I pull away, “You know that can’t be.”
“Why?” He asks.
“I told you, you can’t handle me.”
“I told you, you don’t scare me, killer.” We look each other up and down, circling around each other like animals. Who is the predator and who is the prey?
He reaches for me again.
“Why are you here?” I dodge.
“Why are you asking questions you know the answers to?” His voice rumbles. I know I’m being tedious.
“Who else knows you are here?”
“The rabbit girl.”
“And my husband?” The word tastes foul. My thoughts of Silas have been warped by that word. He made my first sexual experience with someone pleasurable, but I do not love him. I do not desire him because of his claim on me. He apologized for his cruelty and I forgave him, but all thoughts of him as the beautiful man with charming, honey eyes, have been reduced to ash. Thinking of him as my husband, allocating him the role of lover… No.
“He’s preoccupied. Hasn’t left Liriene’s side. Hasn’t mentioned your leaving to anyone.” He stops and cracks his neck, pocketing his hands. “No one’s said a word. It’s like you never fucking were.”
That hurt. Not even my husband has mentioned me. No one wishes I’d come home? Did anyone even notice I’d left?
“I came. He didn’t.” He reaches for me and catches my hand this time. “What more do you need to hear?”
“How did you know where I went?” I try to put distance between us with more questions.
“Last time I saw you, you were wedding another. The time before that we were running through the dark together. You fell into my arms. I thought you were dead. Ice cold and pale. Hours earlier you were in my arms, hot and wet. You lit me up and would have opened your sweet little body for me if he hadn’t stolen you.”
He latches onto me again and my resolve weakens.
“If he hadn’t claimed you— called in your debt to marry him. If he hadn’t touched you, I would have been the first man inside you.” He reaches down between my legs and I gasp.
“If you hadn’t run without even fucking looking back, you would have seen me right behind you. Ready to run too.” His eyes darken. “And now I’m here. Touching you. Did you think about me when he fucked you? Were you praying to your God for me to come and take his place? Well, I’m here now.”
His fingers work at my core through my clothing. I lean my head back to look into his eyes as he kindles the fire in me once again.
“And all you want to do with me is play games? Interrogate me? Piss me off and make my dick hard for no reason?”
I struggle to lean back away from him. “Darius,” I moan. “I need to know that you’re here for me and not for something I can’t give you.” I break free of his hold.
He steps back, understanding. His eyes tell me his surrender is temporary.
“Attica told me it wasn’t safe for you.”
Prying, old Weaver.
“What do you mean?”
“She told me not to follow you. She warned me it could cost me my life. That your world was full of death, darkness, and chaos. Said I’d follow you to ruin, and Ro’Hale was lost.”
I cross my arms and rub the chill from them. Attica never told me that stuff. Cost him his life? She never mentioned danger to me, only secrets. My stomach turns at the ill-thought. “So, you’re here to bring me home?”
“No. We both know you’re more dangerous than most things, even here. Still, I had to come make sure you were okay. She told me you were being watched. She didn’t know by who, but she could See it.”
“See it?” I furrow my brow. “She’s a—”
“A Seer. Yes.”
“How do you know that?”
“I’ve always known. Since I came to the Ro’Hale clan.” He stops as if that’s enough of an explanation. I widen my eyes, goading him to continue.
“She was prone to staring at my brother and I. One day, I asked her whether she enjoyed the view,” a corner of his mouth kicks up. “She told me she was Seeing us. She told us all about her secret gift when I was a pup. So, I’ve always known.”
“What did she See in you?” I ask.
Darius rubs his hand on the back of his neck. “I’ll tell you another time.”
“She warned me before I left. She was outside my tent in the rain. It was weird.” I say.
“What did she tell you?” He asks.
“That there are secrets I must beware.”
He rubs his chin where a light scruff has sprouted on his chiseled jaw. “So, you’re a dangerous woman. I’m a dangerous beast myself.”
I pause, allowing my eyes to wander over him. He’s drawn toward me like a moth to a flame, moving almost instinctively.
He couldn’t stop himself from following me— not this time.
“I watched you leave the wedding early.” Bitterness laces his voice.
“I couldn’t be there. I had to get away from it all.” I barely explain. I couldn’t bear to marry Silas with Darius watching.
“With him,” He adds.
“He’s my husband, Darius.” I frown at my own words.
He licks his lips, stopping his reply.
I take another step toward him. “I’m not walking away from you now.”
I hate admitting to myself that I still want him like I’ve never wanted anything in my life. He does more than turn me on. He matches me in that fiery, dangerous way. Sex, lust, and love have always fascinated me. When my thoughts turned violent, they would usually turn sexual soon after. Adrenaline is a roguish thing.
When I was alone under the trees and the cover of night, I would explore my body, the delightful ache between my legs. I never shied away from the thoughts of pleasure or of power. Struggle with my divinity and curse? Yes. Struggle with my sexual curiosity and nature? Never.
Sex with him would be the kind of violent delight I imagined when I was the only one who heard the noises my body could make. The kind I read about in those sacred few of my mother’s books. Who ever saw this coming? Probably not even Attica.
I don’t need the gift of Sight to see what I do to him too. He went after me behind Silas’ back. To take me any way he can get me. His eyes shamelessly caress my body and his own rashly responds to me. He desires me as much as I desire him, and I love it. He craves me. He makes me aware of the raw seduction of my body, my voice, my strength. Makes me see something in myself I never did before. Silas certainly didn’t.
I’m no damsel in distress, I don’t need his protection and he knows it. It’s a lame excuse to be near to me. As much as I burn for him, he hungers for me with an ache I gave him.
But I am forbidden fruit. Therefore, so is he.
I stop, a breath away from him. Watching his mouth, I ball my hands into fists and the ring on my knuckle stings my skin. My vows matter to me, whether I wanted to make them or not. I’ve sworn before my God to remain faithful to my husband. To be with Darius now would be to go against one of my core beliefs. I can’t just turn my back on my own standards. Not for lust. Other people may have made the decision about who I marry for me, but I’m still in control of this. Though it hurts to hold back from something I know I want so badly if I’m being honest with myself. The hard truth is I wouldn’t be betraying Silas… I’d be betraying myself, and that would hurt me more.
“I have… things to attend to here at court. I cannot leave.” I look at the bed. “And you cannot stay here with me.”
He smiles mischievously at that. Taunted. “Oh?”
I hold up a hand between us. He takes it quickly and bites it.
“Darius,” I whisper.
“Don’t worry, killer. I arranged for a room in the village. Wouldn’t want anyone thinking less of you.”
“So, you lounged half-naked in my bed to avoid confusion of who you were looking for?” I bite back a laugh.
“Mmhmm,” he licks my fingers. I bite my lip watching him. Part me wants to p
ush him back on the bed and have my way with him. But I can’t. I’m shackled to one wall and he to another. We can only meet in the middle but never touch. Memories of Silas flash into my mind when Darius touches me. Like an innate, moral alarm. I can’t help it. I must think of Silas as a life-partner now. And Darius as… something else.
“I have to find someone. Will you help me? I can’t ask the Queen where this person is, I don’t want her to suspect me. She’s lethal.”
“Mmhmm,” He brushes his thumb over my lower lip.
I smile against my better senses. He’s here, it’s true. I can’t just pull away from him. We don’t work like that.
“His name is Paragon Kade, Commander of the Queen’s armies. Ask around.” I say.
“I didn’t come here to find you another man.” He raises a brow.
“Just, help me. Please.”
“Say that word again.” He demands.
“Please?” I ask.
“Gods, that word looks delicious on your mouth.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” I hand him the marked map. “Meet me here. It’s a temple. My temple.”
“Your temple?” He gives me a big smile and plucks the map from between my fingers.
“Yes, mine,” I try to bite back my smile.
“That word looks even better on your lips,” He says. “Mine.”
I let him kiss me goodbye, telling myself it’ll be the last time. I watch his backside, enjoying his figure. But then all I see is a back to put a knife into, and it belongs to Silas. My stomach winds into knots. I look to the bathtub again, then the closet doors. A short while later, I leave for dinner.
Thankfully, Hero isn’t on the table, but at the head of it. Rydel sits to her right, and next to him is an open chair for me. I think twice about sitting there and he notices. He flashes me a smile that’s far from reassuring. Having no other choice, I take my seat beside him. Across from he and I sits Nadia, Moriya, and another bunny-servant with deep purple eyes who introduces herself as Faye. Triplets. Queen Hero’s ladies-in-waiting.
Hero is cackling, swinging her glass of red wine and spilling drops of it onto her long black gown. Tonight, she’s wearing a corpse’s spine that runs between her mostly exposed breast, from neck to navel. The neck of her gown dips into a low ‘v’ that passes her navel. Spiny extensions of the long backbone, claw at her gown, keeping the edges in place. She also wears shoulder blades like pads on her own shoulders, and from them hang long black feathers. A set of dark wings for this raptorial Queen.
Her eye makeup is dramatic; dark green and gold line her crystalline eyes. She painted her lips a purple as deep as Faye’s eyes. Her platinum blond hair is bound in an intricate braid that wraps around her skull. Atop it is the Crown of Bones.
I remain in my lace blue dress, having merely pressed a light rouge to my lips to seem more put together. Giving my blood for the Heart-tree in the temple drained me. Doesn’t help that I didn’t eat this morning. I could use a good meal. But whether I’m rosy or pale, I look nothing close to royal and Hero looks far from benevolent.
“Faye, darling you must give it up!” Hero chides.
“Really, sister. It’s not doing anyone any good under lock and key,” Moriya adds.
“And Gods know what good it can do!” Nadia moans as she catches my eye.
Rydel keeps his peace, smiling as the three of them jeer at Faye— who looks absolutely mortified.
I make a plate of roasted garden vegetables for myself and fill a bowl with potato soup. I pile slices of bread onto the dish, slathering them with butter. Perfect for dipping.
“Cousin,” Hero takes a gulp of her wine. She slams the glass down and looks at me, red wine dribbling from her mouth as she slurs, “Do you not agree it is futile for a maid to refuse to lie with a man? Outside of marriage, that is.”
I look at Faye, who’s staring at her still-full dinner plate.
“Our sister is still a virgin!” Nadia laughs.
“Tis a shame, she’s such a prude,” Moriya adds.
“Nay!” Hero raises her glass once more, whirling towards the other two. “She is unrivaled for purity amid the likes of us. Bless her for not whoring herself as you two do!”
Moriya and Nadia both “Humph!” at the same time. “Not fair!” and “We do not whore!”
“By the looks of you little bunny rabbits, your cotton tails are not snow-white,” Rydel says before a sip of wine.
They giggle drunkenly.
Hero smirks at him, “I hardly think they’re pink either.”
At that, Moriya snorts wine out of her nose, which earns a ballad of snorting laughter from the lot of them.
I will not be drinking in his company. I wonder if they are under his influence. Whatever that means. Too disturbed by the idea of him slipping in and out of my head this morning, I forget to laugh at Hero’s joke. I look at Faye, who’s blushing a fierce shade of crimson.
“I was a virgin when I wed,” I say.
Their laughter dwindles nearly as soon as I admit it.
“Wait,” Hero leans across the table, inspecting me. “Are you serious?” She chortles.
I lock eyes with Faye. “I was. It brought my family and I honor.”
“Honor?” Moriya laughs. “Fuck honor, pleasure feels better.”
“And lasts not even half as long,” I bite back.
Faye beams at me and I fill my mouth with a spoonful of soup.
Moriya flutters her eyes, toying with a tomato beneath her fork. Nadia coughs and folds her napkin in her lap. I feel their eyes on me, but I continue to eat.
“Is that your wedding ring?” Moriya asks.
I rub the breadcrumbs from between my fingers and force a smile as I say, “It is.”
“Is your husband a good lover,” Nadia leans on her hand as she watches me fidget in my chair.
I swallow my food, “He is.” I think back to the one and only time we had sex. The room falls silent, their dinners growing cold as they lean in, expecting me to disclose more.
“Does he bring you to climax?” Moriya asks.
I feel a blush stealing my composure. What kind of question is that?
“Not that you deserve the answer, but my husband is a fine lover. A sworn knight protector. As dignified as he is passionate.” I try to sound impressed by the man I married against my will. I’m competitive, it’s a fault of mine.
“A knight protector?” Faye pipes up.
“We know knights for their long… swords.” Nadia giggles. Hero smiles at her and then glues her eyes back on me.
“Who is your Knight?” Hero narrows her eyes.
Again, there is a moment of silent expectation.
His name tumbles off my tongue, dropping into my soup and ruining my appetite. “Silas. Son of Solas of Ro’Hale. And of Seraphina,” I add, hoping to get a hint about her.
Moriya shoves her chair out from beneath the table, slams her hands on the table. She gives me a glare sharp as my own blade and dripping with poison.
“Silas?” Nadia asks as if she didn’t hear me, her hand landing on Moriya’s arm as if she must keep her from leaping over the table at me.
“Yes,” I smile, pretending not to realize what they’ve just told me without speaking.
Moriya snorts at me, rolls her eyes, and storms out of the room. She chucks her napkin to the floor at the door. Faye bows to Hero and runs after her sister.
Nadia laughs into her napkin. I look from her back to the Queen and Rydel.
Hero flashes me a toothy grin, “Lions don’t lay down with rabbits, anyway.” She smiles over the rim of her glass. “I’m sure Moriya knew this day would come.”
Nadia explodes into a fit of laughter and tears line her sapphire eyes as she swats the Queen’s arm with her napkin. “Knew it!? She had the whole wedding ceremony planned!”
My attention snaps back to her, and she composes herself, remembering who I am: the wife of Silas.
“Silas and Moriya were together very long?
” I ask. My blood boils and the fumes of irrational thoughts rise into my head.
“Until now! Since she was fourteen.” Nadia’s smile sneaks back into the corners of her mouth. “I told her she was a stupid girl.”
“I’m sorry,” I shake my head. “You mean he’s been fucking her for years?”
“You do love that word, Coroner.” She smirks.
And he was jealous of me kissing Darius! Hypocrite! I excuse myself from the table, not bothering to give Nadia any more attention. I just sent Darius from my bed, mentally pep-talking myself out of breaking a vow that never mattered to anyone but me. A vow that is worth nothing. Now I know the truth about Silas.
“Oh!” Hero stands too. “Cousin, I need to speak with you.” She pushes these revelations aside, dropping her napkin stained with purple kisses onto Rydel’s lap.
I nod and follow behind her long black wings.
“Let’s kill Silas like I said before,” the Death Spirit hisses.
20. THREE MAIDENS AND A BEAR
I preserved myself for useless tradition. Out of obedience. Out of fear.
Silas’ secret stared at me through vicious yellow eyes tonight. The truth— her. Moriya.
This is where he went when he left the clan throughout the year. To visit the bed of his secret lover.
“I need to know,” he’d said.
“I have been with no man, Silas.”
On our wedding night, he swore never to hurt me. He begged forgiveness for shaming me. Didn’t he know I would find out about her if I came to court? He hasn’t come here to prevent me from meeting her. He didn’t have the decency of showing up, even if only to make an excuse or another lame apology. Darius said he’s stuck to Liri’s hip. Hiding. I wonder if Liriene knows about Moriya, considering how close she is to Silas.
Queen Hero leads me down the same corridor that heads to my room, past my door, and then up the winding staircase. Rounding turn after turn, climbing higher and higher, my body grows hotter and hotter with rage.
His jealousy rushed me into his bed. He needed to claim me when he saw me with Darius. I preserved my first time for this. What a disappointment. What an embarrassment to be married to someone who treats females this way. Not that I feel for Moriya, but seriously. Since she was fourteen? He didn’t have the decency to at least give her the truth— that he was marrying another girl. She was planning on wedding Silas. Hoping and dreaming of things I never did. By the time we reach the seventh floor, I’m so deep in my thoughts I trip on the train of Hero’s gown. I catch my step and go back to twisting the wedding ring on my finger.
The Sunderlands Page 22
