by S. Nelson
I tried to take a step back while continuing to hold on to him, but he broke the kiss and shook his head. At first, he didn’t say anything, but when I attempted again to make him move with me, he parted his delectable lips and spoke.
“We should stop.” His words crushed me, but I didn’t want him to know that, so I nodded, hoping I hid my disappointment well. “I don’t wanna start something when I can’t finish it. And trust me, I want to finish it… all night. But it’s wrong.”
I wasn’t gonna say anything, but him telling me it was wrong rubbed me the wrong way.
“Kissing me is wrong?”
“No. That’s not what I meant.”
“You know what, Lincoln? You don’t have to do anything with me. You don’t have to take me to dinner at your house. You don’t have to kiss me. You don’t even have to spend time with me alone.” Once I started vomiting the words, I couldn’t stop. “I like you, more than I’ve ever liked anyone in my entire life. But I get it. You can’t involve yourself with me because of what happened.”
By this time, I’d stepped away from him and walked to the other side of the room, needing the distance to calm myself.
Annoyance darted through his eyes. “I told you why I shouldn’t bring you to my house. It’s not safe. It has nothing to do with anything else.” He erased the distance between us, coming to stand directly in front of me again. “And as far as kissing you, Maddie, it’s all I think about, among other things. But I know we can’t… do anything more.”
“Why can’t we?”
Surprise contorted his expression. “Because I’d never forgive myself.”
“Why would you have to forgive yourself?” I didn’t want him to answer even though I asked the question. “What I feel for you scares me. Sometimes I can’t breathe when you’re not with me. I’m selfish because I want all your time, but I know you can’t be with me like that. I thought….” I looked away for a moment, but he didn’t like it when I stole my eyes from his.
“Go on,” he urged, turning my face back toward him and licking those damn lips of his.
“I thought if you gave yourself to me, I could take back a piece of my heart.” A lone tear drifted down my cheek, and I cursed myself for showing my weakness, which was him.
“If I gave myself to you?” A disbelieving laugh erupted from his mouth as he wiped away my tear. “Where did you come from?”
“Oklahoma,” I sheepishly replied, which made him laugh right before he pulled me into his embrace, the muscles of his arms trapping me. But I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
After a brief silence, he kissed the top of my head and pulled me toward the bed. “How about we relax and watch a movie? I think I can scrounge up a comedy.”
“Um… okay.”
“I thought I saw a couple movies in one of these drawers. I can’t tell you what they are or how long they’ve been here.” Lincoln searched through several of the drawers beneath where the television stood before he pulled two movies from the last one he looked in. It was either Forrest Gump or Reservoir Dogs. Both were way before my time, but I chose Forrest Gump. Although it wasn’t necessarily a comedy, I’d seen the film a few times and loved it. He popped in the disc and joined me on the bed, leaning forward and taking off his boots and socks before he grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled it over his head.
“Is this okay? I’m kinda warm.”
“Yeah, it’s okay.”
After he hit the Play button, he scooted back until he lay flat, his head on the pillow. “Come join me, will ya?” His smile brightened my otherwise downtrodden state.
Everything Lincoln had done for me since the night he saved me was to show me he cared. Whether it was for my safety, or my basic human necessities, such as food, he made sure I had what I needed. He was patient with me while I learned to trust that what he told me was the truth. He didn’t push me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with, even going as far as sleeping on the ground each night beside the bed.
It was then I realized he wasn’t rejecting me.
He was respecting me.
32
I tried like hell to concentrate on the damn movie, but all I could think about was her mouth and the feel of her clutching on to me like she was afraid to let me go. Then she hit me with “I thought if you gave yourself to me, I could take back a piece of my heart.” What the ever-loving fuck?
The girl nestled in the crook of my arm with her head on my chest exhilarated yet scared me.
She was fragile but strong.
Bold but shy.
“I love this part,” she said, looking up at me to make sure I was watching. The gleam in her eyes cut right through me, and all I wanted to do was capture her mouth again, but I refrained. My stare flitted from hers to the screen, smiling when the character awkwardly ran from the bullies before his leg braces busted away to allow him to go into a full-on sprint.
“It’s a good part,” I agreed, pulling her closer.
Everything was going fine. We were relaxed, together, and engrossed with the film, but when Maddie suddenly draped her leg over mine and cuddled even closer, my breath caught in my throat. Then her finger traced over my stomach, my muscles twitching from the contact. If she kept this up, I was gonna be sportin’ a hard-on, one I’d barely managed to keep at bay this entire time.
“Maddie.” I swallowed and inhaled a choppy spurt of air. “I… that feels….” I didn’t even finish my sentence before she extended her arm and placed her hand on the mattress on the other side of me, lifting the rest of her body until she hovered half over me. Her mouth was close, her warm breath fanning over my lips.
“I want you to make love to me, Lincoln.” Her eyes traveled from mine to my mouth and back again. She appeared resolved but tentative at the same time.
It took my brain a few seconds to compute what she’d said, and when they hit their mark, I pulled back so I could see more of her face. The flecks of gold around her irises seemed to brighten as she looked at me, and I almost forgot to respond.
“What?” I finally said, pulling myself out of my self-induced trance.
“I want you to make love to me,” she repeated. “I’ve never wanted anything more.”
“Are you sure?” What the hell was I saying? There was no way we could have sex or make love as she put it. Fuck, I’d never “made love” to anyone before. At best, I had sex, fucked. Never made love.
Her face lit up as if I’d said yes. “Yes. I know you’re worried about me, and I love that about you, but I want to be with you.”
She loved that about me? Loved? I focused on the wrong thing, distracting myself from the real issue, which was that Maddie told me she wanted to have sex. Correction… make love.
I could either continue to deny her and possibly compound any hurt feelings she already had, or I could give in to what we both wanted.
Hard choice. No pun intended.
“I don’t want you to do somethin’ you’re not ready for only because you think I want to or for any reason other than it’s really what you want right now. You’ve been through a lot. More than most. Quite frankly, I’m surprised you’re able to function as well as you are.”
“My dad was crazy religious, and while I didn’t agree with everything he told me, I did believe one thing, and that was that God would help me.”
“Help you? How did God help you by allowing those bastards to do what they did to you?”
She shook her head. “No, God helped me by sending you to save me.” Her eyes glassed over, and the last thing I wanted her to do was cry, but if we kept talking like this, it was inevitable.
Pressing my lips to hers, I could feel her smile when I kissed her, when I teased her tongue with mine, when I nipped her bottom lip before exploring her depths once again.
Maddie tried to move on top of me, but I needed to be in control. I wanted her beneath me, squirming, begging me. Flipping her onto her back, which was an easy feat since she weighed next to nothing, I sprea
d her legs with my knee.
“You’re positive about this? Are you still having any pain? Everything good there?”
“All good,” she answered, rolling her eyes, which made me chuckle. My girl was spirited. My girl? Yes, she was mine, a possession I needed to announce before any more of our clothes were removed.
“Once we do this, you’re mine, Maddie. I don’t own you, of course, but you will belong to me and only me.”
“And will you be mine in return?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.” She raised her head off the pillow and kissed me, anchoring my body to hers when she wrapped her legs around my waist.
At first, all we did was kiss, which was fuckin’ amazing, but eventually, she unlocked her legs from around me and pushed me back.
“I need to take off my clothes.” Her words were authoritative, but her tone hinted at her slight reservation. I wasn’t gonna ask her again if she wanted to go ahead with this, but I would take things slowly in case she changed her mind at the last second.
“How about I take off your clothes for you?” I hopped off the bed and urged her to join me, reaching out to help her up. I turned her around and unzipped her dress, moving her hair to the side as I kissed her neck, sliding the straps off her shoulders. I unhooked her bra, removing both articles of clothing together. Several healing bruises littered her skin, but she looked much better than when she first came here. Forcing a calming breath through my nose, I focused on her and not the evidence of what was done to her. It was hard, but I needed to stay in the moment, more so for her than for me.
Maddie stood before me in nothing but her black cotton panties, the bottoms of her cheeks peeking out from beneath the fabric. Before I could ask her to turn around, she faced me. My eyes drifted down her body, my mouth watering at the sight of her tits. They were small but perfect. “You’re gorgeous.” Her face tinged pink, and I didn’t think I’d ever seen anything so beautiful in all my twenty-one years.
She took a single step closer and raised her arms to link them behind my neck, pulling me down for a soul-searing kiss. All I wanted to do was toss her on the bed and have my way with her. Fast. Hard. All-consuming. But I couldn’t. I had to be careful, gentle even, especially for the first time. She wasn’t a virgin, but I had to treat her as such because even though she appeared resolute and strong, her emotional status was fragile.
“Can you take these off?” she asked, her fingers fumbling with the button of my jeans.
I extended my hands at my sides. “Have at it, babe.” Her eyes lit up when I said babe, and I made a mental note to use the endearment more often.
The sound of my zipper slicing through its teeth was louder than I’d ever heard before, my pulse thrumming in my ears, deafening me. If I wasn’t careful, I’d come before I even buried myself inside her, which wasn’t a great first impression. Maddie deserved all of me, for as long as I could muster, so in order to calm the raging need wrapping around me, I took a step back before she was able to shimmy my jeans off.
“Did you change your mind?” She swallowed nervously and moved to cover herself with her hands.
“No. I just need a minute.” It was while I worked to regain my bearings, I heard someone shout from out in the common room, drawing my attention to the door and realizing I never locked it. Other than in the ring, I swore I’d never moved so fast before, clicking the lock to make sure no one could barge in on us. Not only would that be embarrassing for Maddie, but I’d never hear the end of it because whoever interrupted us would assume I was taking advantage of her. “Don’t want to give anyone a show.” I chuckled, wiggling my brows and making her smile.
Not wanting to waste any more precious time, I removed the rest of my clothes, and while I had an impressive physique and was well-endowed, the way she stared at me made me self-conscious. I glanced down at myself before looking back at her.
“Is everything okay?”
“It’s not what I expected,” she uttered before devouring the sight of me again.
“Is that bad?”
“No. You’re… beautiful.”
“Beautiful?” I laughed. I’d never been called that before. Sexy, gorgeous, cute, sure, but never beautiful.
She approached me tentatively, looking more nervous than anything, and I thought possibly she was in the middle of changing her mind. But when she touched my chest, trailing her fingers over my skin, it dawned on me that she’d probably never touched a guy like this, which both thrilled and gutted me. I was only too happy to be her first, but because of what they’d stolen from her, she’d never had the opportunity to explore a male, her curiosity evident with the way her eyes danced as she lost herself to her exploration.
“Can I touch it?” She licked her lips, her focus on my dick and not my face.
“Be my guest.” I’d had sex with my share of women, but I’d never felt so exposed before, so vulnerable.
“Careful.” My laugh morphed into a groan when she gently squeezed me.
“Does it hurt?”
“Hurt? Yeah, but not in the way you might think.”
“It’s so hard, but it’s soft, too.” I bit down on my lip as she stroked me from root to tip, sliding her finger over the drop of precum. “Thank you.” Her hand fell to her side, and she backed up a step.
“Why are you thanking me?”
“Because you let me touch you.”
“Believe me, Maddie, I should be the one thanking you.” When she smiled, my heart burst a little more, and I vowed right then and there to make her smile as much as possible. “Wanna move this to the bed?” She nodded, hooking her thumbs into the waistband of her panties. “Leave ’em on.” Her hands fell to her sides once more. “I wanna take ’em off.”
I positioned her until she was flat on her back, her eyes wide and expectant as she watched me remove the last piece of her clothing. My head became clouded thinking about what she would taste like, feel like wrapped around my cock. If I didn’t get myself under control, all this would be over with before it really started.
“I want to touch you now.” I climbed in bed next to her. With me on my side and her on her back, our faces were close, closer than our bodies, because I needed the short span of distance to be able to move as freely as I wanted without hindrance. I parted her thighs with my hand, tossing her right leg over my hip so I had better access. When I slid my finger through her folds, her body jerked. “Did I hurt you?” I couldn’t see how that was possible because she was drenched, but I needed to be sure.
“No.” Her breathy response told me the opposite was true of what I momentarily feared. She reached over and dug her nails into my leg. “That feels good.”
Never before did I want to thoroughly take my time, and while I always made sure whoever I was with came before me, it was always a rush to the finish line afterward. There was never slow foreplay, exploring, reveling in the feel of the other person. But with Maddie, I didn’t want to stop. I could stay locked away with her like this for days, weeks even, content with discovering every inch of her.
After inserting a finger, I pressed my thumb against her clit, and she nearly shot off the bed. Her moans increased the more pressure I applied, adding a second finger, remaining mindful not to hurt her. I wasn’t sure how much was too much, so I needed to go slow.
Dragging the bottom of her earlobe through my teeth, I bit down the same time I curved my fingers inside her. “Do you like that?” She nodded. Her inner muscles clenched, and I assumed she was close, but I asked anyway. “Are you gonna come for me?” She nodded again, her nails digging harder into my thigh. “Good.” I withdrew my fingers and quickly repositioned myself with my head between her legs.
“Li…” I had no idea if she was gonna ask me to stop, tell me she was embarrassed with the new position, or what, but her head twisted to the side with the first swipe of my tongue, her arms extending above her head while her lids fluttered closed.
I’d only had one taste of Maddie, and already I
was starving for more. Too many emotions battled inside me when it came to her, and although I understood what I felt wasn’t purely physical need, I couldn’t pinpoint what exactly it was.
But I knew one thing for sure, all the time in the world with her wouldn’t be enough.
33
The moment Lincoln agreed to be with me was the moment I realized I loved him. And although most people would tell me I was crazy, that I couldn’t fall in love with someone in such a short amount of time, I felt it in my soul.
The draw toward him the very first time I laid eyes on him was too strong not to be something special. And even though I was in a bad situation and didn’t know him, my gut told me he wasn’t like the men who belonged to the Reapers, even though it took my head a while to come to the same conclusion. As it turned out, I was right.
“Do you wanna come?” he asked, his voice low and gravelly. I’d been on the verge before he moved to bury his head down below. I couldn’t respond, the air in my lungs lacking in order to breathe life to an answer. Lowering my right arm, I gripped his hair and pulled; the sound that erupted from his throat savage. I was shameless in the way I ground against his tongue, but my body took over, my mind flitting away because the pleasure was borderline too much. Then his voice brought me back. “I could eat your pussy forever.”
Warmth spread through me, and only a fraction of the heat was due to embarrassment at his words, even though I apparently had no issue with the physical act. How could I still be shy with Lincoln’s mouth working me toward release?
I lost myself to the rhythm of his tongue and the way his fingers played me like an instrument. It was as if he knew my body better than I did.
Even though my dad had preached masturbation to be a sin, that didn’t stop me from touching myself when I was younger. Hormones would do that to a young girl. I’d take extra-long showers or wait until I knew my parents were asleep before discovering my body, figuring out how to pleasure myself.
