"The training took you away."
"Longer than I wanted. I thought it would only be a few months before I would return, try to get back to a normal kind of life. Only that didn't happen." His voice grew quieter and colder the more he talked.
"I was gone for a little over a year before I saw my pack again. A year of being out there, training, learning to survive. I didn't come back the same person."
Who would, after that long doing nothing but listening to orders and doing what you were told?
"And she could sense that," he continued. "I never knew if she would have ever returned the sentiment, but my chance of finding out was gone the day I got back. She treated me...differently. And the worst part about it was I didn't care. I had duties to do, missions to consider. Personal relationships weren't high on my list of priorities anymore."
They had turned him into stone. A dutiful soldier who knew nothing else. Part of me wished I could have been there back then to show him a different path, but I was sure that my presence would have changed nothing. They had seen something in him that made him fitting for the part, and someone like me wasn't going to change that.
"And that's that. That's all I have ever known since then."
"You don't think you would be open to the chance of..." Out here in the city, with so many temptations, how could he continue to lead such a life? Without the rules of his pack hanging over him, surely he must get the chance to relax a little.
"For the moment, no."
"I see." He sounded so final that broaching the subject any further didn't seem appropriate. But for the moment didn't mean he was put off completely by the idea.
"So, you have been on a lot of missions?"
"Since then, a few dozen. More than Landon and Xavier have been on. They were brought in much later despite being older. It took a few years of triumph before anyone was really ready to accept me as the leader of my own squad."
That was certainly impressive, and that decision likely rubbed a few people the wrong way. People like Xavier, for example. I wondered whether that had been the start of their initial animosity.
"I take it since you are all still alive that you have been successful so far." My old pack wasn't large enough to afford such an elite squad. We merely fended for ourselves whenever there was an attack, most times with casualties. Not very many of us were actually trained in combat or reconnaissance, making do with our claws and teeth as best as we could.
"You could say that. We had been trying to find out what their next move was, so we could prepare. Or stop them in their tracks but hadn't come to a decision before we left." Jasper traced a finger through the ring of condensation left by his beer.
"You chose to leave?" I had been under the impression that they had been kicked out. Yet...
"I would rather not talk about it." Jasper's statement was final; my curiosity would have to be left unsatisfied. "I would rather hear what you have to say instead."
Me?
"About what, exactly?"
"What you did before coming here. Why you left. Just...your life." Pine green eyes stared back at me from under thick brows; Landon leaned around him, his own expression curious.
I was taken aback by the request. No one had ever asked about the "before." I had chalked up my past to remaining just that. Now I was being asked to share it, with a pair of men I still barely knew.
"Get me another drink and I will tell you everything."
"Another martini?" he offered.
"Make it something strong. A Long Island, please."
His brows almost met his hairline at hearing my drink of choice. That was no easy drink to get down, and I was going to need something stiff to get through the entirety of my story.
"You heard the lady."
It took the bartender only a few minutes to prepare it and I soon had a very tall and very alcoholic drink in front of me. I took a long sip and relished the flavor. It was enough liquid courage to start my tale.
My childhood had been a simple one, growing up, trying to fit in and make friends. That had been easy with influential parents such as mine. But things quickly went sour once puberty hit for all the pups. I grew outward instead of taller, my curves coming in much faster than anyone expected. I had been teased for it mercilessly, from comparing my breasts to various fruits to making the warning beeps of a truck backing up every time I walked past a crowd of boys. I had thought I could get over it, that they were just stupid teenagers who had nothing else to do with their time. I had even swung fists at a few of them after they had refused to stop. That had gotten me into a world of trouble that I'd had a hard time getting out of because the teasing moved from my body to my attitude. "Watch out, Kiara's gonna stab you when you're not looking," one of them had said. That had been enough to start even worse rumors about what I was capable of. Tall tales about my temper, whispered stories whenever another shifter would go missing. They would point fingers at me to take the blame away because that was just easier than admitting someone had died out in the wilderness.
That was when my ex had stepped into my life. He didn't believe the rumors and was so softhearted he couldn't bring himself to abandon someone in need of friendship. He had been the one small light in my life that I could look forward to waking up to every day. He was the small bit of comfort I’d had when I was having a bad day or just someone to talk to when I wanted to share my thoughts.
The rumors died down eventually, once teenaged stupidity had left the building. The apologies had never come, and the hurt had mellowed away to steeled resolve. Their barbed words had calloused my skin and left me determined to prove them all wrong. To show them that I could fend for myself and the betterment of my pack.
Only I would never get the chance when there proved to be too many matured females that year. The only choices were to stay and die or to leave and make do on our own. There had been an option to draw straws, to randomize the thinning of the pack and I ended up choosing one of the short straws. I would have to go, to leave the only home I had ever known and make my own way in the world. While the lucky few who got to stay would have the comfort of their friends and family, be able to have children...the rest of us would be forgotten.
My drink was gone by the time I finished telling my tale and I was starting to feel a little weepy from all the alcohol. I was a little embarrassed that I had become so emotional over something that shouldn't matter anymore, yet the arm that curled around my shoulders told me that I didn't need to be.
"I'm sorry that happened to you. If you ever feel the need to talk–" Jasper started and I raised my hand to stop him. His gesture was surprisingly gentle that it took me off guard. I didn't expect someone with such a serious disposition to be so empathetic. Perhaps I had been reading him wrong this whole time.
"It's all right, I have come to terms with it. I can't change it, nor would I want to. There was no place for me there anyway." It was easier to brush it off as nothing than to reexamine the feelings from back then. This wasn't the place to shed tears, nor was this the right company. As much as I wanted them to get to know me more, this was too much too soon.
"Are you sure?" he asked, his arm retreating from my shoulders. It had felt nice, but he probably didn't want to overstep any boundaries. Nor did I want to make him uncomfortable by asking him to return it.
"I'm sure."
All at once, the alcohol started to make my head spin. I grabbed onto the edge of the bar to keep myself upright; Jasper offered a hand a second too late.
"Heh, looks like I have hit my limit." I chuckled lightly and slid the glass away. As much as I wanted another, passing out in a bar I didn't know with people who only had an ounce of my trust didn't seem like a very good idea. It was after midnight anyway and it was about time I should start heading home.
"Are you sure you wouldn't like someone to walk you home?" He helped me up from my stool and I stumbled a little into him. For his height, he was actually quite stocky and managed to keep me on my feet.
"No, no, I should be fine. It's not a far walk from here." And if he followed me upstairs, I didn't know what I would do with him if I was left to my own intoxicated devices. Even worse if it was unwanted attention because that would make the rest of our professional relationship extremely awkward.
"I honestly don't mind." He gathered his jacket from the back of his stool and headed toward the back, despite my protests. "I'm just going to tell them I will be right back."
I felt my face turn hot as he walked away. Gentlemen like him were few and far between and I hadn't met such chivalry in a city like this in...well, ever. I was left completely speechless and remained so on his return.
"Is Xavier still sulking?" I inquired as I gathered my own belongings and started heading to the door.
"Dunno. He is asleep." He stepped ahead and opened the door for me, muttering a goodnight to the bouncer was who sitting outside. My best guess was that Xavier had drunk himself into a stupor and passed out.
Jasper definitely looked a lot more relaxed in a hoodie and sweats instead of his performance leathers as we made our way down the street. He actually looked quite ordinary if you weren't familiar with the band in any way. Which was something of a blessing if you didn't like being chased around by paparazzi or fawning women.
It afforded him the chance of walking me home like it was the most ordinary thing in the world. Me, a lounge singer, walking side by side with a somewhat famous musician and singer as if we were friends.
At least, I would like to be. If he was willing to give me that chance.
I felt my intoxication taking a playful turn as I watched him out of the corner of my eye. If he wasn't going to take the first step in building things, then I would have to take the reins on this.
"Why the black nail polish? Why just those two fingers?" I wiggled my pinkies toward him, my attempt at breaking the ice.
"Xavier's idea." He shrugged. "Said it would make the band look more cohesive. I figured it was best to just do it instead of arguing over something so trivial." He held up his fingers and revealed that the nail polish had been removed.
"As for why my pinkies...it's...you know what a pinky promise is?"
I had to smother my giggle with my hand over my mouth. To hear such silly words in his voice was just too much.
"It's not that funny."
"No, it's not. It's just the way you say it..." I snorted again as I tried to compose myself.
"What's wrong with the way I say it?" Jasper had turned stern again. I was sure that if I continued on my current path, he was going to get offended. So I cleared my throat and swept away the hazy fog of my inebriation.
"Nothing! Nothing...it's like if Xavier started talking about tax returns and 401Ks."
"He doesn't have the responsibility to consider such things," he said with a snort.
"That's exactly my point."
"I still don't see how that's funny." He shoved his hands in his pockets and hunched his shoulders. I couldn't tell if he was annoyed or simply embarrassed that he was missing my joke entirely. Honestly, I was finding it a little endearing.
"Never mind. Is there someone you made a pinky promise with?" I steered the conversation back to the original point.
"No. Not really...mostly with myself."
"You made a promise to yourself–"
His look clammed me up right quick.
"I promised myself that once everything was in place, I would give myself the opportunities I had missed out on when I was younger...I know what the others think of me, that I'm a hard-ass who can't think of anything but getting the job done. But someone needs to keep a level head around here."
"Landon seems pretty stable."
"Sure he is, but he doesn't have the guts to make the hard decisions. He plays well at being nice, but people like to take advantage of that."
He perked up at the sound of sirens, stopping mid-step. We saw the glare of red and blue lights bathing the buildings a few blocks over as the cars raced to whatever incident was taking place. Jasper hesitated for a second as if he should be doing something else, before continuing down the sidewalk.
"Why is he like that, anyway?" I figured that since we were getting things out in the air that I might as well continue peppering him with questions.
"Who?"
"Landon. He seems all confident until he starts talking to me." Like he had two fronts.
"He has never been very good at talking to women. He was raised solely by his mother, who was a little overprotective. It's something Xavier likes to pick on." There was a hint of annoyance and for once I shared it. That was something I would raise with the bass guitarist later.
"Maybe he just hasn't met the right woman yet."
"Oh, he has met lots of women. I think he has lost count by now."
"I meant Landon."
"Oh. Well, I can't say anything about that."
I rolled my eyes at his obliviousness, but I guessed I couldn't blame him. He was Landon's bandmate and leader, not his wingman. I had a feeling that Jasper wouldn't be very good at hooking people up anyway.
Soon we got to my address, the tall apartment building was mostly dark but dotted with a few lights of those still awake.
"This is me." I stopped in front of my building and nodded toward the front door.
"Can I at least see you in?" He offered. As happy as that made me I was confused he wanted to continue escorting me. Didn't he have more important things he should be doing?
"It's not like I'm going to pass out in the hallway or fall down some stairs." I chuckled under my breath.
"That's hardly likely. You don't look like the clumsy type."
"Jasper, I was kidding."
Another blank look from him and I was up the front steps with my amusement restrained. I was really going to have to teach him how to lighten up before he choked to death on that proverbial stick he had up his ass.
"Remind me to teach you a few jokes. It might help with your image," I said as I got in the elevator and hit the button for my floor.
"My image is just fine."
"The one of you being a hard-ass." I shrugged. "If that's what you want."
He sighed and looked away, staring up at the floor numbers as they lit up in turn. It felt like forever when the elevator finally sounded for my floor, and he stepped out behind me. I hadn't thought he would go this far.
"Seriously?"
"I did recon for my team, Kiara. Security was kind of my thing." He glanced at each door in passing as if he expected someone to jump out and assault me.
"Old habits die hard, huh?"
"Something like that."
It was the closest thing to a joke I had heard from him all night and I knew then that there was some hope for him yet.
He continued to keep an eye out down either side of the hallway as I got my keys out and slipped them into the lock. It felt nice to be watched over. Safe. I supposed that was what he wanted in the first place, to garner some trust from me before our first show. It was working.
As I finally got my door open, I slipped in and tossed my purse onto the nearest counter.
"I don't suppose you want to come in and inspect the room to ensure I'm safe?" I joked. At the back of my mind, it was something of a dare to see if he would, and a personal dare as to whether I would go through the temptations running through my mind at the moment.
"Your building looks pretty secure from outside."
Another swing and a miss. He was definitely bad at picking up on my flirting. Or he was pointedly ignoring it so that we could go our separate ways without an "incident" taking place.
The feeling of his body against mine back at the bar...he was short but felt like a wall of solid muscle. What I wouldn't do to see what he had under those clothes, to feel the heat of it against my naked skin.
"Thank you for walking me home tonight." I propped myself up against the doorframe to remain upright. I pulled back the reins on my lust; I was going to have to satisfy them
some other way tonight.
"It was...an interesting walk."
I took that as something of a compliment despite the look on his face. And it was despite that look that my eyes drifted to his mouth, pinched pink by the cold night air. They looked soft despite the stern stance they took, and I imagined the sweet taste of beer on his breath if I dared to take the chance.
I tightened my grip on the door to keep myself at bay.
"If Maddy wants to go through with this, I'll likely see you guys tomorrow?"
"We look forward to it. Get some sleep." Jasper shoved his hands in his pockets and extracted a small square card. It had his number printed on it in neat letters.
"If you ever want to talk," he added, as if it to abate whatever confusion might arise from the gesture. I took it deftly between two fingers and gave it a casual twirl.
At least I had his number. That was something.
"You too. And goodnight."
He waited for a second before turning down the hallway and I watched him go with a smile. I got the feeling he wanted to say something more but thought better of it. Or maybe it was my own mind playing tricks on me and wanting to find a reason to make him stay. I chastised by reptilian brain and let him go until I could no longer hear his footsteps. Left in pure silence, save for the white noise of traffic outside, I closed the door and did all the locks before trudging across the room to the couch. I was exhausted all at once and couldn't find the energy to make it all the way to the bedroom. There I fell, face-first into the plush cushions, crumpling my attire and smearing my makeup. I should have cared, should have gotten up, washed myself off, and changed my clothes into something more comfortable.
Loved by the Alpha Wolves Page 8
