Maybe this was why her brain melted down around him and refused to form words. Maybe she knew if she hadn’t pushed him away, she’d risk losing him too.
For a girl who’d lost so much with the speed of a bullet, she sure let go of everything else quickly.
Because that was easier, much easier than admitting how much she’d needed them. She’d rather just need herself.
As if coming to his senses, Roman sat back on his heels, letting her up. A crack of thunder reminded them why they were there together. Not because they chose it.
Cassie went through her breathing exercises, trying to calm herself. She looked to the stairs, knowing she should escape to her room now and go to bed, but she couldn’t move.
Roman glanced at the window, taking in the storm still battering their town, before returning his gaze to Cassie. “We can sleep down here… if you want.”
She did want that. So much. It beat spending a night curled in her bed shaking. Instead of voicing her thanks, all she could do was nod.
Roman went upstairs to get pillows and blankets. As Cassie watched him leave, she couldn’t help but wonder why a guy like him—one of the best guys she’d ever known—would want to be friends with someone like her.
In two short years, she’d gone from fearless to afraid, outgoing to… not. The girl he remembered, the one always getting him in and out of trouble… did she even exist anymore?
10
Roman
Cassie Carrigan had always been the star in Roman’s life, showing him the way like no one else did. Not his parents. Not even Jesse.
When she’d shut down after her mom died, he’d wanted to shut down with her. It hurt to see the fearless girl he’d known shrink into herself when he so much as looked at her.
Sometime in the night, the lights came back on, breaking the bubble they’d found themselves in. Still, they didn’t go to their beds. Cassie lay curled on her side on the couch, her face relaxed in sleep.
It wasn’t so easy for Roman. Early morning light filtered in through the sliding glass doors, casting its glow across Cassie’s pale cheeks.
She’d always been better than the rest of them, wilder and freer. He rested his arms behind his head in his place in the recliner. The night before was progress. After two excruciating years, she talked to him, smiled at him.
It was a start.
The sound of the front door opening snapped Roman out of his daze. He pushed down the foot of the recliner and stood to walk into the entryway.
Jesse kicked off his shoes. “Hey, man.”
“Hey.” Roman couldn’t hide the smile spreading across his face. He knew now it was possible, that Cassie might one day join him and Jesse in their friendship again.
Jesse sighed. “I’m exhausted. There was no sleep for me and Charlie at Hadley’s.”
Roman wiggled his eyebrows.
Jesse shook his head. “Not like that, bro. Hadley made us stay up most of the night because of the storm.” He looked around. “The power go out here?”
“Yeah, it was out most of the night.”
“Then why do you have that stupid grin on your face? I expected to find you hiding out from my sister, considering how things are between you.”
Roman shrugged, not ready to let Jesse in on his secret hope yet.
Jesse walked into the living room, stopping inside the doorway and surveying the space. Cards scattered across the table. Cans of seltzer and snacks sat nearby. And through the kitchen arch, he could see the sopping porch furniture. He turned to Roman. “Ummm… did I miss something?”
Roman’s lips twitched. “Just an epic card tournament.”
He pointed to Cassie. “She played with you?”
“Don’t sound so surprised, Jess. Not even Cassie can resist me.”
Jesse gave him a skeptical look. “Whatever, man. I’m not sure I want to know. Just be ready for the game this evening.”
“I’m always ready.” Unlike most of their team, Roman showed up at the rink ready to give everything he had to hockey. It was his safe place.
Cassie stirred, her eyelids fluttering open. It took her a moment to realize where she was before she sat up. Her eyes widened when they landed on Jesse.
“Morning, sunshine.” Jesse shook his head with a laugh.
Her eyes flicked from Jesse to Roman. “I…” Her words didn’t come, and Roman deflated. Maybe they hadn’t become friends again the night before. She swallowed and made a strangled noise in the back of her throat before getting up and gathering her blanket. She didn’t even look at Roman as she scurried past him to the stairs.
Jesse’s gaze followed her. “Don’t think I’m cleaning up your mess, Rome.” He didn’t know if his friend meant with Cassie or the mess currently in front of them.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” As he bent to gather the trash littering the table, he made himself a promise.
He wasn’t giving up on Cassie.
He’d let her be for two years, but that was over.
Mary brought the twins home around lunch, and they circled Roman, begging him to play with them. So, he made a deal.
They’d finish cleaning—child labor, anyone—and he’d take them out into the driveway to shoot some pucks.
The boys picked up as best they could, but somehow the living room looked worse than before.
“I don’t think I like this deal,” Roman grumbled as he carried the porch furniture back outside. He liked hanging with the boys. They were his brothers as much as Jesse’s. But his homework sat piling up on his desk, undone.
Jesse leaned against the doorframe to his room as Roman reached the top of the stairs. “Don’t you have a Trig test Monday?”
Roman shrugged. “Probably.”
“You don’t know?”
“I’ve been a little busy.”
“Ah, yes.” A gleam entered Jesse’s eye. “Hanging with my sister.”
“I don’t see the point of all this homework anymore. I got into USF just like half our graduating class.” Not like he knew if that was his future anymore. Would his parents force him to move to Europe after graduation? Where would he live if he went to school in Tampa? He’d planned to live at home. It was like having his own place anyway, but what now? It was too late to apply for a dorm. The Carrigan’s were great, but they didn’t need an extra person in their crowded house longer than necessary.
“You should still care, Rome.”
Roman shrugged. He didn’t understand why it mattered. He’d never had anyone other than Jesse really care about him, so he’d never known why he should care about himself, his future.
Well, once upon a time, Cass cared.
He shouldered through his door and changed into a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt. What did it matter? He had a job waiting for him at his parents’ company should he want it.
So, why try for anything else? Did it matter if the financial industry was not the career he wanted?
Did he even know what he wanted?
His phone rang as he grabbed his hockey stick. He considered ignoring it when his mom’s name flashed across the screen. But he hadn’t spoken to them since they left.
Bringing it to his ear, he sucked in a breath. “Hey, Mom.”
“Roman, how are you?”
“I’m good.” He didn’t know what else she wanted him to say.
“Good. Good. Are you giving the Carrigans any trouble?”
“Of course not.” He went out of his way to be a good houseguest, knowing full well they hadn’t needed to take him in, especially when they had their hands full with Cassie’s issues.
“Say the word, son, and we’ll send you a plane ticket. I don’t like the idea of putting my burden off on another family.”
“Gee, thanks Mom. Always nice to be called a burden.”
“Honey, you know I didn’t mean anything by it. Your father and I miss… oh, hold on, Roman.” She murmured something to a person in the background before returning. “I need to run.�
� Click.
Yep, no goodbye. She didn’t even finish her sentence about missing him, probably because it wouldn’t have been true. His parents weren’t bad people, they just had priorities that didn’t jibe with having a kid.
They always had.
He entered the kitchen a few minutes later to find Mary making lunch. She shot him a motherly smile, an expression he’d never seen from his own mom.
“Don’t you normally have Saturdays off?” Roman snagged an apple from a basket on the counter.
“With Mr. Carrigan on his business trip, I didn’t want to leave the twins. They’re quite a handful.” Affection coated her words.
“Funny.” Roman bit into the apple. “My parents never worried about leaving me.” And Mary wasn’t even their mom. The first time he’d spent the weekend alone—no parents or nannies—he was thirteen.
Mary’s smile dropped. “Roman, your parents’ actions are not a reflection on you. You know that, right? They do not leave you because you deserve to be left.”
Could have fooled him. “I don’t like the idea of placing my burdens on another family.” Yeah, sounded like a them problem, not a Roman problem. Not.
He slipped his smile into place and tossed the apple in the air, catching it without averting his gaze. “I know.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I’m damn lovable.”
She patted his cheek. “More so if you drop the language.”
He laughed. His parents never had talks with him about language or sex or making trouble. It was a new feeling, but not an unwelcome one.
It only showed someone cared.
He flashed her a grin. “I’m off. I’ve got a couple of squirts who might let me shoot pucks at them.”
“Roman!”
He walked to the door, throwing his voice back over his shoulder. “Kidding. I only need one of them to play goalie.” He grinned, imagining the disapproving look on her face. He’d known Mary for a long time. She was more a mother to him than his own. Yet, she still wasn’t sure how to read him. That much was plain.
But if she thought for one second Will or Eli could stand still long enough to play goalie, she was off her rocker.
The boys waited for him in the driveway gripping their sticks. They’d dragged the old net from the garage and a barrage of memories struck Roman. He’d sent more pucks into that netting over the years than he could count. It was here on this driveway he’d truly fallen in love with the sport.
Not only because he could shoot harder than Jesse, but because it had been fun. He spent a lot of time rollerblading in the street with Jesse and Cass, passing rubber balls between them.
Even Cassie seemed to enjoy it.
Hockey had never been about winning for Roman. If it had, he’d have joined one of the local travel teams a long time ago. He’d only ever wanted to enjoy the game with his friends. Sure, winning was fun, but it wasn’t everything.
“All right, squirts.” He eyed the boys. “Rollerblades.”
“Yes!” Will ran for the garage with Eli on his heels.
Roman borrowed Jesse’s because he no longer had a pair of his own. As he soared down the driveway, wheels under his feet, it wasn’t hard to remember why he’d stayed.
The twins chased him, their skill much higher than his had been at their age. Roman fetched a rubber ball and swiveled it from forehand to backhand as he tried to keep it away from the boys.
Their laughter cackled behind him, and he found himself grinning. Yeah, this was much better than homework.
He’d spent his younger years praying for siblings, only getting them when he met Jesse and Cass.
He didn’t know how long the game of keep away continued before Will stripped him of the ball. A car zoomed down the street, and all three of them jumped onto the curbs.
He paused for a moment to catch his breath and movement in one of the windows on the second floor caught his eye. Cassie watched them, no expression on her face as her eyes met his.
If this had been two years ago, she’d join them.
Instead, she was once again on the outside.
Eli’s holler made him tear his eyes away. He’d managed to get the puck from Will. Roman glanced back at the house, but Cassie was gone.
He shook his head and jumped from the curb to chase the boys, knowing weekends like these were the only reason he’d fought so hard to stay.
“Boys.” Coach Morrison paced in front of the entire team. “This team has come a long way from where we were just one month ago.”
A cheer wound through the locker room. Roman bent forward to lace up his skates as Coach continued.
“But our season is not done yet.” He pointed to the door. “Out there, another team has come into our rink, our home, thinking we’re an easy win. They expect us to roll over and prove our last win was a fluke. But, guess what, gentlemen and lady… we are not a fluke. You are not a fluke. You’re the Gulf City Hurricanes. Let’s go show them what a hurricane really does.”
The guys—and Charlie—yelled to each other as they stood to file into the hall. Jesse, as captain, led the stream of amped up hockey players, leaving only Roman, Charlie, and Damien behind.
Charlie flashed them a grin as she finished tying her hair into a knot on top of her head and slid her helmet and face cage into place.
When she left, Roman followed Damien out. “Does it bother you?”
Damien didn’t ask what Roman meant. Until Charlie joined the team a few weeks ago, the top line featured Jesse at center with Roman and Damien on his wings. “Nah. I’m cool.”
Roman didn’t know the underclassman outside of being on the same team. “But you lost your spot.”
“I didn’t lose it, Rome.” Damien slid his helmet on with one hand. “I’ll get it back next year.” He shrugged. “Sometimes we just need to be patient with the things we want most.” He patted Roman over the crest on the front of his jersey and stepped out onto the ice.
Roman considered his words as he skated out. Damien was a sophomore, but no one could tell unless he told them. And he was surprisingly wise. “Wise.” Roman grumbled to himself. Who was he? Roman Sullivan didn’t call people wise. He rubbed his face before pulling the cage down.
Sometimes, he envied the professionals who played the game without metal in their field of vision, but then he saw them in interviews with all their missing teeth and the jealousy snapped away.
The team circled their half of the ice, lobbing pucks at the goalie. On the opposite end, the other team did the same.
By the time the puck dropped, Roman was ready for it, ready to disappear into the game. Out on that ice, nothing else existed except him and his team.
The real world couldn’t touch him for sixty minutes of play.
And that was a powerful thing.
11
Cassie
Saturdays weren’t for therapy.
Yet, Cassie found herself sitting in Mary’s car outside the small building. She’d called Annie and asked if she could come in to chat. Annie being the saint that she was, agreed to meet her on a Saturday.
Cassie wrung her hands together, not knowing why she’d even come.
Mary waited patiently. “Are you okay, Cassie?”
Cassie shook her head. No. She wasn’t okay. She’d made so much progress the night before talking to Roman and even enjoying herself. But she’d woken up with the same anxiety cutting off any sound coming from her lips.
“Thanks for bringing me.” She stepped out of the car.
“I brought a book, so I’ll wait right here.”
Cassie nodded and entered the building. The receptionist wasn’t sitting behind the tall desk, but that wasn’t surprising. People had lives and the weekends usually meant living them.
For anyone except her.
She knocked on the door to Annie’s office, and it swung open, revealing a smiling therapist.
Cassie choked back a sob brought on by relief at seeing the one person she could say anything to.
Annie rounded her desk and pulled Cassie into a hug. “What happened?” She led Cassie to a couch, and they both sat.
Cassie sucked in a breath. “I spoke.”
Annie raised an eyebrow. “I need more than that.”
“Last night, I spent the entire storm talking to Roman.”
A smile spread across her face. “Cassie, that’s wonderful. Do you realize what a big step that is?”
Cassie shook her head. “Not when I went back to freak-Cassie this morning.”
“Okay, first, you know how I feel about the names you call yourself. You have anxiety related to PTSD.” She dipped her head to meet Cassie’s gaze. “You are not a freak.”
“Roman probably thinks I am.”
“Roman is the boy who used to be your friend, correct?”
Cassie nodded.
“I don’t think you’re giving him enough credit. From what you’ve been telling me since the day I met you, your lack of communication with him has been a source of frustration for you.”
“So much.” She sank back into the couch.
“Okay, we’re going to try something.”
“That sounds ominous.”
She smiled, her eyes holding some kind of scheme. “Cassie, from what I know of you, you were quite the spitfire before the tragic events two years ago.”
“Troublemaker. Not spitfire. That makes you sound ancient.”
Annie’s eyes crinkled in the corners. “Your mother’s death changed you on the surface, but the core of who we are cannot be altered. Your heart is still the same.”
“You want me to break into lanais and make my dad pull his hair out again?” One corner of her mouth ticked up.
“Not exactly. Actions are not who we are.”
“How do you know who I was? You didn’t know me then.”
She smiled. “Your dad speaks of you.”
“When do you talk to my dad?” Cassie sat up. Other than giving her the occasional ride, her dad never showed much interest in her recovery when he struggled with his own.
“He calls me quite frequently. Don’t worry, I do not reveal what you speak about. He just wants to know you’ll be okay. He worries about you.”
Roman and the Hopeless Romantic (Gulf City High Book 2) Page 7
