2020 Michelle MacQueen
All rights reserved.
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events are used fictitiously and any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons is entirely coincidental.
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This book or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. Printed in the United States of America
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Image © DepositPhotos – Ann Haritonenko
Cover Design © Designed with Grace
Editing by Melissa Craven
Proof Editing by Caitlin Haines
Contents
Also by Michelle MacQueen
1. Cassie
2. Roman
3. Cassie
4. Roman
5. Cassie
6. Roman
7. Cassie
8. Roman
9. Cassie
10. Roman
11. Cassie
12. Roman
13. Cassie
14. Roman
15. Cassie
16. Roman
17. Cassie
18. Roman
19. Cassie
20. Roman
21. Cassie
22. Roman
23. Cassie
24. Roman
25. Cassie
26. Roman
Spencer and the Younger Girl
Spencer and the Younger Girl
About Michelle
Also by Michelle MacQueen
Also by Michelle MacQueen
The Gulf City High series
Jesse and the Ice Princess
Roman and the Hopeless Romantic
Spencer and the Younger Girl
Nate and the Invisible Girl.
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Redefining Me:
Dating My Best Friend
Dating the Boy Next Door
Dating My Nemesis
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The Invincible series:
We Thought We Were Invincible
We Thought We Knew It All
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Discovering Me:
Dating Nashville
Dating Washington
Dating Texas
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The New Beginnings series
Choices
Promises
Dreams
Confessions
To anxiety.
You will always lose.
1
Cassie
Just one more page.
Cassie Carrigan glanced at the digital clock on her bedside table, realizing she should have left for her appointment five minutes ago.
But she couldn’t stop now. The book was just getting good, and she didn’t want to go talk about crappy things with her therapist unless she had a firm picture of first kisses in her mind.
She rolled onto her stomach, her feet kicked up behind her as she chose to live in her bubble for a little while longer. In her world of books and love stories, she could pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist.
There were no murdered mothers. No absent fathers. She wasn’t the girl who could barely leave the house without having a full-blown panic attack.
She imagined herself in these stories, falling in love with each new book boyfriend.
She’d admit it. Cassie was obsessed with love. It didn’t matter the genre, if the love story was strong, she devoured it.
From gallant heroes in the fantasies to sweet high school boys in the young adult romances or much… steamier reads, they all stole her heart for the hours she lived in their world.
A knock on her door brought her crashing back to reality. “Why do you have that stupid look on your face?” Her older brother, Jesse, grinned at her from the doorway. The dude grinned way too often. It was obnoxious how happy he was all the time.
Shoving her Kindle under her pillow to keep it from his prying eyes, she rolled over and sat up. “I don’t have a stupid look.”
“You do. You’re smiling.”
“Am I not allowed to smile?”
He jumped onto the bed, making it bounce, and lunged for her Kindle. “The only things that ever make you smile are these weird books.”
“They aren’t weird.” She pushed him away.
He laughed and rolled from the bed. “Come on, smiley. I’m driving you today.”
“I thought Dad was taking me.”
Jesse’s smile dropped, and an apology shone in his eyes. “He had to go into the office.”
That shouldn’t have surprised her. Since her mom’s death two years before, he’d all but disappeared from their lives. Sure, he kept a roof over their heads and money in their bank accounts, but Jesse and Cassie were left to raise themselves and their little brothers, though the part-time nanny helped with that.
“Don’t you have school?” Cassie asked as she slipped her feet into her Sketchers.
Jesse was a senior at Gulf City High, captain of the hockey team, and all-around popular guy.
Cassie, on the other hand, was a seventeen-year-old shut-in who took classes online and had a social life consisting of appointments with her therapist.
Yes, she was aware of how sad her life was, but she also didn’t care.
Jesse shrugged. “This is more important.”
The words he didn’t say spoke volumes. If Cassie would drive herself, this wouldn’t be an issue. A few weeks before, she’d borrowed his car for an appointment and gotten a flat tire. She’d waited for him alone in the middle of a rainstorm and had a panic attack. She hadn’t driven since.
She didn’t know what she’d have done if she’d had to ask a stranger for help. Every time Cassie was faced with people who weren’t family, she couldn’t seem to force words past her lips.
Anxiety was a turd.
Jesse kept talking as they reached his car outside their large Florida home. Their dad may not give them much attention, but some would still call their lives privileged.
“Coach gave us the day off practice.” Jesse started the car. “Plus, it’s Friday. What better way to spend it than with my sister?”
She gave him a small smile but couldn’t focus on the words. Outside their home, the world was too big, too foreign, too dangerous. Her breath came in gasps as they pulled onto the main road that wound down near the beach.
“Cass.” Jesse reached out to take her hand.
She gripped it like it was a lifeline, keeping her feet on the ground. Her breathing evened as she tried the exercises her therapist taught her. Deep breaths, clear mind.
I’m safe. I’m safe. I’m safe. She repeated the mantra to herself until they pulled into the small parking lot in front of a blue cottage that housed her therapist’s office.
“I’ll be back in an hour.” Jesse gave her a final encouraging squeeze and let go.
Cassie got out of the car and practically sprinted for the safety of the building. Inside, large windows spanned the back wall looking out at the rolling waves, kicked up like they normally were this time of year.
The receptionist, Mandy, smiled at her, not expecting Cassie to actually speak. They’d been through this song and dance many times before.
“Good morning, Cassandra. Annie is ready for you.”
Her therapist insisted she call her by her real name and not her stuffy title, as if it would make Cassie feel any less self-conscious about her weekly appointments.
Without looking at Mandy, Cassie walked down the familiar hall to Annie
’s office and through the open doorway, shutting it behind her.
“Morning, Cass.” Annie gave her routine smile like she had every Friday for the past two years.
“Hey.” Cassie took her usual spot on the couch facing Annie’s chair.
“Did you drive yourself today?”
Cassie shook her head.
“So, still not driving after the last incident?” She pursed her lips in concern.
Cassie crossed her arms. “Well, it was a big incident.”
She nodded. “I know this world is unpredictable, and at times that can be frightening.”
“At times? I still dream about the unpredictability.”
Her eyebrows drew together. “I thought we’d moved past the nightmares.”
They had until this past week when Cassie woke up screaming about her mom. “I saw it happen again. I was standing between my parents as we walked from the store in Tampa. Jesse was at a friend’s house, and the boys were with the nanny. I felt so lucky to be there with them alone.”
Annie smiled. “Look how far you’ve come, Cassie. Only months ago, you still couldn’t talk about that night.”
“I didn’t see the bullet. Even afterward, I never saw the hole it created. I felt it, though. When it struck Mom, it carved out a hole inside me. I’m messed up, Annie.”
“Cassie, how many times have I told you to stop saying that about yourself? You were traumatized. But look at how far you’ve come.”
She shrugged. “If I’ve really come that far, why am I still dreaming about it?”
“Because you haven’t yet let go. Did you wake yourself up screaming this time?”
“No.” She rubbed a hand over her face. “The boys—Will and Eli—they woke me up. I guess they heard me.” Her eight-year-old brothers were her little guys. They’d shaken her awake before climbing into bed with her, saying they’d keep her safe that night.
She sighed. “I’m tired of my problems affecting my family. Did I ever tell you I can’t even talk to my brother’s best friend, and he practically lives with us?” Her shoulders dropped. “Before… it happened, he was my friend too. Now, I’m just the weirdo silent girl.”
“You’re not weird, Cassie. You’re improving every day. You might not see it, but I do. Don’t discount yourself.” She fixed Cassie with a kind gaze. “Reading anything good these days?”
Cassie finally smiled. “How about everything? I’m on a contemporary romance kick right now. The characters in these books find people who love them despite their flaws.” But that kind of love didn’t exist in real life. As much of a hopeless romantic as she was, Cassie didn’t truly believe in the fairytale kind of romance.
“That’s what love is, Cassie. One day, you’ll find someone who doesn’t just overlook your flaws, he’ll love them.”
Cassie snorted out a laugh. Yeah, sure, the girl who won’t talk to people or even leave the house most days would fall in love.
Only in her books.
They spoke of various things for the rest of the hour. Annie was the one person Cassie was really open with. She knew more about Cassie than even Jesse did, and she accepted her.
Though, Cassie’s dad paid good money for Annie to accept her. They weren’t friends, Cassie knew that. But there was no anxiety in her office. It was as if the sound of crashing waves and squawking birds calmed her, pushing the past to the back of her mind.
True to his word—as always—Jesse waited for her in the parking lot when she was done. He leaned against the hood of his Jeep wrangler looking like the all-American boy everyone loved.
Sometimes Cassie wanted to hate him for not being with their mom the night she died, for being spared the trauma of cowering behind a car waiting for a second bullet.
But since then, Jesse took care of her and their brothers. He was sixteen when he became much more than just their older brother, when their father dumped too much responsibility on him.
And he never complained.
Waves of calm rolled through Cassie like they always did after appointments with Annie. “I don’t want to go home yet.”
He raised an eyebrow in surprise.
How did she explain it? She was already out of the house, over that hurdle. For just a little while, she wanted to enjoy the salt air that hovered over Gulf City.
“Want to go get a coffee at Emma’s?”
Emma’s. The local diner Jesse and his friends obsessed over. She hadn’t been there in years. “Okay.”
Jesse shot her a smile and rounded the Jeep to hop in. Cassie climbed up and sat back in her seat. She could do this. At least, she could try.
They drove through downtown Gulf City—if you could call it a downtown. Single-story, Venetian buildings lined the street. Shops and restaurants tried to make a go of it in the seasonal tourist town.
Locals who wanted a bigger feel drove the forty-five minutes south to Tampa.
Two cars sat in the parking lot behind Emma’s.
“It’s okay.” Jesse must have read her mind. “Looks like only Callie and the cook are here today.”
Callie was the owner and someone Jesse had known for years from frequenting her diner. Cassie only met her a few times when she was younger.
They entered the diner, finding it as empty as they’d expected. A pretty woman with her brown hair in a single braid rushed toward them. “Jesse Carrigan, you should be in school.” She swatted him with a menu.
“Figured you could use the business.” He gestured to the empty room.
“We just got through the breakfast rush. Those snowbirds can put away a lot of food. I’m glad for the peace before lunch.” She turned to Cassie. “Is this little Cassie? I haven’t seen you in a long time.”
Cassie gripped the edge of one of the wooden booths, focusing on her breathing. In. Out. Callie stared at her, waiting for her to say something.
The waves of calm Cassie felt earlier roiled, turning into frothing anxiety clawing at her from the inside out. She opened her mouth, trying to force words out, but they never came.
After what seemed like an eternity but was probably only a few seconds, Jesse stepped in for the save. “Can we just get a couple coffees to go?”
Callie’s face softened in concern. “You got it.” She walked away, returning a moment later with two large travel cups. “On me today.”
“Thanks, Callie.” Jesse pried Cassie’s hand off the booth and held it in his. “We appreciate it.”
They stepped toward the door. “Thanks,” Cassie squeaked at Callie as they passed her, pushing the single word out with so much force it took her breath with it.
But she did it. She spoke to a woman she barely knew. Annie would call it progress. Cassie considered it a friggin’ miracle.
2
Roman
Home was where the heart was, as they say, and Roman’s heart wasn’t in his own house. Heck, his parents were rarely even there as they traveled back and forth to Eastern Europe for some business he didn’t understand.
But he never missed them, and that should have been sad.
Instead, he ingrained himself into the Carrigan household, not caring if they got sick of his constant presence or not.
Roman Sullivan didn’t care what anyone thought of him. It was part of his charm.
“Yo, Carrigan, open up!” Roman pounded on the front door, surprised to find it locked. Jesse was more like a brother to him than a friend. He hadn’t been at school and that meant one of two things. Either Jesse was on his deathbed or Cassie needed him.
No one came to the door, which was a surprise. There was always someone around at chez Carrigan. A minivan pulled into the driveway, and Roman turned around to watch two boys scramble from the back and run toward him.
“Rome!” Will, the more talkative of Jesse’s brothers yelled in excitement—as if he hadn’t just seen him at dinner the night before. Eli followed in his twin’s footsteps, smiling with less effusive excitement.
“Roman.” Mary, the boys’ nanny si
nce they were born, sent him a kind smile. “Good to see you, young man.”
When Jesse’s mom died, Roman lost her too. Morgan Carrigan was more of a mother to him than his own. He’d known her since he met Jesse when they were five.
But Mary helped soothe the burn for all of them. She stepped in with her gentle hugs and motherly presence.
Glancing at the watch on her wrist, concern washed over her. “Is Jesse not home? I have to go pick up my daughter.”
“I don’t know where he is.” Roman shrugged. “But I’ll keep the boys company.”
She patted his cheek and moved past him to unlock the front door. “You’re a good one, Roman.” After kissing Will and Eli on the tops of their heads, she went back to her car.
Roman followed the boys into the house where they dropped their school bags in the hall and ran for the backyard where the dry grass sloped down to a pond.
“Don’t go out there,” Roman hollered.
“But Jesse said we have an alligator!” Will pushed the sliding glass door open.
Roman cursed and followed them. He stopped as he went past the staircase where a silent Cassie sat. Her face flushed when their eyes met, but she didn’t say a word.
Roman should have been used to her silent presence, to the way she avoided him whenever he was in the house. There was a time when they were friends. He spent a lot of time with the Carrigan siblings before their mom died.
Roman and the Hopeless Romantic (Gulf City High Book 2) Page 1
