by Tara Wimble
So Bella focused, instead of undertaking the futile cause of making Sadie like her again, on integrating with the Red Stars and the organization. It led to more and more time spent hanging around the office and doing odd tasks to avoid going home when she knew it would just be Jacque and Sadie hanging around.
That’s how she ended up painting the conference room blue one day after Alyse, their general manager, had casually mentioned that she was probably going to have to hire a crew to take care of it.
It was better to spend six hours inhaling paint fumes and probably doing an average job overall to avoid the uncomfortable home life.
A long term solution it wasn’t really but for now it’d work just fine, at least until something gives.
*
“Hey girl!” Is the chorus of voices she gets coming from her computer screen. Jan and Kathryn are fighting for screen space and in the back Bella can see another smaller blonde trolling in the background.
Bella smiles because they might be calling her while drunk but it’s nice to think that they were thinking of her at all. Her phone hasn’t necessarily been off the hook with teammates lately, it’s so painfully obvious what side everyone took even if most will never say it out loud.
“You two look like you’re having fun.” There’s a yell from the back. “Maybe too much fun.”
Kathryn looks over her shoulder and loudly shushes whoever is back there. “That’s Jess, she’s just saying hi. Wish you were here!”
“I think I wish that I was too.” Bella says wryly, for a moment imagining if she had only put Seattle down or consulted with someone first.
Jan frowns, tilting her head to the side. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Bella lies, because there’s no reason to ruin their fun. “It’s just been a long day.”
“I’m drunk, Bella, not stupid.” Kathryn cuts in, slurring over the words with a surprising mental clarity. “Is Sadie giving you shit? Because I can totally hit her if you want. She’s not scary.”
Bella sighs, mentally amused at the image of Kathryn and Sadie trying to fight each other. It’d mostly be a lot of trash talking and walking around in a circle before it got boring and someone broke it up. “She’s giving me a little bit of a hard time, nothing I can’t handle though. No need to go all action Barbie on us.”
Jan thinks that’s a hilarious description but Kathryn scoffs, flicking her hair back, she turns to Jan. “Remind me to be mad at Bella tomorrow, okay. I won’t remember.” Jan nods resolutely but Bella can see that just went in one ear and out the other. “Seriously, if you’re having a rough time we’re here for you.”
“I know you are, it’s not that bad, it’s just a rough patch.” Bella explains because while Sadie has been tough, Jacque has surprisingly pulled through on her promise. She’s been awkwardly endearing about the whole thing and it’s getting harder to separate the many iterations of Jacque in her head the closer they get again.
“And Jacque?” Kathryn asks gently.
“She’s--.” Bella stops because she can’t even begin to put words on it. It’s too hard to describe the way they operate in each other’s orbit. There’s just this overwhelming feeling of something, something she can’t quite name, that’s she’s started getting every time she’s near her. “She’s just Jacque.”
They both nod like they understand exactly what she’s talking about but honestly she doesn’t even understand what she means by that. It’s a copout answer. She has to look away for a moment because she feels her eyes start to water and there’s a tingling feeling across her body that comes when she’s overcome with emotion.
But that’s a problem for a different time because she looks back to the screen to find her captive audience doing shots.
She rolls her eyes lovingly, effectively killing the sudden onslaught of sadness she was feeling, missing their antics, she calls out for their attention one last time. “You two save some of that for when we come visit. Have fun!”
She gets a chorus of ‘have funs’ and something unintelligible yelled from the background before she ends the call.
It was nice to know that Jacque wasn’t strangely the only one on her side in this whole mess. Sure Kathryn knew the truth, as much as she could feasibly know without it being a liability, but still not many people had asked her how she was doing during this process.
It felt good.
*
But other than the bright spot that Jan and Kathryn represent there isn’t too much to report as far as progress back at the apartment. She continues to hang out with Quenby and Lexi when she can and avoids the weird tension that goes along with hanging around her own part of the apartment.
Lexi is the first to make a comment about she and Jacque not spending a ton of time together but Bella deflects the question using Sadie’s recent bad attitude and that seems to placate her roommate for a while.
Once preseason training starts picking up Bella starts to really get to know some of the other girls on the team. One, Jackie, she remembers from Illinois. They had been fairly amiable back in their college days and despite having no contact in between Jackie wants to pick up right where they left of.
It feels good to have a friend on the team that she doesn’t live with because it gives her another escape that doesn’t involve doing manual labor.
On one of these days, after training, when she heads back over to Jackie’s house instead of going back to the apartment an idea pops into her head and no matter how stupid she convinces herself it is the plan won’t leave her.
They’re just sitting around watching stupid YouTube videos online when it hits her. She could totally do this, they could totally do this. It’s not that hard to just set up a camera, get in front of a camera and have fun. It would be great PR for the organization so it’s not like Alyse would say no.
Bella just had to get Jackie to say yes.
“Absolutely not.” Ok, so it was off to a little bit of a rocky start. But she just keeps using her pleading eyes and it had always worked on-
-No there’s absolutely no way she’s letting her brain go there.
“Jackie, it’ll be fun and we can do funny things and rep the organization.” Bella pleads, not really having a base of legitimate arguments to stand on. It’s not like she was going to say ‘I want to spend less time at home with the complicated situation I have with my fake ex-wife who I slept with and our goalkeeper who now hates me’. Well, actually that might get the sympathy vote.
“It sounds like work.” Jackie pauses to think about it. “Extra, embarrassing work.”
“Embarrassing? No, if anything we’ll just do what we always do.” Bella stops for emphasis because Jackie looks like she might be on the hook. “But on camera.”
Jackie looks down, then to the side, and actually anywhere but right at Bella. Finally she resumes eye contact. “I’ll do it on one condition.”
“Anything.” Bella replies, so eager to hear a yes that she doesn’t fully think through the consequences of blinding saying anything.
“I get to make fun of you as much as I want.” Jackie smiles brightly and Bella can see that this is really the one condition that will get her on the show. It’s not like she has too many other options.
She’s sigh. “Fine. But keep it above the belt, you hear?”
Jackie holds her hands up like she’s surrendering but the smirk contradicts her vulnerable pose. “I make no promises.”
*
“How’re you hanging in there?”
Allison must be sitting at some sort of desk because she can see a double bed in the background and it’s too well lit to be in the living room. “I should be asking you that.”
“I’m talking about the season.” Jacque jokes. “What are you thinking about?”
“Your love life.”
“My lack of one.” Jacque reminds her. She’s sitting crossed legged on her bed with a secret bag of coffee flavored chocolate snacks.
“Wait,” Allison sc
runches her nose up in that way that Jacque has grown to expect. “-why are you asking how I’m doing then?”
Jacque gestures between her and the Skype video call. “One of us is a little too used to being on the winning side, and one of us is concerned that the other may not be coming to terms with sitting at the bottom with the rest of us losers.”
“We’re not losers.” Allison defends. “We’re just adjusting.”
Jacque pauses.
Allison sighs. “Everyone is just so young and it’s hard to keep optimistic when you have to try and make everyone else believe in themselves.”
“Ouch.” Jacque replies. “Glad I don’t have your job.”
“Between you and me?” Allison murmurs. “If this keeps going I think Ash and Carla are going to flip.”
“I get Ash but Carla?”
Allison rolls her eyes and her hands. “Our coach is putting her at forward, I’m not sure he knows what he wants out of us but at the moment she’s up there without any help or anything and-”
They share small war stories. It could be seen as exchanging trade secrets but Jacque knows that it’ll be half a season more before Chicago even sets foot in Washington and by then, they both hope, their teams will be more put together.
“But enough about that.” Allison returns to her original reason for calling. “You mentioned something about things getting better?”
Jacque almost chokes on her food. “I think you may have heard me wrong.”
“Oh.”
“I can’t get either of them in the same room.” Jacque goes onto explain. “Sadie avoids her like the plague and Bella- I don’t even know where she is right now. She mopes around enough for Quenby and Lexi to come and tell me and I can’t really do anything- because they don’t know yet-”
Allison frowns. “Jacque, why haven’t you told them?”
She doesn’t really know. “We’re just settling. We don’t want to add more stress right now.”
“You can’t keep doing that.” Allison tells her. “You have to bond with people and lying isn’t going to-”
“It’s not lying. Not really.” Jacque sighs. “It’s just- it’d be so much easier if Sadie would just lay off first. Give us some space and give Bella a break.”
“She’s just doing what she thinks is right.”
It’s been over six months. “We’re not going to get anywhere before that.”
“And Bella?”
Jacque looks at her door. “She’s hardly ever here. I see her in the mornings and then at practice but she doesn’t like being around while Sadie is making it clear that she doesn’t want her living in the same building as us. I think she’s hanging out with some other girls on the team. She must be.”
“How’re things going with you both?”
“Better.” Jacque replies honestly. “Better than it was really. We’re talking. It’s still awkward but I want to be friends. I want this to be okay again.”
Allison looks like she wants to reach out and hug her. “It’s not going to be easy. What she did- it’s not something you get over quickly.”
Jacque won’t say it but Allison is right. Allison knows that all too well. Except Bella hadn’t actually cheated on her. “Patience, I remember.”
Allison is pleased that her friend is listening to her and she lets the conversation run away with her for a while. They talk about their respective cities and how nice it is for Allison to be close to home, how Kathryn is doing, how Ash and Quenby are managing and even some wistful comments about missing Germany just a little.
Jacque can empathize with that. It feels like she’s been away from home for a lot longer than she actually has. Her family misses her too but they’re watching from home and cheering her on, even though it’s hard when they’ve yet to win.
“I can’t wait to see you.” Allison mutters towards the end of the call. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too.” Jacque can’t even put it into words how much. Sadie and Bella are her team, and her family because of that, but Allison is her best friend and it’s been months since she’s seen her. “Keep your head up okay? Good things will come.”
Allison nods and promises. “But you have to do the same. Get things on track and if you need me, just call, alright?”
“Night Allison. See you soon.”
“Not soon enough!” Allison waves goodbye and then the screen darkens. For a while Jacque sits and watches the blank screen before picking up the wrappers on her bed. Talking to Allison had given her a relief that she hadn’t realized she needed. Someone to just listen without having a dog in the fight going on. Even if no solution had been presented to her.
Patience as always.
*
They start off the season with a loss and it stings, just like any loss should when you’re a competitor, but it’s not the end of the world.
The next four losses sting a little more each time and Bella can start to see the morale seeping from the squad.
There have been a few tough injury problems, they’re suddenly completely without either of their American allocations, and it’s like they can’t catch a break to save their lives.
It’s easier when they keep it close.
The first loss was a one - nil game that dragged until the very last second. Neither team seemed to have a smidgen of form and at one point Bella found herself apologizing to the fans in her head because if this was the product they were going to produce for the whole season then the fans might as well not show up.
There’s only one blowout in this whole mess and the stress of it all brings everything that’s been simmering off the field to the forefront.
They still haven’t won a single game yet and it’s really start to wear on their confidence.
And then, of course, the league darlings come into town and things aren’t looking like they’ll change anytime soon.
It’s been a tense sixty minutes against Portland at Benedictine with the yell of the crowd roaring up behind them, but legs are getting heavy and the game has gotten away from the referee a bit.
Hoy and Long both go for the same ball and it falls favorably to Jen’s feet so she looks up to make a run towards the attacking third. Long is a half second too slow on her challenge and takes Jen’s legs out from underneath her. The ball is turned over to Portland in a vulnerable area but Jen is rolling on the ground in obvious agony.
Long hits the ball over the top on a quick counter and despite how Bella has tracked back she’s no match for their beat backline and the pace of Taniya Holden. Holden slots the ball across goal and Whembs is there to tap it in past a furious Sadie who gets up and immediately goes for the ref.
She’s fired up and pointing at Jen who is still on the ground in pain. It’s not the smartest decision in the world given the state of their relationship but Jacque is a little further away and Bella is the resident third Canadian so she goes and tries to diffuse the situation.
“Hey, Sadie, come on. We need you.” She stands so she’s between the ref and Sadie. “Don’t go getting yourself sent off. Level out.”
“Oh, level out? You want me to level out?” Sadie snaps her focus onto Bella’s path, attention far away from thankful ref who slinks off to call the trainer on to the pitch. “Fuck off, Bella. Why don’t you level out and fuck back off to Paris while you’re at it. Get the hell out of my face.”
Bella reels back like she’s been slapped in the face. She understood that things were bad between she and Sadie but they used to be like family and now it’d come to this. Yelling at each other on the pitch in front of teammates and fans.
She’s shocked into silence and Sadie looks like she could keep going all night.
The first words may not have been loud enough but the second explosion is and Jacque jogs as fast as she can across the turf, putting her body between Bella and Sadie, facing up to her keeper. “Bella, go help Jen. You step back-”
Sadie stares her down still trying to get at Bella but Jacque isn’t
having any of it. “Step back. Cool off. We still have a game on.”
“I don’t want her anywhere near me when we get back tonight-”
“Tonight? Tonight?” Jacque struggles to keep her voice down. The rest of the backline is not going to be an audience to their drama. She’d promised them all that much. “Get your shit together. That is your teammate. Our teammate. And regardless of how you feel about her, she used to be my wife so that means if you have a problem with her, you have one with me. Back off.”
Sadie lifts her chin but Jacque needs this message to sink in. “You don’t get to talk to her like that just because we got a divorce. Put your head down and get back in goal. We have a game to win.”
The ref has finished attending to Hoy with Bella helping her off the field to restart on the sideline. The whistle is blown for the restart and Jacque backs away watching Sadie set up in goal again.
They end up getting thrashed 3 - 0 on the back of a Holden brace and Whembs’s lone goal and as they disperse from the locker room afterwards there’s a resounding feeling that something has got to give.
*
There’s a knock on her bedroom door and she stays still, hoping that if she doesn’t move then maybe the person trying to ruin her sulk will get the picture and go away.
They knock again. She ignores it.
The third time she angrily rolls of her bed and stomps to the door, throwing it open.
It’s Sadie. Looking more like the Sadie she knew and less like the one she’s come to deal with.
“What?” Bella snaps because she’s not in the mood to deal with the shit right now.
Sadie ducks her head, scuffing her heel on the wooden floor. “I’m an asshole.”
“And?” Bella can’t wait for this elaboration.
“I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.” Sadie admits. “Even--no, even with everything I shouldn’t have done it. We’re professionals and it wasn’t very professional of me.”
“It wasn’t.” She agrees but apologizing for one incident doesn’t forgive for everything.
