by India Millar
“Tomorrow,” he said. His hand was gentle on my shoulder, urging me forward. “Wait until you’re sure that the boys have gone. And until then, take very great care.”
I could feel the warmth of his hand lingering as I slipped across the garden. I couldn’t resist taking a single look back. The door was closed, but I thought I saw movement behind one of the screens. For a moment, I was worried I had been seen. I shrugged the thought aside. This was the Hidden House, and my friends there would be discreet, I knew.
In spite of Seemon’s confidence, I was nervous as I passed through the gate of the Floating World. He had been right about Aimi. I explained to her frankly where I was going, and it was clear that she was delighted for me. For the first time, I wondered what it must be like being a lowly maid somewhere like the Green Tea House, working all hours, constantly at everybody’s beck and call. But better, surely, than herding ducks and slaving for my large family! At least the maids were well fed and had somewhere warm and comfortable to live. But then I looked at Aimi’s beaming face and realized that even living in poverty in my village I had something that she had lost long ago.
Hope.
The tea house would be her life until she was so old she could no longer perform her work. And what then?
I hoped that Seemon’s present would be very generous indeed.
Aimi and I slipped down the goldsmiths’ street with many a cautious backward glance in my case. If Big or Bigger really had been following me, they would have known at once that I was up to something. Aimi’s sturdy common sense comforted me.
“Don’t worry, mistress. I saw them both go off to the kabuki earlier. They were in fine spirits. I doubt they’ll be back before evening. And don’t forget, we’re outside the Floating World now, and the kabuki is well inside it.”
I stopped as we came to Seemon’s house, suddenly awkward as I wondered how I should ask Aimi to leave me without sounding rude. Aimi solved the dilemma for me.
“There is a tea house just in the next street. I have a cousin who works there. If you would permit it, mistress, I would like to go to see her and drink tea with her.”
I slipped a coin into her hand and she was gone in a second.
Seemon was waiting for me. His door slid back at my timid knock.
I stepped inside and he embraced me. I slid my geta off in the hall and moved into a large room. My eyes opened wide as I stared around.
Was I still in Edo? Still in Japan for that matter? Or had some stray spirit delighted in taking over my senses as I stood wrapped in his arms and transported me to somewhere very strange? Seemon smiled at my confusion.
“Does it seem odd to you?” I nodded. “I imagine if a Japanese person went to my country, then they would try and recreate Japan in their house. I suppose that’s what I’ve done here. Would you like to sit on a chair, or would you prefer the floor?”
I had no idea. Neither option seemed at all right. The floor was not covered in tatami, but instead had a large, thick covering thrown on top of wood blocks. It looked so precious that I hesitated to even stand on it, let alone sit! Seemon was indicating a piece of furniture with four legs, like a small table, but this was a table with a high, straight back to it. It looked horribly uncomfortable to me. Bewildered, I simply stood, staring around this strangest of rooms.
Every spare inch of space was crowded. There were more of the strange table-like things. Several real tables, but even they were covered in thick cloths that hung almost to the floor. There was a chest of sorts against one of the walls, a large, rectangular wooden construction with two doors. And—strangest of all!—something that looked to my bewildered eyes like an impossibly thick futon, raised up off the floor and bounded at the head and foot by metal struts. An open chest in the corner, crammed with books. And every surface was covered in things. Open books, unrolled scrolls, and other things I couldn’t even name.
But there was no shrine. No scrolls on the walls, anywhere. Not even so much as a vase with a carefully arranged ikebana flower display, the simplicity of the end result giving no indication of the time it had taken an attentive geisha to get it just so.
Perhaps it was the strangeness of the place that Seemon called home, but suddenly I was shy and awkward in his presence.
“I would prefer the floor. If it’s all right to sit on the tapestry?”
“Of course. It’s called a carpet, and it’s made to sit and walk on.”
I folded to my knees carefully, taking care not to ruffle the surface.
Seemon sank down beside me and we both sat in strained silence for a moment.
“Terue-chan.” He paused and I stared at the carpet shyly, tracing the outline of a rose so carefully done that I could hardly believe it wasn’t real. “I’m sorry. About yesterday.”
I raised my head and stared at him in disbelief. He was apologizing for taking me? But why? Hadn’t we both given and taken great pleasure in each other? If he had regretted it, why had he asked me back here today? My dismay must have shown on my face.
“I’m not sorry about making love to you. Never that. But I had no idea that you were still whole. I thought that Lord Dai was your danna. I had no right to be the first, none at all.”
I spoke urgently. “You don’t understand. His tree can’t rise. He told me he’s been like that for years. He went to a witch to seek advice, and she told him there was only one woman who could make his tree live again. He thinks I’m the one, even though it’s obvious I’m not.” A vision of my danna’s wrinkled face and dry, bony hands rose in front of me and I blurted. “I hate him. Every second he’s with me, I feel sick.”
Seemon was quiet for so long, I began to feel deeply uncomfortable.
“I’m truly honored that you chose me as your lover, Terue-chan,” he said finally. “And I will never regret that. But Lord Dai is a very powerful man. He has friends who are more powerful still. I may have put us both in very great danger by being unable to resist you. For that, I am sorry, and for that alone.”
“What danger? What are you talking about? Are you frightened of Lord Dai? He could never tell anybody he failed me, you know. He would be too ashamed.”
“I can’t begin to explain things to you. You wouldn’t understand.”
I shrugged and stared around the room, looking anywhere but at his face. A Japanese man would have understood instantly that I was insulted by his words and was punishing him by my inattention. But Seemon, of course, was a gaijin. And in spite of his grasp of our language and much of our culture, this passed him by. I understood when he spoke that he was obviously pleased to change the subject.
“I suppose everything here is strange to you. Are you uncomfortable in my home?”
“It’s so very different from a Japanese house,” I admitted. “There’s so much furniture. So many things. And what is that ugly decoration?” I rose to my feet and edged my way to the wall. I fingered a strange sculpture hanging there that seemed to represent a tortured man. “It’s horrible. Why would you want such a nasty thing in your home? Is it somebody you know? Are you honoring their spirit by having it on view?”
I traced the outline of the body hanging from a wooden crosspiece with my fingertip and shuddered. The sculpture was very skilled, every detail of the agony the man was suffering had been carved in meticulous detail. I glanced at his face and closed my eyes in sympathy at his pain.
“I suppose I’m honoring His spirit.” Seemon was close behind me. “That is a representation of the son of my God. His own people turned on him and nailed him to a cross to die. But my religion says that he came back from the dead and now lives on in spirit to save all our souls.”
This seemed to me to be the greatest nonsense, and I said so.
“How can a god have a son of flesh? And if he was put to death, how could he come back to life? And everything that lives has a soul. Does he also want to save the souls of dogs and cats and rats? And why? What’s he going to do with them?”
I paused, suddenly
realizing that I had just insulted his religion beyond any redemption. I was relieved when I saw he was smiling.
“Everybody thinks the other person’s religion is nonsense,” he said cheerfully. “When I was younger, I took my own religion so very seriously that I considered becoming a priest.”
I giggled. Seemon? A priest?
“Truly. My mother is a very religious woman. Our priest came to the house often, and she was always honored by his presence.”
“And your father? Did he love the priest as well?”
“What a clever girl you are, Terue-chan. No, my father was not in the least interested in religion. But it kept my mother happy, so he didn’t complain. Or at least, not until it seemed that the priests were going to claim me for their own.”
“Why did you want to be a priest? I understand that it would have pleased your mother, but if your father was unhappy about it, surely you must have respected his wishes?”
Seemon smiled. He took my hand and led me back to the strange floor covering. I was very pleased to be out of sight of the tortured man—the tortured god. The ornament made me deeply uncomfortable and I wondered again how Seemon could ever have thought of entering the service of such a strange religion.
“I think it was the theatricality of it all, more than anything. The cross you were looking at is just a symbol,” he explained. “Something to remind us of how He gave his life for us poor mortals. My mother’s religion is called Catholicism.”
I mouthed the difficult syllables silently, and Seemon smiled at me.
“The priests in her religion wear gorgeous robes. They sing during ceremonies. Prepare speeches and deliver them to temples that are full of people. They are honored whenever they go amongst those who believe in their God.”
Ah, now all that I could follow perfectly. It sounded very much like a kabuki play to me.
“You wanted to be an actor!” I said, delighted that I understood at last.
Seemon laughed until he had to wipe the tears away from his face. “Oh, dear child. I’m not in the least surprised that Lord Dai risked everything for you. You are truly wonderful.”
“He paid a large amount for the pleasure of taking me. But the gods—my gods—didn’t favor him. He paid for almost nothing. But the money doesn’t matter greatly to him. He’s a very rich man.”
“It’s not just the money he risked.” Seemon’s laughter died. “You must understand why I was so worried when I found out about Lord Dai. I assumed that he was your lover. That your mizuage had been a great success. Now that you were no longer a maiko, I thought you were free to take a lover. I was overjoyed that it should be me that you chose. You filled my every waking thought from the moment I first saw you. I was obsessed with you.”
Ah, now that was what I had wanted to hear!
“Then nothing else matters,” I said happily. But Seemon shook his head.
“Terue, Lord Dai is a very important man. He moves in circles where he has friends who are even more important and powerful than he is.”
“What of it? The fault lies with him. And he can hardly tell his important friends about his failure, can he?”
“No, of course he can’t.” Seemon let go of my hand and cupped my face in his fingers, forcing me to look straight at him. “But there’s something you don’t know about. I tell you, Lord Dai will never let you go. There’s too much at stake for him. It’s not just his pride. It’s far more even than just the witch’s prophecy.”
“No. You’re wrong. He can’t force me to like him. Eventually, he’ll realize how much he disgusts me and that I’m never going to change my mind. He’s not a fool. He’ll come to understand that I can’t be the one he’s looking for.”
Seemon hesitated and then spoke slowly and carefully. As if he was talking to a child. “Terue, listen to me. Please. You know Lord Dai and four other nobles drew lots to see who would win you for your mizuage?”
“Yes. Auntie told me that. But what difference does that make?”
“Lord Dai cheated. He paid Hana a huge amount of money to make sure he got the slip of parchment with your name on it. If anybody ever found out he had done that, he would be disgraced. He would have to leave Edo. Nobody in society would so much as speak to him again. His life would be over. So he is bound to you not just by his belief in the witch’s prophesy, but also as a matter of his own honor. He risked everything for you. And now that he has you, he isn’t going to let you go.”
Tears blurred my vision. I had no idea I was crying until the salt stung my eyes. I wiped them away angrily. He was right, of course. For such a great noble to have cheated in a matter of honor—and cheated his closest friends, at that—was unthinkable. But he had done it. And now it was I who had to live with the consequences of his actions.
“You can’t save me from him?” I pleaded. “You know many important people. They respect you. If you told them the truth, perhaps he would be so ashamed he would walk away from me.”
“I can’t,” he said simply. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. Not even for you. Not even for us.”
I spoke softly, determined to hide my hurt. “Then I’m sorry, Seemon-san, to have caused you distress. I will leave now. I did not understand that you were so much in fear of Lord Dai and his friends.”
I began to stand, but Seemon was quicker than I was. His hands were on my shoulders and he pushed me down gently but very firmly.
“Terue, please.” I looked up at him and saw pain in his eyes. “I was wrong to say I couldn’t explain to you. You deserve that much at least. Please, stay. Give me a chance to tell you as much as I can.”
He crossed the room and returned quickly with a large, brightly colored sphere in his hands. I looked at it stonily.
“Do you know what this is?”
I shook my head stubbornly. A pretty thing, to be sure, but what did it have to do with us?
“It’s a globe of the world. The patterns represent each country and show where they are relative to each other.”
I shrugged, wondering why he was showing it to me. I touched the sphere and it spun beneath my finger. Reluctantly, I found myself becoming intrigued. Everybody knew that there were countries outside Japan, of course. I knew that China was close to us, and that our huge neighbor was both feared and hated. The kingdom of Chosun was somewhere nearby. One occasionally saw Chosun people in Edo, but they were very much disliked. The Dutch came from far away, but I had no idea where. But there were so many colors on Seemon’s globe, so many shapes. Could it possibly be true that there was so much outside Japan?
“Where is your home?” I asked curiously.
“Here.” He moved the sphere and then stopped it with a touch, placing his finger on a large shape. “That’s where I come from. It’s called America.”
I repeated the word silently to myself. America. I had never heard of it.
“And Dutch?” I asked. “Where’s that?”
Seemon smiled. “That’s the name of the people. The country is called Holland.” He traced an area within a much larger pattern. It seemed to me to be very far away from America.
“Where’s Japan?”
“Where do you think it is?”
I stared at the globe, fascinated in spite of my deep hurt. Japan was the center of the world, of course. Nowhere else was as splendid. Nowhere else had our wealth or culture. So Japan must surely be in the very middle of the world. I poked my finger at a huge outline that dominated the center of the globe.
“There.”
“No. That’s Africa. Japan is half a world away from there.” He took my finger away and spun the globe again. When it stopped, he pointed at a long sliver of islands. “There. That’s Japan. Next to China.”
I shook my head. This could not be! We were tiny. Compared to the bulk of China, we were nothing at all. Even Seemon’s homeland was far, far bigger than we were, and I had never even heard of it. Was he mocking me?
“I promise you, that is Japan.”
“If
we’re that tiny and that unimportant, why have you bothered to come here?” I said angrily. And then, as the thought struck me, “And what’s all this got to do with Lord Dai?”
“Listen.” I was about to speak again, but Seemon put his finger on my lips, silencing me. “It will be difficult for you to understand, but I’ll do my best. Will you give me a few moments? If you’re still angry with me at the end of it, then I’ll take you back to the tea house and I promise I’ll never trouble you again.”
He looked so serious, I decided I would listen. I nodded.
“I told you I was considering becoming a priest.”
“What’s that got to do with it?” I was impatient. This was nothing new.
“It matters, I promise. You need to know everything to understand why I’m here and why Lord Dai is so dangerous. If my father hadn’t been so horrified at the thought of losing his only son to the church, then I would probably have spent the rest of my life in America, following in his footsteps. We have a large plantation—that’s a sort of farm—in southern America. It has made us very wealthy for generations. My father wanted me to get married and have a family. Settle down and take over the land when he died.”
I nodded. Of course he did, as was only natural.
“But he realized that I wanted more than that. Oh, my thoughts of being a priest would probably have died anyway when I realized what was truly involved. But my father was so worried he arranged to get me well away from the plantation. To see life, as he put it. My uncle is an important man in my country’s government. My father arranged for me to go stay with him. I loved Washington—that’s the town in America that’s the same as Edo is here—but I loved it even more when my uncle was asked by the government to move to England. I insisted I should go with him. Nothing on earth would have stopped me.”
“Where’s England?” I interrupted. Seemon pointed to it on the globe and I laughed. It was even smaller than Japan!
“It may be small, but it’s a very important country in the world. And it has a new queen. A woman who is greatly respected everywhere.”
