by Vivian Arend
Lance frowned. “It’s not funny.”
“Nope,” Travis agreed. “But it is pretty much life.”
Jeremy’s eyes snapped up to meet his. “What?”
Travis shrugged. “I’m sure, with the Internet, you’ve probably figured out—if you want a label for this one—that you’re still ace, but you’re probably demi-sexual. You don’t get turned on until you have an emotional connection with somebody.”
Lance slapped the back of his hand against Jeremy’s chest. “See. I told you.”
Jeremy rubbed his palm over where he’d been hit. “So fucked up.”
“No, it’s not,” Lance insisted. He turned his gaze back on Travis. “I really care about Jeremy, and he’s my best friend, but I don’t have those kinds of feelings for him. And he got all tangled up because I told him that, and he was saying some bullshit about us not being able to be friends anymore, and I think that’s crap. It does suck that he wants me that way and I don’t, but that’s not going to change.”
Travis was grinning now. He was no longer quite sure why he was in this conversation because his nephew and friend were pretty much right on track. “Yes, no, maybe. Sometimes the way we feel does change, but the two big things I see here—if you want me to tell you what I think’s most important?”
Jeremy nodded rapidly.
Travis stepped forward and met Jeremy’s gaze square on. “The cool thing about being demi-sexual? I mean, sex can be a lot of fun, but for most of us, it’s more than just fun with somebody you care about. Which means when you do find somebody, and things work out to the place that you end up having sex, it’s going to be way better than the average guy’s first time. Or second, or the rest of it.”
Both the boys stopped.
“I never thought about that,” Lance admitted. He raised a brow. “Good for you, J.”
Jeremy rolled his eyes. Then he looked back at Travis. “And what’s the second thing?”
Travis kept his body language casual. “It’s not fucked up for you and Lance to stay good friends. Truth is, most of us become attracted to someone inappropriate at different points in our lives. You just need to deal with it, Jeremy.”
He seemed to have shocked them again.
“But it’s not Jeremy’s fault that he feels like that.” Lance was frowning now.
“Nope. But it’s also not your responsibility to do anything about how he feels.” Travis went for the killing blow, considering he knew Lance had been seeing the same girl for the last three years. “You ever get turned on when Kim’s not around? You know, watching a show or while chatting with some other girl in your class?”
His nephew’s face went beet red, and he stumbled for a moment, mouth opening and closing until he straightened up. “I’ve never done anything about it, but yeah. It’s happened.”
“Of course you didn’t do anything about it, because you respect Kim, and the other bits are just physical reaction. It would be wrong for you to act on it, just like it would be wrong for Jeremy to hit on you when you’re with someone else. Plus, you’ve said you weren’t interested. So that’s it.” Travis slipped his hands in his pockets. “But there’s no reason why you guys can’t be friends.”
“That’s what I told you, dumbass,” Lance said sternly to Jeremy.
“Of course, that means you need to be a little smarter about not being a tease, Lance,” Travis finished.
His nephew blinked in surprise. “Tease?”
“If one of those girls that you accidentally got turned on around kept doing stuff even though she realized it was driving you wild, what would you do?”
“Walk away.” Lance said it instantly. “My dad says it’s not the girl’s fault if what she’s wearing or how she’s acting makes me hot. I’m responsible for me.”
“Right. So dealing with how he feels is going to be up to Jeremy, but as a friend, you need to not act like a dick and make things tougher for him. If he needs to walk away so he can be respectful of what you want, then you need to let him.”
Lance looked a whole lot more miserable than he had a few minutes earlier. He glanced over at Jeremy. “Well, shit. This is more complicated than I thought.”
His friend shrugged. “Fucking sucks. Don’t worry, I think we can figure it out.” He glanced up at Travis. “You know, that made a lot of sense. That whole comparing it to Lance not getting to fool around with all the girls that he’s ever had a hard-on for. That makes it relatable. Because there’s been a lot of them.”
“You’re such a jerk,” Lance complained, but he was smiling again.
“Thanks, Travis,” Jeremy held up a fist, and Travis bumped his knuckles before reaching over and grabbing his nephew for a tight squeeze.
And then because Jeremy looked as if he needed one as well, Travis opened his arms and gave him the option. “Free hugs, offer expires in five seconds.”
He ended up with the stuffing being squeezed out of him by two teenage boys before they exploded away from him, racing back up the hill to where the ancient truck Lance drove was waiting.
“Thanks, Uncle T.,” Lance called over his shoulder.
Travis stood there for a moment at the bottom of the coulee, the quiet of the February evening surrounding him. Life was damn weird at times, but he wouldn’t change a minute of it.
8
Preparation for Valentine’s Day was turning out to be a lot more hands-on than grabbing a box of chocolate and a bunch of flowers from the store.
Joel adjusted the apron strings around his waist before turning his attention back on the activity at the kitchen island. “You guys done stirring?”
At not yet two, little Jessica didn’t have the fine motor skills necessary for more delicate tasks, but she was stubborn. So damn stubborn that in spite of the mixture under her spoon being far too thick for her strength, she’d come up with her own solution.
Which meant Jess and her cousin Joey were wrist-deep in the cookie dough, squeezing the thick mass through their fingers while they giggled and chatted in the semiprivate dialect they’d begun using after spending so much time together.
In a way, it reminded Joel of the semi-secret communication between he and Jesse, his twin, during their growing up years.
“Good thing they’re not making a mess.” The amusement in his brother’s voice rang loud and clear as he stepped up to the counter and reached around to tug his son’s fingers away from his mouth. “Joey. Let’s bake the cookies before you eat them. Or at least some of them—remember these are supposed to be for Mama.”
“Auntie Kee too,” Joey insisted, looking up to meet Joel’s eyes. “Auntie Kee gets val’ntine cookies too.”
“Of course, Vicki gets cookies.” Joel plopped a cookie sheet in front of them, breaking off a chunk of cookie dough for each of the kids. “How about you try making cookies this size?”
He rolled a chunk of batter into the size of a golf ball and put it on the pan in front of them.
The two kids glanced at each other before little Jess’s nose wrinkled up. “Too little.”
Big Jesse chuckled. “Gotta say it, the kid’s got an eye for sweets.”
Amusement rising, Joel motioned his brother away. “The cookies will get bigger when we put them in the oven,” he promised his daughter. “Better get working, or your mamas will be back before their surprise is ready.”
Which initiated a flurry of activity. Cookie batter was hurriedly shoved into shapes nowhere near round. Some of them bigger, some of them smaller, but all of them made with one hundred percent of the children’s love.
The cookies finally in the oven, hands scrubbed, their kids toddled off to the bucket of toys in the corner of the room. Jesse and Joel stood side by side, looking into the living room.
“Ever feel like it’s not real?” Jesse asked. “This whole being a dad thing. Being married? Hell, being a grown-up?”
“Every damn day,” Joel confessed, twisting toward his brother as he settled on a tall stool by the island. “S
ome nights I catch myself expecting Mom and Dad to march through the door and ask why I’m still up.”
A low chuckle escaped Jesse. “I expect them to come marching in when Dare and I are fooling around in the living room, and I start looking for things to hide behind while I jerk on clothes.”
Joel snorted. “Yeah, well, some trauma takes a long time to forget.” He glanced at his brother and took the opportunity to change the topic completely. “You’ve been quiet lately. Something on your mind?”
He hadn’t been positive, but Jesse’s reaction said his guess was right. His brother slowed then stared across the room to where the kids were playing. “Yeah, but it’s nothing bad. And it’s nothing I want to talk about yet.”
“Everything okay with you and Dare?”
Jesse blinked in shock, straightening up. “Hell, yeah.”
“Everything okay with the baby?”
Dammit if Jesse didn’t jerk again. But his answer was clear and firm. “Everything’s going well with the pregnancy, Dare and I are rock-solid, and before you ask, everything’s fine with the rest of the family too.”
Joel folded his arms over his chest. “Okay.”
His brother narrowed his gaze. “No. The ladies get away with it, but I am not letting you start doing this go quiet until Jesse spills all the beans bullshit.”
“Not bullshit if it works,” Joel pointed out. The timer on the oven went off, and he turned to grab oven mitts. “Stay back, kiddos,” he warned as the children raced over to join them.
Jesse scooped the children up, pretending to be a bear. He growled and nibbled as their kids shrieked with laughter, allowing Joel to safely deal with the hot pans and close the oven.
It was only after the cookies were all baked and glasses of milk consumed, after everyone bundled up in snowsuits to go out to greet Vicki and Dare, who were expected to return soon, that Joel realized he’d never returned to the conversation with Jesse. Never found out what was bothering his brother.
He considered as they walked outside, laughter ringing around them and the beautiful setting of their homes a joy inside his gut.
Not knowing was okay.
Jesse knew he could tell him anything, but it wasn’t Joel’s responsibility to tease out the trouble. Jesse had Dare to confide in, to celebrate with, plan and even worry with. Joel had Vicki for all those same things. That was right, and it was good.
The bond between them as brothers was as strong as ever, but they no longer had to be everything for each other.
Joel held his daughter’s hand, walked beside his twin, and stared out over the land to where his wife and unborn child were riding slowly toward him.
This? Yeah, it might feel unreal at times, but it was exactly where he needed to be.
Dare took another deep breath of the crisp February air, letting it out slowly as their horses began the final slow ascent to the houses silhouetted against the winter sky. “I’m so glad we went riding today.”
Vicki grabbed hold of the saddle horn and let out an enormous sigh as she all but sprawled on the back of her mount. “Me too. Don’t think I’ll be riding for too much longer, and I’ll miss it.” She glanced over at Dare, eyeing her also blooming belly. “Your days are limited as well.”
“Truth.” Dare examined her sister-in-law and how relaxed she sat on the back of the horse. “I have to admit it’s rather amusing to know that the idea of not getting out on the big, stinky beasts is making you sad.”
“Shut up,” Vicki said, but she smiled.
It was neat to have been a part of each other’s lives for long enough now that even stories from when they hadn’t been friends were well enough known to be shared and teased about.
Vicki’s past fear of horses had been the catalyst for her getting together with Joel. Dare’s sadness over the loss of her family had triggered the one-night stand that resulted in both Buckaroo and Jesse changing her world forever.
Vicki knew the stories. Dare knew the stories. They were sisters by choice in a way that made each day special.
Which meant teasing was very necessary.
“We could put some horse manure in a bucket,” Dare offered. “We’ll stick it in the back of the crew cab, and then you can drive down the road with the windows open and have that same sensation—”
“You’re terrible.” Vicki sat a little straighter, but she patted a hand against her horse’s withers. “You’re not stinky. Nope. You’re a pretty girl.”
“Still think it’s funny.”
This time, when her sister-in-law glanced toward her, Vicki’s expression was more serious. Thoughtful. “Yeah, it is funny, but in all the right ways. I mean, it feels like a long time ago I made that confession to Joel. And back then, the idea of getting up on a horse was enough to make me want to get sick.”
Dare stayed silent, but again her gaze drifted over the other woman who had become a friend as well as family. There was no hesitation as she moved in an easy cadence with the solid beast under her. Vicki’s hands on the reins were competent, nearly as relaxed as Dare’s, and Dare had grown up on a ranch and been around animals her entire life.
Vicki continued, her voice growing clearer by the moment. “There’s a lot of things we think when we’re young. There’s a lot of—call it baggage—we have to go through. And I know we’re still young in many ways,” she said, meeting Dare’s eyes. “But we’ve got each other. We’ve got Jesse and Joel, and all the rest of their family supporting us… It’s like the things that scare me now are so fleeting, because I know there’s a whole mess of people willing to help me with problem-solving. To help me find my way through.”
It was a simple but profound truth, and Dare found herself nodding. She considered her own past, with the pain of having lost her family and yet being surrounded by the love of chosen family, both here in Rocky Mountain House and in Heart Falls, where she’d grown up.
These were people who would help her and Jesse, no matter what.
They finished the ride in peaceful silence, their men meeting them in the small shared barn that sat across from their houses. Jesse and Joel took care of their mounts while the children caught them by the hand and tugged them back toward the house.
“Val’ntine surprise is ready,” Joey insisted, glancing for a moment at Jesse. “Right, Daddy?”
“Right, Buckaroo. You and Jess take your mamas to the house. We’ll be in right away.” Jesse offered Dare a wink. “Valentine’s Day refuses to wait any longer.”
The house smelled amazing, but both she and Vicki laughed as they reached the table where childish Valentine’s cards were propped up in front of two plates, each with a single cookie on them.
Vicki leaned in and murmured softly, “You did spot the cookie crumbs in my daughter’s hair, yes?”
“I was kind of distracted by all the cookie crumbs decorating my son’s mouth and the front of his shirt, but now that you mention it…”
Dare and Vicki grinned at each other.
The guys came in, and they gathered in the living room to talk and share stories and just be together. Jesse pulled Dare into his arms, and she settled against him easily, his warmth perfect on the chilly day.
She hummed with happiness at the touch of his fingers on her jaw as he turned her face toward him and kissed her right then, right there, just because he wanted to.
Laughing when he let her go, they turned back to the room to discover little Jess and Joey lined up at the edge of the couch, waiting for their own kisses.
Valentine’s Day was no longer just about romantic love but about enduring love, giving love. Laughing and teasing and connection beyond imagining.
Cookie crumbs and sweet kisses filled her heart to overflowing.
SP Ranch Journal
~Michael Coleman, August 1985 ~
This summer—God, what a year.
The boys all arrived in June. Yes, all boys.
Randy and Kate added Trevor to the Moonshine clan. Dana had Michael, and before the day
was out, that nickname I expected was making its way through the hospital. I guess that’s what happens when you give two kids specifically biblical names. The Angel Colemans are all doing well.
And our Daniel arrived right before the month finished. Marion told me she might be willing to do it one more time but to not get my heart set on six boys like Ma & Da had. I’m not set on it. Still have this sneaking suspicion that it’s going to happen.
(Marion, I’m just kidding. Don’t skin me.)
Daniel’s a sweetheart of a kid. Marion says she can feel peace pouring off him, which is good, because there’s been a hell of a lot…
I’m getting ahead of myself.
Or behind myself—between the babies and George and Sally’s wedding last weekend and the rest of the work around here, I’ve fallen out of journaling. Need to get back to it, though.
Truth is, I learn a lot when I’m taking the time to write out my thoughts. Told Marion I needed her help to keep me on the straight and narrow when it comes to journaling. She’s agreed to pick up and read what I’ve written. I don’t have secrets from her, anyway, and knowing that she’ll poke me if too many days go by without an entry is the motivation I need right now.
I want a record of all the things that need remembering so I can fix what goes wrong.
And it’s a doozy this time. Mark finally showed up yesterday. We were all gathered in the barn, and he just walked in as if he hadn’t been gone for almost a year.
God, just seeing his face made something break inside me all over again, because I instinctively looked behind him, expecting to see John step in any second as well.
So, the bad and the ugly—it wasn’t a good meeting. I mean, I get it. I’m disappointed in so many ways that Mark left without a word then simply showed up out of the blue.
But Randy was pissed, and George was rude, and Ben—
God, no matter what I said, there was no way to counter the toxic bullshit that flew.
