by Scott, S. L.
“Hey, you can’t take that,” the bartender threatens.
“Like fuck, I can’t!”
“It’s fine,” my dad says to the bartender before turning to me. “Son, I think you should retire early tonight.”
“What? And miss the party, Daddio?”
“It’s not a suggestion.”
“Whatever.”
“We can talk tomorrow if you’re up for it.”
We stare at each other for a good minute. He’s not backing down and I’m over this scene. I need to leave before I fucking hurt someone. Stalking across the crowded deck, I go into my house and lower the blinds while drinking straight from the bottle. I strip off my shirt and pants and take a piss, still chugging the warm whiskey. After climbing into bed, I prop myself up against the headboard and drink more, trying to drown the memories of tonight.
Images of Mallory begging me to fuck us out of her system stay with me, breaking my heart, and hurting my head. I’ve been where she was tonight. All my thoughts messed up and alcohol intensifying my emotions. Ginger and Tiffany come to mind as a perfect example of being messed up. But I had intentions that day that I would’ve never followed through with. I know that now.
What Mallory doesn’t realize is that what we share will always override any casual fuck. We can’t be washed away that easily. I close my eyes and mumble, “We’re in way too deep for that.”
34
Evan
“I missed you.”
“Hmmm.” I moan without opening my eyes, the dreams of Mallory slipping away.
“Wakey, wakey, Evvvan.”
My eyes flash open and I see Kelly hovering over me. Startled awake, I jump back as if she’s about to attack me, which I guess she is technically. “What the fuck are you doing in here?”
She sticks her bottom lip out at me as if that look will work for her. She tries to stroke my hair, but I duck and free my legs from underneath her, and stand up.
“Evan, what’s wrong with you? If you want, I’ll let you tie me up. I know how you like to play rough,” she whines, desperation edging her tone.
I continue to back up, but stop to stand my ground against this intruder. Crossing my arms, I say, “Actually, you don’t know how I like it. You’re the one who likes to play rough, not me! Now, get the fuck out of my house.”
“Is this about that girl, your ‘girlfriend’?” she asks in a mocking tone.
I want to smack that condescending grin off her face for talking about Mallory like that, but I would never hit a girl. Fortunately for her, my manners are still intact and I still feel lethargic from the alcohol.
She stands up and looks at me for a moment, giving me a long, hard stare before rejection settles in. “You’ll regret this, Evan. If I walk out this door, I’m not coming back,” she states, putting her hands on her hips.
I smile. “That’s a blessing, not a threat. Sayonara, sweetheart,” I add, sarcastically.
She turns to leave, but suddenly I remember Mallory talking about an exchange of texts between Kelly and me.
I grab her wrist, surprising her. Her surprise morphs into an unattractive smugness, and she says, “I knew you couldn’t resist me, Evvie.”
My glare should say enough, but I back it with my words in case she doesn’t get it. “I can totally resist you. Give me your phone.”
“What for?” It seems to dawn on her as she speaks. “No!”
“Give it to me. Now!” I’m not playing games with her.
She twists in my arms just as I release her, and backs toward the door, smiling. “You know I was only kidding around with that girl, right?”
“That girl has a name and it’s Mallory. You’d be wise to remember that. Show me the text.”
“I don’t kno—”
I pull it from her pocket before she has a chance to finish the sentence. She has a phone similar to mine, so it’s easy to navigate. “It was just a joke, geez, lighten up, Evan. I actually did fly out to see you. Doesn’t that matter? We were good together. I told my family and my friends all about you.”
Ignoring her rambling, I scroll through her messages then I ask, “Did my mother put you up to this?”
“Put me up to what?”
She’s playing dumb, and I know she’s not stupid. My hard gaze meets her eyes and nothing more is needed for her to know I’m not fucking around and playing games.
“No,” she says, “I met your mother when I showed up at your house. But I have to say, she doesn’t like your girlfriend very much.”
“Thanks for the obvious. You two met and bonded on a mutual plan to make me miserable or what?”
“I came here because I care about you, not to hurt you.”
I arch an eyebrow to intimidate her. It works.
“Fine! Your mother is pretty fucked up by the way. When I showed up this afternoon and you weren’t here, I knocked on the main house and the maid was talking to me when your mom invited me in. I told her about us and my surprise visit. She was delighted to see me and welcomed me in, Evan. She didn’t tell me to do anything, but she might have encouraged me to go after what I want and I want you.” She takes a deep breath then looks me in the eyes. “She thinks Mallory is one-night stand material. She’s not like us. She doesn’t have a place in our world. Can’t you see that?”
“You don’t deserve to even know Mallory, but she’s not a one-night stand, just so you know. Everything is so fucked up now.” I load one more page of messages and that’s when I see it. “The last text from me is from May 25th.”
“Yes, I know,” she says, nodding.
I’m shaking my head in confusion. “Mallory and I weren’t together then. I remember this text. It meant nothing. It was just something to say.”
Kelly crosses her arms. “Oh, thanks a lot.”
“But, why would she think this was recent?” I look back at Kelly again, hoping for the answers to magically appear.
“I kind of hid the date when I showed her the message,” she says, cringing.
I squeeze the phone, wanting to crush it, but I need the proof. I grab my phone from the bar and take a picture of the text message making sure the date is visible. I toss her phone back to her and point to the door.
“We’re done. Get out.”
“That’s it. Just give you what you want and that’s it? You’re such a user, Evan. I was a fool for thinking you…” I stare in annoyance while she continues her little rant. “…Agh! You’re a bastard, Evan Ashford!” She storms out, slamming the door behind her as she exits.
I lock it, still a bit wobbly on my feet from the booze. Spying a tipped over bottle of Jack next to the bed, I pick it up and place it on the bar then make my way to the bathroom. I wash my hands, wanting to rid myself of any contact I had with Kelly then drop back into bed.
Laying in the dark, wide awake in the middle of the night, the silence that fills my room reflects the emptiness I feel inside. I look at my phone, staring at the photo of the text. “Fuck!” I slam the phone down on my bed and jump out of bed. I throw on a t-shirt and shorts and storm past the cleaning crew still taking the party decorations down. Running into the main house, I head straight up the stairs to my parents’ room knowing they won’t be asleep yet. I wouldn’t have cared if they were.
Two knocks is enough warning, and I barge in.
My mother is taking her jewelry off on her side of the bed, but is shocked by my sudden appearance. “Evan! What are you doing in here?” Sensing my anger, she points at the door and yells, “How dare you barge in here like this. Leave right now!”
“No! I won’t until you hear me out. Whether you like it or not, you’re not going to control me anymore—”
“Evan, you need to leave this room right now or suffer the consequences,” my dad warns as he comes out of the bathroom.
“I’m not a child anymore. This is my life!” I turn back to my mother with a scowl and demand, “You’re going to apologize to Mallory for treating her like you did tonight.”
/>
“No, I’m not,” she says flatly.
“Why? Why do you hate her so much? Why do you hate me so much that you would get rid of the one person who makes me happy? The one person who has made me feel anything other than numb in four years?”
She walks closer and looks at me, really looks at me, straight in the eyes. I know I’ve hurt her in the past with all my screw-ups, but damn, my heart is breaking because of my meddling mother now. I guess that makes us even.
“Honey,” she says as her hands hold my face. “I love you. I could never hate you.”
I shrug out of her reach, knocking her hands off of me. “You don’t treat people you love like this—”
My dad pushes me back away from her causing me to stumble backward before I finish my sentence. “Don’t you ever touch a woman like that! Do you understand me? You were raised better than that,” he states firmly, his voice calm and controlled, but threatening. “Is this what we’ve come to? This is our family? We’re all we’ve got and need to start respecting each other again.” I stand there in shock, my gaze following him as he walks to the door. “This has been a long night. You’re drunk, Evan. We’ll finish this discussion tomorrow when everyone has had some time to think about their role in the events of tonight.” He offers me the door though I can’t say I feel I have a choice.
I leave willingly, but I’m still pissed that I’m not getting the answers I need from my mother. I hoarsely say, “Fuck you, Mom!” The door slams and locks behind me. I smile in a small time victory, knowing me calling her mom instead of mother will upset her more than the ‘fuck you’ I yelled.
Maybe it was a bad idea coming up here tonight. I need my dad on my side, but really, what’s one more fucking mistake at this point.
* * *
It takes me four more hours of laying in my bed, blinds closed, curtains drawn, and fireworks exploding in the distance, for me to finally sober up, and cool down enough to grab my keys and decide it’s time to go find Mallory.
I should’ve been there at the beginning of the party and this shit would have never happened. Kelly and my mother wouldn’t have been able to get to her like they did. I could’ve taken my dad and Murphy if I really wanted to. Okay, maybe not Murphy, but my dad if I tried, but I’ve put him through enough. On bad advice, I let her go, but I’m thankful she ended up going with Sunny and Zach.
Tonight was a clusterfuck of crazy. When Kalei brought Lani up, it threw my mind into a whirlwind. I had frantic thoughts of Mallory leaving me once she found out the truth.
I drop my keys as my head swims in regret, knowing I didn’t fight hard enough when that asshole was dragging her away from me. I may owe Kalei a life, but he can’t have Mallory in exchange. She’s mine.
A tailspin of thoughts send me into panic mode as I remember Lani’s lifeless body, the call to 9-1-1, and the last time I saw her face before they took her away. Like so many times before, I run to the bathroom and throw up praying the memories of that day are ejected from my body along with the bile.
I stand, leaning on the counter for support, and look at myself in the mirror. I close my eyes hoping to forget again, hoping to forget Lani.
When I open my eyes, I’m pale. That’s to be expected since I was sick, but I’m also different. There’s no physical evidence of it, but I know by the way my heart aches that I’m in love. Unlike Lani, Mallory is here, Mallory is alive. She’s flesh and blood, soft skin and warm kisses. I close my eyes and tilt my head back toward the ceiling, reasoning that if there is a Heaven, than that’s where Lani is now. I look to her behind closed lids and silently apologize. ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me most.’
A tear escapes as I continue this most foreign of acts—saying a prayer. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t love you the way you deserved, how you wanted, how you needed. There was nobody else, like you thought, but my heart was too young. Your death shouldn’t have been the thing that made me recognize your love for what it was—kind and trusting. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you the same. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.’
With this most simple of acts, a prayer and apology, I feel a change. I start to heal, just a tad.
I rinse out my mouth and brush my teeth. I wash my face and dry it and look in the mirror once again hoping to find someone else, a better version of myself. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you, Lani. But I can be there for Mallory and I’m not going to lose her this time.’ Feeling more focused than I’ve felt in a long time, I’ve been hoping for this new beginning for years and I won’t waste another minute.
I’m solid and motivated. I pick my keys up and run up the path to my car. The party is over and the guests have long gone. So I back out of the driveway and speed down the road. It’s past 2 a.m. and the streets are empty, hopefully the cops are sleeping on the job.
I drive fast in the still of the night to my best friends’ house, causing a dust storm on the dirt driveway when I brake suddenly, throwing my car into park. I jump out and rush to the door. I have ten feet to go when I spot Zach and Murphy sitting on the dark front porch. Zach cocks his rifle and stands, aiming it right at me. “Hold it right there, son,” he says with a put-on southern drawl.
I halt in my tracks, hands up automatically like I’m the bad guy and I’ve been busted. “What the fuck? Is that a rifle, Zach?”
He keeps it steadily pointed at me. “It’s actually a 70th anniversary Daisy Red Ryder BB gun with original lariat and lead BB’s,” he says, stroking the toy gun proudly.
“Whatever, dude,” I shift, dropping my arms to my sides. “Where’s Mallory? Is she asleep?”
Murphy steps forward as I start walking toward them again. He crosses his arms across his chest like a huge bouncer, and says, “I’m sorry, dude, but you won’t be able to see her tonight. You both need to sober up and have this discussion with clear heads.”
“I’m not fucking around. You know I need to talk to her, to explain Lani.”
Murphy holds his position. “Katie’s orders. I can take you any day, but I’m scared shitless when my girl is mad at me. So it’s a no-go for tonight.”
I stop and look between them several times. I’m pissed. I’m frustrated. “I’m serious. This isn’t funny anymore, guys. I really need to see her. I need to talk to her, to tell her everything. She’s probably in there thinking I’m a murderer.”
I walk forward again, and Zach says, “I’m warning you, Evan. Don’t come any closer or I’ll have to shoot.”
I walk closer not heeding his warning, and mock him, “You’re gonna shoot me with your toy…Fuck! That hurt! You shot me in the damn hip, you, asshole.” I grab my hip, putting pressure on it to try and stop the stinging.
“I warned you,” Zach says with pride, stroking the barrel of the BB gun one time before lowering it.
Murphy laughs and says, “He did warn you.”
“You guys suck cock! Will you at least ask her if she’ll come out here and talk to me?”
“No can do. Like I said, we were given strict orders to protect this house and the cargo inside aka, the girls, from you. You can come back tomorrow. Not early because I’m really hoping for some action tonight and we’ll want to sleep in—”
“Shut-up, Murphy! That’s my sister you’re talking about.”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry, forgot about that.” He smirks again and then rubs it in. “You got one hot-assed sister, man.”
“I’m not talking to you anymore. You’re dead to me,” I say this with a straight face, but he knows deep down I’m kidding with him.
I focus my last ditch efforts on Zach, the reasonable one of the group. “Zach, can you help a brother out? I’m dying here. She’s my…” I stop and look down embarrassed by what I almost admitted.
But he encourages me. “She’s your what, Evan? Tell us.”
I look him in the eyes and know I’m making headway. He has a kind nature and is a romantic at heart. I open my mouth and tell them both the truth. “She’s everything I
never thought I’d find in a girl. I love her.” My voice unintentionally softens as I say these words aloud for the third time ever. The first time was while she was sleeping, so she never heard and the second time was at the party in front of everyone. One day I hope to say to her directly and only her.
They both smile at me like two chicks oohing and ahhing over this confession which is totally humiliating and not manly at all. “I suggest you tell her that,” Zach says. “But it has to wait until tomorrow. It’s best this way. Kate has already explained the situation to her.”
“I open up to you assholes and you still don’t let me in. Fuck you, guys,” I say, flipping them each a bird and stomp back to my car. I get in, slam the door closed, and pound my fists on my steering wheel three times. That’s when I see my phone on the passenger seat and immediately call her. It goes straight to voicemail, so I text her: I need to talk to you. Please. I call it a night at that. There’s nothing more I can do at this point and I don’t like leaving Zach’s place unrewarded, but I do it anyway. Time is the only thing that can bring us back together and I’m counting every second.
Thinking I’ve lost her eats away at me. On the drive back, I’m tortured by these negative thoughts. By the time I get back home, I’ve managed to pull out some of my hair and am fighting back tears, which really pisses me off.
I sit on my back door step and inhale two cigarettes, trying to relax my nerves before I climb into bed. I’m desperate to will this nightmare to end. In bed, I lay with visions of Mallory to comfort me: Mallory’s lips, Mallory’s smile, the light sprinkling of freckles across Mallory’s nose, kissing her belly button, Mallory’s hands, and Mallory’s hands on me.
