by Emma Slate
“Huh. That’s an interesting piece I didn’t know.” I paused. “ I’m consumed with rage and I’ve never felt like this in my life.”
“People are complex, Mia, and the world is gray. Our actions are sometimes dark and sometimes light. What you did for that boy? That’s all good. It’s the light in you that makes you a good person. Will killing a man take that away from you and make you dark? No, but thinking about murder and committing murder are two very different things. I’m guessing you already know how I know that. One thing I will say though, I won’t be the one to take the choice away from you.”
“You didn’t answer my question. Do you think I could end a man’s life?”
“Yeah, I do. There’s strength in you, Mia. But Colt would never let you pull the trigger.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s his right as president to execute the man that killed one of our brothers. Plus—well—he would never want you to have to live with the weight of that decision. That is his cross to bear.”
“He’ll take away the choice from me so I don’t have to worry about it? That doesn’t work for me.”
He shrugged. “That’s between you two. Though, I’m not gonna lie, I kinda wanna be there when you give it to him.”
I took a sip from the bottle. “Can I change the subject?”
“Really wanting to bend my ear tonight, aren’t ya?” he asked with a wink.
“I haven’t cried yet.”
“No?” he asked.
“No.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“I don’t know,” I murmured. “I thought it was because I was numb. Just a cold block of ice.” I absently rubbed the spot on my chest over my heart. “But I got angry today. Over Silas. I got protective and sad, and I wanted to bawl my eyes out thinking about that little boy without his brother, wearing jeans too short for him, living in a trailer with a father who couldn’t give two shits about him. I just—it was like all the ice around me melted. But when I think of Shelly, I can’t—there’s no sadness there. No well of emotion to feel from. Just blackness and hate.”
“I’m sure you’ve got a theory about that.” He reached for my bottle of booze and drank from it. He didn’t offer it back and I didn’t take it from him.
“When my grandmother died…it sent me into this…I don’t know—not a depression—I wouldn’t let myself be depressed. I worked all the time, I barely slept. I’m afraid that,” I swallowed, “if I break down and grieve for Shelly, I’ll be grieving everyone I’ve lost in my life. Does that make sense?”
“Makes sense,” he said softly. “But I gotta tell ya, if you don’t find a way to process, to mourn, you’ll think you’re fine and then one day something will come along and break you apart. And there will be no coming back from that. You took in Silas, a little boy who needs boundaries and parents, and someone to tuck him in at night. What will happen if you fall apart on him too? He’s already learned that his parents are shit and his brother is dead. Don’t be someone else who fails him.”
I looked up at the stars, wondering if they would give me answers.
“Grieve, Mia. We’ll be here waiting for you.”
I crept into the silent and dark clubhouse. I checked in on Colt, who was still sound asleep. I then went down to the basement to look in on the kids and to see if Silas needed anything.
A nightlight lit the way.
Darcy had told me that her children had had nightmares the past three nights and crawled into bed with her and Gray. Tonight was the first night that they’d wanted to sleep with their friends in the basement. Not wanting to smother them, she stayed upstairs in Gray’s clubhouse room.
I didn’t know if Silas had nightmares since he’d been at the trailer with his father. Silas and I hadn’t yet talked about his brother and the day at the park. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the thought of getting to know a long-lost father as well as getting to know a boy who’d I claimed as mine.
Silas was sleeping in a pile with Brock and Cam, with Captain sprawled across his legs. The dog lifted his head to stare at me and the snuggled back down when he realized I was a friend. I gently scratched his ears and he let out a noise as he yawned and stretched. It made me smile.
I took a moment to study Silas and then brushed his hair from his face. He stirred, cracking one eye open. He didn’t look surprised to see me and even let out a little sigh before closing his eyes and falling back asleep.
I moved to the couch, careful not to step on any pockets of sleeping children. After I got settled, I pulled a blanket from the back of the couch over me, including my head. Closing my eyes, I focused on breathing, but the more I sank into it, the more shaky it became. Before I knew what was happening, I was crying silent tears not three feet away from a group of children who’d been traumatized by a psychopath.
I cried until there were no more tears, and then I fell asleep, dreaming of revenge.
Chapter 28
“You son of a bitch!”
I shot up on the couch, instantly awake. The blanket still covered my face and I hastily pulled it off my head, looking around for the direction of a man’s yell.
The children were awake and Captain was sitting up on his haunches. He let out a little woof, but he calmed the moment Silas placed an arm around him.
“What’s going on?” Lily asked, wiping sleepy eyes.
“I don’t know.” I looked toward the stairs that led to the main floor.
Cam yawned. “What time is it?”
“Late,” I said. “Or early. Do you guys think you can go back to sleep?”
Silas shook his head and I noticed he was dragging his hand across his cheeks.
Tears.
Had he cried silent tears too?
“You fucking prick!” came another shout.
I jumped up from the couch and headed for the stairs. The kids trailed after me. “Er—you guys should really wait down here.”
“Captain has to go to the bathroom,” Silas said, looking at the dog.
“And I’m scared of the yelling,” Lily said.
“I’m gonna get your Mom,” I told her. “Silas? You want to come with me and let out your dog?”
He nodded and stayed close on my heels—close enough that I almost tripped up the stairs. The door to the main floor was cracked and I pushed it open, sticking my head out into the hallway…and heard the unmistakable sound of a fist hitting flesh.
“Run out back with Captain,” I told Silas. “And then find Darcy and tell her about Lily. Will you do that for me?”
He nodded, trying to look around me toward the living room where the fistfight was clearly taking place.
“Go on,” I urged him.
Silas looked like he wanted to argue, but then Captain pawed at his leg.
“Come on,” he told the dog, and the two of them headed to the backyard. As soon as they were out of sight, I dashed toward the living room and came to a complete stop.
My jaw dropped open.
Colt was on top of Zip, pummeling him into the ground. From what I could tell, Zip wasn’t even fighting back. My gaze darted to the kitchen to see Joni gripping the counter, her face pale.
Her eyes met mine.
Understanding dawned on me.
“Should I stop them?” I asked.
She shook her head. “This is how they do things.”
“I don’t care that this is how they do things. Colt’s injured.”
“I know.” She sighed.
“How did he find out?”
“He caught us.”
I blinked. “Like in the throes of it?”
“God, no! Can you imagine? He caught us kissing.”
“Where?” I demanded. “I thought you were trying to be all discreet.”
“We were. But I—look at him. I can barely keep my hands off him.”
I looked back at the two grown men who were on the floor. I hadn’t planned to say anything, but then I noticed the splotch of red seepi
ng through Colt’s T-shirt from his side wound.
“Enough!” I barked.
Colt stopped pummeling Zip for one moment to look at me over his shoulder. His eyes were dark with irrational rage.
“This is between us,” Colt rasped.
I pitched my voice soft but firm. “You’re bleeding. It has to stop. Now.”
He glanced down at himself. “Tore my stitches.”
“Fantastic,” I muttered. “Do you think you can possibly wait to beat Zip up until after you heal?”
Colt climbed off Zip, whose head was lolling back. He appeared to be in danger of passing out and I grimaced, thinking about how hard Colt had been hitting him.
When Colt move away from Zip, Joni rushed to his side, squatting down next to him and cradling his head in her lap. One eye was already swollen and I knew it would be black and blue by tomorrow.
Colt watched his sister tend to Zip and with a labored sigh, he stalked back to our room. The door slammed shut.
I glanced between Joni and Zip.
“What does this mean?” I asked.
“I claimed her as my Old Lady,” Zip slurred through a swollen mouth. No doubt he had a few loose teeth. “Took my punishment from her brother. It’s over now. He won’t interfere from here on out.”
Joni stroked his hair and looked down at him. “You sure you want me for your Old Lady?”
He smiled up at her. “Yeah, babe. No other woman is worth getting my ass beat for.”
She gently kissed the end of his nose and let out a feminine sigh.
“My nose is not what needs kissing,” Zip stated.
I turned and left them alone in the living room, not needing to witness Joni tending to Zip. As I was making my way back to the bedroom, I saw Silas standing in the hallway with Captain by his side and Darcy closing the door of Gray’s clubhouse room.
“Silas told me the kids are awake?” she asked with a questioning look.
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Colt and Zip had an altercation.”
She raised her eyebrows.
“Joni.”
“Ah. So that finally happened?”
“You knew?” I asked with a surprised smile.
She grinned. “Not a lot gets past me.” Darcy set her hand on Silas’s shoulder. “Should we get you guys back to bed?”
Silas nodded and hastily brushed his too long hair off his forehead. “Will you come back and sleep downstairs with us, Mia?” Silas asked, his eyes wide with trust.
“Colt isn’t feeling well,” I said. “I need to make sure he’s okay. And then I promise I’ll tuck you in. Is that all right?”
“That’s all right,” he said.
Before I knew what was happening, Silas lurched forward to wrap his arms around my middle, giving me a hug.
I looked at Darcy who stared at me with a slight smile.
I embraced Silas tightly and then dropped a kiss to his forehead.
“I’ll be downstairs in just a minute,” Darcy said. “There’s ice cream in the freezer down there. You guys need a bowl before you go back to sleep.”
Silas’s face brightened and with the promise of ice cream, he ran down the stairs, Captain at his heels. When Darcy was sure he was gone, she said to me, “Being a mom comes pretty naturally to you.”
“How do you balance it?” I asked her. “Wife and mother? I feel guilty as hell for wanting to tend to Colt when Silas is clearly the more fragile one.”
“Practice. You’ll make mistakes along the way, but you get better at the juggling act.” She peered at me. “Just don’t forget to take time for yourself.” She embraced me quickly and then went downstairs.
I could hear the rowdiness of the kids who’d been awakened in the middle of the night—and now Darcy was going to give them sugar. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea, but these weren’t normal circumstances.
I thought about Shelly, my heart heavy. She would’ve loved all this. The crazy, the fighting, the laughing children, these people who loved hard and fast.
I didn’t know how I was going to get through any of it without her. We were supposed to be there for each other, through marriage and kids. Now, she’d never be able to offer me advice with a margarita, tell me I was doing a bang up job or tell me when I was failing and help me pick up the pieces like a true friend would.
The world was a darker place without Shelly in it—my world was darker without Shelly in it.
Mark and I had barely spoken at the funeral, a quick greeting, and an even quicker goodbye. But he’d given me something that had belonged to Shelly, her favorite piece of jewelry. It was a gold plated necklace with a heart shaped charm. It was worthless, and it had turned her skin green, but she’d won it at the county fair when we were in high school and kept it all these years. She’d worn it every day until the chain had broken, but she’d kept it anyway because she was sentimental.
“It’s good luck. It’s going to bring me my true love,” she had said with a twinkle in her eyes.
We’d giggled and fantasized about what our true loves would look like. We were teenage girls who were bound together by loss and grief, who found solace in friendship because we were soul sisters.
“Love you, girl,” I whispered.
Colt was sitting on the closed toilet, grimacing as he tried to bandage his side.
“Need some help there, tiger?” I asked leaning against the doorframe.
“Would you think less of me if I said yes?”
I pushed away from the doorjamb and came to his side. “Let me see what you did to yourself.”
He reluctantly pulled the bandage away from his wound. It was angry and red, and reminded me that he’d been in a hospital bed not that long ago.
“Oh, that looks like shit,” I told him. “Let me wash it and bandage it.”
“Did you know?” he asked.
His question stopped me in my tracks. “Yeah. I knew.”
“You knew and didn’t tell me. Why?”
“Because Joni is my friend and I kept her confidence.” I looked him in the eyes. “Are you mad at me for that?”
“For loyalty?” He shook his head. “No.”
“You really didn’t know anything was going on between them?”
He rubbed a thumb across his stubble. “I knew something was going on between them. I didn’t know it was serious, but I knew.”
“You pretended like you didn’t.” I bent down to his side with a warm, wet washcloth and gently cleaned his wound.
He gritted in pain but didn’t make a peep. “I thought they were just fucking around.”
“You sound disappointed to find out that it’s more than that between them.” I set the cloth aside and blew on his skin before slathering on antibacterial cream and concealing it with a sticky bandage and tape.
“I wasn’t happy with either scenario. Fucking around meant that one of them would lose interest and then they’d go about their business. But making her an Old Lady? That’s serious shit. And that fucker went behind my back and defiled my little sister.”
I was pretty sure Joni had defiled Zip first, but I wisely didn’t voice that thought.
“What was he supposed to do?” I asked instead. “Come to you and tell you he wanted to screw your sister? And Joni didn’t want to tell you until she knew there was something to tell.”
“I’ve got no beef with my sister. But Zip and I—”
“You beat him into a pulp. That’s not enough?”
“He went behind my back,” Colt said again.
“I get it. You feel betrayed. But this isn’t about you.”
“You’re right.” He slowly stood up. “This is about the Blue Angels and brotherhood.”
“Did he fight back?” I pressed. “Did Zip defend himself? Or did he know he did wrong and he was willing to let you knock a few teeth loose so you didn’t lose face?”
“I’m pissed as hell at him,” Colt growled.
“But you still trust him, right? He made an honest woman out of
your sister. Whatever was going on between them under your nose or behind your back, the end result is good. They’re together, they’re committed, and Zip doesn’t want any bad blood between you two.”
“I need a fucking pain killer,” he muttered.
“I’ll get you one.”
I helped him into bed and then grabbed him a pill and a glass of water.
“Why are you awake?” he asked, settling back against the pillows.
I took the cup of water and set it on the bedside table. “You woke me up.”
“You weren’t sleeping here. So how did you hear me?”
“I was in the basement with Silas. Your voice carries, you know.”
He grinned. It was lazy and sleepy. “After a fight I usually like a good fuck. All the adrenaline. But damn, I’m just wiped out.”
“Yeah, it’s called healing from a bullet wound.” I leaned over and brushed my lips against his. His hand came up to grasp the back of my head.
“What if you get on top?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I pulled back, but Colt’s grip on my wrist stopped me.
His eyes were dark, hazy with pain meds and lust. “You need a good fuck too, Mia.”
“Why?”
“To remember that you’re still alive.”
I swallowed. “I’m not—I’m not ready, Colt.”
“All right, darlin’.” His eyes were drifting closed. “Just sleep next to me. That’s enough for tonight.”
“What the fuck happened to you?” Boxer asked the next morning when Zip came into the kitchen.
“Colt,” Zip said. “For Joni.”
Brothers sat on the couch and recliners, some held up the walls, eating breakfast. Colt hadn’t yet made an appearance—it was slow moving for him. All eyes turned to Zip, waiting for him to explain.
“Joni’s my Old Lady now.”
“When the fuck did this happen?” Reap asked in surprise.
“Last night, I guess.” Zip shrugged. He ambled to the coffee maker to pour himself a cup.
The bedroom door opened and a moment later, Colt appeared.
Tension filled the room.
