
“Noise.”
“Country.”
“Land.”
“Sex.”
“Women.” Then he brought their joined hands to his lips, nipped lightly at her fingers. “Rebecca.”
She ignored the jingling spurt of her pulse. “It’s the first thing that comes to your mind that counts. All in all, I’d say you’re a very elemental man, set in your ways and happy with them. Consider that a thumbnail analysis.”
“Why don’t I try it with you?”
“As soon as you get your degree, farm boy.” She waited a beat. “If you’re hungry, why don’t you try the peanuts?”
“I like your hand better.” To prove it, he continued to nibble, all the way around to her palm. “It’s long and a little bony. Like the rest of you.”
In a casual move, she scooted her chair closer, leaned her head toward his. “Do you really think I’d let you seduce me over a couple of beers at the local tavern?”
“It’s worth a shot.” He brushed his lips over her wrist. “Your pulse is racing, Dr. Knight.”
“A basic chemical reaction to stimulus. Nothing personal.”
