by Wood, Vivian
“It means that my health hasn’t been so great over the last year. It’s getting better now, but for a long time I had trouble even attending classes some days.”
That seems to shock him. “You were depressed?”
I give my head a little shake. “No. It was a physical problem.” I wrap my arms around myself, blowing out a breath. “Can we start walking back?”
He looks up, drawing my attention to the ceiling. The quality of the light has changed, indicating the sun has started to set.
“Yeah, sure.”
I break out of his hold, not wanting to be touched for a minute. He follows me silently, but his hulking figure is not one I can forget.
We get back to the mouth of the cave in a few minutes’ time.
“Are you ready to go back?” I ask him.
He nods. “Yeah.”
I turn to go, but he tugs at my hand. Looking back at him, I swallow tightly.
“I’m not sure what sort of mine field I’m in, talking about your troubles in school and stuff. But I’m sorry if I accidentally stepped on something sensitive.”
His expression is earnest. I give him the tiniest smile.
“It’s not you,” I tell him. “You just reminded me of how much stuff is waiting for me at home, that’s all.”
Gabe steps closer. I look up into his face, putting my hand on his arm.
“You can forget for a while, if you want.” He smiles a little sadly, then brushes hair back from my face. “I can help you forget.”
Pressing up onto my tiptoes, I brush my lips across his.
“Let’s get back to Juneau,” I suggest softly. “Everything else we can figure out from there.”
He pulls away from me and takes my hand, leading me out of the cave. I can’t help but wonder about his sad little smile as we walk up the path once again.
What is that look all about?
And what do I have to do to earn the right to know?
Chapter Twenty-Two
Gabe
In the middle of the night, I wake up to a muffled thud from above. I glance down to find Luna sleeping soundly still, her face beautiful and peaceful in the darkness. It makes my heart squeeze painfully for a second before I glance away.
Looking at the ceiling, I decide to wait for a minute.
Maybe I didn’t even hear anything at all. It could have been a noise that was a part of my dreams. I sink back, closing my eyes.
Thud thud thud.
Squinting up at the ceiling again I sigh. I get out of my bed and pull on my jeans and t-shirt, trying to be as quiet as possible. Ducking out into the hallway, I pad up the stairs. When I emerge onto the main deck it is silent and dark.
I don’t know who to expect. Maybe one of the crew is staying here rather than in the hotel onshore. Maybe someone from Juneau is trying to break into the boat.
I don’t know, but someone is awake up here and moving around. I can hear them as I carefully creep toward the back of the boat. Slipping around the side of the pilothouse, I wrinkle my nose.
Smoke. And not just any old smoke either, but pot smoke. As I come around the tip of the pilothouse, I see Malkia and Carlos hunched over. When she sees me, Malkia straightens up and drops the butt of whatever they were just smoking into the sea.
Oh, fuck no. There is absolutely no way in hell that I’m going to let my sister get away with smoking pot on my boat.
“Malkia,” I growl, my fists bunching. Carlos notices me and pales.
“Hey,” she says. Playing it cool, when it is anything but cool. I didn’t know Malkia ever smoked pot. She and Carlos are both visibly high, leaning on the yacht’s railings to keep themselves up right.
My brain instantly jumps the shark, trying to think of what else she could be hiding from me. This is the same behavior that Michelle exhibited in the weeks before she killed herself.
“Captain—" Carlos starts. I give him a look that is so fiery that he actually holds up his hands.
“Leave,” I snap. “Go downstairs and sleep it off. And don’t think for one second that you are off the hook. I’ll deal with you later.”
Malkia eyes me defiantly. She waits until Carlos is gone then eyes me. “Pot is legal here, Gabriel.”
Wrapping my arms across my chest, I arch a brow. I’m so furious with her, I don’t even know where to start.
“When did you start doing drugs, Mal?”
She rolls her eyes at me. “For the sake of all that is holy, big brother. He offered me a hit; I took it. It was a simple enough exchange. Please do not start the whole ‘pot is a gateway drug’ thing, okay? That is better left in the 80s.”
I spear her with my gaze. “I swear to god, Mal. You’re so casual about this!”
She runs her tongue over her teeth and sighs. “That is because it is not some big life ending thing, Gabe. I feel stupid just talking about it with you.” She pauses, then meets my eye. “Not everyone and everything is life and death. I am not Michelle.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I take a couple of steps back. Fury envelops me.
“You know what, Mal? Don’t you dare bring her name into this.”
“Gabe!” Malkia says, scowling. As I move backwards, she follows me. “Wait, Gabe… Gabe!”
Shaking my head, I hit the stairs once more, going belowdecks. When I get back to my bedroom, I ease back into bed with Luna. Rage fills me still, but there is nothing to be done at the moment.
It’s still an hour before I fall back to sleep though.
“Hey.”
I crack an eye open. Bright morning light streams down from the port hole. Luna takes the seat beside me, fully dressed and showered.
“Hey,” I croak, sitting up a little. I eye the angle of the sunlight. It’s likely after nine in the morning.
“Want to go get breakfast?” she suggests. “I figure we should enjoy being docked in a real port while we can…”
Rubbing my hands over my face, I yawn. “Yeah. Just let me get dressed.”
I’m still tired as we scoot into a booth at a packed diner. Casting an eye over the crowd, I realize that it’s a Sunday morning. There are a lot of people in their church clothes, laughing and talking and eating. It’s loud and warm in here.
It reminds me a little bit of eating at my mom’s on Sundays. Feeling a physical twinge in my chest, I rub at my ribs absentmindedly.
I notice that Luna watches everyone closely, a strange look on her face. There is a family sitting nearby with several kids running around. Luna seems strangely sad, her blue eyes extra expressive just now.
“It’s busy here,” I say.
She looks at me, smiling sadly. “Yeah. I am desperate for coffee.”
Minutes later the waitress plunks down two coffees and water, promising to be back for our order. I pick up a mug and take a sip, looking at the plastic-laminated breakfast menu.
“Mmm,” Luna says, tasting her coffee. She looks around the diner as she takes one of the menus. “Interesting vibe.”
The waitress comes over and hustles our order out of us. I take a stack of pancakes with eggs and bacon. Luna orders a western omelet and hash browns.
I catch her sneaking a peek at the people with kids again. I jerk my chin toward them.
“Are you planning your future as we speak?” I tease her.
She flushes and looks down at her coffee mug. “Not exactly.”
“What, being stuck in Juneau with a boatload of kids isn’t your style?” I can’t help but smile. “Color me shocked, sweetheart.”
She sticks out her tongue at me. “I’m just on a different track. It’s nothing to do with the town or anything.”
That makes me curious. I shift, sitting back and surveying her. “What do you see for yourself in the future?”
Luna pins me with that blue gaze of hers, the color almost electric. She thinks for a minute before answering. “On my current track, I’ll be done with my residency in six years.”
My eyebrows go up. “That’s it?
What about all the rest of your life?”
Her mouth flattens. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve been laser focused on this one aspect.” She sighs. “What about you? What’s your grand plan?”
I should’ve known that question was coming. And yet, it still hits me hard. I pull a face.
“You can imagine that my plans have changed radically in the last year.” I sip my coffee, to give myself time to think. “I don’t know. There is a lot that hinges on whether we win this fucking regatta in a month. Either my company will be popular or… it will continue to struggle financially. From there, I kind of have a decision to make.”
Concern shapes her brow. “What will happen if the company keeps struggling?”
I shrug. “I think I start looking around for other ways to support myself. I don’t know any other life than a boat captain… but I’ll have to figure something out. You could say that this regatta is sort of a last ditch effort to save a company that hasn’t ever truly been very profitable.”
She reaches across the table, placing her hand on top of mine. “That’s pretty heavy.”
Nodding, I can only agree. “Mm.”
The waitress arrives with our food. For a minute, the thread of the conversation is lost amongst the pancake syrup and crispy hash browns. It’s a little surprising when Luna comes back to it a couple of minutes later.
“What about the other stuff?” she asks.
“Hmm?”
“In your life. You have the work stuff more or less figured out. But what about the other stuff? I know that you had a life in mind before… you know. But what do you imagine when you see yourself in five or ten years?”
I take a bite of my bacon, considering that. “I don’t know. I like to think I’ll own my own place by then… right now I basically rent a glorified studio apartment that I am never at. Somewhere outside of Seattle. Maybe west of there, on the coast.” I chew for another moment. “Michelle always talked about how she wanted this big family. So that kind of became assumed, between us. But now, I think… I don’t know. I still want a wife, someday. I want a family eventually.”
I shrug, losing my train of thought. Luna smiles tightly at me.
“That sounds super reasonable to me. What about other goals, though? Do you want to travel? Do you have some kind of hobby that you want to delve into?”
“Mm… I know they say that travel makes a man’s viewpoint that much wider, but I can’t say that I’ve ever wanted to. I didn’t grow up traveling so starting now seems hard. And I actually don’t really have any hobbies other than hitting the gym and the regatta.”
Her lips twist. “I see.”
I look at her, pausing before another big bite. “What about you? Surely you have a bunch of rich people hobbies. What do rich ladies like?”
She barks out a laugh. “Rich ladies? They like champagne and dressing up for galas to benefit their charities. Ugh, and they love gossip…”
Her lips tip up. The smile is infectious because soon I’m grinning too.
“What are your charities of choice?” I ask, smirking just a little.
She rolls her eyes. “Planned Parenthood. St. Jude’s Cancer research Center. And I’m on the board of a group that is trying to bring a free clinic to the hospital I work at. My charities are all wellness based, obviously.”
Putting my fork down, I take a sip of my lukewarm coffee. “Planned Parenthood? That sounds political.”
Luna narrows her eyes at me, pointing at me with her fork. “Planned Parenthood helps a lot of women that are from challenging circumstances obtain healthcare. They do cancer screenings, multiple vaccines, birth control, STD testing, prenatal care… and they do it at rates that are steeply discounted for those who need it. If you have something to say about Planned Parenthood, you had better keep it to yourself.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Whoa, whoa. I didn’t mean to say anything negative. To be honest, I’ve never really thought that much about them. Their services are centered around women.”
She points at me again. “You say that your family barely subsisted for most of your childhood. I would ask your mother her opinion. I bet she has plenty to say about Planned Parenthood and most of it would be good.”
“Hey now.” I raise my hands. “My mom is very liberal and very pro-women. I think you guys would get along, actually.”
She looks me dead in the eye. “Parents love me. I’m a very well spoken, thoughtful, well mannered young woman.”
I smirk. “You make yourself sound so high and mighty. It’s funny, because I seem to remember you on your knees last night, begging to suck my dick— “
“Gabe!” she protests, slapping my arm. She looks around, her cheeks flushing. “Keep your voice down! There are so many people here that do not need to know the details, okay?”
Grinning, I shrug. “I’m just saying. It’s worth remembering…”
“Shut it,” she mumbles, shaking her head. “Or remembering that scenario will be all you’re doing from now on. You get me?”
I throw back my head and laugh. “You wouldn’t even go two days without jumping me, Luna. This thing between us? It definitely goes both ways…”
She just rolls her eyes again, but she doesn’t disagree. Instead she looks over her shoulder. “Come on. Let’s blow this joint.”
I get up, watching her slender body as she rises. Snagging her hand, I pull her close for a kiss. Then I turn her around and smack her on the butt. “Let’s go.”
She flashes me a red-faced smile and starts to walk to the front of the restaurant.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Luna
Bright and early a few days later, I squint at Gabe. With Anchorage and more majestic mountains as the backdrop, I look around the deserted little cove.
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
Gabe looks up from where he’s standing by his kayak and gives me a funny look. “Of course. We take these kayaks out practically every time we come up to Alaska. Trust me, you’ll be fine when we get in the water.”
I puff out my cheeks, looking at the slim shape of my bright red kayak. “I’m not sure…”
He picks up his dark blue kayak, jerking his head toward the water. “Just come on. We are in Anchorage for one day, Luna. You can’t come all the way up here and just stand on the shore.”
Wrinkling my nose, I lift my kayak and follow him down to the shoreline. It’s easy enough to maneuver, being that the whole kayak is basically one big piece of fiberglass. I hulk it down until the water is lapping at my toes. Gabe is holding a paddle for me, with each side narrowed so that it can be dipped in the water.
I’m not sure why the idea of being so close to the water with such a small barrier unnerves me, but it does. I bite my lip.
“Get in,” he urges me. “I’ll give you a push.”
Taking a deep breath, I slip into the kayak’s narrow seat. Gabe hands me the paddle and then pushes the little boat out to sea. I clench at the paddle, expecting turbulence… but I stay surprisingly stable.
With a small splash, Gabe hops into his kayak. He paddles toward me, dipping each side into the water with smooth strokes. He looks at my chokehold on the paddle and grins.
“Relax,” he says. “Just get used to the sensation of being practically one with the water. See?”
He paddles in a neat circle to show me how it’s done. Glaring at him, I try to mimic his paddle strokes. To my surprise, it’s actually a lot easier than it looks.
“There you go,” he says, nodding. “You got it.”
I look around us, beyond this little inlet of water. “Are you sure you want to go further out?”
He chuckles. “Yes. If it makes it seem easier, we can start by sticking close to the shoreline.”
I scrunch up my face. “That doesn’t make me feel safer, really.”
He rolls his eyes, ignoring me.
“Great.” He starts paddling away from the shore, heading directly out on the ocean. “Com
e on…”
I paddle after him, trying not to think about what kind of creatures could be right underneath me, even now. If I just don’t look too hard, I can ignore it.
At least I hope so.
Gabe glances back to make sure I’m keeping up with him. The wind blows his dark hair all around; I’m sure that when we are done kayaking that we’ll both have crazy hair.
We make it out of the cove, paddling out so far that the shoreline shrinks behind us.
“Could you imagine being someone exploring these waters for the very first time?” he asks after a while. “There are a lot of native tribes in this area that have been here since the dawn of time.”
“Mm. It is beautiful out here,” I admit. “Especially when you pull away from the marina and all the people on land. Remote, wild, untamed…”
He nods. “It has a pretty deep history, too.” He glances at me, his gaze lingering.
“What?” I ask, making a face at him.
Gabe squints, looking at the horizon. “You’ve never talked about your own history.”
“What?” I shake my head. “I so have. Remember? I told you about my family…”
He slows down his strokes. “I mean like… who you’ve dated. I have been pretty up front that I come from a screwed up place, dating wise. But you…” He eyes me. “I don’t know that much about you in that specific regard.”
I start to feel a blush creeping up from my neck. “Ah. There really hasn’t been anyone in a few years.”
He’s quiet for a second. “What about the guy that you were so keen to avoid at the gala?”
Inside, I start to squirm. “What about him?”
He gives me an exasperated look. “You tell me. I’m asking you what the story was there.”
I sigh. “You’re talking about Asher.”
Asher, the love of my young life. Asher, the one who smashed by heart into a million tiny pieces and scattered them to the wind.
“Yeah. Dark hair, kinda tall. Had a pretty brunette model hanging off his shoulder…”
