by Guy Bass
It was the Gorblimey.
“Gorblimey! You came back!” Ben cried, leaping up and throwing his arms around the monster. The Gorblimey purred, his candle flame glowing a deep orange, and squeezed Ben so hard it left him breathless.
“Where did you go? How did you find me?” Ben wheezed. He understood the Gorblimey’s hooting reply perfectly – the monster had never dared bounce further than the end of their street. What’s more, the sudden appearance of a giant flying pirate ship had convinced him that Ben may well need his help.
“I really did,” said Ben, breathing a sigh of relief. The Gorblimey gave a final, quizzical honk. “Of course I think you’re brave!” Ben replied, hugging his friend back with all his might.
“Crybabies,” huffed Daisy as she folded her arms.
“CURVY DOG!” Beardbeard snarled as he got to his feet. The Gorblimey put himself between Ben and the pirate and growled like a dog guarding a bone. “I’LL BE TEACHIN’ YOU TO GET BETWEEN A PIRATE AND HIS TREASURE!” Beardbeard bellowed.
“Don’t fight him, Gorblimey, he’s dangerous!” cried Ben as the monster and the pirate squared off against each other. “And he’s got two of everything!”
“Get him, Beardbeard!” yelled Daisy as Beardbeard rounded on the Gorblimey. “Teach that fat teddy bear a lesson!”
“Whose side are you on, Daisy?” shouted Ben. “Beardbeard was going to throw you off the ship! If he wins, we’re all going overboard!”
“Fair point,” Daisy admitted. “Kick that pirate’s beards in, Gorblimey!”
The Gorblimey ducked as Beardbeard swung his hooks wildly, letting out fearful honks as the pirate’s strikes got closer and closer…
“Shrink, Gorblimey! Shrink and hide!” cried Ben. The Gorblimey tooted in agreement and immediately shrank to pocket-size, all but disappearing in front of Beardbeard’s face.
“WHERE BE HE?” the pirate growled as the tiny Gorblimey darted behind a crate. Beardbeard began scouring the deck, click-clacking to and fro on his peg legs. “WHERE BE YOU, CURVY DOG? COME OUT AND FACE ME!”
“Daisy, now’s our chance! Let’s get … Daisy?” said Ben, looking around. Daisy had vanished again. Ben let out a frustrated grunt before scampering up the stairs to the quarter deck. By the time he’d reached the limp body of Skeleton Keys, Ben could hear Beardbeard tearing his own ship apart in search of the Gorblimey.
“Skeleton— Mr Keys!” Ben said in an urgent whisper, shaking the skeleton by his shoulders. “Wake up! You have to wake—”
“Crumcrinkles!” yelped Skeleton Keys, sitting bolt upright. He shook his head and checked his fingers. “Benjamin, please tell me you have the Key to Oblivion.”
“The what? Oh, yes!” said Ben, digging in his pocket and pulling out the skeleton’s finger. Skeleton Keys pressed his finger to the socket on his hand and rolled it until it stuck.
“Much better – I do so hate having fewer than all two hundred and six bones,” he said. “Now then, any chance there is a door around here?”
“There’s one right below us!” Ben told him. They both peered over the ship’s wheel to see Beardbeard tearing up the deck with his hooks. “What are you going to do?”
“Something I should have done a long time ago … actually, the exact same thing I did do a long time ago,” said Skeleton Keys dramatically. “I only hope that hook-handed, wood-footed flabbergaster is as witless as I remember…”
Ben watched Skeleton Keys vault over the ship’s wheel to the deck below. He slipped his finger into the creaky door. With a CLUNK-CLICK he swung it open, to reveal the churning, swirling world of Oblivion.
“Beardbeard!” Skeleton Keys cried as the pirate continued his mad search for the Gorblimey. “I have found the treasure!”
“THE TREASURE? IT’S MINE!” roared the pirate. He spun round to see Skeleton Keys gesturing pointedly at the door to Oblivion.
“What giddy-gaddling luck!” declared Skeleton Keys. “Look, the treasure was on your ship the whole time!”
“WAIT, BE THAT NOT THE DOOR TO THE SWIRLIN’ WORLD O’ NOTHIN’ I JUST CAME FROM?” said Beardbeard suspiciously. “IT BE LOOKING VERY SIMILAR…”
“This? Oh my, no!” declared Skeleton Keys, feigning surprise. “This is an entirely different swirling world of nothing. And it is absolutely cram-bursting with treasure! All you have to do is step inside…”
From behind the ship’s wheel, Ben found himself crossing his fingers, convinced that Beardbeard was about to separate Skeleton Keys into his individual bones.
But then:
“YES! THE TREASURE BE THROUGH THAT DOOR!” roared the pirate with glee. He began CLACK-CLOCKing towards it with ever increasing speed. Ben slapped his hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing. It was working. In seconds Beardbeard would throw himself into Oblivion. It would be over.
“Oi, pirate!”
At the cry, Daisy suddenly reappeared on the deck in front of the door. “I’ve decided this isn’t working out!” she growled. “You and me, we’re not best friends any more!”
Ben’s momentary relief turned back to horror. Daisy was so hell-bent on scolding Beardbeard she hadn’t realized Skeleton Keys’ plan. She was blocking Beardbeard’s path to the door – and the pirate wasn’t stopping.
“Daisy, move!” wailed Ben as the pirate stormed towards her.
“OUT OF MY WAY!” Beardbeard bellowed. “I MUST BE GETTIN’ THE TREASURE!”
“Shut up about treasure!” yelled Daisy. “I’m talking! Me!” With that, she leaped on to one of Beardbeard’s wooden legs (which isn’t easy when your head and body point in different directions) and started climbing up his coat. She grabbed on to one of his two beards and clung on for dear life. “Don’t ignore me!” she howled. “Don’t you dare forget me!”
“Daisy, let go! He’s not stopping!” Ben screamed, but Daisy wasn’t listening. In a moment, Beardbeard would stride through the door into Oblivion, taking Daisy with him. Everyone – including Ben – would instantly lose all memory of her; she would be well and truly forgotten.
Daisy’s worst fear would come true.
“No…!” Ben said to himself. What he did next surprised even him. He leaped over the quarter deck and landed – not softly – on top of Skeleton Keys. The pair collapsed in a heap of boy and bones but before the skeleton knew what had happened, Ben had scrambled to his feet and, with both hands, pushed the door to Oblivion shut.
“Benjamin, what have you done?” cried Skeleton Keys, still sprawled out on the deck. “Beardbeard was falling for my sneakish ploy all over again!”
“THE TREASURE!” roared Beardbeard madly. With Daisy still clinging to his beard, he tore the door from its hinges, to find a dim and disappointing stairwell down to the bowels of the ship. Beardbeard loomed over them and raised his hooks in rage. “WHERE BE THE TREASURE? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE TR— OWW!”
Beardbeard reeled as Daisy, who had burrowed into his bright copper beard, started pulling on his hair with all her might. Ben heard her shrieking and snarling from inside.
“Try and forget me now, you smelly sock! I’ll pull both your beards out!”
“That is our cue!” Skeleton Keys cried. He wasted no time in grabbing Ben and ducking underneath the pirate’s legs. The skeleton raced along the deck towards the ship’s bow.
“I’m sorry!” Ben said as Skeleton Keys dragged him along. “I couldn’t let Beardbeard take Daisy into Oblivion! I can’t let her be forgotten!”
“An admirable sentiment but that was the only door on deck!” said the skeleton.
“I know! I’m sorry!” Ben replied. He glanced back to see Beardbeard wrestling with his own facial hair as Daisy tried to tear it out.
“Well, you may have a point – I can hardly correct the mistakes of my past by repeating them in the present,” admitted Skeleton Keys as they neared the front of the ship. “But if Beardbeard will not stop until he has found his treasure and we have no clue as to where his treasure is, then how— Wait.
Treasure!”
Skeleton Keys skidded to a halt.
“What is it?” Ben asked.
“Dogs ’n’ cats, could it be?” the skeleton mused, tapping his key-shaped fingertips against his chin. “Could it be that the treasure is actually— UFF!”
Skeleton Keys crumpled to the floor as Daisy struck him like a missile. Beardbeard had launched her through the air, having finally wrenched her from inside his beards.
“You missing something, pirate?” Daisy laughed, scrambling to her feet clutching a fistful of black beard hair in one hand and red hair in the other.
As Skeleton Keys reeled with another skullache, Ben turned to see Beardbeard CLACK-CLOCKing across the deck towards them.
“THERE BE TWO THINGS I BE HATIN’ IN LIFE – UNFOUND TREASURE AND UNFINISHED BUSINESS,” growled the pirate, raising his hooks to strike. “OVERBOARD BE TOO GOOD FOR YOU LAND BLUBBERS. I THINK I’LL JUST BE SQUASHIN’ YOU LIKE FLIES…”
Ben closed his eyes, too scared to see what was coming … but then he heard a familiar, high-pitched whistling sound.
“Gorblimey?” Ben cried as the monster appeared in front of him, growing to full size in an instant. Before Beardbeard could strike, the Gorblimey scooped up Ben and Daisy in his arms. Ben grabbed Skeleton Keys tightly by the leg and held on, before
“I’LL BE FINDIN’ YOU, LAND BLUBBERS!” roared Beardbeard as the Gorblimey soared through the clouds. “AND THEN I’LL BE FINDIN’ THE TREASURE … BUT FIRST I’LL BE FINDIN’ YOU!”
“Hat ’n’ gloves, what a rescue!” declared Skeleton Keys, dangling by the leg as Ben held him tightly. “I apologize for ever accusing you of being a beastly ne’er do well!”
The Gorblimey cooed with delight, his candle flame glowing brightly.
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t finished giving that pirate a piece of my mind,” complained Daisy. “He probably still thinks we’re best friends, the big crybaby…”
Ben glanced back to see Beardbeard’s ship changing course to pursue them. “You might get your chance – he’s coming after us! What do we do?”
“We take him to the treasure,” replied Skeleton Keys. “That-a-way, Gorblimey! Bounce that-a-way!”
Skeleton Keys directed the Gorblimey to bounce everyone to the northernmost tip of the island.
Ben did not realize until they landed where the skeleton had brought them.
The first thing he noticed was a small wooden windmill. Then a number of tiny bridges and tunnels and flags, and finally a large sign hung from a pole, which read:
GRUNDY ISLAND CRAZY GOLF You don’t have to be crazy to golf here, but it helps!
They’d landed in the middle of his dad’s miniature golf course.
“What are we doing here? I thought you said Dad was terrified of Beardbeard!” Ben cried. “Gorblimey, bounce us out of here!”
“Hold your horseshoes, Benjamin,” said Skeleton Keys. “I have a nagging in my skull that tells me the treasure may have been under our nose-holes all along.”
“If it’s buried under the golf course, I’m not digging it up,” huffed Daisy. “But I still want my share.”
A moment later, Ben’s dad emerged from his office, a small wooden hut on the edge of the golf course.
“Ben? Ben!” he cried. “What are you doing h— AAAAARGH!”
For a moment, Ben thought his dad was screaming at the sight of Skeleton Keys. Then a dark shadow fell over the golf course as Beardbeard’s vast pirate ship emerged from the clouds. Ben saw his dad’s eyes grow wide. He stood there, frozen in terror as he peered up at the ship.
“C-can’t be,” whimpered Ben’s dad as the ship’s anchor plunged towards them, shattering the miniature windmill and driving itself into the ground. Beardbeard descended from his ship, clambering down the anchor’s chain before landing with a thud.
“SHIBBERY TIMBERS, I HAVE YOU NOW!” hollered the pirate, striding towards them on his wooden legs. “AND WHEN I HAVE SQUASHED YOU LIKE FLIES, I’LL BE FINDIN’ … THE … TREASURE…?”
Beardbeard trailed off and slowed to a standstill. He dropped his hooks by his side and gazed at Ben’s dad, a sudden, less-than ferocious expression upon his face.
“THE – THE TREASURE,” said Beardbeard, his booming voice cracking with emotion. “AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, I HAVE FOUND YOU.”
“Wait, what?” exclaimed Ben. He glanced over at his dad and saw the very last thing he expected – a smile, spread across his face.
“I remember … I remember you,” Ben’s dad said, gazing up at Beardbeard in wonder. “I imagined you. The dread pirate Beardbeard … two beards … two hooks … two wooden legs! Then, suddenly, you were real. You came out of the ocean…”
“Unimaginary,” whispered Ben.
“But when I saw you, when I actually saw you,” continued Ben’s dad, “I was scared.”
“’TIS UNDERSTANDABLE,” said Beardbeard. “I BE AN INTIMIDATIN’ SIGHT.”
“I ran,” continued Ben’s dad. “I was so scared, I ran away.”
“AND I BLEW UP EVERYTHIN’ TRYIN’ TO FIND YOU,” said Beardbeard, with a tear in his eye.
“But then as soon as you were there, you were gone. All I remember is … not being able to remember you,” Ben’s dad said. Skeleton Keys sheepishly rubbed the back of his skull. “I couldn’t even remember what I’d been scared of … I couldn’t remember anything. I just knew something was missing.”
“I BE SORRY IT HAS TAKEN ME SO LONG TO FIND YOU,” said Beardbeard. “BUT I BE HERE NOW.”
“I’m sorry too,” Ben’s dad replied. “I think I might have spent my whole life searching for you.”
“SOME TREASURE BE HARD TO FIND,” said the pirate. “BUT THAT BE THE BEST TREASURE OF ALL.”
“Wait, Ben’s dad is your precious treasure?” groaned Daisy, glowering at Beardbeard. “Ugh, you’re the worst pirate ever.”
“Skeleton— Mr Keys?” whispered Ben. “What’s going on?”
“Treasure, Benjamin,” the skeleton replied as he breathed a long sigh of relief. “Treasure comes in all shapes and sizes.”
A moment later, Ben had to check with the Gorblimey that he was seeing what he was seeing – his dad and Beardbeard, hugging like old friends. Ben edged nervously towards them.
“Uh, Dad…?” Ben whispered, tapping his dad on the leg. “Beardbeard just tried to kill us.”
“He did?” said Ben’s dad, looking up at his unimaginary friend. “Is that true, Beardbeard?”
“AYE AYE, I DID BE DOIN’ THAT,” Beardbeard admitted. “BUT IT WAS ON ACCOUNT OF MY BEIN’ IMAGINED AS A MAD AND PLUNDEROUS PIRATE. I BE TRYIN’ VERY HARD NOT TO DO THAT SORT OF THING ANY MORE.”
“See? He’ll try not to do it any more,” said Ben’s dad. He gave Ben a hug, and looked back at the trio of unimaginary friends behind them. “I don’t know how this happened but … thank you, all of you. Thank you for finding my friend.”
“I did all the hard work,” Daisy said. “These idiots just got in the way.”
“We’re going to need a bigger dinner table,” said Ben’s mum. After an eventful couple of days, the Bunsens had decided to hold Ben’s birthday party all over again. The front room might have been burned-out and flooded but at least this time they had guests. Everyone gathered for what little was left of Ben’s birthday cake. It was a bit of a tight squeeze, trying to fit all three of them round the table plus the Gorblimey, Daisy, Beardbeard the Pirate and Skeleton Keys.
Ben couldn’t have imagined a better party. One day, he thought, he might like some actual people to come (his mum and dad didn’t really count) – but for now, Ben’s unimaginary friends would do just fine. He wouldn’t have changed a thing.
“One piece of cake left – who wants it?” asked Ben’s mum.
“Me, obviously,” huffed Daisy, holding out her hand and craning to see how big the slice was.
“YOU BE NEEDIN’ TO LEARN SOME MANNERS, DAISY,” tutted Beardbeard, dabbing his beards with a hanky knotted to one of his hooks. “POL
ITENESS BE COSTIN’ NOTHING.”
“Politeness?” Daisy scoffed. “You almost killed us!”
“And he apologized,” said Ben’s dad, waggling his finger at Daisy. “If I can forgive you for blowing up my ship, Daisy, you can let Beardbeard off a bit of almost-killing.”
The Gorblimey let out a loud honk and Ben laughed. Then, even though no one else understood what the Gorblimey had said, they all laughed too.
“I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to all this but it’s already hard to imagine anything else,” said Ben’s mum, shaking her head.
“Crumcrinkles, is that the time? I must be away!” said Skeleton Keys, staring at his bony wrist. “It has been a pleasure knowing you all – although it would be ever so grinnering if you lot could stay out of trouble for a while. I am sure I shall have enough on my plate without you keeping me on my toe-bones…”
With that, he stood up from the table and made his way over to the chest of drawers. With a CLUNK-CLICK he opened a doorway to his Doorminion.
“Oi, hang on, bone-bag! I’m coming too,” said Daisy, hopping down from her chair.
“Wait, what?” cried Ben and Skeleton Keys together.
“You didn’t really think I was going to stay here, did you?” continued Daisy. “Look around – you lot are as happy as mucky pigs and everything’s turned out fine. Even Beardbeard’s as soft as a kitten now he’s found his ‘treasure’. But not me – I like trouble, and the old bone-bag goes looking for it. I’m going to tag along for a while.”
“Daisy, are you sure?” Ben asked. “You know you can stay with us. I meant what I said – I’ll always be your friend, and I’ll never forget you.”
“Obviously not, I’m unforgettable,” replied Daisy with a tut. After a moment she added, “But thanks for reminding me … crybaby.”
