by Max Hudson
Harvey raised his eyebrows. “Are you thinking about moving?”
“No, but I've considered it before.”
“I don't know. Maybe. I guess.”
Leo chuckled lightly. “I just think that there's not much for me here. The gay scene is dull and boring. Nothing exciting happens. I don't know. Maybe I'm just feeling the winter blues.”
“I can understand that.”
“At least you have your family nearby.”
Harvey snorted. “I don't necessarily like being around them. I wish they would get off my back.”
“About what?”
“You know what.”
Leo nodded slowly. “Yeah, when I did have my family around, they were pretty heavy on the pressure to reproduce.”
“And I got it from Evan, too.”
“Haven't you been seeing Evan lately? How's that going?”
Harvey downed his refill and waved for Greg to pour more into his glass. He watched the liquid slosh the ice cubes around, grinning when the glass was halfway filled.
“Thanks,” he said while setting his card on the counter. “Can you open a tab?”
“Of course.”
When Greg disappeared, he turned to Leo, saying, “It's went as well as anyone could have expected.”
“Went? As in past tense?”
“Yep.”
Leo frowned sympathetically. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“It's the same as it always was. He wants kids. I don't. End of story.”
“I don't think that's the end of your story, Harvey.”
Harvey shrugged with defeat. “Well, it is. And there's no way to change that. I don't want kids. I never have wanted kids. I don't see how we could compromise.”
“What if you made a case to Evan about living without having kids?”
“Trust me, that doesn't work. I've tried.”
Leo nodded. “What about you? Would you ever consider it in the future?”
“My position hasn't changed.”
“Damn, that's a pretty big problem to be having.”
Harvey blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. He sniffled to clear his sinuses and then coughed to clear his throat.
“It's whatever,” he sighed. “I'll get over it.”
“Well, I'm here for you.”
“Thanks, Leo.”
Harvey fell silent as he cradled his drink. He listened to the ice cubes clink around inside the glass and inhaled the scent that rose from the liquid. As he took another sip, the music in the background changed to a recent top-chart pop hit.
He smiled gratefully and raised his glass in Greg's direction.
“Thank God,” he whispered. “I thought I was about to puke.”
“Yeah, I like Christmas, but the music makes me want to gag.”
“You're not missing much by not having family around here.”
Leo shrugged. “Still, I think I could put up with a little music just to have them around.”
“I'm sorry. I'm being insensitive.”
“You're just a little tipsy. Want to grab a table?”
Harvey shook his head. “The bar works just fine.”
“Do you want me to set you up with someone? I bet I could find a nice guy for you for the holidays.”
“No, I just want Evan.”
Leo gave Harvey an appraising glance. Harvey realized what he had said and tried to hide behind the sleeve of his sweater as his cheeks grew hot with embarrassment. He stumbled over an explanation. Syllables echoed from his lips, but hardly made any sense as he tried to string them together. He dropped his hand to the bar and shook his head while biting his lower lip.
“I can't believe I just blurted that out,” he whispered. “I must be drunk, not tipsy.”
“No, I think you're just hurt.”
Harvey focused on Leo. “Of course, I'm hurt. Evan was my best friend. He was the love of my life and I've lost him forever because I can't have a decent conversation with him.”
“I think if you two were to actually sit down, you could work around this whole 'having kids' thing.”
“I don't know, Leo. It feels hopeless.”
Leo shrugged. “I mean, it's Christmas. Anything can happen.”
“I don't believe in that sort of thing.”
“You don't have to. I'll believe in it for you.”
Harvey turned a warm grin to his best friend, relief causing his shoulders to relax slightly. He adjusted his position on the stool and sat upright, lifting his glass from the counter.
“I don't know what I would do if I was alone in this.”
“You'd probably drink yourself silly.”
Harvey laughed. “You might be right.”
“What do you think you're going to do? Obviously, you want Evan.”
“Yeah, I guess I do.”
Leo chuckled. “There's really not much guessing here, Harvey.”
“I just wish I could make everything better without having to do all this hard work.”
“This hard work is what makes a relationship. If Evan still loves you—which I'm willing to bet that he does—then, he'll be happy to sit down with you and talk things out.”
Harvey shook his head. “I'm pretty sure I ruined it. I told him that he was sabotaging the whole relationship.”
“Yikes.”
“Yeah, I... I didn't mean to say that.”
Leo shrugged. “You could call him and apologize, right?”
“I hate apologies.”
“Well, that's part of a relationship, too.”
Harvey sighed and shook his head. “It's the day before Christmas. He's probably busy with his family. And even if I did call him, he probably won't answer.”
“You never know until you try.”
“Why are you helping me so much with Evan?”
Leo cocked his head to the left. “You know, despite how you two ended, Evan made you happy.”
“I don't know about that.”
“You do know about that, Harv. I saw it in you every day you came to work. You were a huge bubble of joyful energy. When you two got a divorce, you caved and became rotten.”
Harvey's eyes widened. “Ouch.”
“I'm sorry. I know that's harsh, but it's true. When you started seeing Evan again, that spark of happiness returned.”
“That's an interesting observation.”
Leo nodded. “I think it's an important one to note. Despite your differences, the two of you love each other and want to be with each other.”
“He did offer a compromise.”
“And what was the compromise?”
Harvey took a sharp breath and held it as he drank down more of his scotch. He set the empty glass on the edge of the counter, subtly indicating to Greg that he wanted more. After the glass had been refilled, he held it loosely in his hand, using it to gesture around.
“He offered me to be a godfather to his friend's kid,” he explained slowly, chewing carefully on each word before it left his mouth. “And honestly, I don't know if I would be good for that.”
“Why not?”
“Have you met me? I'm not exactly the pinnacle of great decisions.”
Leo laughed. “No, but you can change.”
“Do you really think so?”
“Sure. I have all the faith in the world that you can change.”
Harvey shook his head as his features sank. “I've never been too good at change.”
“Hey, everybody has a hard time with something. For you, it's doing things differently, maybe even unconventionally. But if either of us have learned anything about having unconventional sexual preferences, it's how to roll with the punches.”
“Yeah, I guess that's true.”
Leo smirked. “You guess?”
“Okay, fine. I know that's true. I'm just having a hard time with it.”
“And that's okay. Change doesn't happen overnight.”
Harvey nodded. “It was nice seeing him play with my nephews. H
e's a natural with kids.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, he...” Harvey coughed nervously. “He looked like he really enjoyed it. Maybe I can start there.”
“Listen, you don't have to change your core beliefs to be with someone. You don't have to change your mind about having kids. That's your lifestyle decision and no one should dictate whether you keep it or not,” Leo explained. “But compromise is worth it when you love someone. As long as it's reasonable compromise, the relationship can thrive.”
“When did you get so smart about these things?”
Leo laughed. “Hey, I might not be able to keep a relationship for longer than six months, but at least I can make it a great relationship. I'm big on communication.”
“That seems to be what it takes.”
“It does. Even friendships require it.”
Harvey smiled warmly. “I'm glad you're communicating with me.”
“Well, you're my best friend. You're kind of stuck with me.”
“Thankfully.”
Harvey held out his glass and clinked it gently against Leo's. He shifted his weight on the stool and shrugged his shoulders to loosen the tight muscles between his shoulder blades. He sighed as he set his glass down on the counter.
“If I do this,” he said slowly. “If I apologize, how should I do it?”
“I'd say go big or go home.”
“What do you mean?”
Leo shrugged. “Show him you care with a huge gesture. This isn't a phone call kind of thing. Be extravagant. Be wild.”
“So, set a few Christmas trees on fire?”
“Harvey!”
Harvey cackled. “I'm kidding, Leo! God, get with the program. I hate Christmas, remember? That would be right up my alley.”
“Please, don't set anything on fire unless it's Evan's heart.”
“I don't even know how to do that.”
Leo patted Harvey's shoulder. “What's Evan's favorite thing to do?”
“He always liked those stupid sleigh rides they have in the park downtown.”
“Yeah?”
Harvey perked up, raising his eyebrows high on his forehead. “I could probably set that up for tomorrow.”
“That sounds like an expensive venture.”
“If I go now, I can probably catch the guy and pay him.”
Harvey stood abruptly from his stool, nearly knocking it over. He waved for Greg to walk over and paid for his tab, leaving a nice tip before snatching his receipt and card from the counter.
“How much do you need?” Leo asked while whipping out his wallet. “Actually, you know what? I'm coming with you.”
“This is a one-man mission, Leo.”
“No, it's a community mission. My best friend is getting his ex-husband back. We're doing it together.”
Harvey smirked while Leo marched resolutely to the entrance of the bar. He paused at the door, turning expectantly to Harvey.
“Well, lover boy, let's go!”
Harvey laughed as he caught up to his best friend. His heart fluttered in his chest as he followed Leo to the park.
And though the air was chilly, he felt warmed by the flames of passion. He felt comforted by the strength of his determination. He felt fueled by the drinks in his system.
And most of all, he felt hope.
Chapter Thirteen
Evan
Evan sat in the recliner next to the fireplace as his parents divided the presents sitting under the tree. He wore a worried smile as he attempted to focus on the precious time he was spending with his family. His parents were sitting on the ground near the tree with dozens of boxes and bags sitting in between and around them.
“Glenn, did you really wrap this with shipping paper?” his mother asked jokingly as she held up a rather large box. “Or did you just shove it under the tree after it came in the mail?”
“Hey, brown wrapping paper is a classic,” his father claimed. “Get with the times, Katelyn. This is how the kids do it now.”
“Is that so?”
“That is so.”
Katelyn turned her playful yet curious gaze to Evan who was hardly paying attention. He cradled a mug of hot cocoa in his brawny hands, running his thumbs along either side of the ceramic.
“Evan? Are you there?”
Evan glanced up like a child who had been caught with a cupcake after he had been told not to have one. He widened his smile, deepening the lines in his forehead and cheeks.
He cleared his throat and asked, “What's that, Mom?”
“I asked if the kids do brown paper for gifts these days.”
He shrugged lightly. “Ah, I wouldn't know. I prefer the colorful stuff.”
“See?” Katelyn teased as she turned to her husband. “Evan gets it.”
“Why don't you just open it, dear?” Glenn suggested. “You'll see the inside is worth much more than the outside.”
“I guess I'll just have to find out.”
She tore away the paper, discarding it to the ground where paper had already begun to pile up. Evan witnessed his mother's surprised reaction to her gift: a brand new coffee machine that could also make espresso. Her entire face lit up with delight as she embraced her husband.
“Glenn, this is wonderful.”
Glenn beamed. “I thought you would like it. You got something else to go with it, too.”
He held up a glittering red bag that had a reindeer drawn on the side. She accepted the gift with a loving grin and then turned to Evan, raising her trim eyebrows in his direction.
“Evan, you haven't opened any of your presents.”
Evan sighed shakily. “I'm just not in the spirit this year, Mom.”
“Is it boy trouble?”
Glenn playfully elbowed Katelyn. “Kate, you can't just poke into people's personal business. Whatever is going on, Evan will share in his own time.”
“He looks so sad.” She turned to her son and repeated, “Evan, you look so sad. What's going on?”
“I'm just tired, Mom.”
“It's more than that. You look upset.”
Evan tried to smile, his lips quivering as he attempted to contain his emotions. He rose from the recliner and sighed as he wandered into the kitchen, walking to the stove to refill his mug of hot cocoa. When he had sufficiently refilled the mug, he returned to the living room and sat on the ground with his parents.
“I saw Harvey,” he whispered. “At the festival.”
“What happened? Did he bother you?”
He shook his head. “No, we...We actually started hanging out again.”
Her eyes widened. “And you didn't tell us?”
“I was worried it wasn't going to last. And I was right about it.”
She took his hand and squeezed it gently. “Oh, dear. You've got those winter and romance blues, huh?”
“Well, he never was a particularly nice guy,” Glenn pointed out. “He was pretty rude to you the last time he was here.”
“I think that might have been my fault,” Evan admitted.
“Hardly,” Glenn argued. “Even if you had done something wrong, that's no excuse to treat someone that way.”
“Dad, it's not that. It's the pressure I was putting on him to start a family.”
“Oh, I remember this,” Katelyn recalled. “You two couldn't agree on having kids. Is that still the same now?”
Evan nodded glumly, staring into his mug. “Yep.”
“Well, your father and I had the same thing happen, but here we are. We're still married.”
Evan stared at his mother. “Wait, you guys disagreed on having kids? When?”
“Before you, obviously,” she replied with a chuckle. “But we decided to have you. It was sort of an accident, really.”
“When we met, I wanted to start a family immediately,” Glenn explained. “Katelyn was resistant to the idea of having kids. She was so firm about it that I almost left.”
“Almost,” she emphasized.
“But we ended up
talking it out and left things open-ended.”
Evan shook his head. “But how? How the hell did you two do that?”
“We talked,” she replied while shooting a grin in the direction of her husband. “We talked for a very long time. And we didn't rush into anything either.”
Glenn nodded, returning the grin. “The moment I respected your mother's decision was the moment we were able to compromise.”
Evan studied his parents, observing the love that floated between them. He recalled this look from his teenage years. Despite what happened in or around their family, they always seemed to look at each other with the same affectionate gaze. A smile spread across his lips as he continued to study them.
“I see,” he whispered. “That's interesting.”
“So, are you two done for good?” she asked.
“I don't know. I guess so. We had a pretty bad argument.”
She nodded with understanding emanating from her eyes. “Hey, arguments happen. That just means there's an opportunity to talk later. You never know what might happen.”
“God, I think I owe him an apology.”
“I'm sure the time will come for that.”
He chuckled. “How can you be so sure?”
“Because it's the season for that magical stuff. It's just part of the holidays, you know?”
Glenn laughed. “Your mother is a hopeless romantic.”
“Hey, I like to think love wins at the end of the day. Isn't that right, Evan?”
Evan grinned. “I like to think so, too.”
“So, how about you open some of your gifts? I'm sure that will make you feel better, even if it's just for five minutes.”
“I think I can manage that.”
She plucked a small box from the ground near her feet that was wrapped with shimmering green foil and a red ribbon. Evan smiled as he accepted the box. He pried the ribbon away and dropped it to the ground, working away the green wrapping next. He revealed a velvet black box with a circular silver design stamped on the top.
“I know you're not much for material things,” she explained. “But I figured this would be something nice to wear for New Year’s.”
Evan popped open the box to find a silver watch nestled in black silk. He procured the watch reverently and held it up to the light, watching the surface reflect the multicolored string lights blinking on the tree behind him. He smiled at his mother and father.
