by Alex Bellos
Table of Contents
Monday Lesson 1+2 BIOLOGY
Monday Lesson 3+4 ENGLISH
Monday Lesson 5 PHYSICS
Tuesday Lesson 1+2 ZOOLOGY
Tuesday Lesson 3+4 POLITICS
Tuesday Lesson 5 PSHE
Thursday Lesson 1+2 HISTORY
Thursday Lesson 3+4 MATHS
Thursday Lesson 5 GEOGRAPHY
Friday Lesson 1+2 CHEMISTRY
Friday Lesson 3+4 FASHION
Friday Lesson 5 DESIGN AND TECHNOLOGY
QUIZ ANSWERS
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
ABOUT YOUR COACHES
To Aldyr – A.B.
To ABC, with love – B.L.
For my mum – S.G.
Professional footballers seem to glow. Their well-toned bodies and perfect posture are signs of fitness and well-being. They spend money on dentistry to make sure they have gleaming white teeth. On the top of their heads is always – always – a fashionable flourish of hair. They are a picture of good health, a sight to behold.
Just don’t look at their feet!
Claw toes. Bruises. Blisters. Bunions. Calluses. Corns. Swellings. Verrucas. Eughhh! Footballers’ feet are the victims of a lifetime of kicking a ball around for hours a day. And there’s a lot that can go wrong with a foot if it is not looked after properly. Believe us – we’ve spoken to an expert!
To kick off Season 3 at Football School, we are going to look at our lowermost limb: those five-pronged platforms that bear the weight of our entire bodies, and whose name is contained in the first four letters of our favourite sport.
There’s trouble afoot and we’re not going to tiptoe around the details!
POD SPODS
A doctor who specializes in feet is called a podiatrist. Many clubs employ a podiatrist because it is so important that footballers keep their feet in good condition. Just as firefighters take care of their hoses, singers take care of their voices and illustrator Spike takes care of his pencils, footballers must look after their feet in order to do their jobs properly.
We spoke to Nutan Shah, one of the UK’s top podiatrists, who has worked with many top clubs and the England team. She’s peeled the socks off the subject in order to let us know the ugly truth about footballers’ tootsies. “Not a pretty sight!” she revealed to us. “The feet get battered. A few players have immaculate feet but very few.”
It pays to look after your paws. Shah says that a footballer’s most valuable accessories are not their fancy sunglasses, a fast car or the latest phone, but a pair of nail clippers and a nail file. Badly looked after feet can mean players miss weeks of action.
Footballers are all too aware of their disfigured trotters, which is why Shah told us that at the end of the season they often ask her if she can make their feet look pretty. “They are about to go on holiday and they want their feet to look nice on the beach. Footballers are able to look after their hands and face throughout the season, but their feet are completely bashed about.”
TIPS FOR TOES
When it comes to looking after your feet, the first thing to get right is the size of your shoe.
Footballers often wear boots that are too tight, maybe a size or a size and a half smaller than what their podiatrist recommends. Many footballers prefer tight boots because it makes them feel that the shoe is like a second skin, which gives them more control of the ball. But it creates foot problems down the line. It’s a pressing issue!
Footballers also need to be very careful about what shoes they wear in their free time. Podiatrists see problems emerge when footballers wear stiff fashion shoes that rub their feet and give them calluses, blisters and even open sores called ulcers. If an athlete wants to protect their Achilles tendon, they need to wear shoes that have an incline in the heel, so flat shoes like Converse trainers or flip-flops are not recommended. Nor are stilettos!
Another major problem is moisture. This isn’t just because footballers run around a lot, which gives them hot and sweaty feet. It’s also because they spend so much time washing and soaking their feet in water. As part of their fitness and hygiene routines, footballers are often in the shower, Jacuzzi or bath. If the feet stay too wet then they are at risk of fungal infections, and if they dry out too much they get dry and cracked skin. A sensible footballer will rub moisturiser on their feet. Smooth!
Football School Encyclo-podia
Foot Complaints
athlete’s foot • An itchy rash caused by a tiny fungus that eats dead skin. It got its name because the fungus thrives in moist, warm places like the damp surfaces in swimming pools and gyms where athletes spend their time. In order to avoid catching athlete’s foot, it’s advisable to wear flip-flops at the pool or gym.
black toe • If a player hits their toe hard – perhaps by kicking the ground by mistake, or another player treading on their feet – the skin underneath the nail can bleed, turning it black or purple. In certain cases of black toe, the entire nail will eventually fall off.
callus • A yellowy blob of hard skin, caused by something hard rubbing against the skin continuously for a long time. For example, the little lump many people get on their middle finger from where a pencil rubs when they write is a callus. Calluses tend to appear on the feet more than anywhere else, because whenever we walk or run our feet rub against the inside of our shoes. A small callus can help protect the foot, but once they get big they cause discomfort and have to be removed. Footballers and other sportspeople are susceptible to calluses, especially if their boots are too tight.
claw toe • A condition where all the toes, apart from the big toe, curl in, so rather than lying flat, they look like animal claws. Most footballers have claw toe, the result of wearing boots that have been too tight from a young age. If a footballer has claw toe, they are more likely to damage their toenails and get more calluses and corns.
corn • A hard, circular callus on the toes which is caused by friction putting pressure on a single point. In some extreme cases, corns are filed down or sliced off with a knife.
ingrown toenail • When a toenail is not clipped properly there is the risk that it may start to grow into the skin. Ingrown toenails are not a silly little problem. They can cause huge pain and easily lead to a footballer having to take weeks out injured. To avoid them, a footballer should check their toenails every day, and file down any sharp bits that might dig into the skin.
verruca • A wart that you get on the sole of your foot. Verrucas are contagious and can be spread through the watery floors of communal showers and swimming pools. Football clubs are obsessively vigilant for any players with verrucas, since if one person has them, they can quickly spread through a whole team. If you get a verruca and it causes pain, one treatment is for a doctor to freeze it so it falls off.
Football School Encyclo-podia
Foot Anatomy
The anatomy of a living thing is a description of its internal structure. Here’s a glimpse into the anatomy of the foot – as you’ll see, it’s quite a feet of engineering!
bones • Each foot contains 26 bones and 33 joints, meaning that about a quarter of all the bones in our body are in the feet. The only limbs in our body with a more complicated bone structure are our hands, but feet undergo much more physical stress than the hands because feet carry the entire weight of our body. The bones that are the most at risk of injury for footballers are the metatarsals, on the forefoot, since they are the thinnest in the foot and, unlike the phalanges in the toes, metatarsals cannot flex out of the way.
skin • The skin under the ball of your foot and under the heel is thicker than the skin anywhere else on your b
ody. This is because there are extra layers of fat, a bit like bubble wrap, which act as shock absorbers when you walk. Comfy!
ligaments • Ligaments join bones to bones. An important ligament in the foot is the plantarfascia, which runs along the sole from the heel to the toes. When you step on your foot, the plantar fascia stretches like a spring, and when you lift the foot up, the ligament releases, which gives the foot a bounce of energy. It is literally a spring in your step!
tendons • Tendons join muscle to bone. The main tendon in the foot is the Achilles tendon, which joins the calf muscle to the heel. The Achilles tendon acts like a lever that pushes your foot away from the leg, which is what enables us to run, jump, walk up stairs and stand on tiptoe. Scientists have discovered that sprinters, on average, have shorter Achilles tendons than other people, because this gives them more force when pushing off the ground.
FOOT FROMAGE
Everyone with a nose knows that feet often infuse socks with a distinctive, cheesy aroma. You should smell Ben’s after he’s been for a run! This pongy perfume is the result of the fact that the soles of the feet (as well as the palms of the hand) have the highest density of sweat glands in the entire human body. Sweat on its own does not smell. But moist, warm socks provide the perfect habitat for bacteria that live on the skin to thrive. The bacteria eat dead skin and the process produces a smelly gas with a familiar cheesy scent. Scientists who study smelly socks discovered that the same malodorous bacteria in our feet are present in smelly cheeses, such as reeky Limburger, from Germany. Whiffy!
BIOLOGY QUIZ
1. What is the name of a doctor who specialises in treating feet?
a) Podiatrist
b) Sole man
c) Faith heeler
d) Head, shoulders, knees and toes surgeon
2. Former England striker Darius Vassell once missed three games due to injury because he did what to his toe, after it had become swollen?
a) He tried to clip off the nail, but cut a chunk out of his toe.
b) He peeled off the toenail by accident and it became too painful to put his boots on.
c) He drilled through his nail to drain the blood and ease the pressure, and the toe became infected.
d) He painted the toenail with varnish and became ill from inhaling the fumes.
3. How did Achilles, the hero from Greek mythology, die, which is the reason why the tendon in our heel is named after him?
a) A lightning bolt hit him in the heel
b) A poisoned arrow hit him in the heel
c) A snake bit him on the heel
d) A football hit him on the heel
4. Which of the following players has the biggest feet?
a) Cristiano Ronaldo
b) David Silva
c) Paul Pogba
d) Romelu Lukaku
5. Which animal is attracted to the smell of sweaty socks?
a) Tiger
b) Skunk
c) Mosquito
d) Snail
Listen up! Do you like the sound of your own voice? Do you get told off for talking too much? Do you love words – and football? Would you like to talk about football for the rest of your life? Well, we might have the job for you! You’d have to travel a lot and have the gift of the gab. But you’d also get to watch all the drama of the biggest games unfold live in front of you. Too exciting for words!
In this lesson we are going to learn the secrets of TV football commentary. Commentators describe the action and provide information during matches to make the game more enjoyable for viewers watching at home. We’ll see how they use colourful and creative language to maximum effect.
This is one lesson where you do need to talk in class. Speak up!
TRICKS OF THE TRADE
If you want to be a TV commentator, the following tips for your tongue should be on the tip of your tongue! At Football School, we call this the Guide for Orally Astonishing Language Skills, or GOALS.
1. LOVE YOUR LARYNX
Just as footballers ensure their bodies are in top condition before a game, commentators need to make sure their voices are well looked after. If it is cold, wear a scarf. Avoid smoky places, since this will protect your throat. Also, avoid shouting or whispering as you don’t want to strain your vocal chords in the run up to the game.
2. DANNY, DRINK WATER!
Talking for 90 minutes at a time is tough on your throat, and you don’t want it to dry out. No croaking please! To make sure your throat is well hydrated before the match, take small sips of water throughout the day and eat foods such as cucumbers, tomatoes, spinach and watermelon, which are full of water. Don’t eat spicy foods, as they can irritate your throat. But don’t drink too much – you don’t have time to go to the loo mid-game!
3. PREP YOUR PENCIL CASE
This is one job where you need to bring a pencil case into work! Commentators have different coloured pens and highlighters to make notes on the team-sheets.
4. STUDY THE TEAMS
Draw a crib-sheet for both teams on a piece of paper. Put the players’ names and numbers in their correct positions, and for each player add a relevant fact, just like we have done below. (We just did one team, but you will need to do both). Memorise the players’ names and numbers. Look to see if any facts stick out.
5. PRACTISE PRONUNCIATION
Players come from all over the world and their names are not always easy to pronounce. It’s always worth asking someone from a player’s country of origin for the correct pronunciation, because different languages pronounce the same letters in different ways. Here is our list of five footballers who are most likely to get a commentator’s tongue in a twist:
6. THINK ABOUT THE STORY
Consider the circumstances leading up to the game. What are fans interested in? Is it the World Cup final, a derby game between two local rivals, or is one of the coaches under pressure after a string of poor results? You need to have a firm grasp of the backstory to the match, since at the final whistle the fans don’t just want to know the score, they want to know what the result means for them. United win the Cup! Rovers are relegated! The coach could now lose his job!
7. PUT THE KETTLE ON
The match is about to start. You have your pens, the team-sheet … all you need now is a cup of tea! Make yourself a herbal tea with honey and lemon, which will help soothe your throat once those vocal cords spring into action. Beware of drinking fizzy drinks while commentating, since they will put air in your stomach. You don’t want to burp live on TV!
8. BE ENTHUSIASTIC (WITHIN REASON!)
To be a good commentator, not only do you need to be interested in football, you also need to sound interested in football. Your voice must be positive and enthusiastic. Do-not-speak-with-no-e-mo-tion-like-a-ro-bot. But don’t go craaaaaazy! DON’T SHOUT! Don’t start off too enthusiastic, because then how can you turn up the excitement when there is something really dramatic like a goal or a red card? We recommend starting at about 60 per cent volume, so you can scale it up to 100 per cent when a goal is scored. But don’t get too excited – you need to remember to breathe!
Not everyone gets it right first time. Hundreds of viewers complained when former England player Phil Neville commentated his first game during the 2014 World Cup. They said he was boring! But he practised and improved.
In club football, fans of both teams may be watching so try not to favour one team over the other: regardless of the team you support, you must stay impartial. For international football, the rules are a bit different. If, say, England are playing another country, then the commentators for English TV will tend to favour England, because most of the viewers will be England supporters.
9. DON’T, UMM, HESITATE
Be confident with what you say and what you don’t. Try not to use filler words, such as “umm”, “err” or “like”, in the middle of a sentence. These words mean nothing and get in the way of what you are trying to say. Here are a few techniques to avoid falling flat with fillers:
10. NAME THE PLAYERS
When a player does something important, like score a goal, you need to identify that player straight away. It’s not always easy! The action can be very fast and sometimes you can’t see their number. Use other clues to recognize a player, such as position, tattoos, running style or even their haircut. But be careful: some players might change their hairstyle just before a game!
In 1942 in Brazil, one short-sighted commentator had a trick to make sure that he knew who the goalscorer was. He yelled “gooooooaaaal” for as long as possible, which gave enough time for his sidekick to write down the player’s name on a piece of paper for him to read. The phrase “gooooooaaaal” caught on and is now used by every commentator in South America.
11. ENJOY THE SILENCE
Radio commentary is different to TV commentary. On the radio you need to talk all the time, because if there is silence, listeners might think the radio has broken! TV viewers know the TV hasn’t broken because they can see the pictures. So if there is a quiet moment in the game when not much action is happening, you don’t need to describe it. You can keep silent for a few seconds, but stay on the ball!
12. ENHANCE THE PICTURES
The job of a TV commentator is to add to what you are already seeing. For example, if Luis Suárez passes the ball to Lionel Messi, you don’t say, “Luis Suárez passes the ball to Lionel Messi,” because everyone watching can see that! However, saying, “Messi makes an intelligent run into the space to receive Suárez’s pass,” gives additional information that helps the viewer understand the game in greater detail.
