by India Millar
“Aki and Ren have been very kind to me,” I said shyly. Both girls nodded their heads in agreement. They were staring at me from beneath their lowered eyes and I could not interpret their expressions.
“And who are you then?”
I stared up at the young man and smiled. “My name is Junko. Auntie bought me here from my village. Who are you?”
I thought I heard a whisper, soft as paper turning, from Ren. I glanced at her. Her eyes were fixed on the floor as if it held some strange fascination for her and her face had turned the color of tofu.
The young man laughed. It was a rich, deep sound, not at all like Aki and Ren’s mocking amusement. I tilted my head back to see him better, and my smile widened. I did like him, I decided.
“My name is Big, Junko.” He bowed deeply to me. “And if you are Junko, then it is you I am looking for. Auntie sent me to find you. To make sure you were being well cared for.”
His eyes ran over Aki and Ren. Both girls spoke at once, their voices the gabble of birds flocking at twilight.
“We are surely looking after our little sister. Surely, Big.”
“So you tell me. Now, both of you, out. Before Tamayu returns and finds you looking amongst her things.”
Aki and Ren were on their feet in seconds. Aki glanced at the exposed pillow book and then looked at Big. Her expression was one of stark terror.
“Will you tell her, Big?” she whispered. “We meant no harm. We were just looking. Junko knows nothing about anything, and we thought…we thought it might be best to explain things to her.”
“How old are you, Junko?” The curiously-named stranger ignored the other girls and spoke directly to me.
I thought about it for a moment. My youngest brother was about to celebrate his thirteenth birthday. I was just over a year younger than him and had been close to celebrating my own birthday when Auntie took me, so I would be not quite twelve.
“I’m nearly twelve,” I told Big seriously.
“It seems to me that Junko has plenty of time to learn all she needs to know.”
Neither Big’s voice nor his smooth, pleasant expression wavered for an instant. Why, then, did Aki and Ren’s eyes widen and their heads nod repeatedly, as if they had the palsy? I stared from them to Big with interest. He jerked his head over his shoulder and the girls jostled each other in their haste to get through the screen door.
I watched as he picked up the pillow book and returned it to the chest. It occurred to me to wonder that he knew exactly where it belonged, but in the midst of all the rest of the strangeness, it was nothing. His hands smoothed the layers carefully in place. I noticed his fingers were very long and the flesh of his hands a shade or two lighter than his face. I had never seen a man’s hands that were so well kept, so elegant in their movements. In fact, I had never seen a man so clean, so well-groomed. Even the gentleman who had thrown me the coin had skin that was roughened by the sun. I remembered his fingertips had been calloused. They had rubbed against my skin when he pinched my chin.
“Why do they call you Big?” I asked. “It’s a funny name for a man.”
His grin split his face like a slice of melon. He had excellent teeth, very white and even.
“Don’t you know? Didn’t Ren and Aki tell you?”
I shook my head. I had no idea what he was talking about. He laughed, and I smiled with him, delighted that I was amusing this elegant young man.
“They told me nothing,” I said simply. And then, encouraged by his laughter, and the fact that he reminded me a little of my brothers, I asked shyly, “Big, will you be my friend?”
The smile stayed in place, but I sensed that suddenly he was serious. I liked that. It was much better than being mocked by Aki and Ren.
“Yes, little Junko. I will be your friend. Does that please you?”
I had no need to think about it. “Yes,” I said. I held my hands out so he could help me to my feet. His touch was both strong and gentle as he pulled me up.
Three
When the moon is full,
Only then does the earth miss
Her lover’s embrace
My hand trembled so much I almost spilled the tea.
“Be careful.” Just two words, and Tamayu’s tone was indulgent, but I knew that later, when we were alone, she would shout at me. Tell me I was clumsy. That I would never be a geisha. That I had no talents at all. If she worked herself into a real rage, she would reach for the bamboo stick that was always left behind her door. If she did that, I would hold my hands out quickly, palms upward. I knew from past experience that it was better to offer my hands. If she had to tell me, then there would be more strokes added.
“Ah, the poor child is nervous.” Tamayu’s patron smiled at me. “She’s a remarkably pretty little girl, Tamayu-chan. Not had her mizuage yet, of course?”
Tamayu bared her teeth in what looked like a smile and shook her head.
“Oh no. Most certainly not. She isn’t thirteen yet. And she has much to learn before she can even think about becoming a real geisha.” She leaned forward, tapping her patron flirtatiously on the hand with her fan, obviously determined to divert his attention from me. “Truth to tell, she’s just a raw country girl. I sometimes wonder where Auntie finds them.” She sighed deeply and shook her head.
It would, I thought, be very bad for me when Tamayu and I were alone.
Tamayu was my elder sister. Auntie had given me to her so that I could learn all the arts of a geisha from her.
“Think yourself lucky, child.” Auntie poked me with her stick to remind me it was not sufficient just to listen to her. It had to be clear that I was paying her my full attention. “Tamayu is one of the most respected geisha in the whole of the flower and willow world. She will teach you to sing and dance. To play the samisen. To perform the tea ceremony sublimely. And above all, she will teach you how to entrance your patrons with your wit, to make any room you grace with your presence light up.”
I wanted to say that I could not do all that! I was nothing, a nobody from the provinces. Tamayu was beautiful and sophisticated and talented. She was everything I was not. She could even look at her pillow book without blushing! Instead, I simply lowered my head as if I agreed with Auntie. I had not been in the Green Tea House for long, but it was long enough to know my place in this new and strangest of worlds. Aki had explained this to me a few days after I first met Big.
“You are the newest maiko. That means you are less than the rest of us, and must do as you are told. By all of us.” That was fine by me. As long as I was given instructions, then I would follow them. It was not knowing what I should do that worried me. “And don’t be thinking you’re special just because Big has taken a fancy to you.”
“Why is he called Big?” I asked innocently. Aki tittered.
“You’ve met Bigger,” she said. I had, and he had terrified me to my very bones. He had drifted into the room where I was learning to play mahjong with Aki and Ren. As soon as his shadow fell over them, both girls put their tiles down and kowtowed to him, their heads striking the tatami matting. Not knowing any better, I simply stared at him. He glanced at me and then looked away.
“This is the new maiko, is it? Big told me she’d arrived.” He was a friend of Big’s, then? My spirits rose. Big liked me, so perhaps this handsome young man might also like me. I smiled at him shyly. He stared at me as if I weren’t there. “What’s she called?”
“Junko, Bigger-san,” Ren and Aki spoke together.
“Junko. An ugly name. Suits her.” Both girls giggled dutifully. “Tamayu is going to knock her into shape, is she? Looks as if she’s going to have her work cut out for her with this one.” He leaned down suddenly, his face so close to mine that I could see the pores on his nose. “Well, Junko. If you’re going to be with us for some time, there’s a couple of things you need to know. Do as Auntie tells you. Keep out of my way. And if I have to see you, don’t make me angry with you. Understand?”
He reached ou
t. His hand was so big it spanned my face and his fingers nipped my cheekbones painfully. He pinched harder. I held my breath and met his eyes.
“Pity she isn’t quite ugly enough for Auntie to put her in the other place.”
He let go of my face abruptly and stood. I wanted to rub the pain away from my face, but I was determined he not see that he had hurt me. He walked out without a backward glance, and only when I could no longer hear his footsteps on the polished wood of the hall did I put my hands to my face.
“You’ll probably bruise,” Ren said conversationally. “Did he really hurt you?”
“Not really,” I lied. “But why did he want to hurt me? He’s never even seen me before.”
“Because Big likes you,” Aki said simply.
I thought about this for a moment. I was pleased that Big liked me, but I couldn’t see what that had to do with Bigger not liking me, and I said so.
“Because Bigger’s jealous of you, of course.” Aki rolled her eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You don’t know anything at all, do you?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Not really,” I said humbly. “I don’t even know what Big and Bigger are doing here. They’re not geisha and they’re not patrons.”
Aki and Ren exchanged glances. I thought they were going to laugh at me again, but they did not.
“They look after us,” Aki said seriously. “If the patrons take a little too much sake and get a bit silly, the boys sort them out. If one of the geisha gets a bit above herself, then Auntie tells the boys to sort her out as well. And…” Aki glanced around as if making sure we were still alone, then lowered her voice. “They look after things in the other place as well. You do whatever the boys tell you, that’s the important thing.”
I nodded. But she still hadn’t answered my original question.
“They work for Auntie, then. I see. But I still don’t understand why Bigger doesn’t like me. If he thinks I’m ugly and useless, why is he jealous of me?”
“Because Big likes you,” Aki said again. She looked at my face and sighed. “Bigger hates anybody Big likes. That’s the way of it. They’re friends. Very good friends, if you get my meaning.”
I thought about. Of course, that made perfect sense. My oldest brother had always been very close to our neighbor’s son, and they both made it very clear that I was not at all welcome when I tried to join them. And also, I now knew where the boys got their names from. It was obvious. Both men were tall, but Bigger was perhaps a couple of inches higher than Big. I was glad I had not asked. Ren and Aki already thought I was stupid. Asking such an obvious question would have made things even worse.
I decided it was best to keep out of Bigger’s way. But Tamayu was my elder sister, and I could not avoid her.
She was perfect. And she hated me.
“She’s very beautiful, isn’t she?” I said to Aki.
“Very,” Aki agreed. “And talented. She’s teaching me to play the samisen, and sing and dance. She says I have natural talent and a perfect sense of harmony.”
I did my best to look impressed, even though I was deeply puzzled.
It seemed to me that Aki had very little talent. I was made to sit and listen as Tamayu instructed her in the musical arts. I could see—and hear—that Tamayu was exceptionally talented. Her singing voice was beautiful, and to watch her dance was to feel tears of joy come to one’s eyes. But Aki seemed clumsy at the side of her. And while she was perfectly competent as she plucked the strings of the samisen, there was no life in her music. And even I could hear that Aki could not sing. Her voice was flat and cracked. I knew if I mentioned it to Ren, it would get straight back to Aki. So I turned to my only friend in the tea house. I asked Big.
“Aki’s her favorite,” he said simply. “It’s because Aki’s never going to be any competition to her. Aki’s all right, but she’s never going to shine. That’s why Tamayu hates you.”
I frowned, even more puzzled, and he grinned.
“Sing for me, Junko.”
I thought about it for a while and then smiled. I liked Big. If singing for him would make him happy, then I would sing. I had an excellent memory, and I could recall the words of a song that was a favorite of Tamayu’s. I hesitated over the first verse, but then got into my stride and the words flowed out without me having to even think about it. When I came to the end of the song, Big said nothing, but simply sat and looked at me silently.
“Take a little advice from me, Junko,” he said softly. “If you can help it, never sing in front of Tamayu. And when you learn to play the samisen—and she will teach you, for Auntie will insist on it—make sure you do not play extremely well when she is there. And when you learn to dance, pretend that you are wearing heavy shoes and it is difficult for you to lift your feet. In front of Tamayu, at least. When you perform the tea ceremony, be clumsy for her.”
He wasn’t smiling when he spoke, and I wondered if my singing had displeased him.
“If it pleases you, Big, then I will do it. But I think Tamayu will be angry with me.”
And I was right. No matter how hard I tried, I could not please the beautiful geisha. I had no need at all to remember what Big had said. I was so terrified of Tamayu that as soon as I was near her, I was clumsy.
I watched Aki brushing out her elder sister’s hair. Tamayu’s hair fell almost to her waist, thick and straight and glossy. Aki caught the brush in a snag, and Tamayu—almost casually—raised her hand and struck Aki hard across the face with her knuckles. I winced, thinking if she could do this to her favorite, what could I hope for?
Aki’s lips trembled.
“You’re nearly as clumsy as she is.” Tamayu jerked her head in my direction. “Get out, both of you. I’m expecting my danna. I don’t want him to find the place full of idiots.”
We almost ran down the corridor to our own room.
Aki shouted for the maid and we sat down on the tatami, waiting for our tea to arrive. I would have liked to put my arms around Aki to offer her comfort, but I could sense her anger and knew she would hate me touching her.
“She’ll see,” Aki blurted suddenly. “She thinks she’s the only one that matters in this place. But she’s wrong. I’ll show her. Her and Auntie both.”
She sipped at her tea, and I sat silently, my eyes on the matting. I had no idea what she was talking about, but I soon found out.
Perhaps a month or so later, all hell was let loose in the Green Tea House.
All we maiko slept together. As the newest girl, it was my task to rise first and call for the maid to bring us tea. I often thought of the days—already seeming a lifetime away—when my first task of the day had been to light the fire and prepare food and tea for my parents and my brothers. I only ate after they had had enough. If there was no food left, then I went hungry. When I remembered my empty belly, I gave thanks that Auntie had chosen me.
That morning, I was still half in sleep as I shrugged myself into my robe. I was nearly at the door before I realized that Aki was missing. I looked and looked, as if she might suddenly appear out of nowhere. Perhaps she had felt the need to go to the toilet urgently and had slipped out without disturbing either Ren or me. But if that was the case, why were her kimono and obi not hanging on their usual hooks on the wall? I bit my thumbnail anxiously, knowing instinctively that trouble was heading my way.
“Ren.” Ren was a heavy sleeper, and I had to shake her hard to wake her up. “Ren, Aki’s not here.”
She peered at me blearily and yawned. “What are you talking about, Junko? Where’s she gone?”
“I don’t know,” I almost wailed. “I don’t know where she is. But she’s not here. Look!”
Ren raised herself on her elbow and glanced about the room. The sleep fled from her eyes and she sat up.
“Go and wake Auntie up, quickly. Tell her Aki must have run away.”
I did as I was told. As I pattered down the corridor in bare feet, my sleeping robe clutched around me, I said the wor
ds to myself over and over again. Aki’s gone. Aki’s gone. I’m sorry Auntie, but Aki’s gone. It wasn’t my fault. Honestly, it wasn’t.
Auntie had no need to be woken up. She was already sipping tea when I tapped softly on her screen door. It was the first time I had seen her without makeup and her wig and I barely recognized her. She looked so much younger with a naked face and her hair plaited into thick ropes. Was she even as old as my own mother? I doubted it. She was, I realized, a pretty woman. She heard my words in silence, a silence that terrified me more than a shout could ever have done. I stood, twisting my fingers in my robe, waiting for her to tell me what to do.
“What time did she go?”
“I don’t know, Auntie.” My tongue was trying to stick to the roof of my mouth and I could barely get the words out. “We all went to bed at the same time last night and it was only just now, when I woke up to ask for tea, that I found she was gone.”
Auntie stared through me. I trembled as I waited for her anger.
“She could have been gone for hours.” I realized she was talking to herself, so I stayed silent. “Well, she will be found. And when she is found, it will be the last she will ever see of the Green Tea House. Go get my maid for me.”
I scuttled off as fast as my trembling knees could carry me. There had been such a quiet menace in Auntie’s voice, I felt sorry for Aki.
Tamayu was rousted from her sleep by Auntie’s shout. We heard Auntie demanding to know if she had any idea where Aki had gone.
“How would I know?” she said sulkily. “The wretched child didn’t confide in me at all. How could she do this to me? I always treated her well.”
Auntie’s voice cut across her whine like a sword slash. “You were too soft with her. I told you that.” We didn’t hear Tamayu’s reply, but my heart sank as I guessed that in the future, Tamayu would be even harder on me. “Never mind for the moment. You can’t coax spilled water back into the tray. What’s done is done. I’ll send one of the maids to rouse Big and Bigger. They must find Aki and bring her back. It might not be too late, even now. The Floating World never sleeps. Somebody will have seen her.”
