by Tara Wimble
It hadn’t been a long conversation. Most of it was spent trading exasperated looks and Kathryn sighing like she knows that this is all a bad idea. But she promised to follow Jacque’s lead and that’s all that mattered in the end.
Outside of training is where their strained relationship is tested the most.
Lauren keeps to herself but even she’s bound to get suspicious if they’re never seen spending time together. It means though that Jacque ends up enduring a few hours of sitting in Bella and Oliv’s room while things get increasingly crazy.
Strangely enough they seem to continue to fool Oliv. Jacque doesn’t do much but sit on Bella’s bed and occasionally Bella will reach back and initiate some contact. Hand holding, brushing her knee, at one point they were in there watching a movie so they ended up spending almost three hours with Bella resting against her shoulder.
A part of her feels like she’s not trying hard enough to make it seem like everything is alright, but on the other hand, she’s not the one who’s faking this really.
As the run up to qualifiers starting gets closer, they do physically as well. It’s a necessary precaution as the buzz of interviews and questions coming from mildly interested media outlets who want an update on the team, the players and their lives. Jacque and Bella spend a few minutes answering questions for a few soccer websites and the more that the answers come out, the more Jacque sees that Bella is committing to them. She’s relaxing more.
Training eases up after that. Sometimes they don’t leave immediately after eating breakfast together. But then the matches start and Jacque knows that there’s a clock ticking that isn’t on the scoreboard for them.
Bella shoots.
The crowd goes wild.
*
She’s been twisting the ring on her finger all day. It’s that day again, comes once a year to varying degrees of success. This is the first one though since she and Bella have been separated and, of course, it comes right in the middle of the Olympic qualifying tournament.
All she wants to do is disappear for a while into town, get a few drinks, and fuck the first woman who doesn’t remind her of Bella in the slightest. Just clear her mind until she’s able to forget that she doesn’t have a wife now, never really had a wife in the first place no matter how much it felt like she did.
But that’s not feasible for a host of reasons so instead she twists the ring on her finger, a tick she’s had since she first put it on, and hopes that today goes by quickly.
That would be way too much to ask.
They’re not exactly subtle about it. She notices Ginny following her around trying to get her alone for about fifteen minutes before she decides to just humor her. It’s always worse when you actually try and resist the whims of Ginny and her ever present camera.
“I’m getting a restraining order against you.” Jacque jokes to Imogen who has her camera trained straight at her face.
“Me?” Imogen jokes back. “That seems excessive.”
“You have been following me.”
Imogen shrugs slightly and beams, careful not to shake the camera. “So where are you headed? Trying to find that wife of yours perhaps.”
Jacque plasters on a fake salacious look. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
“I would. And the viewers. The people need to know these things.”
She just settles on winking into the camera and that seems to please Imogen but it doesn’t get the camera to shut off. So Jacque rolls her eyes. “You want to help me find her?”
Imogen nods. “I think I can actually help you. Follow me.”
She gestures like a tour guide and Jacque has no choice but to go where she’s lead. About halfway through she notices Imogen giggling, she turns to look and then someone jumps out from a nook in the hallway and wrestles a blindfold onto her face and throws a pair of earmuffs on her ears.
The rest of the journey is a wash from there, they don’t walk too much further, the person steering her actually seems to be confused about where they’re going or thinks that Jacque can still tell where they are because she keeps turning her this way and that.
Finally they stop and Jacque waits for the return of her senses.
It comes in the form of a bright light, cacophony of sound and one unitary shout of ‘surprise’.
She blinks her way back into coherence and sees Bella having the same experience, she turns and sees that it was Sadie leading her around and socks her in the arm just for payback.
The room is decorated about as well as it can be using supplies they’d be able to get while in the middle of a major tournament. There’s a small cake in the corner set up next to some water bottles and a singular bottle of Gatorade. A handmade banner that messily reads ‘Happy 5th Anniversary Bella and Jacque’ and, of course, Imogen’s camera immediately in their faces. Before they even get a chance to talk to each other.
“Five years.” She states excitedly. “How does it feel?”
Wow. Jacque hadn’t even registered the fact that this was one of their milestone anniversaries, she looks over at Bella who looks similarly floored. Five whole years. Five. Wait a second, no, that’s not even right at all. She counts it back in her head.
Imogen smiles and continues. “Look how adorable you two are.”
Jacque speaks first, just to break the thick silence. “I can’t believe it.” That much is true at least. “Five years, wow.”
“Has it really been--” Bella cuts herself off and looks to the left. “Yeah, look at us. Still going strong.”
“Stronger than ever. Of course, it’s only been four though, you people can’t even remember how long we’ve been married and yet you insist on throwing us a surprise party every year.” Jacque agrees with a tight smile, it feels forced pulled across her face.
Bella laughs. “Didn’t even come to the wedding.”
Sadie groans. “Never gonna let us forget.”
“We will when you remember how long we’ve been married.” Jacque counters.
“Alright, our bad-” Imogen pantomimes like she’s going to squeeze their cheeks. “Last question. Well, not really a question actually. Give us a kiss for Canada.”
Their hesitation causes a frown to start to form on Imogen’s face and Jacque knows that the last person they need getting suspicious is the one who basically acts like press within the camp. So she acts on instinct, pulls Bella in and kisses her with the full force of everything she’s got left, which isn’t very much, but it does the trick.
Jacque can’t avoid thinking about the softness of Bella’s lips and the bitter fact that there’s no drink for her to be had to forget this by morning.
Whoops and hollers resound through the room, Desiree and Lauren set off a few party poppers, and now that the perfunctory part is over it’s just like a regular team party.
Though unless prompted Bella stays at least five feet away from her at all times.
It’s fine, whatever it is. It is what it is and she’s able to forget about it when they qualify for the Olympics a few days later and everyone forgets all about any weirdness.
This is their chance. Their podium dream.
One step closer.
*
She’s confident that there’s at least a teammate or two stood outside their room right now because Jacque had dragged Bella away from her conversation with Loretta to lock them inside the room she shared with Sess. Naturally they think they’re having sex.
“So, they want us to talk about asset division?” Bella stares over the papers.
“We have to tell them when we want to come in to the office to talk about this- I don’t feel comfortable having a phone call about it-”
They’ve put the shower on to try and drown out their conversation but she’s sure that’s just fueling the fire. Every once and awhile they bang their hands against one of the walls and there’s a squeak from outside.
That’s fine though, let them think they’re having sex in the shower. It’s preferable to the tru
th. Easier to explain if they have to. It’s probably easier for her to think about that right now as well because going through these documents and emails is like pulling teeth.
“I have to sort out the bank account thing as well.” Jacque massages her shoulder. It’s been aching since the gym session this morning. “We’ve still got both of us putting stuff in there.”
Bella sits cross legged on the bed. “I’ve been living at your apartment since Christmas, I think you should let me at least give you rent for that.”
“I’m not.” Jacque stops herself, unable to even process that Bella basically just equated her to a landlord. “I’m not going to take money from you for rent. You’re as entitled to stay there as I am. It’s where you live.”
Bella draws over the papers with a finger and drops it. “We should just tell the lawyers that you’re keeping everything. We didn’t buy the apartment together, or a car, or a pet or anything.”
“They’re talking about money as well.” Jacque points out.
Bella sighs and gets up from the bed to walk to the wall by the door. At Jacque’s nod, she kicks the door and hears someone whisper ‘fuck’ from outside. Jacque doesn’t want to be here. She wants to be trying to sneak into the US camp to see how Allison is doing but John has them on lockdown until dinner.
“It’s been like an hour, what the hell do they think we’re doing?” Bella mumbles.
Jacque snorts.
“Oh, shut up.” Bella rolls her eyes. “I didn’t mean-”
“My reputation precedes me.” Jacque hides her smirk but Bella gives her a disbelieving look. “Hey, no. You don’t get to laugh at that.”
Bella quietens considerably and Jacque can literally see the flashback of her and Val appear in her eyes. Jacque throws down one of the forms to the bed. “I can’t look at this anymore.”
They agree to call it quits for now and figure it out some other time. The forms and documents are all packed away and hidden in Jacque’s suitcase, away from prying teammates, before they decide to go down for dinner.
Of course that means trying to step over the sniggering group of girls that have fallen through the door when they opened it.
“Pervs.” Bella exclaims. “All of you.”
*
24th March 2012;
Canada (2 - 1) Brazil;
It’s Ginny’s 100th cap and Sadie rides the bench with Bella when they take on Brazil. She fidgets beside her in the pinny like she’s never worn it before and Bella has to tell her to stop when the game really starts heating up.
“You’re not even looking at me.” Sadie points out.
“I can see you in the corner of my eye.”
“Stare at your wife.” Sadie slumps down into the seat. She’s smiling so that when John turns around it doesn’t look like she’s sulking.
Bella rests her chin on her hands and watches the game. It’s a tight one. Brazil are no doubt the better side. It’s a tad terrifying to watch Marta play. The way she creates as well as the tough situations she forces on their backline. Jacque is constantly in the thick of it. So naturally that’s where she’s looking most of the time.
“We’re holding out.” It’s scoreless so far.
“They’ll get one.” Sadie adds. “Only one if we’re lucky.”
She’s feeling it. They’ve been training solidly for months now and their team has never played better. John keeps them all on their toes and it seems like it’s working.
Their defense wants it more. They want to stop the charge of Brazilian strikers getting into their box. They want to stop Marta gaining the space she wants. They want this more than the other team.
Ginny booms orders and organizes and Bella watches how their whole team listens. She hasn’t played in front of Ginny as much as Sadie but it’s a sight to see as Niav and Jacque manage to cut off an almost shot on goal, only to distribute it off to Kathryn in the midfield.
It takes the pressure off of the backline, Jacque pushes further up the field and Kathryn holds up the ball, tapping it back to her. Sophie’s making a run down the seam in the middle and Jacque looks up, spotting her just about the hit the right area, she knocks forward a perfect pass about twenty yards up and is tackled almost immediately once the ball leaves her feet. The referee plays advantage and she looks up from her spot on the ground to see it landed right where she wanted it to.
Sophie slots the ball through onto Oliv’s run who knocks it over into the path of an oncoming Whembs who deftly touches it past the Brazilian keeper.
1-0 Canada.
Bella gets caught up in the wind of the celebration on the bench even as Jacque gets back to her feet and throws a thumbs up at the sideline. It’s not directed at her specifically until the gesture turns into a small wave. Bella realizes that she’s been gripping the front of her pinny nervously.
“Chill, Jacque can take a knock.” Sadie jokes. “Brazil isn’t all that rough.”
“I don’t like seeing anyone get hit.” Bella sighs in relief when Jacque jogs back into position. “Least of all her.”
Sadie puts her hands up in a ‘god stop please’ motion that makes Bella smile again. “How do you even function around her?” She mutters, amused at Bella’s little confession.
Bella clasps her hands behind her head and watches play resume. More specifically she watches the backline put instantly to the test again as Brazil advances.
It’s not her fault that her eyes keep getting drawn to the backline, she’s not really specifically watching Jacque, that’s just where all of the action is.
So she has to look there. It’s basically her job as a sub to pay attention to the game.
Jacque’s white jersey has a streak of green up the side of it that falls onto her shorts as well, thanks to the tackle. She can spot blades of grass sticking to the backs of her legs as well, on and off the socks, coming from the damp field. It rained before the game and Bella can hear the threatening rumbles of it going to start again.
Five minutes later her prediction comes true. Light rain pours over the game, just enough for things to get slippier and for ball control to become all the more important. It’s the breaking flow, with Des missing the ball, that loses them possession and the shut out.
Bella feels for the look on Imogen’s face when she gets up from the muddy grass. The whole backline personifies disappointment that they let them take a goal from them. Jacque pulls up the front of her shirt and wipes her face with it.
Bella suddenly forgets how to breathe.
It’s such a stupid action. A stupid reaction born out of Jacque changing the game on her. Bella isn’t blind. Their whole arrangement has thrived on the fact that they sought out other people to have relationships with. Or just sex. But unlike Jacque, Bella never saw evidence of Jacque’s other relationships. It was kept at a distance from her. With just teasing clues that anything had ever happened.
Jacque tugs the jersey back down but it’s sticking to her now and the white material isn’t all that resilient to the rain.
It’s silly to think that she never thought that Jacque was, in a sense, a sexual being. It was ignorant of her really.
And now she’s like hyper aware of it. Which isn’t any better.
Mostly because she’s trying to quash the knowledge of Jacque’s feelings for her into a safe little box that doesn’t interfere with their goals for this year and Bella’s desire for them to be friends again. Doing that means that they get along. Bella making it weird by making a big deal over Jacque becoming a sexual person in her eyes, isn’t part of the plan. It’s so not part of the plan that she’s grinding her teeth now on the bench because she’s noticing it.
It puts weight behind their facade in a way that knowing that Jacque is in love with her doesn’t. Because it’s one thing to know about feelings and to know that the more they keep this up, the more Bella is hurting her in the long run because she doesn’t feel that way. But it’s another to think that Jacque is feeling this way and has felt that way
about her, and about other women. Women with whom she’s slept with. Naked. And stuff.
And that all those times over the years when Bella played along and joked about the things they did, the sex they weren’t having, in front of their teammates suddenly have a new meaning.
“You’re a little red in the face there.” Sadie pokes her side.
“I’m fine.” She squeaks out.
As fine as she can be having a small crisis about her blind ignorance towards Jacque’s sexuality being an abstract thing and not something real to her. She had sex with women. She has sex with women. Bella has probably prevented some of this sex by the principle of this arrangement.
Oh god. Guilt. She has guilt. Over something she can’t even apologise to her about.
And also minor bubbles of curious confusion because Jacque’s said that she’s in love with her. One plus one makes two and now Bella is really just staring at Jacque because there’s a vain and stupid thought in her head that Jacque has probably-
Well. You know.
Sadie tugs her back into her seat. “You were swaying just now.”
“The game.” She chokes. “Really tense.”
Sadie in no way believes her bullshit. “It’s a tie.”
“You never know, that next goal. It’s wide open.” She clears her voice and tries to sound less like she was just thinking what she was.
“Right, yeah, that’s how soccer works.” Sadie squints at her but puts her attention back onto the game.
Thankfully.
Her attention isn’t as easily taken away. She can’t pin down what she’s feeling. It’s a jumble of confusion and guilt and a tiny bit of frustration at over thinking all of this. A part of her is flustered as well.
Jacque is on the field oblivious to everything she’s thinking. It makes her upset to think that she’s hurt her. Hurting her. Playing along with all this fake happy couple stuff isn’t good for either of them but Bella isn’t the one that has an emotional investment. No, a romantic investment, in it.
Thinking about her like this feels like she’s talking about her behind her back. That she’s second guessing everything Jacque does when she knows that Jacque wouldn’t put her in a position like that. She wouldn’t-
