He only knew about the tradition by chance. Cassie had been home sick from school on Valentine’s Day when they were twelve. He went over to check on her after school and was still there when her mom got home from work with the chocolates.
He’d just wanted to put a smile on her face.
Well, that wasn’t all he wanted, but it was enough for now. The girls at school wondered why he was never interested in any of them for more than the occasional date. He’d never questioned it himself.
Now, he knew.
He’d given his heart to a girl when he was just a kid. And she’d never let it go. Not that she knew, of course.
Hadley wiped chocolate from the corner of her mouth and bent forward over the worksheet they were supposed to be completing, but Roman couldn’t concentrate.
He tapped the end of his pencil on the desk.
“Roman,” Hadley growled. “If you don’t stop your incessant fiddling, I’m going to shove that pencil up your nose.”
“Violence is never the answer, Miss Gibson.” He tried his best impression of their principal and continued tapping his pencil.
Hadley’s hand darted out, and she slammed his pencil to the lab table, the sound reverberating throughout the room.
Mr. Thompson eyed them. “Do I need to separate you two?”
“Yes, please.” Roman nudged her. “I fear for my life.”
Mr. Thompson only raised a brow. “Get back to work.”
Both Roman and Hadley shook with silent laughter. If only it could be that easy with Cassie. When he was around her, he struggled to find these light moments.
It would be easy to blame it on her struggles, but in reality, the fault was his. He spent so much time worrying about her, it took a lot of energy from their friendship.
He thought back to the weekend at the beach when she’d seemed so happy, wishing he could see her like that every day.
Hadley bumped his shoulder. “You look like you’re thinking too hard. Careful not to break your brain.”
He leaned closer and dropped his voice. “Am I the only person who is completely annoyed by Valentine’s Day?” He’d spent the day checking his text messages to see if Cassie got his present, but she hadn’t said anything.
Hadley glanced over her shoulder at Jesse and Charlotte. “Definitely not.”
At least he wasn’t alone in feeling like complete crap.
“You guys have a game tonight, right?”
Roman nodded. “It’s an early one.” Not only that, but it was their first without Charlotte since she’d joined the team. She’d changed everything for the Gulf City High Hurricanes, but the deal was the team couldn’t interfere with her figure skating, and she had a showcase early the next morning—meaning playing a night of hockey was a no-go for her.
“Think you guys can win without her?”
“That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?” The moment she stepped onto the ice with the team it was like a switch had been flipped. Everyone started playing better, their confidence at an all-time high. Roman had never had as much fun playing as the last weeks on a top line with Jesse and Charlotte.
“Are you going to be there?” he asked.
She smiled. “Wouldn’t miss it.”
“Good.” And he meant it. Roman had always been popular, with more people claiming to be his friend than he could name. But he’d never gotten close to many people. Until two years ago, he hadn’t wanted anyone other than the Carrigan siblings.
But he liked Hadley. A lot. She didn’t kiss his butt like so many of the girls at their school. There was nothing fake about her, and he appreciated that. She could have joined the popular girls long ago with her looks and her family wealth, but she’d chosen Charlotte instead, sticking by the shy girl once nicknamed “ice princess.”
“Gibson,” Mr. Thompson snapped. “Sullivan, if you two are going to continue to talk during class, you will be forced to leave.”
Roman suppressed a grin as he got back to work. He wasn’t a favorite with teachers. They normally said he didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut. Add that to Hadley’s penchant for trouble and it was a lethal combination.
At least she’d distracted him from the uneaten chocolate roses from random girls in his backpack or the fact the one girl he did want to notice him hadn’t messaged him all day.
He needed this game tonight. Whether they won or lost, at least he’d get all this energy out.
It turned out hockey was the perfect distraction. The puck dropped at five, so the crowd in the arena was lighter than normal, but that didn’t bother the team.
Roman skated down the center of the ice as Jesse held onto the puck near the blue line. On the other wing, Damien—replacing Charlotte—got himself into position. Until a few weeks ago, the three of them played every game together, so there was chemistry there. As soon as Roman saw Damien streaking along the far boards, he knew his line-mate would swing around the back of the net and try to set himself up for a rebound.
Just like Damien would have known Roman preferred to stay near the left dot, waiting for the pass.
And Jesse could see it all. That’s what made him such a great center. He saw the ice, saw the plays developing at a fast speed.
It played out how Roman knew it would. Jesse fired a hard pass Roman’s way, and Roman one-timed it toward the net. The shot hit the goalie’s pads, popping out with just enough space for Damien to cram the rebound under the goalie’s leg.
The goal horn sounded, and a smile split Roman’s face as he skated toward Jesse, practically jumping on him. It was a weird tradition—hockey hugs. After every goal, the guys on the ice celebrated with a giant hug. Even the grown men in the NHL hugged each other.
But Roman liked weird. He cared about these guys, and celebrating with them was the best part of the game.
“Charlie who?” Roman shouted over the noise.
Jesse elbowed him. “That’s my girl you’re talking about.”
Roman shot him a wink before stepping through the door and taking a seat on the bench. He was more than glad Charlie was on the team, but it was also nice knowing they could still score some goals without her, that they too had a hand in the team’s success of late.
A new line jumped over the boards as Jesse sat beside Roman. “Who would have thought we only needed a fake holiday to make you play better?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Roman scoffed. “I’m always awesome.”
Jesse only shook his head with a laugh.
By the time the final buzzer rang, the Hurricanes were up by two goals, winning for the first time without Charlotte. Jesse hadn’t been wrong. Roman played like a man on a mission. He’d focused all his energy on that game, because if he hadn’t, he’d have thought of the text chat with Cassie that still hadn’t lit up with a new message.
The team poured into the locker room amidst celebrations. Damien wrapped an arm around Roman’s shoulders and shook him before moving on with a giant grin on his face.
Instead of joining in, Roman went straight to his locker and pulled his phone out. Waking it up, he tapped his text message icon. Nothing new.
Jesse sat on the bench nearby and bent to unlace his skates. “You don’t look like we just won the game.”
Roman pulled his sweaty jersey off before sitting to yank at his skates. “Have you talked to your sister today?”
Jesse lifted his head. “Yeah. She texted me after her appointment.”
“So, her phone is working?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?” He threw his skates to the side and stood to remove his pads. “Look, man, I see the way you look at her.”
“I don’t look at her any specific way.” Roman got to his feet.
Jesse ran a hand over his face. “It’s the same way you’ve always looked at her. Rome, you know you’re my brother, right?”
Roman nodded.
“Then I need you to listen to me. I love Cassie more than anyone in this world. But what
she’s been going through the past two years is not something you or I can help her with. I know you care about her… possibly a lot… but she’s not the kind of girl you should go after.”
Roman clenched his jaw. “And just what type of girl is that?”
“Someone like Hadley. Fun, uncomplicated.”
“Right, because that’s who Roman Sullivan is. I couldn’t possibly be there for Cassie.”
“Of course, you can be there for her.” Jesse sighed. “Just… I don’t want you to cause more damage. And even more than that, I don’t want her to hurt you.”
“Right.” Roman pulled on a pair of sweats. He wasn’t in the mood to stay and celebrate with the team or hit the showers at the rink. “Well, thanks for the tip… brother.” He slung his bag over his shoulder and turned away.
“Come on, Rome,” Jesse called after him.
His friend meant well, he always did. But Roman was so damn tired of people underestimating him.
Charlotte and Hadley waited in the hall outside the locker room. Both tried to speak to Roman, but he had to get out of there.
Once he stepped into the chilly-for-Florida February night, he could finally breathe again.
The worst part was, he knew Jesse was right.
Roman had no business pining after someone like Cassie Carrigan. He wasn’t the kind of guy people chose. His parents, even Cassie herself.
So, why did he think it could be different now?
17
Cassie
“It’s time to push the event into your past.”
“I don’t want to forget.”
“This isn’t about forgetting,” Cassie whispered to herself as she stood on the back patio staring down into the very past she needed to move on from.
The light at the back of the house illuminated the darkness. The yellow glow danced around the shadows of the furniture her mom picked out.
Cassie could still hear her mom’s scream the day she lost her life every time she eyed it. She hadn’t sat in the furniture. In fact, they rarely used the porch at all, but she’d kept it as an outlet for her anger, something to blame.
It was silly because inanimate objects like couches and tables couldn’t cause so much pain.
No, that was the gunman. He’d not only taken her mother from her, but also her sense of safety and peace of mind.
He’d stolen her life.
She used to wish she’d been the one killed instead of her mom. Her mom had so much more to offer the world. But now, she wanted to be the one with something to offer, and she needed to overcome her demons.
Her eyes narrowed as she stared at the fake wicker weaving. The intricate design was the reason her mom fell in love with it.
The back door opened, and she looked up to find her dad watching her. “Thought you’d be watching Jesse’s game.”
She shook her head. “I’ve been out here for a while.”
He stepped outside and shut the door to block out the sounds of whatever TV show the twins were watching.
Her dad stopped at her side, not taking his eyes from the same couch that held her gaze.
“Dad?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you ever wonder if we’ll get past this?”
They’d never spoken of their grief, but they’d always had a silent understanding between each other.
He put a hand on her shoulder. “I’d like to think we will.”
“I don’t want to be like this anymore.” Tears built in her eyes. A single drop broke free and tracked down her cheek.
He slid his hand over her shoulders until he’d draped his entire arm across them. The affection was an unusual occurrence from him—at least, since her mom died.
“I think we need to get rid of the furniture.”
He stiffened, breathing deeply. “Cass—”
It wasn’t only because of the assignment Annie gave her. “Dad, during the storm last weekend when we lost power, I ran outside to pull it in. The wind was so strong it was hard to walk. Rain pounded down on me, but I didn’t care. And then the alligator… I shouldn’t have run into a storm, but it was like I couldn’t stop myself. That’s not right.”
“Honey, I had no idea.”
“Nothing should have this much power over us.”
He rested his cheek on her head. “If anything happened to you… yes, you’re probably right. It’s time. I don’t want you living with a constant reminder.”
“You shouldn’t have to either, Dad. We both deserve to heal.”
And that was the crux of the matter. Deserve. What did they deserve? She’d spent so much time wondering why she was still alive, thinking her mom was more worthy than her. But maybe that wasn’t true. No one deserved to die, but everyone deserved to live.
The words freed something inside her, and the tightness in her chest loosened.
“It should have been me.” Her dad’s words were so soft she almost didn’t catch them.
“No, Dad. It shouldn’t have been anyone. But we can’t keep doing this. I need you, Dad. The old you, not this workaholic, perpetually tired version. Jesse and the twins need you. Just because Mom is gone doesn’t mean we’re not still a family.”
A tear dripped onto her shoulder, and she looked up to find more making their way down her dad’s face. She couldn’t remember ever seeing him cry, not even at the funeral.
But crying wasn’t a weakness as he seemed to think it was.
Tears cleansed and healed.
Only the strong allowed themselves to weep.
She wrapped an arm around his waist and squeezed.
“Do you mind if I take care of the furniture on my own?” he asked. “I think I need to do this.”
She shook her head. “What are you going to do with it?”
“It’s a bit damaged, but I know a charity that will still take it. Your mom would have loved that.”
“Yeah, I imagine she would.” She smiled to herself as she left her dad to do what he needed to do.
Wiping the tears from her face, she climbed the stairs and entered the bathroom to take a scalding hot shower, feeling lighter than she had in a long time.
Annie was right. Ridding herself of symbols of her trauma lifted a weight off Cassie’s shoulders. It was like shedding a layer of skin, revealing fresh, unmarred flesh underneath.
She scrubbed her hair, humming to herself as she lifted her face to the streaming water.
That was how she didn’t hear the door opening. She only saw the frozen form of Roman through the sheer shower curtain. A scream ripped from her throat and she threw a loofa at him. He ducked it and sprinted from the room.
Cassie’s heart beat frantically, bile welling up in her throat. Just what she needed when she was finally feeling good.
She bent over, unable to breathe. Reaching behind her with one hand, she shut off the shower. Not bothering to dry off, she stepped out and wrapped a towel around her. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Roman was a dead man.
Stomping from the bathroom, she shoved open his door and sent him a scathing look. “What the hell is your problem?”
He jumped out of the desk chair he’d been sitting in. “Cass… I… I…” Red coated his skin from his neck to the tips of his ears.
“You’re an idiot,” she growled. “Couldn’t you hear the shower running?”
“I had earbuds in. Couldn’t you lock the door?”
“I didn’t expect you home so soon after the game.” Her anger deflated as she looked down as herself and realized she only had a tiny towel covering her. “You know what? Forget about it.”
“Not likely,” he mumbled, probably not expecting her to hear it.
She slammed into her room and kicked the door shut. At least this time, anger replaced the usual anxiety. Maybe that was better? She wasn’t so sure.
She placed a hand over her pounding heart and finished drying off.
By the time she’d changed into comfy pajamas, a knock sounded on her door.
<
br /> “If that’s Roman, shove off,” she called.
The knock came again. “Come on, Cass. I’m sorry, okay!”
With a huff, she got up and unlocked her door to yank it open. But all irritation faded when she saw the uncertainty on his face. “What do you want?”
“I don’t want you to say no until you hear me out.”
“That doesn’t sound good.” He gave her the lopsided grin she loved so much. She sighed. “Go on.”
“Hadley just texted me to meet her at Emma’s.”
She crossed her arms. “And what does this have to do with me?”
“I want you to come.”
“No.” Annie’s words ran through her mind, telling her to say yes to things. But she wasn’t ready.
“I think it would be good for you.”
“How do you know what’s good for me?”
His brow creased as if he couldn’t understand the question. “Because I know you, Cass. I know you don’t think that’s true anymore, but you haven’t changed that much.” His eyes latched onto hers. “We’re just getting this friendship back, and I want to be around you. Your sass, your anger, your kindness. None of that has changed. And I think you want to be around me too.”
Annie would be proud of the word on the tip of her tongue, the agreement she wanted to give.
“Please,” he whispered.
“Okay.” She nodded. “Just… okay.”
A brilliant smile lit his face. “That’s good, really, really good. Meet you downstairs in five?”
She nodded and shut her door. What had she just agreed to? Emma’s would be packed on a Friday night with students from Roman and Jesse’s school.
Quickly changing into jeans and a sweatshirt, she twisted her wet hair into a messy bun and slipped on her shoes. When she walked downstairs, Roman leaned against the front door, one leg crossed over the other and a smile curving his lips.
He opened the door. “After you, my lady.”
Out on the driveway, her dad loaded the porch furniture into the back of his SUV.
Roman and the Hopeless Romantic (Gulf City High Book 2) Page 11
