by Skye Horn
“What did she do?” Thea asked, her face paling. Kieran had heard this story so many times that telling it was like a second nature. All Fae children grew up hearing about the two Goddesses. The Fae raised in the west Kingdoms, like Gimmerwich and Grimwalde, knew that the Goddess Ainé would always win, that light would always overpower darkness, but those raised in the Eastern Kingdom of Blackmire still prayed to the Goddess of Death for deliverance. The northern kingdom, Ivandor, was the original kingdom in Faerie, founded by Ainé herself, but King Malachi had brought death to its lands at the start of the Dark War fifteen years ago, ultimately separating the land of Faerie into two feuding sides.
“She killed Ainé’s human lover,” Kieran said, his eyes staring down at their intertwined fingers. Thea’s knuckles whitened as she gripped his hand, and a single tear trickled down her cheek. “After his death, Ainé trapped her sister in a prison of sorts, although no one really knows where it is. The stories say that Ainé herself is the key to that prison, but magic always has a loophole, Thea—you are the loophole.”
Thea’s head was spinning beneath all the information Kieran had unloaded on her. She wasn’t human—something about that made absolute sense, and yet, how could it? How could she be anything but an ordinary human girl? She’d experienced no strange occurrences as a child, never made things happen that she couldn’t explain. At least, she hadn’t until she met Kieran. The memory of blue light shooting out of her hands flashed through her mind without invitation.
Magic, she reminded herself, as if saying the word more often would make it more believable.
The Fae weren’t sparkly winged creatures with pixie dust to make you fly. Nor did they appear to be cruel animals that feasted on human hearts. So, what were they? What was she?
Kieran had mentioned a connection between the elements and magic, so Thea thought more of the Celtic versions of the Fae. That was where the story of Ainé originated, so she figured there must be some truth in those legends. Ainé had crossed the Threshold who knows how long ago and taken a human lover that started an entirely new species, that made Thea’s existence possible… She didn’t know how to wrap her mind around that information yet, so she moved onto her next question.
“How am I the loophole?” Thea asked. If she was a key to opening a prison that held the Goddess of Death, then why in the world had Kieran brought her back? Why had he risked it all just to see her again?
“Are you sure that you’re ready to hear this?” Kieran asked. His free hand reached up to cradle her chin, tilting her head so that she stared up at him. She noticed the way his skin pulled tight across his jawline beneath the tension. Golden specks glistened within the irises of his green eyes, and now that she was looking more closely, a quiet blue undertone created a sea-green color in their depths, rather than the forest-green she’d first noticed. The arms that held her were hardened by muscles, and with the quietness of the hill they stood atop, she heard and felt his heartbeat quickening against his chest.
Thea allowed herself to really see him and knew without a doubt that he saw her too. The intensity of his gaze made everything else in her life feel trivial, as if her subconscious was telling her she was missing this, missing him. Being with him let her temporarily ignore the pain of losing the people she’d loved most. It allowed her to forgive herself for the pain she’d caused others, and it even allowed her to escape the pressures of everyone thinking she was a princess—a key to a prison world that held the Goddess of Death, she reminded herself miserably.
She felt trapped by his gaze, but she didn’t want it to end. She wanted to steal this moment with him and never return from it. Although it made zero sense, every one of Thea’s deepest desires felt linked to Kieran, and for the briefest moment, she allowed herself to imagine closing the space between them before he could answer her question.
Their quickening breaths seemed to flow in sync now, and a soft flush tinted Kieran’s cheeks. His eyes lowered to where his wings had touched her leg, and he slowly let them brush over it again, this time more deliberately. It sent a shiver across Thea’s skin, although she no longer felt the crisp winter air. Instead, a fire she feared could never be extinguished burned through her veins. Thea could see Kieran arguing with himself over something, but she refused to move away from him unless he said he wanted her to, no matter how unbelievable this all felt.
“We can’t do this.” Kieran’s voice trembled as he spoke, but Thea just stared at him in confusion. She’d seen the desire on his face moments before, but now a wall had snapped up, masking any further emotions from her.
He didn’t move away from her, but the palm of his hand brushed her cheek and then dropped back to his side. “You want me to tell you about your parents, right?”
Thea felt torn between her desire to know what internal struggle he faced and her desire for more information about her parents. She was both impressed that he knew exactly what to say to distract her and disturbed by how easily he shut his emotions down against her. That would be a conversation for another day though, she decided, realizing suddenly that she didn’t intend to run away again.
“I do, but this,” she squeezed the hand that still held her own, “you’re not getting out of forever.”
Kieran turned her so that her back was pressed against him with a quiet agreement. It was yet another wall between them that Thea wished to pull down, but she didn’t fight against it right now. She wanted to know what made her the key to the prison that held Morrigan, and her desire for more information about her biological parents had been the entire reason she’d begun this journey. She wouldn’t shy away from that now.
“I’ve explained to you that there are Fae who follow Morrigan—Fae who believe they are a superior species to humans.” Kieran’s voice was a murmur against her hair, but she heard him and nodded her head. “Well, your father comes from a lengthy line of Fae who share those same beliefs about humans.”
“And my mother?” Thea asked. Her tongue felt stuck to the top of her mouth as she spoke.
“Your mother was one of the bravest women I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.”
“Then why would she marry a man with such horrible beliefs?” Anger trembled beneath Thea’s voice. “And if my father turned out to be such a shitty man, why didn’t my mother just leave him? A lot of children grow up with terrible parents, but why get rid of me instead of him?”
“I don’t know exactly how things work where you grew up, Thea, but a queen can’t just leave a king here.
“Your father was from Blackmire and your grandfather arranged the marriage to bring peace between two kingdoms that had been at war for years. Your mother kept your father from turning Ivandor into another Blackmire for many years…”
“So, what happened then?” Thea asked, trying to control the pleading in her voice. She hated not knowing. She knew there were four kingdoms; Kieran had now told her that Blackmire and Ivandor were at war, so her mother had married to end a war, but what did any of that have to do with her or with Morrigan’s prison? Why had she been thrown out of Faerie when she had done nothing wrong?
Kieran seemed to sense the agony beneath the surface of Thea’s exterior because he tightened his arms around her. She felt herself being pressed against his hard chest while she stared out in the direction that Faylon had told her both Ivandor and Blackmire existed. They were too far away for her to see, but she imagined them in the distance, constantly fighting each other, constantly reeking of death and destruction, at least until her mother agreed to marry a monster.
“Fifteen years ago, your father murdered your mother, Thea,” Kieran said, and a chilling numbness crept over Thea. She’d prepared herself for this news, despite her constant hope that it wasn’t true. “But not before she could do everything in her power to keep you safe.”
Thea turned herself around to look back at Kieran. She needed to see his face, needed to see the truth in his eyes as he told her the story, but all she saw was a man who looked completely haunt
ed by his past. When he met her gaze sorrow trickled past the walls of protection he hid behind.
“I know it’s hard to understand, but your mother had her reasons for sending you away, Thea. I was too young at the time to understand it, but my mother was the Queen’s best friend, her handmaiden, and a seer—a Faerie with a gift of prophecy, whom the goddess speaks with.
“I was in the village when the attacks began. Creatures crept out of the forest and attacked both humans and Fae, dark magic made the air taste like burnt metal, and the screams as they slaughtered people…” His voice trailed off and Thea felt a shudder go through her. She reached up, placing her hand against his cheek. The stubble of his beard tickled her soft skin, but she didn’t let go as he trembled beneath her touch.
How long had he kept these memories locked away? How long had they haunted him as she now saw they did?
His eyes closed at the memory and shook his head back and forth, as if trying to make it disappear. Thea pictured Kieran fifteen years younger, just a boy fearing for his life in a village of death. The image made her want to scream.
“I managed to get back to the castle, back to you and both of our mothers. I found out that my mother’d had a vision… a vision that your father would use you to set the Goddess of Death free from her prison.”
He paused and seemed to be gathering his thoughts.
“Visions come from Ainé herself, but my mother used to say no vision was set in stone. Your mother told me to take you to the Threshold. She said it was the only way to keep the prophecy from coming true.”
Thea absorbed the information Kieran gave to her slowly. She’d asked him to tell her everything, but she’d never imagined her story would have started like this. When she found out she was adopted, she’d thought her biological parents had abandoned her. Now she tried to wrap her mind around the fact that her mother had sent her away to protect her from some terrible future that involved her father and the Goddess of Death. Her stomach twisted into knots at the images that flooded her brain.
“How old were you?” she asked. She knew it wasn’t the most important question to ask, and yet, she needed to know.
“I was ten.” His eyes reopened, and she felt like her heart might be physically breaking into pieces. Ten. He’d been only ten years old and her mother had asked him to risk his life for her as if it were more important than his own. “I know what you’re thinking, but it was the only way. Your father is predictable when it comes to whom he would suspect took his daughter. He never would have suspected the boy who entertained her with books and music, especially not the son of a handmaiden he only noticed when demanding things of her. I was the only one your mother believed could get out of the castle with you without being noticed.”
Thea was unconvinced. She tried putting herself in her mother’s shoes but couldn’t imagine any scenario where she would have risked another child’s life just to save her own child. Then, she thought of what might have happened if she hadn’t made that choice.
I wouldn’t be standing here with Kieran and the Goddess of Death would be free, murdering all the humans in Faerie, she thought miserably.
How could Thea judge her mother’s decisions knowing that they had saved so many people?
“I’ll never forget the look on your mother’s face that night, Thea. If you hear nothing else I say to you, if you decide you want nothing to do with our world, please just remember this: your mother loved you. She loved you with every fiber of her being, and if there had been any other way, she would have never sent you away.”
Thea’s throat tightened. She needed to know what happened next, and as Kieran searched her face, she wondered if he was asking himself the same thing she’d been asking since his story began.
Could she handle the truth?
“I managed to get you through the Threshold that night. The queen had told me that under no circumstances was I to stay with you, because if I did, the king would discover I was the one who’d taken you away and search for me.” Kieran sighed heavily, the story seeming to exhaust him. “I remember I kissed you on the forehead to tell you goodbye that night. You opened your eyes like I’d broken whatever spell kept you asleep, and when I told you everything would be okay, you looked at me with such complete trust.
“And then I left you there alone,” Kieran paused, finally meeting Thea’s eyes. She thought she saw tears forming behind his lids, but if they were there, he didn’t let them fall. “Iris found me as I tried to return home, but we never went back to Ivandor after that night. My mother had remained by your mother’s side when your father realized you were gone. He’d demanded she tell him where you’d been taken, but neither of them would do that. You didn’t die that night, but our mothers died to protect us both at the hand of your father.”
Unlike Kieran, tears flowed freely down Thea’s face. She’d been expecting this. She knew her mother was no longer alive. She’d pieced together the facts to know that her mother had given her life for her, but she hadn’t expected Kieran’s mother to have died for her as well. Her heart broke looking at the man in front of her, who’d suffered because of her. Her hands shook at the thought of the shadowy-faced man in her mind who’d murdered a mother she wished desperately to remember. The anger overwhelmed her when she thought of Kieran’s mother, dying to protect not only Kieran, but Thea as well.
“Why did you bring me back to Faerie?” Thea asked through her tears.
“At first, it was pure selfishness,” Kieran admitted. “I have lived so many years regretting leaving you there, wishing I had stayed with you. I didn’t care about the consequences—I just wanted to see you again.”
Thea’s tears slowed as she saw the regret he spoke. He’d spent fifteen years beating himself up over something he’d had no control over and it had taken its toll on him, hardened him somehow against the rest of the world.
“But Amara would have found you no matter what I did,” Kieran continued. “She obviously knew about the Threshold already and knew about my connection with you. I don’t know how or when they figured it out, but they were coming for you, Thea. When I saw Amara was there, I couldn’t just leave you again. I have to protect you.”
Thea saw then for the first time that Kieran felt responsible for her. She imagined that ten-year-old boy again carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders alone, only to return and find out they had murdered his mother while he followed the orders of his queen.
Had he ever blamed himself? Or her? Had he thought of what might have been different if he hadn’t done what he was told that night?
“I felt you,” he interrupted her self-doubt. “I felt you on the other side of the Threshold and knew that if I just reached out, I could see you again. The pull was irresistible, but my foolishness nearly got us both killed.”
“Nearly,” she said. “And yet, here we are.”
“And yet, here we are.”
“I don’t know what my mother would have said,” Thea’s voice trembled slightly at the word mother, “but I was searching for the truth when you found me. I didn’t expect this to be my truth, but I’m glad you came to find me.”
Kieran rested his forehead against Thea’s and both of them closed their eyes. She felt him pull her tighter against his chest once more, his wings keeping her safe from the cold. She didn’t need to open her eyes to understand whatever was happening between them had consequences. His hesitation, his warning, and his guarded nature told her well enough that he was still trying to protect her. She didn’t care, though; she didn’t want his protection if it meant she couldn’t have this moment in his arms.
He’d answered her questions enough for the time being, although she was sure there was more to hear. The answers hadn’t been what she’d expected, but she felt lighter knowing them regardless. She could think of her adoptive parents without the anger she’d had before. She thought instead of the kindness and love they’d shown to her, even though she was not their own. She also thought of her biologic
al mother and hoped she could prove herself to be as brave as she’d been. The thought of her father made her angry, but even he had a part in her story that she couldn’t deny. She had a journey ahead of her, that much she knew, but she hoped with all her heart that Kieran would remain at her side for that journey. He shifted to kiss her forehead, just as he’d done the night he’d left her in Ireland and the night fate had reunited them.
His next five words did not waver.
“I will always find you.”
Chapter 6
When they pulled apart, a piece of Kieran remained with Thea. The last time he’d spoken about his mother’s death had been the night his aunt Iris found him in the woods. That night had changed his life forever, but he’d never been comfortable enough with anyone to actually talk about it, not even Ethel, despite her kind, understanding nature. Now, he had Thea, whose tragedy intertwined so closely with his own, looking at him with understanding. Despite their time apart, he felt no uncertainty with her, nor any distrust; it was as if she’d always been a part of his life.
“I won’t run away again,” Thea said with a note of apology in her voice as she tucked her hand into her corset and pulled out the dagger. She held it out to him with an embarrassed flush that amazed him.
“Keep it,” he told her, closing her fingers around its hilt. “If you’re really staying, then you will need to learn to protect yourself. It won’t be long before your father sends someone else after you.”
She watched him with a childlike innocence that made his heartache. It was his fault she was back in this mess, no matter how much he tried to convince himself that Malachi would have found her regardless. She’d gotten lucky with Amara the first time, but they no longer had the element of surprise. That meant that anything that happened to her was on him, but most Fae spent their entire lives training to use magic. Thea had what? Days? Maybe a week, before another attack happened? The thought twisted his stomach into knots.
