by Sean Kennedy
“You are very pretty,” I teased him; it wasn’t really a tease as it was true.
“I’m gorgeous,” he said, deadpan, throwing the car back into gear as the lights turned green.
“You have no idea.”
“Yeah, you’re not bad yourself.”
“‘Not bad yourself.’ I think that’s the best compliment anyone’s ever given me about my looks.”
“Your looks?” he asked. “Oh, sorry. I was talking about your personality.”
I liked it when he teased me. “Fuck off. I know I’m gorgeous too.”
His left hand rested on my thigh. “Sure you are.”
He kept it there until we reached the hospital, like it was a brand being burned into my skin.
We didn’t say a word as we entered the oncology department and took a seat in the waiting room. Everybody there was silent, whether out of their own worry or the respect for those who were worrying. I couldn’t help but feel it was funereal.
I didn’t even hear Doctor Pelier call my name.
“Come on, Si,” Dec said gently, and this I heard.
Doctor Pelier warmly shook my hand, and then Declan’s, and led us through into his office.
As soon as the door shut behind him, I said grandly, “Let’s not beat around the bush, doc. Tell me if I’m okay or if I’m in here next week getting prepared for vomiting and my hair falling out.”
Doctor Pelier looked at me with a long-suffering sigh. “I see you came out of the operation as well as you went in.”
“Please, just tell me.”
“Okay, I won’t beat around the bush. It’s good news. Mostly.”
Dec and I did not like the sound of the last word, and Dec threw himself back farther into his chair, his feet kicking against the floor so hard I wouldn’t have been surprised if the floor gave way beneath us and we ended up in the laps of the other clinic below.
“The good news is the tumour was benign.”
When you hear bad news, your blood turns to ice. I guess when it’s good, the relief makes it boil, because my face was burning and sweat was breaking out on my forehead. I looked to see Dec’s reaction, and he was biting his lip and wiping away tears.
“You’re stuck with me, no use crying now.”
He managed to give a shaky laugh. “Arsehole.”
Pelier smiled at us, waiting for calm to return.
But I couldn’t wait. “So what’s the bad news?”
Dec sat up straight again, preparing himself for the worst. Although what that could be, considering I was cancer-free, I don’t know.
“We were right about the infertility,” Pelier said. “I’m afraid it’s definitely a zero count. I know you guys are undergoing preliminary IUI tests, so this will come as a disappointment.”
“Better than death,” I said brightly, and as soon as I said it, I realised—as per usual—I read the atmosphere in the room completely wrong. Both Pelier and Dec were speechless. “Um, sense of humour, remember? Being necessary?”
Pelier turned to Dec. “I have some numbers for therapy if you feel it’s needed.”
“The ship’s long sailed on that one,” Dec said.
I guess it’s okay when he’s the one making the joke.
“ARE YOU okay?” Dec asked as we left the office and reemerged into the main drag of the hospital wing. Multicoloured stripes intersected on the carpet to let visitors know which direction they had to go. It was almost a rainbow.
“I’m as okay as a one-balled infertile tumour survivor can be.”
He put an arm out and stopped me, leading me into a corner where we were out of the way of the swarms of people scurrying to their destinations.
“You don’t have to make a joke out of it,” he said. “You can be upset.”
“You know I have to make a joke,” I replied. “It’s just my modus operandi. It’s what I have to do.”
“I’m upset.” It was painful to hear him say it.
“And so am I. But Dec, there’s nothing we can do about it. We just have to accept what’s happened and go on. You’re the daddy, daddio.”
“It might hit you later,” Dec said.
“Dec, our babies are going to be 300 percent prettier if you’re the dad. This is actually for the best.”
“I don’t even know how to respond to that.” Dec looked out the window to the usual grey Melbourne sky and the ever-present threat of sky weeping. “I guess I just have to let you feel what you want to feel and at whatever time you want to.”
“Yes, great, thanks for ‘letting’ me feel, honestly.” I shook my head.
“You know what I mean.”
“I do, and I think we should stop being sad and get on with what we were doing before.”
Dec remained silent.
“Come on, let’s go home.”
He followed me as I stepped back onto the main thoroughfare. He had no choice really, as the constant stream of walkers carried me along with them.
My mobile rang as Dec caught up with me, and Nyssa’s face appeared.
“How did it go?” she asked, without a greeting. “What did they say?”
“Still no swimmers, but cancer-free,” I summed it up for her.
“See, I told you,” she replied infuriatingly.
I let her have her moment in the sun. After all, it was mine too.
I’d deal with those pesky emotions later.
ANOTHER IMPROMPTU get-together was held at our house that evening, far more joyous than the one where I had to tell everybody about the tumour.
Even the GetOut kids were there; at least, the ones who were in the same state. Will and Emma mingled as easily as if they had been part of the Tyler-Murray clan since birth. Will was relying on the use of his cane temporarily, a reminder of other tragedies that had struck our group and yet we were all still here. Micah was in Perth, playing a home game that week, but he called me from the change room, the sounds of game preparation in the bowels of a stadium drowning out his voice at times. Even Jasper Brunswick seemed at home within the group, perhaps more popular than I would have liked him to be, but I guess when you get an all-clear from a cancer scare, you could forgive the fact not everything was going to go your way.
I should have felt happier, but a strange melancholy swamped me. I made my excuses early, and for once I had the best excuse in the world. I undressed and crawled into bed, Maggie nestled on the very top of my pillow. But I couldn’t sleep, listening to the sounds of celebration on the floor below.
The bedroom door creaked open, and Dec appeared, framed by the light beyond before he shut it again. My eyes had already adjusted to the darkness, so I watched him as he pulled his shirt over his head and folded it, laying it to rest on the chair to the side of the bed, before undoing his pants. The bed dipped as he settled in beside me.
“You’re awake,” he murmured.
“How did you get away?” I asked.
“I told Roger to look after everybody. He and Fran are probably going to crash here, so they’ll lock up when they’re all gone.”
I rolled over to face him, careful not to put any pressure on my balls. “I’m glad you’re here.”
He snaked a foot in between mine. “Me too. About you, I mean.”
“Yeah, I kinda guessed that.”
“Things are going to get better from now on,” he said.
“Don’t jinx it!”
“There’s no jinxing. It’s a fact.” And he sounded so sure of himself, I believed him without reservation.
And I was finally able to sleep.
Half-Time
FROM THE Herald Sun, 10 August 2016
AFL STAR’S BABY ANNOUNCEMENT CAUSES CONTROVERSY
By Peter van Nieuwen
The discussion by the panel on Thursday’s edition of The Footy Show erupted into controversy when talk turned to ex–Tigers and Essendon player Declan Tyler. Tyler and his partner, Simon Murray, have recently been observed visiting fertility clinics, leading to speculation they are s
tarting a family.
One cohost, never short of an opinion, stated it was a “disgrace. People shouldn’t just be able to create their own Frankenbabies because they can’t do it naturally.” This echoes similar sentiments from other social media commentators.
Virginia Howards, from the gay advocacy group Rainbow Families, called out those criticising Tyler and Murray. “Gay families are always having to defend themselves to people who really have no idea about the level of commitment and difficulties they experience to create their own family unit. Those children are wanted and hoped for and never come about by accident.”
Tyler and Murray were approached for a statement but hadn’t responded by the time we went to press.
FROM THE ReachOut, 16 August 2016
EXCLUSIVE: DECLAN TYLER TALKS TO US ABOUT THE DESIRE TO HAVE A FAMILY
By Jasper Brunswick
Starting a family is usually a joyous thing, and is celebrated by people who receive the news. Unfortunately this can be marred for gay couples, as people often feel free to weigh in on the intricacies that can be involved in the process. Declan Tyler, ex-Essendon footballer, is the latest casualty of this, as it was revealed he and partner Simon Murray are trying for a child through surrogacy. Tyler has said this was a massive invasion of privacy and will only give one interview.
JB: Thanks for speaking with me today, Declan.
DT: Thank you.
JB: How did you find out your plans for surrogacy had been leaked to the public?
DT: First off, let me say that I don’t believe it was a leak. I don’t think the doctors or the staff we’ve been dealing with would have breached confidentiality like that. I think, most likely, it was a member of the public.
JB: Just like when you were originally outed during your football career?
DT: Once again, we don’t know who did that either. And in the long run, I guess it’s not really the point.
JB: But how did you find out?
DT: A friend of ours, who was watching The Footy Show, texted us.
JB: And how did you feel? Especially as you have been a panellist and guest on that show throughout your career?
DT: Pretty ropeable, actually.
JB: Have you spoken to the producers, or even any members of the panel?
DT: No, but some have tried to contact me.
JB: Have you spoken with them?
DT: No. I don’t think it’s necessary. The other panellists were fine. I don’t want to speak to the producers. I just want to stay clear of the whole thing.
JB: You’ve got other issues on your mind!
DT: Exactly.
JB: But since that segment, a lot of other media heads have weighed in. And I have to include myself in that group, as I had written a column about it before this interview.
DT: I actually quite liked your column.
JB: Thanks. It’s actually one that gets reedited and republished every now and again because people love to turn gay parenting into an unnecessary controversy.
DT: They love a story.
JB: Why do you think this one is still relevant?
DT: I don’t know that it is. At least, not in most people’s minds. The media loves it, though.
JB: It kind of becomes media eating itself. Someone puts the contrary view out there, and I know that I myself feel I have to go on the attack and defend. Maybe that’s the wrong way to respond—
DT: I don’t think there’s a wrong way to respond.
JB: Maybe. But a lot of the media is journalists fighting amongst each other, probably reflecting the public as they do it within their own social units.
DT: Look, there have been a lot of good journalists and columnists that have been on mine and Simon’s side, and providing an alternative view, but it also makes us feel uncomfortable that it’s being said at all. We just want to have a family, you know?
JB: It’s like that automatic thing of gay people are involved in this story, so it’s “controversial.”
DT: And they feel the need to know every detail, while also having an atmosphere of “why do gay people have to tell us everything?”
JB: “Why are they shoving it down our throats?”
DT: Yeah, never recognising they demanded to know in the first place.
JB: There’s also been a lot of focus on who the actual father is.
DT: We’re both the fathers.
JB: Obviously. I think that’s something that straight people don’t really get. They’re used to the normal history of heteronormativity—
DT: Have you been taking a course or something, Jasper?
JB: I’ll try not to be offended by that or alarmed by the fact that it sounded like your partner was coming out of your mouth just then.
DT: Sorry. I was actually impressed.
JB: Oh! Thank you!
DT: And you were raising a really good point. Gay people have been having children for centuries, and they’ve used a variety of methods to do it. We have science on our side now, and really, I can’t believe some people still seem to think this is an issue in 2016.
JB: Well, gay marriage, or as I like to call it, marriage is still an issue today.
DT: Yeah, well, that’s a sore point for me as well.
JB: Yes, because we’re both engaged—
DT: Congratulations, again, on that.
JB: And to you as well. Although I do think you could have done—
DT: Jasper.
JB: Oh, I’m kidding!
DT: You’re derailing a very important topic.
JB: Sorry.
DT: Anyway, the media has focused upon Simon and me simply because I used to be in the public eye—
JB: “Used to” is a bit misleading.
DT: I retired from footy a long time ago.
JB: You’re forgetting we live in the land of sport. No sporting star ever really retires from the public eye. We’re interested in them forever.
DT: Okay, sure, but they’re definitely not as interested in me as when I was actually playing.
JB: I don’t know. You and Simon are always publicity magnets.
DT: The only time we actively chase publicity is for charity.
JB: Yeah, but that doesn’t mean the media doesn’t actively chase you when it wants to.
DT: But that’s the distinction, isn’t it? We’re a couple, like many others, who are trying to start a family. We just have to do it in a different way. There are also many other couples, straight and gay, who have to do the same thing. But what happens is, when the media or its commentators target us—and by that I mean gay couples—they are also targeting those who are using the same means. They’re invalidating the status of all couples using fertility treatments, by implying the families that result from it aren’t real families.
JB: It’s sickening.
DT: It is. They’re also implicating families that adopt, or blended families through remarriage, as not being real either because they weren’t traditionally created. A lot of people get thrown under the bus in this argument.
JB: You said this was going to be your only interview on this subject. Although I’m glad you chose us, why did you?
DT: Because I’m not going to give those commentators the chance to spew their bile at me. I’m not going to debate the issue with them, because there’s nothing to debate. Some people may think that’s preaching to the choir, but I also don’t feel I have to justify myself or expose myself to people who are going to want to attack me just because they feel they can. They can say what they want to say, but I don’t have to turn it into a teachable moment with every person I come across. Nobody can do that. It will drag them down.
JB: Yes! We don’t have to educate you every single time. You can educate yourselves.
DT: It’s not that hard, really.
JB: I know Simon said to me, “Our kids will be no more fucked-up than anybody else’s.”
DT: [sighs] He has a colourful way of saying things sometimes.
JB: Only sometimes?
DT: He has a point, though. Studies have shown that children of gay parents are no worse off than those raised by straight ones.
JB: In fact, they often seem to turn out better.
DT: Look, the thing is, we want a family. And we want to do the best for our kids. That’s all any parent wants, right?
JB: Of course. I believe Simon also said, “All the naysayers can go get fucked.”
DT: I can’t wait to marry that man.
FROM THE Herald Sun, 21 August 2016
DECLAN TYLER: “I CAN’T WAIT TO MARRY THAT MAN,” BUT IS THERE A TRAGIC TWIST?
By Peter van Nieuwen
Declan Tyler has always been reticent when it comes to talking about his private life, but circumstances have often forced him to. In an interview with gay newspaper ReachOut, Tyler spoke about the recent controversy concerning the decision he and partner Simon Murray made to start a family through surrogacy.
“Gay people have been having children for centuries, and they’ve used a variety of methods to do it. We have science on our side now, and really, I can’t believe some people still seem to think this is an issue in 2016,” Tyler told journalist Jasper Brunswick, who is usually more known for his frothy gossip columns about the gay community than hard-hitting journalism.
Tyler may have more cause than most to be hoping science is on his side. Sources have revealed to us that Murray, who has been with Tyler for close to eight years, is undergoing a medical crisis. He has only just recently had surgery for suspected testicular cancer and is now recovering although awaiting test results.
Whether this has thrown their plans for surrogacy into question is unknown. Testicular tumours are well known for causing problems with fertility and potency. “All they can do is wait and see,” said our source. “It’s a very stressful time.”
Neither Murray nor Tyler responded to questions by the time of printing.
