“I wish . . .” She trailed off, not sure if she could tell him exactly what was on her heart.
Then again, going with her heart had brought them here. Even if he said no, at least he’d know how she felt. He’d know how much she cared.
It was now or never. Time to show him she was all in.
“I wish that you would come with me.”
Shock registered on his face. “What?”
“You could come with me. I can call the airlines and get you on all of my flights. While I’m in my meetings, you can explore. See all of the places you’ve only read about.”
He pulled on his shirt. “I can’t.”
“But maybe—”
“I can’t,” he said again, his voice taking a hard edge.
“I understand.” She tried not to pout. It wasn’t fair. He’d made it clear he was terrified of flying. It was wrong of her to push it.
“I’ll just miss you like crazy while I’m gone.”
When he didn’t respond, she lifted her gaze to his face. He wouldn’t meet her eyes, and he was scratching the back of his head, deep in thought.
“Look, Sarah, this was fun.” The tone of his voice caused her chest to tighten. “And I really care about you . . .”
Oh, God. A jolt of panic hit her swiftly in the gut. This wasn’t a new beginning. This wasn’t a second chance. He was leaving her.
Last night, she’d pushed away every thought telling her it was a mistake to let Beck in again. Instead, she’d listened to her gut and her heart. She’d almost always been able to trust both. Especially when she could bring her head around to agree with them. It was how she’d built her career.
This time they’d been wrong. Gut, heart, and head. She’d put herself out there and been so sure he was meeting her halfway. Now, she was being left feeling naked and alone. Like the robe around her had suddenly disappeared.
For the past week, she’d been worried about losing her business. She should have been more concerned with losing her heart.
She chewed on her lip until it stopped quivering. “But?”
“Why don’t we call this what it was? A bit of fun for old times’ sake.”
Her stomach dropped. No. He couldn’t mean that. One minute she was asking him to travel around the world with her, and the next he was saying that what they’d shared was little more than a booty call.
The room around her seemed to spin. She clutched the arm of her sofa to stay upright as waves of anger, sadness, and disbelief washed over her, intermingling until she couldn’t tell them apart.
“Is that what it was?” She kept her tone icy even as another crack formed in her heart. Was that all it had been for him?
“I don’t know.”
He raised his eyes to hers, and the sadness she saw in those dark brown eyes put yet another chip in her heart. Only this time, it wasn’t strong enough to hold up. She could practically feel it bursting.
No, this wasn’t the start of something new. It wasn’t “a bit of fun.” What was it then?
She moistened her lips and cleared her throat.
“Maybe we should call this closure. A chance to give ourselves a better good-bye than we did last time.”
Even as she said it, Sarah knew she was full of crap. Closure. That was one word that really didn’t seem to fit the situation.
If this was what Beck wanted, how could she argue otherwise? From the start, he’d told her he didn’t want to revisit their past. She’d been the one to cross the line. First, when she’d kissed him after the whole ladder incident. Then again last night when she’d asked him to come home with her.
She’d made all the moves. Yes, he’d come along with her every step. Why? She couldn’t know—would never know.
As a child, she’d always been curious about how things worked. She’d been grounded for a month when she’d taken the VCR apart because she’d wanted to know where the tape went. In high school civics class, she’d peppered her teacher about the ins and outs of the electoral college.
What she wouldn’t give now to look inside Beck’s mind so she could make sense of it. The question was on the tip of her tongue—why? But she bit it back. Even if she asked, she doubted she’d get an answer. Even if she pushed and pushed for an explanation, he’d only pull farther away. The man who’d saved her business.
On that point, at least, she was clear. He’d done what she’d asked of him. Now he was asking her to respect his wishes. After everything he’d done, it was the least she could do.
Pulling her robe closed tighter, she took another step back.
“If you don’t mind.” She paused to take another breath, and to put a little steel in her spine. “I have a lot to do today.”
Beck’s jaw ticked, but he gave a tight nod. Grabbing his jacket, he headed for the door. He reached for the handle and paused. Turning around, he crossed back to her and lifted her chin with his finger.
“I know you’ll take the world by storm.” He swallowed hard. “Safe travels.”
By some small miracle, Sarah managed to keep it together until he was gone. After the door clicked shut, she sank to the couch and buried her face in her hands as tear after tear slipped down her cheeks.
Bryant was wrong. She didn’t have a strong heart. At the very least, she couldn’t trust it. She knew that now.
Seconds passed by into minutes until no more tears would flow. She was behaving even worse than the night before. At least those tears had been justified. These . . . These were the result of believing she could somehow change the past. They were from thinking people could change. That they could have second chances.
Just an hour before, she’d believed in both. Now, she knew better. A woman could depend on herself and no one else.
She was going to learn her lesson this time. Starting now.
The last time they’d broken up, she hadn’t wallowed. She’d buried herself in work. As a result, LinkDigital had its most profitable year to date. She could do that again with GO.
Grabbing her phone, she pulled up a phone number and waited for the customer service representative to answer.
“Hello, my name is Sarah Burton. I’m flying to New York tonight. Is there any way I can get an earlier flight?”
Chapter Eleven
Beck picked at a piece of pepperoni. It had fallen off the slice of pizza that had grown cold long ago while he’d sat and glared at it. He wasn’t sure why he’d ordered anything. Walking out on Sarah hadn’t left him with much of an appetite.
Still, after walking the streets of Downtown Lincoln for hours, waiting for the anger gripping him to recede, he’d found himself at a familiar counter ordering his usual.
Not even the comfort of a slice of double pepperoni with extra cheese seemed to help. Instead, he sat at a corner table with a slice of pizza that grew colder and a pint of beer that had gone flat.
Cold and flat. Just like his life. And who did he have to blame for that but himself? It had been monumentally stupid to take the GO contract. It had been even stupider to go home with Sarah the night before. His instincts had been right from the start. He never should’ve allowed himself to get mixed up with her. No matter what his mind or wallet had thought. He should’ve known his traitorous body and heart wouldn’t be able to leave the past in the past.
It was never going to work between them. Nothing had changed. They were still the same people they were years ago. Only this time, they were adults. They should have known better.
That must be why he was in such a funk now. He liked to think he was a capable man who learned from his mistakes. Not this time. One week around a brilliant woman, and he was twenty-three again.
At least her check had cleared. With the GO deposit in the bank, he officially had the money he needed to put his new business plan into action. In a few days or a couple of weeks, he’d be glad he’d taken the job. He wouldn’t hold a grudge about what had gone on between them. The ends would justify the means. It would all be—
No. He shoved the pizza aside. He couldn’t keep lying to himself. Whether or not working for Sarah had helped him meet his business goals, the experience had still reopened the scars from their last relationship. Ones he hadn’t known he still harbored all these years later. It was more likely than not, they’d still be there to fester and cause him pain in another ten years.
Even burying himself in his new work wouldn’t help. Every time he took on another job or filled in a ledger, he’d remember that Sarah had made it possible. Could that ever be more sweet than bitter?
The chair across from him scraped across the tile floor, and he glanced up in time to watch Maisie take a seat.
“I thought I might find you here.”
Beck let out a grunt in greeting but turned his stare back to the red-checkered tablecloth.
“And I see you’re using your words as well as ever. We missed you at brunch this morning.”
Crap. With everything that had gone on, he’d completely forgotten he was supposed to meet his family. When he turned on his phone, he’d undoubtedly find at least a dozen texts and voicemails from his mom and sister telling him what a jerk he was by standing them up.
That was fine. He didn’t need them to say it. He was already well aware that he was a jerk.
He should apologize. Later. Right now, he wasn’t in the mood.
Maisie reached for his pizza and took a bite, wincing. “God, that’s awful. How long has it been sitting here?”
He couldn’t have answered her if he’d wanted. Beck had no idea how long he or the pizza had been taking up space at the table.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
He looked up to scowl at his sister. Was she being serious or cute right now? She’d just found him sulking with a piece of old pizza. Did he look like he wanted to talk about anything?
Maisie propped her elbows up on the table and leaned on her fists. “I’ll take that as a no. Fine, don’t say anything. I’ll do the speaking.”
His glare intensified, but she didn’t wilt under it. She hadn’t when they were eight, and if possible, she was even more immune to it now. Sisters—just like former girlfriends—were nothing but trouble.
“When you didn’t show up this morning, and your phone went straight to voicemail, I called Sarah.”
His eyes darted up to hers then, and she arched an eyebrow.
“I saw who you left the party with last night. Again, without saying good-bye.”
He got it. He was selfish and rude. That was hardly news.
“I wasn’t surprised. You two have always been crazy about each other.”
Her eyes narrowed into slits. “Even if you both were too damn stubborn to admit it.”
That was true. It all was. However ill-fated their attempts at being together had been, Beck had always cared for Sarah. Wanted Sarah. Needed Sarah on a level he couldn’t quite understand. In her own way, Sarah had liked him too.
It wasn’t enough, though. Caring. Wanting. Needing. Liking. Some people just weren’t compatible. He was trying to find the right words to explain all this to his sister when something she’d said finally registered.
“You called Sarah?”
“I did.” Maisie caught the eye of someone at the restaurant and ordered a fresh round of pizza and beer for the table.
Beck didn’t bother to protest that he wasn’t actually hungry. Not when he was waiting for the server to leave so he could pump his sister for more details. Once they were alone, he did just that. “Well?”
She feigned ignorance for a moment, but then must have taken pity on him. “I called Sarah. Unlike you, she’s taking calls this morning.”
“Oh.” His shoulders slumped.
Great. Now his sister would know what a jerk he’d been. Plus things would be weird whenever she talked to her boss. Because of him. He really was a selfish jerk.
“She didn’t say much. Just that you’d been there and that you’d left.”
“Oh,” he said again.
Maisie was right. He really wasn’t doing well with his words today.
Maisie pursed her lips. “It’s what she didn’t say that told me there might be trouble.”
Beck needed to take control of this conversation—or at least start participating in it—before Maisie ran away and jumped to even more conclusions.
He traced one of the checkered lines on the table. “It was a mistake. A lapse in judgment. Maybe I had too much to drink last night.”
“You didn’t even finish one beer. Yeah, I counted.”
“Stalker.” He gave a half-hearted smile. “I crossed a line I shouldn’t have. She’s your boss. I’m sorry if that makes things difficult for you.”
“Don’t worry about that. Sarah is way too much of a professional to let whatever did or didn’t happen between the two of you interfere with our working relationship.”
Maisie leaned forward. “What’s bothering me right now is why you’re pretending this was a lapse of judgment.”
“I’m not pretending. It was.”
“Why?” Maisie lowered her voice. “Did you have trouble performing? Did you—”
“Shut up!” Beck shouted.
The eyes of every person in the restaurant turned toward them, and he wished the floors would open up and take him away from this conversation.
Clearing his throat, he kept his tone clipped. “Not that it’s any of your business, but that part was great.”
Better than great actually. But unlike his sister, he wasn’t particularly anxious to discuss either of their sex lives.
“Then what happened?”
Either he could tell Maisie everything—filling in all of the blanks and giving her way more information than he wanted—or he could spend the next few weeks avoiding her calls while her imagination ran rampant.
Aw, hell, it was probably less hassle to spill. So he did, keeping a few of the more salacious details to himself.
As he recounted the past week and what had happened that morning, he kept his tone as even-keeled as possible. For her part, Maisie kept quiet and gave no hint of reaction. Every so often she’d nod, but only to let him know that she was following along. Her quiet contemplation was almost as unnerving as if she’d pitched a fit or launched into a series of follow-up questions every time he paused to take a breath.
“So as you can see, it just isn’t going to work out for us.”
There, he’d done it. Though he hated to admit it, talking about it had seemed to lift a weight from his shoulder. It hadn’t dislodged the pit that had firmly formed in his stomach or make the ache in his chest dull any, but maybe there was hope for that, given time.
For now, at least, all that was left was for his sister to react. She opened her mouth to respond, but the server arrived at their table with fresh pizza and beers. They murmured their thanks as she cleared the old dishes, but waited until they were alone again to continue.
“Do you want to know what I think?” Maisie asked.
“Not particularly.”
Though that wasn’t quite true. Beck was curious. “Fine, what?”
Maisie eyed him dubiously for another moment, ignoring the pizza in front of them. Beck had never seen her so deep in thought—not when their favorite pizza was sitting there fresh from the oven.
“You’re no dummy,” she said at last. “Maybe it’s time you stopped acting like one.”
He blinked. That was it? Minutes of silent contemplation—not to mention all the time she’d likely had on the way over, drawing her own conclusions—and that was her sage advice?
“Gee thanks, sis.”
“I’m serious. You’ve been pining after this woman since you were both kids. The moment the two of you get together, you throw it away for a completely lame reason. That has to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”
She plucked a piece of pepperoni from her pizza and popped it in her mouth.
Beck’s eyebrows knit together in a scowl. “I don’t see how recognizing that two pe
ople aren’t heading in the right direction is dumb. If anything we’ve saved ourselves a lot of time and trouble. It’s . . . Efficient.”
Letting out a snort, Maisie leaned back in her chair, arms folded across her chest.
“Correction. That was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Try as he might, Beck couldn’t argue with that. It had sounded dumb, even to him, the moment it was out of his mouth.
“Can I ask you something?”
“I don’t know what’s stopping you.” Nothing ever did hold back his sister once she had her mind set on something.
She was a lot like Sarah, that way. It was probably why they worked so well together. Both driven women who didn’t let anything—or anyone—stand in their way from completing an objective.
Sarah leaned forward again, dropping her forearms to the table. “Why do you really think you and Sarah can’t be together?”
“I . . . We . . . It . . . ” the explanation fumbled and died on his lips before he could even piece it together.
Truth be told, admitting the truth to anyone—let alone his little sister—would somehow make it all the more real.
“Sarah is . . . Brilliant.”
Maisie shook her head, not understanding. “Right. Everyone knows that. You, me, and Forbes magazine.”
“I don’t just mean as a businesswoman.” He took a gulp of his fresh beer, more as a means to buy time than to quench any thirst.
“Sarah is like the sun. She’s bright. Planets—people—are drawn to her. She’s the center of a whole solar system. And that’s great. Amazing. Impressive.”
Maisie gaped at him.
“Are you saying you’re intimidated by her success?”
She swore under her breath. “I didn’t realize you were just another chauvinistic dude who can’t handle a woman in charge.”
“You didn’t let me finish.” He frowned at his sister once again.
He took a breath and let it out. He needed to make her see exactly what he meant and why it just wouldn’t work.
“Sarah is the center of everything. How long can she really be happy with a guy who probably wouldn’t even classify as a planet in her solar system?”
Go for Love Page 7
