“There is one around you,” the grandmother said to Sam. She put a hand on his shoulder and said, “Follow her. She will take you where you need to go. You are now a member of my family.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” Sam said.
Valerie was surprised to see the woman blush when he said, “Thank you.”
“You’ll be fine,” she said.
She looked into each of their faces again, before smiling. Without saying another word, she turned her back on them. Valerie didn’t remember seeing her again until the entire thing was over, and then she felt only tremendous love for the woman.
Right now, Valerie felt oddly warm on the inside and cold on the outside. She wondered if the tea would hurt the son that was growing inside of her. She cursed herself for not asking about that before drinking the tea. She was about to get up to ask when. . .
. . .she was looking out her own eyes, but she was shorter and much younger — maybe five-years-old.
“What do you mean I’m going to have a brother?” five-year-old Valerie said. “I don’t want a brother.”
“You’ll have one, none-the-less,” a younger version of Sam Lipson said.
“Take him back,” five-year-old Valerie said.
“We can’t take him back,” Sam said. “He’s growing inside your mother.”
“She can have an abortion,” five-year-old Valerie said.
Sam laughed out loud.
“You’ll get used to it,” Delphie said from her perch at their kitchen table. “You will take one look at him and love him more than you’ll ever be able to explain.”
Five-year-old Valerie screwed up her face and stuck out her tongue.
“You’re wrong,” five-year-old Valerie said. “I will not love him. I will never love him. Ever. I don’t want a brother.”
Five-year-old Valerie voice rose, and she started to cry. Sam Lipson picked her up and held her tight. Valerie was in such a state that she cried and screamed for at least an hour. The last thing she remembered before she passed out with exhaustion was her own rage and her father’s tight grip on her.
Tears began to fall from Valerie’s eyes as she sat on the deck behind the Castle.
Before she could wake up from this trance or dream, she was whisked to the hospital, where her mother had barely survived Jake’s delivery. Valerie had promised her father that she would be a brave “big” girl. When Valerie saw how sick her beloved mother was, she could not keep her promise. If no one was going to take care of this little parasite, she would have to be the brave one.
She slipped out of her mother’s room and went to the nursery. She lied to the nurse and said that her parents were inside and she had just gone to the bathroom. Valerie was such a beautiful child that everyone always gave her whatever she wanted. With murder in her heart, she made her way to the parasite’s cradle. Standing on her tip toes, she looked over the crib at the horrible thing that had hurt her precious and perfect mother.
There no words to describe what happened in that moment. Even re-living it now, Valerie had no words for the experience. She had looked over the edge of the crib and . . .
There was Jacob.
He opened his eyes and smiled at Valerie. Her heart felt so many feelings that she felt like it was going to break. He reached for her hand. Valerie had to drop her tip-toes to give him her hand. When she disappeared from view, the baby squawked.
“He hadn’t opened his eyes yet,” the nurse said. “Clearly, he was waiting for you.”
Her heart full of indescribable feelings, Valerie went back up on her tip toes. The baby — her baby brother — stopped crying the moment she came into view. He smiled at her and reached for her hand.
“I see the problem,” the nurse said.
The nurse brought a box for Valerie to stand on. Valerie climbed up on the box, and her Jacob reached for her again. They held hands in the nursery for a long time before her father found her. The nurse explained the situation, and Big Sam Lipson had laughed. He tried to take Valerie home, but she refused. She belonged with her brother.
For the next three days, Valerie got up early and went to the hospital with her father. She spent every day by her brother’s side until, finally, he was able to come home. Only when he was installed in their tiny home did Valerie let down her guard.
Valerie had cried on the way to school the next day and raced home to see Jacob the moment school was over. Jacob took his first step to greet Valerie when she came home from school. He said his first words in response to her voice as she read him a book. He mimicked her every move and even her voice. When it became apparent that he could move things with his mind, the first big object he moved was the cookie jar because Valerie wanted another cookie.
Sitting under the cotton blankets while listening to the drumming, Valerie relived every moment as if it were happening in the present. She remembered her overwhelming love for her precious brother, and his tremendous love for her.
How did they grow so far apart that she would spend years without seeing him?
Jacob had known that Mike had joined the Army, and he hadn’t stopped Mike from leaving her. Valerie never forgave Jacob. Never. As if the entire thing had been Jacob’s fault, she held her resentment in her heart until it felt like a part of her very flesh. She’d brought out her rage and indignation so many times that she’d rubbed the edges from it. Her resentment shone like a diamond.
“But it was Jake’s fault,” Valerie whispered out loud what she’d told herself so many times.
An enormous crow appeared at her side. Valerie turned to look at the foot-tall black bird. The bird’s feathers were so dark that they glistened in the light of the fire. The crow cawed at Valerie. She shook her head and tried to shoo it away.
What could a stupid bird know? Valerie should be angry. She deserved better from her brother, and everyone knew it. What he’d done was inexcusable, and there was no way to fix it. Mike had left her, and it was Jacob’s fault.
The crow screamed at Valerie. She snarled at the bird and held tight to her precious righteous indignation at her baby brother.
The crow pecked at Valerie’s hands, but Valerie held on tight. Her hands and wrists bled from the crows efforts. No matter what this bird did, she would not let go of her rage and indignation at Jacob. She would never, ever let it go.
“No!” she screamed at the bird. “You cannot take this from me.”
The collector of all things shiny returned her call with a loud caw. The sound was so loud and startling that Valerie put her hands over her ears. Not wasting a second, the bird plucked the beautifully polished resentment from Valerie’s heart. She tried to grab it but was too slow. She could only watch the bird fly away.
For a moment, Valerie felt immense relief. This irrational rage had blocked her for so many years. Now, it was simply gone. It was over. She no longer had to give this irrational rage any more of her present. She was free.
She let out a breath and broke down. Valerie began to sob.
Chapter Four Hundred and Six
Jacob flicked the fly-fishing rod to create a new perfect cast. The line laid itself down on the water. The fly landed perfectly over a deep hole in the stream. As with all of the other times he’d cast, a large brown trout jumped onto the end of the line. Even though he knew this was some kind of masturbatory fishing, he felt sheer joy at catching the fish. Jacob hooted, and Sarah barked in celebration.
“How many is that, girl?” Jacob asked with a laugh.
Sarah barked seven times.
“Seven gorgeous trout,” Jacob said.
He pulled on the line, and the fish swam toward him. Jacob stroked the trout’s belly before releasing it from the fly.
“We should remember this stream,” Jacob said.
Sarah seemed to laugh at him.
“I know, I know,” Jacob said. “It’s not real. It’s still . . .”
He looked out at the day. The day was warm, but not too hot. This stream had deep holes for large
fish to live and grow. It was shaded by tall deciduous trees, a type Jacob had never seen before. The sun didn’t seem to rise or set here. Every day was warm, sunny, and beautiful.
As long as he didn’t give in to his insecurities and fears. He’d done that. More than once. Dark, ominous clouds appeared out of nowhere. Sarah’s bark usually brought him out of his mental self-loathing. He looked at his yellow Labrador with gratitude. He was so glad she was there with him.
Jacob had found that spending time sending Jill love brought him bigger fish. If he actively spent time loving his children or Jill or even Valerie and Sam, he was able to get almost anything he wanted. Last night, it was a large pepperoni pizza with a six-pack of wheat beer. He and Sarah hadn’t eaten all of the pizza, and he’d had only one beer, but he felt like he was learning the complicated rules of this place.
A crow landed on a branch that hung over the stream. Jacob hadn’t seen a lot of birds, so he was pretty sure he should pay attention to this one.
“Yes?” Jacob asked.
The crow cawed at him three times: “Caw! Caw! Caw!”
“Jimmy’s fallen into the well?” Jacob asked in reference to the Lassie movies.
The crow was not amused by him. Instead, the crow started pecking at the branch. Figuring it was just another oddity of this place, Jacob shrugged and went back to fishing. He was reeling in the next fish when the crow started flying over the stream.
Jacob scowled and looked at the bird.
“What?” Jacob asked with irritation in his voice.
The crow flew back and forth over the stream. Jacob reeled the trout in, tickled its belly, and let it go. The crow flew close to him, and he pulled in the fishing rig. He watched the crow warily. It took him a minute to figure out that the crow wanted him to join the bird on the branch.
“What do you think?” Jacob asked Sarah. “Is this bird a message from the dark side?”
He grinned at his use of a popular metaphor. If Delphie were here, she would chastise him.
“There is no dark side, Jacob,” Delphie would say. “No light. There is only the dark and light we bring to every situation.”
Jacob grinned at the sound of her voice in his head.
“And then there’s the Sea of Amber,” Jacob said out loud.
The crow cawed in response to Jacob’s words. Jacob scowled.
“I’d like you to speak with me in a manner which I understand,” Jacob said.
The crow seemed to nod its head. The crow spun in a circle. It lifted one leg and set it down. Then it lifted the other leg. The bird lifted its wings and turned around again.
“Are you line dancing?” Jacob asked.
Jacob couldn’t help but laugh out loud. The crow cawed and shook itself head to toe.
“Okay, okay,” Jacob said. “I get it. You are a crow, so you speak like a crow. What are you here to tell me?”
The crow shook its head.
“Show me?” Jacob asked. His eyebrows rose with a mixture of wonder and amusement.
The crow tilted its head back and seemed to laugh at Jacob.
“Okay, okay — give me a moment,” Jacob said. “You’re a crow, right?”
The crow nodded its head.
“All right,” Jacob said. “Crows caw. They scavenge for food. My dad always says that, without crows and vultures, the world would be filled with rotting vermin. Crows are great problem solvers, better than any other animal including mammals.”
Jacob scowled at the bird. The bird appeared to grin at Jacob.
“How is it that you can smile at me?” Jacob asked.
The dog wagged its tail and panted.
“Crows . . .” Jacob said in a low tone. “I know! Crows collect things. No one really knows why they collect what they do, but crows seem to have individual preferences. Some collect shiny things, while some collect wood or paper. That’s it! What did you collect?”
The crow dropped a small, shiny stone the size of a large marble into the stream and flew away.
“Crap,” Jacob said.
He threw himself into the stream after the stone. He gasped at the cold that instantly penetrated his very core. He dug around in the stream but couldn’t find the stone. He put his head into the water and saw nothing. He was almost ready to give up when he remembered that Sarah was there to help him. In fact, Sarah seemed to understand how this world worked better than he did! He leaned back on his heels and looked at Sarah. She was standing on the bank of the river, watching his every movement.
“Find it!” Jacob ordered.
Sarah jumped into the stream. She swam around him and sniffed the top of the water. After a few passes, she stuck her nose into the water. She swam to the side of the stream and set the rock down.
“You did it” Jacob cheered. “Good girl!”
He followed her out of the stream. She walked a few feet away and shook off the water. Dripping, Jacob leaned over the rock. He wondered if this were some kind of a test. Closing his eyes, he tried to sense the stone. He shrugged. It seemed like a pretty stone. He dropped to the ground, shifted his legs to cross-legged, and looked at the stone.
“What do you think I should do?” Jacob asked Sarah.
Sarah dropped to her belly and closed her eyes.
“Sleep?” Jacob asked.
Sarah gave him a reprimanding bark. He stroked her fluffy head.
“Yeah, that’s not right,” Jacob said. “I can feel it . . . here.”
He touched his heart. He continued talking to the dog.
“I know it’s important,” Jacob said. Looking at Sarah, he asked, “You think I can touch it?”
Sarah barked.
“Here goes nothing,” Jacob said under his breath.
He picked up the stone. His mind flashed on the fight he and Valerie had had the day Mike left for the Army. The memory held so many untamed and violent emotions that he almost set the stone down. Sarah barked, and Jacob nodded. He closed his eyes and let the memory come.
“You stupid bastard,” Valerie said. She beat on him with her fists. She hit him so hard that he could feel welts rising. “How could you?”
“‘How could I what?” Jacob asked. “He told you that he was leaving! You knew he was leaving long before I did.”
“Yeah, but . . .” Valerie smashed her fists into his shoulders. “You stupid jerk. Do you care about anyone but yourself?”
“Are you insane?” Jacob asked. “You told me that he was going to the Army. You told me. He’s your boyfriend. How is any of this my fault?”
Shocked, Valerie gawked at him. Jacob felt like she’d finally heard him. He continued.
“Your boyfriend left for the military,” Jacob said. “He went there so that he could be good enough for you.”
“He told you that?” Valerie asked. Her mouth dropped open. Her face shone with a mixture of rage and sorrow.
“He told you that!” Jacob said. “You told me that.”
“I did not tell you that,” Valerie said. “And anyway, he’s plenty good enough for me.”
“I told you that!” Jacob said with righteous indignation.
Valerie hit him for a few more minutes.
“You totally don’t get it!” Valerie said.
She hit him a few more times and stormed off. Feeling like he’d won, he smirked at her retreat. She didn’t speak to him at dinner. As the days and weeks went by, Valerie stopped talking to him altogether. He tried to reach out to her, but she just said, “You just don’t get it.” She left for college and, even when their mother had died, she didn’t speak to him again until he met Jill and she came home from living with Wes.
Jacob’s mind filled with a stream of justifications.
“She’s insane!”
“She’s the one who owes me an apology. Not the other way around.
“Selfish. She’s so selfish. She left me to deal with Mom dying. She just floated in all ‘la-ti-da’ and floated away while our father was losing his fucking mind.
&nbs
p; “And where was Valerie? Why bother asking? Valerie was taking care of herself. Of course.
“Fuck, she was nowhere to be found when things were hard. Like always.
“There is no way this has anything to do with me.”
He sniffed. His heart pumped with rage. His mind continued to throw out angry statement after rage-filled justification.
“Who does she think she is?” Jacob asked. “She abandoned me!”
Jacob got to his feet and stomped around for a bit. His mind listed off all of the hard things that Valerie had missed because she was pissed off for no reason at all.
“And who the fuck do you think was left to fix the god damned Castle?”
Jacob’s voice echoed off the little valley he’d been fishing in. When the sound echoed back to him, it sounded like:
“Wa wa wa wa wa waaa waa wa.” In spite of himself, Jacob laughed.
“Oooh, crap!” Jacob said.
He sat down again and looked at the shiny stone. It gleamed like a diamond there among the sparse grass and dirt at the side of the river.
“How did you get here?” Jacob asked vaguely, not expecting any response.
“Crow plucked me from Valerie’s heart,” the stone spoke in waves of energy.
“This is Valerie’s?” Jacob asked. “Valerie is pissed off at me? For this? Why am I surprised? Poor precious Valerie couldn’t handle the fact that her boyfriend left for the Army and . . .”
He stopped talking and stared at the stone.
Valerie hadn’t handled Mike leaving very well. In fact, outside of school, she never left her room. She stopped being a cheerleader. She also stopped eating much of anything. After a while, their parents put her in a psychiatric hospital. They went to family meetings, but there was no way Jacob was going to join them. Valerie fucked herself up. She could just fix her own goddamned self.
When she got out, she was more distant and more shut down. When she left for UCLA, he knew in his heart that it would be a long, long time before he saw her again.
He leaned back on his hands and looked up at the sky. He allowed his mind to remember everything that happened. He’d been standing behind Valerie when Delphie told her that Mike was the only man she’d ever love. She’d turned in place, glared at him, and stormed off to her room.
Olney Springs Page 21
